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MAN THREAD!
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"Only real men can piss and fart at the same time, and shoot down poo stains in a toilet xx "ha ha gross but so true !! | |||
"Oh fuck I'm a man I use a knife on ma eyeliner pencils "Me to and I can use a drill | |||
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"You're not a man till you have bought tampax "a friend of mine once bought nappies, tampax and a pregnancy test in one shop! | |||
"You're not a man till you have bought tampax
a friend of mine once bought nappies, tampax and a pregnancy test in one shop!"oh and condoms aswell!!!! | |||
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"I think I best change my profile to 'REAL MAN' "This reminded me of 'I'm'ma real boy' | |||
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"A real man can cry, show his emotions and be romantic xx "WHILE USING POWER TOOLS! GGRRRRR | |||
"A real man can cry, show his emotions and be romantic xx "Hallelujah!! | |||
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"A real man knows when to shut up and give in " | |||
"A real man can cry, show his emotions and be romantic xx
WHILE USING POWER TOOLS! GGRRRRR "lmfao, yh xx | |||
"You're not a man till you have bought tampax "Woohoo I have made it, Im a MAN | |||
"you are not a man until you have killed your own dinner veggies not included don't want to open that can of worms. for you men more like picking your own mushrooms and wild herb's cooking them on a fire "I've been rabbit hunting then cooked them for dinner, nothings better then a nice rabbit stew | |||
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"You're not a man till you have bought tampax "And told the girl on the till you get bad nose bleeds  | |||
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"You're not a man till you have bought tampax
Woohoo I have made it, Im a MAN "bought tampax!!!! Ive fucking used em | |||
"You're not a man till you have bought tampax "As a 19 old boy I had to run around the hotel I worked in asking anyone if they had tampax didn't feel very manly but returned the hero never the less..  | |||
"You're not a man till you have bought tampax
As a 19 old boy I had to run around the hotel I worked in asking anyone if they had tampax didn't feel very manly but returned the hero never the less.. "In WW2, tampax was used to dress soldiers wounds. The more you know! | |||
"The main difference between men and women is how they give directions. Ask a man and he'll direct you via landmarks such as pubs, a woman rarely uses landmarks at all. If she does it'll be shoe shops or hair salons/nail bars. True." Oh I'm getting more manly by the minute, I'm the diy'er, including refurbing my kitchen and adding units, I change all the plugs, fuses etc 
If that wasn't bad enough I give directions by pubs | |||
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"A real man can cry, show his emotions and be romantic xx "I cry,, especially when I m cutting onions, 
I m emotional, especially when my favourite team are playing 
Romantic,, I can whisper sweet nothings like I wanna shag,, | |||
"A real man can cry, show his emotions and be romantic xx
I cry,, especially when I m cutting onions,
I m emotional, especially when my favourite team are playing
Romantic,, I can whisper sweet nothings like I wanna shag,, "The best way to cut an onion without crying is to not form an emotional bond with them | |||
"You're not a man till you have bought tampax
As a 19 old boy I had to run around the hotel I worked in asking anyone if they had tampax didn't feel very manly but returned the hero never the less..
In WW2, tampax was used to dress soldiers wounds. The more you know!"And they good for nose bleeds. Panty pads are however best used on places other than the nose | |||
"You're not a man till you have bought tampax
As a 19 old boy I had to run around the hotel I worked in asking anyone if they had tampax didn't feel very manly but returned the hero never the less..
In WW2, tampax was used to dress soldiers wounds. The more you know!
And they good for nose bleeds. Panty pads are however best used on places other than the nose "Better on bleeding lips? | |||
"You're not a man till you have bought tampax
As a 19 old boy I had to run around the hotel I worked in asking anyone if they had tampax didn't feel very manly but returned the hero never the less..
In WW2, tampax was used to dress soldiers wounds. The more you know!
And they good for nose bleeds. Panty pads are however best used on places other than the nose
Better on bleeding lips?"Not just them so I learnt a couple weeks ago | |||
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"you are not a man until you have killed your own dinner veggies not included don't want to open that can of worms. for you men more like picking your own mushrooms and wild herb's cooking them on a fire
I've been rabbit hunting then cooked them for dinner, nothings better then a nice rabbit stew"This ^^^^ and lighting a barbaque ...I also have a roto zippa...(chuck Norris has one too)... | |||
" men use insulating tape to fix cuts on their fingers, "lol | |||
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" men use insulating tape to fix cuts on their fingers,
lol "Bah! Real Men don't have time to bleed! | |||
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" men use insulating tape to fix cuts on their fingers,
lol
Bah! Real Men don't have time to bleed!
"Do you have time to duck? | |||
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"Only real men say "FUCK YOU" to maps, instructions and other pieces of useful information!" | |||
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"You're not a man till you have bought tampax "did that when I was about 11.. | |||
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"You're not a man till you have bought tampax
did that when I was about 11..
"Ok..so wear did you get your tits from then?... | |||
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"You're not a man till you have bought tampax
did that when I was about 11..
Ok..so wear did you get your tits from then?... "don't have any.. brought the appropriate product for my Mum who was in bed with the flu.. no biggie.. | |||
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"You're not a man till you have bought tampax
did that when I was about 11..
Ok..so wear did you get your tits from then?...
don't have any..
brought the appropriate product for my Mum who was in bed with the flu..
no biggie.."I was kiddin bro!.. | |||
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" men use insulating tape to fix cuts on their fingers,
lol
Bah! Real Men don't have time to bleed!
"that's why we use insuating tape
I once cut my thumb it bled for days but who want to go to A&E for a mere flesh wound lol | |||
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"Pump some iron! Of lift a big rock over your head "Seriously though, has anyone ever encountered one of those discarded bags of cement, the kind that was never opened but got wet and effectively turned into a boulder? Try lifting one of those big bastards sometime. | |||
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"aww thanks was off facebook but so apt !! "Im so glad he didnt try to use it as a vibrator against his nob hahaha | |||
"aww thanks was off facebook but so apt !!
Im so glad he didnt try to use it as a vibrator against his nob hahaha"Moral of that story if ya wanna buy the mrs a battery toy .. a dildos safer ha ha ha | |||
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"aww thanks was off facebook but so apt !!
Im so glad he didnt try to use it as a vibrator against his nob hahaha
Moral of that story if ya wanna buy the mrs a battery toy .. a dildos safer ha ha ha "Aaaahahahahahaa | |||
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" Because you're sick, had a woman tell you, you've only got man flu "I don't think women understand how much of a killer man flu is!!! | |||
" Because you're sick, had a woman tell you, you've only got man flu "Or even worse, tell me it doesn't exist! | |||
"I can open Tins of Peas with my teeth right! "Wuss...!!! Just squeeze the sides till the top pops off... | |||
"I can open Tins of Peas with my teeth right!
Wuss...!!! Just squeeze the sides till the top pops off... "Ooooh you are a one, i do regularly | |||
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"thinking when the next big footie match is on, lots of wives/gfs will be at home...waiting for me shhh trade secret" Real men wouldn't miss the football for anything.Sorry mmate that's a FAIL. | |||
"I can open Tins of Peas with my teeth right!
Wuss...!!! Just squeeze the sides till the top pops off...
Ooooh you are a one, i do regularly "Me too... But not with tins... | |||
"thinking when the next big footie match is on, lots of wives/gfs will be at home...waiting for me shhh trade secretReal men wouldn't miss the football for anything.Sorry mmate that's a FAIL." Yeah but he goes like a barn door in the wind. Manly enough for me! | |||
"I can open Tins of Peas with my teeth right!
Wuss...!!! Just squeeze the sides till the top pops off... " | |||
"thinking when the next big footie match is on, lots of wives/gfs will be at home...waiting for me shhh trade secretReal men wouldn't miss the football for anything.Sorry mmate that's a FAIL. Yeah but he goes like a barn door in the wind. Manly enough for me! "That's great(the lucky sod) but he can't join the real man club. | |||
"thinking when the next big footie match is on, lots of wives/gfs will be at home...waiting for me shhh trade secretReal men wouldn't miss the football for anything.Sorry mmate that's a FAIL." lol go join them in the showers if ya like em so much lol | |||
"thinking when the next big footie match is on, lots of wives/gfs will be at home...waiting for me shhh trade secretReal men wouldn't miss the football for anything.Sorry mmate that's a FAIL. Yeah but he goes like a barn door in the wind. Manly enough for me! "superpoweredmethanethrusting, fartshagpaddypower | |||
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"Real men leave the toilet seat up. Refuse to do the dishes even when its "our turn" Refuse any help to carry something even when we no its fucking heavy and to big for one person to move really. Refuse to ask for directions. Stand at the door of clothes/shoe shops while oh is inside. Go to the shops get what we want and go home resisting the womans urge to look in every shop. And drink pints of draught lager/beer/bitter/cider in a proper pint glass, none of these flower vases or oversized wine glasses. "A true man. Except for the fact.. toilet seats can actually go down? First for me. | |||
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"I like going shopping with women, fuck all interest in what they wanna buy(unless its kinky gear theyre gonna wear), but best thing?..I can perv away at all the other ladies trade secret shh" When you have taken it up the pineapple fritter! | |||
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"I like going shopping with women, fuck all interest in what they wanna buy(unless its kinky gear theyre gonna wear), but best thing?..I can perv away at all the other ladies trade secret shh When you have taken it up the pineapple fritter!" I might let u cos ur tits look great | |||
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"proper Man stuff!! ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!! Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer. The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...?? WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another. The directions said that: a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and... HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!! I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution: There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst would be considered conservative! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. · The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. · My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.. · My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. · I had no control over the drooling. · Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone. · I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return! PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it! If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!" Sorry for your pain but that's right up their with veet for men. Never laughed that hard in age's. | |||
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"thinking when the next big footie match is on, lots of wives/gfs will be at home...waiting for me shhh trade secret" World Cup comes on & the roads are clear for a good thrash on the bike, take in a few wags too if poss, shove football, it's a load of fairies & actors anyway! | |||
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"you are not a man until you have killed your own dinner veggies not included don't want to open that can of worms. for you men more like picking your own mushrooms and wild herb's cooking them on a fire ;- Hunting? You make it sound like a ferocious beast I've been rabbit hunting then cooked them for dinner, nothings better then a nice rabbit stew" | |||
"According to the song "he ain't nothing without a woman..."" Bloke who sang it was a bit of an arse, towards women anyway, wasn't he? | |||
"Not being able to muli-task..... "Watch football and drink a tin of beer. Watch porn and have a wank | |||
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"You are not a man until you have take a strap on "Then I'll be a boy forever | |||
"You are not a man until you have take a strap on
Then I'll be a boy forever "same here | |||
"Your not a man until you sharpen a pencil with a knife! What things make you a manly man? grrrrr ""The Real Man Charter" Article 1 of 40 of The Real Man Charter; A Real Man will seem to possess a quality of indestructibility and an imperviousness to physical harm that is little short of miraculous. This is because all Real Men are the most manly of men, the most supreme of our species, they are products of nature not nurture. Once a man has been declared a real man he cannot be demoted to a lesser Manly state. Therefore, A Real Man is A Real Man for life. Atricle 2 of The Real Man Charter; A Real Man will instinctively believe he can deflect nuclear explosions, regardless of the limitations of his own bodily existance. Therefore, A Real Man does not care much for "reality" as his perception of his own abilities is the greatest factor in his view of the world and his place whitin it. Hahahahahaha! If you care for more pick a number between 3 and 40 | |||
"Your not a man until you sharpen a pencil with a knife! What things make you a manly man? grrrrr
"The Real Man Charter"
Article 1 of 40 of The Real Man Charter;
A Real Man will seem to possess a quality of indestructibility and an imperviousness to physical harm that is little short of miraculous. This is because all Real Men are the most manly of men, the most supreme of our species, they are products of nature not nurture. Once a man has been declared a real man he cannot be demoted to a lesser Manly state. Therefore, A Real Man is A Real Man for life.
Atricle 2 of The Real Man Charter;
A Real Man will instinctively believe he can deflect nuclear explosions, regardless of the limitations of his own bodily existance. Therefore, A Real Man does not care much for "reality" as his perception of his own abilities is the greatest factor in his view of the world and his place whitin it.
Hahahahahaha! If you care for more pick a number between 3 and 40 "I want them all LIKE A REAL MAN! | |||
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"You are not a man until you have take a strap on
Then I'll be a boy forever
same here" | |||
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"I want them all LIKE A REAL MAN! Oh you legend! I'll drip them in shortly.. Lol "Still waiting! | |||
"I want them all LIKE A REAL MAN! Oh you legend! I'll drip them in shortly.. Lol
Still waiting! "Article 3 of The Real Man Charter; A Real Man will take a shit, shower and a shave, in that order, every day. Regardless of his surroundings or the company he happens to be in on any one day. Therefore, A Real Man will not give a shit untill he has atleast taken one! Article 4; A Real Man can trek for 100 miles or more carrying 60 pounds or more by night or by day, in all weather conditions while on any continent. Therefore, A Real Man is equally robust in any climate. Article 5; Real Men wash their hair with a bar of soap... and shave with a knife, so the wash and shave kit of A Real Man consists of a single bar of soap and a knife. Real Men do not use towels. Therefore, all Real Men are the most rugged of Men. Article 6; Real Men lift weights and work out. Therefore, the diet of a Real Man consists mostly of protein. Article 7; A Real Man only eat steak served on a 50 kilogram Olympic plate served be his loving lady. Therefore, his partner had better be strong or get strong quickly. Article 8; A Real Man can catch, kill and cook his dinner with his bare hands. Without much effort at all... Obviously. | |||
