FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Domestic Violence
Domestic Violence
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"i was assulted by my ex when i split last yr,the court told him ,dont do it again , now off you go!!!! justice??" I was last year when I went to his car to get OUR daughter out after he had pushed me in the road .. the police were good but they said if I pressed an assault charge he could say he was protecting his property (his car ) never mind scaring the shit out of our daughter watching this from the car The poetic justice comes after xx | |||
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"Far too many view domestic violence as a crime against women....reality is many men suffer from domestic violence but get little sympathy/empathy...just told to grow a set of balls...act like a man...etc etc and the damage to children is untold.....often skewing their view of "normality" forever. As Stu said....everyone should be against domestic violence against anyone. " I get your point on this one babe but my brother has the shortest temper i've even known anyone to have, problem is, his wife is just as bad, once years ago I was calling at his and I could hear them arguing from 10 doors away cause he was 10 min late coming home from work, I kid you not  | |||
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"Far too many view domestic violence as a crime against women....reality is many men suffer from domestic violence but get little sympathy/empathy...just told to grow a set of balls...act like a man...etc etc and the damage to children is untold.....often skewing their view of "normality" forever. As Stu said....everyone should be against domestic violence against anyone. I get your point on this one babe but my brother has the shortest temper i've even known anyone to have, problem is, his wife is just as bad, once years ago I was calling at his and I could hear them arguing from 10 doors away cause he was 10 min late coming home from work, I kid you not "I used to have a short temper, still have in some ways but more of a tantrum and a spitting dummy than in any aggressive way now, and I too found myself in a relationship with a woman that was rather aggressive, though to be honest I did get out of there pretty quick and not hang around to be a victim. The violence that did happen was quite vicious, she bit and scratched my head leaving teeth marks and a scratch that was as close to being a cut as a scratch, I had recently had a small accident at work and fractured my nose, and so she went about trying to punch me on it, she must have easily hit me 40 to 50 times, no word of a lie, she threw my coat and bag into the kitchen, keys, wallet etc was in my coat and bag, then she stood guard by the door holding on tight to the handle, leaving me with no way of getting my things back. When she realised she wasn't getting the reaction she wanted, she went upstairs taking my phone with her and went through the messages, then threatened to destroy the phone by dropping it into the loo whilst hanging it there, I gave in and said fine, went downstairs to collect my things. Eventually I did get out, and with my stuff. Yes I did have a temper back then, but the reason I didn't respond in a physical way is because she was a much smaller build than me and I could have flattened her to be honest, and because all this time her children where there, I was the one trying to stay calm and show the best example I could to those children, I didn't even raise my voice. If I had responded in a more aggressive way I would have felt ashamed of reacting like that. And the reason for this, I had been out of order by taking her a small box of chocolates and it wasn't even Valentines day, she assumed I was cheating on her with a younger girl because I had took her chocolates, I joked (before it all kicked off) that if I offered her a 10p mix up then I could understand her thinking I was seeing someone younger, lol Long post, I realise, just hoping to make the point of how easy it is to get in these situations. And let me add, I'm no soft lad, not at all.  | |||
"Far too many view domestic violence as a crime against women....reality is many men suffer from domestic violence but get little sympathy/empathy...just told to grow a set of balls...act like a man...etc etc and the damage to children is untold.....often skewing their view of "normality" forever. As Stu said....everyone should be against domestic violence against anyone. I get your point on this one babe but my brother has the shortest temper i've even known anyone to have, problem is, his wife is just as bad, once years ago I was calling at his and I could hear them arguing from 10 doors away cause he was 10 min late coming home from work, I kid you not
I used to have a short temper, still have in some ways but more of a tantrum and a spitting dummy than in any aggressive way now,
and I too found myself in a relationship with a woman that was rather aggressive, though to be honest I did get out of there pretty quick and not hang around to be a victim.
The violence that did happen was quite vicious, she bit and scratched my head leaving teeth marks and a scratch that was as close to being a cut as a scratch, I had recently had a small accident at work and fractured my nose, and so she went about trying to punch me on it, she must have easily hit me 40 to 50 times, no word of a lie, she threw my coat and bag into the kitchen, keys, wallet etc was in my coat and bag, then she stood guard by the door holding on tight to the handle, leaving me with no way of getting my things back.
When she realised she wasn't getting the reaction she wanted, she went upstairs taking my phone with her and went through the messages, then threatened to destroy the phone by dropping it into the loo whilst hanging it there, I gave in and said fine, went downstairs to collect my things.
Eventually I did get out, and with my stuff.
Yes I did have a temper back then, but the reason I didn't respond in a physical way is because she was a much smaller build than me and I could have flattened her to be honest, and because all this time her children where there, I was the one trying to stay calm and show the best example I could to those children, I didn't even raise my voice.
If I had responded in a more aggressive way I would have felt ashamed of reacting like that.
And the reason for this, I had been out of order by taking her a small box of chocolates and it wasn't even Valentines day, she assumed I was cheating on her with a younger girl because I had took her chocolates, I joked (before it all kicked off) that if I offered her a 10p mix up then I could understand her thinking I was seeing someone younger, lol
Long post, I realise, just hoping to make the point of how easy it is to get in these situations.
And let me add, I'm no soft lad, not at all.
"But you are more of a man for not retaliating! | |||
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"I know I'm going to get "battered" for this no pun intended but have you heard about the new social networking site for battered wives --- Its called twatter !! " thats out of order and got no place on here | |||
"I know I'm going to get "battered" for this no pun intended but have you heard about the new social networking site for battered wives --- Its called twatter !! " There's a time and a place for everything, I received that in a text and thought it comical, but time and place, there's a joke text thread knocking about. | |||
"I know I'm going to get "battered" for this no pun intended but have you heard about the new social networking site for battered wives --- Its called twatter !! thats out of order and got no place on here "It made me smile, but you'll get a kickin fot trying to be funny on this thread | |||
"The system forgets the men and the children in this crime ... I was in a womens refuge back in the 90s and there were 6 refuges in the borough but only one catered for men aswell..... Says a lot in this day and age" Dont have too many "mens refuges" do we
if any ... | |||
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"I know I'm going to get "battered" for this no pun intended but have you heard about the new social networking site for battered wives --- Its called twatter !! " Obviously, the pun was intended or you'd have used a different term altogether. You posting that particular joke in here was a blatant attempt to inflame and insense as it could have been posted on the joke thread but you thought it would be better placed in here instead. Not a particularly funny joke either but it does highlight your ignorance to the things that cause other people distress. I'm all for having a laugh, but at the right time & place next time, eh? | |||
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"I think the differences are... if the hubby is abused in anyway he can simply walk out the door and start again. The women in an abusive relationship, often has the kids and feels she cannot walk and take her kids. That how its seen by the majority be it right or wrong. " It is a shame things are viewed that way, the woman that assaulted me had children (not mine), but I seriously pity them having a mother that behaves that way, I don't think for one minute I am the first or last to be abused by her. If they were my children I would have found it far harder to walk out leaving them behind, and would be very unlikely to be able to walk out with them like a mother can. | |||
(soooo gonna get flamed for that but hey, what the fuck, I ain't no mad cow's punchbag) | |||
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"2 women die each week as a result of domestic abuse, and there will be for the majority at least 17 instances before the recipient does anything. That's no laughing matter " This makes very interesting reading: "8. Gov’t figures show that ‘1 in 4’ women suffer domestic violence Not true - This is a classic instance of a “factoid”. Factoids are assertions made in the furtherance of propaganda and / or an ideological viewpoint and presented as facts that are, a). wholly untrue b). are partially true in that they omit crucial evidence, c). contain only a grain of truth and, d). are generally designed to mislead the reader. This factoid assertion falls into the b), c) and d) categories. What the government survey found was that 1 in 4 women will experience domestic abuse (ie including psychological and not just physical assaults) at some point in their lifetime. We are not told this include “feeling afraid” and verbal abuse. We are not told the length of the “lifetime” or average age; nor the form of domestic violence. Statistically it is meaningless. It is as useful as asserting that 1 in 4 gardeners will injure themselves doing the garden at some time in their lifetime. Domestic violence is now defined as all things, including ‘financial’ domestic violence and ‘glaring looks’, and fear thereof. The measure of domestic violence therefore misleads the reader. But crucially, what the report also stated - and which is always omitted - is that by the same measure 1 in 6 men will experience domestic violence. The UK has a female population of 30 million; 23.5million of which are over 18. If ‘1 in 4’ women suffered domestic violence this would result in 5.9 million women have been abused by their male partners. The average women’s refuge (there are about 400) would each have to cater for 15,000 victims. The average women’s refuge presently caters for less than 100 per annum." More can be found at: http://family-men.com/Modern%20Urban%20Myths.htm and it is alarming to see what else defines 'abuse', and just how many men are victims of it too! | |||
" But crucially, what the report also stated - and which is always omitted - is that by the same measure 1 in 6 men will experience domestic violence. The UK has a female population of 30 million; 23.5million of which are over 18. If ‘1 in 4’ women suffered domestic violence this would result in 5.9 million women have been abused by their male partners. The average women’s refuge (there are about 400) would each have to cater for 15,000 victims. The average women’s refuge presently caters for less than 100 per annum. More can be found at: http://family-men.com/Modern%20Urban%20Myths.htm and it is alarming to see what else defines 'abuse', and just how many men are victims of it too!" Its wrong to say the male figures are never reported... for example the national centre for DV ( ncdv.org.uk ) runs those two stats contantly on its home page , and mankind.org.uk is specifically targeted to men in abusive situations. as for the comment about "feeling afraid" and verbal abuse....just because you are not physically abused does not mean you are not in an abusive situation. I used to long to be physically hit if it mean the verbal and psychological stuff would stop, just for a hour or too. I was terrified just by the words of another person..relentless and remorseless abuse. So yes I'd have ticked the "feeling afraid" box...and like so many other people in my situation it was a long long tme before i got the courage to leave. Numbers in refuges and numbers affected will not correlate for a number of reasons. i had a look at the link you posted too..Id suggest that there is an agenda there which will put a spin on what is written..especially when it discounts particular catagories of people where DV may occur to fit this agenda. Im referring specifically to young people, those who do not live together and those who are not married. | |||
"In 1992 Sandra Horley, the director of the Chiswick Family Refuge, was quoted by Isabel Wolff as saying, “Refuges for women are struggling to survive, and if we put across this idea that the abuse of men is as great as the abuse of women, then it could seriously affect our funding". (‘Domestic Violence: the other side’, The Spectator, 28 November 1992, p 24)." Whic proves that any paraphrasing and/or statistics can be manipulated according to the needs of the person/organisation compiling it. | |||
"To answer Jimmy's post: I'd take one punch, maybe two, from a woman. She'd then get a clear message that one more attempt to strike me will force me to defend myself. If she then tries to hit me again, well, she knew what would happen as I'd just told her, then I'd knock the mad bitch clean out.
(soooo gonna get flamed for that but hey, what the fuck, I ain't no mad cow's punchbag)"hahahaha sorry but love it... i dont agree with anyone hitting anyone, but i have always said if your big enough to give it out, your big enough to take it, male or female | |||
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"I'll never ever understand what makes a person remain in an abusive relationship" Insecurity, fear of the unknown, anyone who has been involved in a violent relationship will confirm, it destroys one's self confidence, resulting in low self esteem, added with the constant barrage of threats of what will happen should they seek help / leave, many, many individuals will confirm, it takes numerous years of intimidation by their partner before they can find the courage to seek help, sadly, with some cases, children are involved in the relationship, many parters in a of violent relationship refuse to seek help for fear of having the children removed, common sense doesn't allow the individual to think clearly when under pressure / intimidated, I have some experience in this field, not as a victim I might add. Thankfully, domestic violence is only now coming to the forefront of agencies priorities, for many years it's was viewed as a “domestic incident” no further action required | |||
"I'll never ever understand what makes a person remain in an abusive relationship Insecurity, fear of the unknown, anyone who has been involved in a violent relationship will confirm, it destroys one's self confidence, resulting in low self esteem, added with the constant barrage of threats of what will happen should they seek help / leave, many, many individuals will confirm, it takes numerous years of intimidation by their partner before they can find the courage to seek help, sadly, with some cases, children are involved in the relationship, many parters in a of violent relationship refuse to seek help for fear of having the children removed, common sense doesn't allow the individual to think clearly when under pressure / intimidated, I have some experience in this field, not as a victim I might add. Thankfully, domestic violence is only now coming to the forefront of agencies priorities, for many years it's was viewed as a “domestic incident” no further action required "I totally agree with you, it's sounds so easy to just walk away but like I've stated previously it quite oftens takes about 17 incidents before someone will actually seek help. "Walk a mile in my shoes." | |||
"I'll never ever understand what makes a person remain in an abusive relationship Insecurity, fear of the unknown, anyone who has been involved in a violent relationship will confirm, it destroys one's self confidence, resulting in low self esteem, added with the constant barrage of threats of what will happen should they seek help / leave, many, many individuals will confirm, it takes numerous years of intimidation by their partner before they can find the courage to seek help, sadly, with some cases, children are involved in the relationship, many parters in a of violent relationship refuse to seek help for fear of having the children removed, common sense doesn't allow the individual to think clearly when under pressure / intimidated, I have some experience in this field, not as a victim I might add. Thankfully, domestic violence is only now coming to the forefront of agencies priorities, for many years it's was viewed as a “domestic incident” no further action required "I have to totally agree with all of that. When the abuse is both pysical and mental it takes away all your self confidence, i should know ,i was married to such a man. I did leave 3 times but had to leave my kids behind so went back each time. I eventually found the courage to try and defend myself and ended up with my ex trying to strangle me. The result was my kids calling the police and ex being arrested and charged. I am lucky to have now met such a nice guy and have found happiness but i do feel guilty that my kids had to witness so much because i was too scared to leave years earlier | |||
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"Is there a specific type of woman that these bullies target? Where are the menfolk of these women who will step in and put a bully in his place. This could never happen in my family as our females are part of a close knit circle and if one is in pain we all rally round, we do it for the men too, but in this instance we're talking about bullies. One member of my family, my niece, took up with a particularly nasty piece of work and after beating her up one night he was pulled aside quietly by my brother-in-law and told in hushed tones that we're ALL waiting for him to do it again, then he'll disappear. Quietly. No bother, no fuss. She wouldn't leave him because she loved him but we've made sure he never lays a finger on her again. And so far, he's been as good as gold. He's still a complete wanker, but we're happy to let him do his thing so long as she is ok." You would be surprised as its all people from all walks of life. My mother deals with domestic violence and other abuse cases and its broadly across society. Its not the victim its the bully who is at fault and its important we don't forget that fact. | |||
"Is there a specific type of woman that these bullies target?" No, lot's of victims of DV try and hide what's taking place behind closed doors, some even deny it to themselves for fear of having to face the consequences, i.e. having to start afresh / criminal charges etc., etc., The majority of DV victims believe “THEY” have done wrong as an explanation why their being abused , after many years of that psychological abuse, it's easy to understand why the have difficulty making the decision to leave. DV has no status barrier on it, it can be anyone from any walk of life | |||
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"Is there a specific type of woman that these bullies target? Where are the menfolk of these women who will step in and put a bully in his place. This could never happen in my family as our females are part of a close knit circle and if one is in pain we all rally round, we do it for the men too, but in this instance we're talking about bullies. One member of my family, my niece, took up with a particularly nasty piece of work and after beating her up one night he was pulled aside quietly by my brother-in-law and told in hushed tones that we're ALL waiting for him to do it again, then he'll disappear. Quietly. No bother, no fuss. She wouldn't leave him because she loved him but we've made sure he never lays a finger on her again. And so far, he's been as good as gold. He's still a complete wanker, but we're happy to let him do his thing so long as she is ok." Thing is, in so many cases, the abuse is kept quiet and so the menfolk wont know anything until it's a little late, also, having a quiet word can also intensify matters rather than stopping it, and what appears to be a much better scenario is actually worse (not all cases, but some). Some time ago, I had a neighbour that was abused by her partner, on several occasions I stepped in to calm the situation, and also had a quiet word, the problem is, she kept on taking him back every time he cried like a baby to show he was sorry, at the end of it, there's only so much an outsider can do, and until the victim decides it's time for change, then getting involved can make matters worse. | |||
