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having a baby
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if they both have the baby's best interest at heart and will do for the rest of their lives....and it's just not a fad that both or one will bore of and fuck off.
 "
This...so long as both truly want the child and it isn't something one will get 'fed up' of then I see no issues with it. As has been said it's no different to parents that have split but are on friendly terms.
One other thought though...one half of this parenting team wouldn't be agreeing to this in the hope that the other half may eventually fall for them? That could lead to upset all round and wouldn't be fair on the little un |
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"Not best for the child,"
why not?
better this than getting knocked up by someone you don't know either from a on night stand or through a sperm bank.
Provided that things are managed well and thoroughly discussed i cant see wy its any different from a couple having a child and then splitting up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not best for the child,
why not?
better this than getting knocked up by someone you don't know either from a on night stand or through a sperm bank.
Provided that things are managed well and thoroughly discussed i cant see wy its any different from a couple having a child and then splitting up."
getting "knocked up" by someone is irresponsible, and having unprotected sex with someone you don't know is irresponsible,
maybe before " friends consider bringing a child into the world, they could try looking after a rescue dog for a year, any shortcomings would be discovered, and then they could have a re think.  |
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"Not best for the child,
why not?
better this than getting knocked up by someone you don't know either from a on night stand or through a sperm bank.
Provided that things are managed well and thoroughly discussed i cant see wy its any different from a couple having a child and then splitting up.
getting "knocked up" by someone is irresponsible, and having unprotected sex with someone you don't know is irresponsible,
maybe before " friends consider bringing a child into the world, they could try looking after a rescue dog for a year, any shortcomings would be discovered, and then they could have a re think. "
do all people who have babies have to do the same as well, after all what is a couple if they are not friends who have decided to share a life? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People bring up children under far worse circumstances than what you've described,I can't say whether it would be an ideal situation but this child would be wanted and planned for which so many are'nt which gives it a head start at least |
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I think that everyone should think a lot more carefully before they have children, we tend to accept that a male and female couple in a stable relationship is the best for children without question but there are many set ups in which kids can flourish in my opinion. |
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"No not me. Do you think that it would work two friends having a baby who will bring it up together, although not in a relationship would have the child's best interest at heart"
Married couples don't stay together for the sake of a child, why would friends? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Presumably neither of these two people are in a relationship with anyone else. If that is the case they need to consider what their situation would be like if that changes and one of them, or both of them, become involved with other people. Will those new people then become step parents and want a say in how the child is brought up? I see the situation as fraught with possible complications in the future. |
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I think a fair few of you know how much I would like children and I am 33 years of age and I hear my clock ticking every day...I have been single 4 years and dating is bloody hard work so if I had a friend who wanted a child then fuck it I would go for it....I would provide that child love warmth and security. |
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"Presumably neither of these two upople are in a relationship with anyone else. If that is the case they need to consider what their situation would be like if that changes and one of them, or both of them, become involved with other people. Will those new people then become step parents and want a say in how the child is brought up? I see the situation as fraught with possible complications in the future."
No mote fraught than if a couple broke uo and one if then had a new partner. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"being brought up by two women, i would feel sorry for the poor kid. 
Why?????  "
kids need a mum and a dad, i think 2 dads would be better than 2 mums though. |
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"being brought up by two women, i would feel sorry for the poor kid.
Why?????
kids need a mum and a dad, i think 2 dads would be better than 2 mums though."
astonished.....absolutely astonished. do you think women shouldn't be allowed to vote or hold any position of authority to?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"being brought up by two women, i would feel sorry for the poor kid.
Why?????
kids need a mum and a dad, i think 2 dads would be better than 2 mums though.
astonished.....absolutely astonished. do you think women shouldn't be allowed to vote or hold any position of authority to??"
astonished,  no but women are more neurotic, usualy. |
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"being brought up by two women, i would feel sorry for the poor kid.
Why?????
kids need a mum and a dad, i think 2 dads would be better than 2 mums though.
astonished.....absolutely astonished. do you think women shouldn't be allowed to vote or hold any position of authority to??
astonished, no but women are more neurotic, usualy. "
it gets better lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think a fair few of you know how much I would like children and I am 33 years of age and I hear my clock ticking every day...I have been single 4 years and dating is bloody hard work so if I had a friend who wanted a child then fuck it I would go for it....I would provide that child love warmth and security. "
I've been bringing up a child alone from day one. Although not ideal and I would give anything if his dad was in his life. However, he isn't and I will help my deal with that. So, what I can say to you is, go for it and I hope you realise your dream of becoming a mother. Whilst it is extremely hard work, sometimes thankless, tiring and your social life disappears, it is also the most amazing and rewarding thing you will ever do. You seem a very caring person from your posts so I am sure your child will have a very happy and stable life xxx |
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"being brought up by two women, i would feel sorry for the poor kid.
Why?????
kids need a mum and a dad, i think 2 dads would be better than 2 mums though.
astonished.....absolutely astonished. do you think women shouldn't be allowed to vote or hold any position of authority to??
astonished, no but women are more neurotic, usualy.
it gets better lol"
She always comes out with bizarre statements: at least she's consistent! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"being brought up by two women, i would feel sorry for the poor kid.
Why?????
kids need a mum and a dad, i think 2 dads would be better than 2 mums though.
astonished.....absolutely astonished. do you think women shouldn't be allowed to vote or hold any position of authority to??
astonished, no but women are more neurotic, usualy.
it gets better lol
She always comes out with bizarre statements: at least she's consistent!"
Wouldn't a woman say "us women are nuerotic"? Not that i'm disagreeing with her you understand! |
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"being brought up by two women, i would feel sorry for the poor kid.
Why?????
kids need a mum and a dad, i think 2 dads would be better than 2 mums though.
astonished.....absolutely astonished. do you think women shouldn't be allowed to vote or hold any position of authority to??
astonished, no but women are more neurotic, usualy.
it gets better lol
She always comes out with bizarre statements: at least she's consistent!
Wouldn't a woman say "us women are nuerotic"? Not that i'm disagreeing with her you understand! "
Not if you think it only applies to the other bitches and not yourself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"being brought up by two women, i would feel sorry for the poor kid.
Why?????
kids need a mum and a dad, i think 2 dads would be better than 2 mums though.
astonished.....absolutely astonished. do you think women shouldn't be allowed to vote or hold any position of authority to??
astonished, no but women are more neurotic, usualy.
it gets better lol
She always comes out with bizarre statements: at least she's consistent!
Wouldn't a woman say "us women are nuerotic"? Not that i'm disagreeing with her you understand!
Not if you think it only applies to the other bitches and not yourself. "
Glad it's not just me who's noticed that! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Without a shadow of doubt I would have a child with my best friend and he knows it too. He has kids I don't, and seeing how he is with them makes me go all mushy.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No not me. Do you think that it would work two friends having a baby who will bring it up together, although not in a relationship would have the child's best interest at heart"
I don't understand why you would want to have a baby with someone you didn't want to be with, surely it would be better for all concerned if both of them had a child with someone they both loved and wanted to be with
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
I have friends who have done this. Gay and lesbian couples that co-parent. They spent two years discussing it and thinking through the scenarios. The challenge came when one partner in one of the couples was offered an exceptional job outside of London.
The other couple moved too to be closer to the children.
The children, a girl and a boy, are happy, well loved, and secure. The couples have had their disagreements bu the fundamental position of the children coming first has meant that they always work things through. They've managed this for over 10 years now.
The only other arrangement I personally know is slightly different as they live at opposite ends of the earth. The child has links to both families but doesn't see her father that often, but his family are close to the child.
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I don't see why not. I know many women who have adopted or gone down the sperm doner route as the would like a child but not found 'the one' they want to spend the rest of their life with. A least this way the child would likely know both parents and can be loved by them both. |
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"being brought up by two women, i would feel sorry for the poor kid.
Why?????
kids need a mum and a dad, i think 2 dads would be better than 2 mums though."
Total bollocks most children in the looked after system come from homes with a mum and a dad and in my years I've never come across a child being removed from a same sex home. They don't take being parents for granted so work at it harder imo!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No not me. Do you think that it would work two friends having a baby who will bring it up together, although not in a relationship would have the child's best interest at heart
I don't understand why you would want to have a baby with someone you didn't want to be with, surely it would be better for all concerned if both of them had a child with someone they both loved and wanted to be with
"
And people never fall out of love or get divorced? |
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"I think a fair few of you know how much I would like children and I am 33 years of age and I hear my clock ticking every day...I have been single 4 years and dating is bloody hard work so if I had a friend who wanted a child then fuck it I would go for it....I would provide that child love warmth and security.
I've been bringing up a child alone from day one. Although not ideal and I would give anything if his dad was in his life. However, he isn't and I will help my deal with that. So, what I can say to you is, go for it and I hope you realise your dream of becoming a mother. Whilst it is extremely hard work, sometimes thankless, tiring and your social life disappears, it is also the most amazing and rewarding thing you will ever do. You seem a very caring person from your posts so I am sure your child will have a very happy and stable life xxx"
Thank you for those kind words  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If they didn't feel able to commit to a relationship I'd think it strange that two people would set out to commit to having a child."
yes and if they cant make a relationship work, it makes you wonder if theirs something wrong with them
i feel sorry for kids who arent brought up by a mum and a dad realy, its the way its meant to be. |
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"If they didn't feel able to commit to a relationship I'd think it strange that two people would set out to commit to having a child.
yes and if they cant make a relationship work, it makes you wonder if theirs something wrong with them
i feel sorry for kids who arent brought up by a mum and a dad realy, its the way its meant to be."
things have changed from the 1950's  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If they didn't feel able to commit to a relationship I'd think it strange that two people would set out to commit to having a child.
yes and if they cant make a relationship work, it makes you wonder if theirs something wrong with them
i feel sorry for kids who arent brought up by a mum and a dad realy, its the way its meant to be.
things have changed from the 1950's "
yes but not for the better in a lot of ways. |
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"If they didn't feel able to commit to a relationship I'd think it strange that two people would set out to commit to having a child.
yes and if they cant make a relationship work, it makes you wonder if theirs something wrong with them
i feel sorry for kids who arent brought up by a mum and a dad realy, its the way its meant to be."
So would you rather a couple stay together even if they hated each other just for the same if the kids??
My mum and Dad did this for a while and it was horrible. As much as people think they are clever and can hide this stuff frontier children they can't.
Your archaic _iews really are laughable. There are hundreds of thousands of kids being bought up in single parent or even single sex partnerships that are the most well adjusted, well bought up kids ever.
As for something being wrong with people who can't make a relationship work. Maybe they don't want a relationship but want a child. What's wrong with that? Providing they can provide a loving home who are we to say that it's wring fir friends to do this? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If they didn't feel able to commit to a relationship I'd think it strange that two people would set out to commit to having a child.
yes and if they cant make a relationship work, it makes you wonder if theirs something wrong with them
i feel sorry for kids who arent brought up by a mum and a dad realy, its the way its meant to be."
Says who? We are in 2013 not 1913!
Is it not better to be raised by people who actually want children regardless or relationship status or sexual status?
When I was growing up I would have prefered 2 people that actually gave a toss about me rather than the man and woman that raised me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As long as the child is loved and nurtured well, I really don't see the problem.
Kids raised in "ideal" situations can still end up needing therapy, you know!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think a fair few of you know how much I would like children and I am 33 years of age and I hear my clock ticking every day...I have been single 4 years and dating is bloody hard work so if I had a friend who wanted a child then fuck it I would go for it....I would provide that child love warmth and security.
I've been bringing up a child alone from day one. Although not ideal and I would give anything if his dad was in his life. However, he isn't and I will help my deal with that. So, what I can say to you is, go for it and I hope you realise your dream of becoming a mother. Whilst it is extremely hard work, sometimes thankless, tiring and your social life disappears, it is also the most amazing and rewarding thing you will ever do. You seem a very caring person from your posts so I am sure your child will have a very happy and stable life xxx
Thank you for those kind words "
You are welcome! And if you ever need a babysitter just ask, I love babies. However, that will mean you have to return the favour and sit for a very lovable but demanding 8 year old boy! X |
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"If they didn't feel able to commit to a relationship I'd think it strange that two people would set out to commit to having a child.
yes and if they cant make a relationship work, it makes you wonder if theirs something wrong with them
i feel sorry for kids who arent brought up by a mum and a dad realy, its the way its meant to be.
things have changed from the 1950's
yes but not for the better in a lot of ways."
ok clearly that's in your world and not in mine.... |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
The charity for the welfare of the unmarried mother and her child started in 1918. I saw a young friend yesterday brought up by just her mother. A very well adjusted young woman even though her father died when she was quite young. There are many reasons children don't have both parents.
Get over the single parent question. The OP was about friends having children together. There is no reason to suppose that the child wouldn't have both parents any more than those from married parents. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If they didn't feel able to commit to a relationship I'd think it strange that two people would set out to commit to having a child.
yes and if they cant make a relationship work, it makes you wonder if theirs something wrong with them
i feel sorry for kids who arent brought up by a mum and a dad realy, its the way its meant to be.
So would you rather a couple stay together even if they hated each other just for the same if the kids??
My mum and Dad did this for a while and it was horrible. As much as people think they are clever and can hide this stuff frontier children they can't.
Your archaic _iews really are laughable. There are hundreds of thousands of kids being bought up in single parent or even single sex partnerships that are the most well adjusted, well bought up kids ever.
As for something being wrong with people who can't make a relationship work. Maybe they don't want a relationship but want a child. What's wrong with that? Providing they can provide a loving home who are we to say that it's wring fir friends to do this?"
Possibly my 'archaic _iews' stem from not having been brought up with parents?
The breakdown of a relationship is a different matter to the initial commitment to bring a child into the world. My archaic opinion is that such a decision should be based on the best interests of the child. The scenario provided suggests to me it would be a selfish decision based on the interests of the adult. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"
Possibly my 'archaic _iews' stem from not having been brought up with parents?
The breakdown of a relationship is a different matter to the initial commitment to bring a child into the world. My archaic opinion is that such a decision should be based on the best interests of the child. The scenario provided suggests to me it would be a selfish decision based on the interests of the adult."
Isn't all chosen pregnancy based on the interests of the adults? You want to do well for the resultant child but the decision has nothing to do with what's best for the child as it doesn't yet exist.
Making a decision to give a home to an unwanted child should be about what's best for the child as that child is in the world. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That's slightly twisting my point.
We all know people that do fine from all sorts of backgrounds and situations. But personally I think the ideal situation to raise a child is within a family.
But to respond to your comment directly I don't see that there should be any difference in priority whether you choose to give birth or adopt. In both cases you make the decision before having or knowing the child. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"That's slightly twisting my point.
We all know people that do fine from all sorts of backgrounds and situations. But personally I think the ideal situation to raise a child is within a family.
But to respond to your comment directly I don't see that there should be any difference in priority whether you choose to give birth or adopt. In both cases you make the decision before having or knowing the child."
I agree that you make the decision before having and knowing the child but the decision comes from the adult desire.
I am sure I would have been a terrible parent but it has never stopped me from wanting a child. If any of mine had lived then I would have found out for sure but my desire to have a child was very strong.
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I think when you have such a strong desire to have children....you use means to fulfill that desire....I am 33 years of age and certainly won't be waiting around for Mr right to have kids.....as that Mr right may never appear then it will all be too late... |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I think when you have such a strong desire to have children....you use means to fulfill that desire....I am 33 years of age and certainly won't be waiting around for Mr right to have kids.....as that Mr right may never appear then it will all be too late..."
My Mr Right's all turned out to be terrible disastrous Mr Wrongs. Nothing is certain. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't care who you are everyone should have the equal right to children only love can stop them being complete basket cases so as long as you love them that's all that matters |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's slightly twisting my point.
We all know people that do fine from all sorts of backgrounds and situations. But personally I think the ideal situation to raise a child is within a family.
But to respond to your comment directly I don't see that there should be any difference in priority whether you choose to give birth or adopt. In both cases you make the decision before having or knowing the child.
I agree that you make the decision before having and knowing the child but the decision comes from the adult desire.
I am sure I would have been a terrible parent but it has never stopped me from wanting a child. If any of mine had lived then I would have found out for sure but my desire to have a child was very strong.
"
well that's nature - if we didn't desire children the species wouldn't have survived. Education helps us consider whether we're ready to. |
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