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What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Two nuns cycling along a cobbled street,,,,,, one nun says “I’ve never come this way before”,,,, the other replies “it must be the cobbles”
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A nun is in the bath when a blind man knocked on the bathroom door.
Nun said "Who's there?"
The man said "It's the blind man!"
Relieved, the nun said "Oh, come in then"
The man said "Nice tits, now, which window should I fit the blind on?" |
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By *urvywelshCouple
over a year ago
Everywhere and nowhere baby |
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and he smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor as she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Sunday morning as she was preparing the chicken for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of chicken guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty well...
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, "Honey you were right! All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you".
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened".
"But by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"2 Nuns in the bath one says " wheres the soap "
The other replies " Yes it does doesnt it " 
Golden oldie lol
Sorry, but I've never gotten that joke  "
Where's the soap? And it wears (down) the soap. I think! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Two nuns cycling along a cobbled street,,,,,, one nun says “I’ve never come this way before”,,,, the other replies “it must be the cobbles”
"
great one soxy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and he smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor as she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Sunday morning as she was preparing the chicken for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of chicken guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty well...
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, "Honey you were right! All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you".
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened".
"But by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in"."
That really got me chuckling thanks  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Two nuns walking through a park.
A flasher jumps out and shows his all, The head nun say's dont worry show him your cross, the second nun kicks him in the balls and say's is that cross enough for you sister |
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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago
carrbrook stalybridge |
"2 Nuns in the bath one says " wheres the soap "
The other replies " Yes it does doesnt it "
Golden oldie lol
Sorry, but I've never gotten that joke
neither have i (rick)"
should say
two nuns in a bath one says "wears the soap " the other with a satisfied smile on her face says " yes it does doesent it ? "
geddit now ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A nun goes into confessional and says to the priest, "I'm pregnant."
"How can this happen?" asked the priest.
"I think it must be the second coming," she replies.
The priest, shocked by this reply asks, "What makes you think it's the second coming?"
The nun answered, "Because I swallowed the first."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Two nuns driving down the road when the devil jumps out of nowhere and lands on their bonnet. They screech to a halt and one nun turns to the other and says "quick jump out and show him ur cross". The nun jumps out and screams get off my bleedin' car you....  |
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By * Jay69Man
over a year ago
Bridgwater - Somerset |
Dishevelled guy bursts into a pub and asks "does anyone round here keep giant penguins?"
Blank looks from people in pub and murmurs of "no" and "don't think so".
"Shit" he says, "I've run over a Nun" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Blonde sitting at the kitchen table when her boyfriend walks in.
She says, 'This jigsaw's shite, I've been here for three hours already!'
Boyfriend says, 'put the fuckin Frosties back in the box!' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Blonde sitting at the kitchen table when her boyfriend walks in.
She says, 'This jigsaw's shite, I've been here for three hours already!'
Boyfriend says, 'put the fuckin Frosties back in the box!'"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The Mormons have moved into film making and have made an updated version of the old Hollywood blockbuster "Seven brides for seven brothers".
Except that there version is "Seven brides for two brothers". |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
The Mormons have moved into film making and have made an updated version of the old Hollywood blockbuster "Seven brides for seven brothers".
Except that there version is "Seven brides for two brothers". "
LOL  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Three Nuns died and were up at outside the gates of Heaven. St. Peter was there with them. St. Peter decided he needed to quiz each nun with a different question to see if they really deserved to go to Heaven.St. Peter asked the first nun, "Nun, Who was the first man on earth?" She replied, "That would be Adam." St. Peter let her through the gates.St. Peter walked up to the second nun and asked her, "Nun, Who was the first woman on earth?" She replied, "That would be Eve." St. Peter let her through the gates.St. Peter walked up to the third nun and asked her, "What was the last thing that Eve told Adam before they left Paradise?" The nun was puzzled. She thought about it for a long time." HHHHMMMM," she said aloud, "Thats a hard one." St. Peter let her through the gates.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A scouse woman in the latter stages of labour rings her mother up.
"Mam, me waters have broke."
"Where are you ringing from?"
"From my fanny to my feet" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Three Nuns died and were up at outside the gates of Heaven. St. Peter was there with them. St. Peter decided he needed to quiz each nun with a different question to see if they really deserved to go to Heaven.St. Peter asked the first nun, "Nun, Who was the first man on earth?" She replied, "That would be Adam." St. Peter let her through the gates.St. Peter walked up to the second nun and asked her, "Nun, Who was the first woman on earth?" She replied, "That would be Eve." St. Peter let her through the gates.St. Peter walked up to the third nun and asked her, "What was the last thing that Eve told Adam before they left Paradise?" The nun was puzzled. She thought about it for a long time." HHHHMMMM," she said aloud, "Thats a hard one." St. Peter let her through the gates. "
Classic LOL
What did one droopy tit say to the other?
'We really need to get some support before people start thinking we're nuts!' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
A scouse woman in the latter stages of labour rings her mother up.
"Mam, me waters have broke."
"Where are you ringing from?"
"From my fanny to my feet" "
Eww but still good |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Three Nuns died and were up at outside the gates of Heaven. St. Peter was there with them. St. Peter decided he needed to quiz each nun with a different question to see if they really deserved to go to Heaven.St. Peter asked the first nun, "Nun, Who was the first man on earth?" She replied, "That would be Adam." St. Peter let her through the gates.St. Peter walked up to the second nun and asked her, "Nun, Who was the first woman on earth?" She replied, "That would be Eve." St. Peter let her through the gates.St. Peter walked up to the third nun and asked her, "What was the last thing that Eve told Adam before they left Paradise?" The nun was puzzled. She thought about it for a long time." HHHHMMMM," she said aloud, "Thats a hard one." St. Peter let her through the gates.
Classic LOL
What did one droopy tit say to the other?
'We really need to get some support before people start thinking we're nuts!'"
Ha thats what mine say to one another. |
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3 guys in a pub
One guy bragging about his new watch . Swiss , silver . 3 grands worth .yells time in 3 different countries
Second guy shows his watch. Rolex . Gold , 13 grands worth . Tells time in all the worlds locations
3rd guy says .. That's nowt . I paid for a clock at home that talks the time to you ! I only paid a Quid for it
Not believing it they go around to his house
After half hour nothing happens ...
The guys say .. Your a liar
At which point the guy gets up with a hammer and proceeds to smash it in with a hammer
A voice from next door shouts " for fuck sake . It's 2 25 in a fucking morning !"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I threw a party at the weekend for all family and friends, and put on a lavish full spread.
Someone said, here, what are those crinkly things on sticks.
Oh i said, thats my aunties, Beryl and Edna. |
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can't believe I'm laughing so hard at that 