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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My on/off fuck buddy has just lost his dad after a long illness, I received the phonecall Thursday night to say he had passed away early morning. My fuck buddy was a little quiet as understandable but asked me to visit tonight. I've come across for him to have an hours restless sleep in my arms before admitting its not sunk in yet, and if I would stay tonight and wait until he has been to see the vicar tomorrow. Now I love this guy to bits and will be here for him, but I've never been to a funeral and only lost grand parents... I'm worried I won't be strong enough to support him. Any advice?  |
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just be there for him, i doubt he is expecting you to be a rock of indifference but he just needs someone right now to hold him, think of little things he might miss due to his emotional state etc. if you cry because he is upset let him see it.
most of all just listen to him. |
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you just need to be there really. Funerals can be very upsetting even for people who aren't close to the deceased but its ok to cry. Is it in a church then on to a crematorium? The worst moments are when the coffin leaves the church and when the curtains are drawn as the coffin goes away. Hold on tight to your friend at both those times physically and emotionally. I hope it goes as well as possible. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I just feel at a loss as I've never been to a funeral, and even though we've been FWB for over a year I've never met family just friends. Well I'm staying tonight and tomorrow, as he is meeting the vicar so guessing things might start to sink in then x |
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this is going to sound a bit harsh after what i just put but remember to take time for you as well, your life counts and its important for him to know that you are there for him but cant put your whole life on hold for him. you have work etc and might not be able to cover time off with compasionate leave because you didnt really know the person.
if its getting too much for you tell him and have some time out, 5 mins, and hour, a day etc but let him know you will come back. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"this is going to sound a bit harsh after what i just put but remember to take time for you as well, your life counts and its important for him to know that you are there for him but cant put your whole life on hold for him. you have work etc and might not be able to cover time off with compasionate leave because you didnt really know the person.
if its getting too much for you tell him and have some time out, 5 mins, and hour, a day etc but let him know you will come back."
No that doesn't sound harsh, I'm just thankful I have a good support team behind me and he knows I have a busy schedule but I am on a phone if needed but (this might sound harsh) life must go on, from what I have heard from him his dad would want them to carry on as he spent the last few weeks tying up loose ends x |
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By *eretakenWoman
over a year ago
ringwood near bournemouth |
"My on/off fuck buddy has just lost his dad after a long illness, I received the phonecall Thursday night to say he had passed away early morning. My fuck buddy was a little quiet as understandable but asked me to visit tonight. I've come across for him to have an hours restless sleep in my arms before admitting its not sunk in yet, and if I would stay tonight and wait until he has been to see the vicar tomorrow. Now I love this guy to bits and will be here for him, but I've never been to a funeral and only lost grand parents... I'm worried I won't be strong enough to support him. Any advice? "
u just being there will help hugsx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The early days are just a turmoil of emotions, funeral etc to sort out. He may just need lots of hugs and maybe some practical advice. Good luckxx"
I agree, its not sunk in yet as I know him well enough, but he fell asleep as soon I cuddled him earlier but was a restless sleep until he jumped awake, first thing he did was shout my name |
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it would be a great comfort to have you weathering the emotional storm beside him.. if the man was ill for a long time, the family will see his death as a release. what ever you do just your presence will be a comfort. dont try to do too much . its only a short day and your fb will get through it . if you get upset its only natural and no one will feel bad towards you . its your decision but you will be a help |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"it would be a great comfort to have you weathering the emotional storm beside him.. if the man was ill for a long time, the family will see his death as a release. what ever you do just your presence will be a comfort. dont try to do too much . its only a short day and your fb will get through it . if you get upset its only natural and no one will feel bad towards you . its your decision but you will be a help "
Thanks for the advice, I'm just being an ear at the moment and a set of arms to sleep in, I have work and he knows I have to keep up with that, but ill do little things such as cleaning and cookin as I enjoy it too x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just a few words of advice,
as has been said , one of the saddest parts of any crem service is when curtains close or coffin rolls away, Just ask undertaker to leave the coffin on display, whilst people leave, some will like to touch the coffin, or place a single flower on it.
This eliminates one of the most upsetting parts of the service.
We will be thinking about you.
Bernie x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just a few words of advice,
as has been said , one of the saddest parts of any crem service is when curtains close or coffin rolls away, Just ask undertaker to leave the coffin on display, whilst people leave, some will like to touch the coffin, or place a single flower on it.
This eliminates one of the most upsetting parts of the service.
We will be thinking about you.
Bernie x"
Thank you for the advice, the vicar has been today and the minister coming tomorrow, he's slowly opening up a bit more, but he's clearing belongings already which has thrown me a little...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just be there for him. My (tigger) worst experience is having to carry my baby daughter's coffin out of the service. You never get over the loss of a loved one but day by day it hurts a little less |
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18 yrs ago today my dad died.
first person close to me i lost as i didnt really know my gran so wasnt upset when she died .you just have to be there for him however he needs you.
since then lost sister mum,and brother
but found my brothers funeral the hardest
cos i couldnt accept he had gone.
it prob helps just knowing you are there. |
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"clearing away is very empowering, its a knee jerk reaction, so very healthy..."
When my father died he lived in a council bungalow and we were given two weeks to clear it. The first week was taken up with planning and having the funeral and TBH I didn;t feel like starting that week. So that left us a week and yes it was done, by the skin of our teeth.
With my Mum, it was her house so no rush, it took me 10 months, cos I just kept putting it off. It wasn;t until a family member kicked me up the arse, that I finally finished. Within 2 weeks of putting the house on the market it was sold.
Personally if you can start clearing do it, takling time only makes things worse.
I hope you and you friend find the strangth to continue it. God Bless |
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