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things you dont want to hear right before sex

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Example "don't suppose you have a bigger one do you?"

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Someone fart

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple  over a year ago

Fareham

"Don't make a noise if I answer my phone during sex - it'll probably be the wife"

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I hope the anti biotics worked ok.....

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By *andWCouple  over a year ago

Pontypridd

Sorry about the wet patch, don't worry it's not cum... It's pee

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Sorry about the wet patch, don't worry it's not cum... It's pee"

Could be some folks dream haha

X

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By *andWCouple  over a year ago

Pontypridd


"Sorry about the wet patch, don't worry it's not cum... It's pee

Could be some folks dream haha

X"

Ha very true x

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Sorry about the wet patch, don't worry it's not cum... It's pee

Could be some folks dream haha

X

Ha very true x"

Each to there own and all that :p

X

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

is that it

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By *empting Devil.Woman  over a year ago

Sheffield

Did I mention that I'm pre-op?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I hope I can get it up this time.

Don't worry my herpes is not at it's contagious stage...

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By *empting Devil.Woman  over a year ago

Sheffield

Oh yeah, that ooze... I'm seeing the doc tomorrow so it'll be fine.

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By *ixmaMan  over a year ago

Birmingham

Do you mind if my dog joins us?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Oh look, the window cleaner's here

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

From the bathroom "Arghhhh, I'm pissing fire!"

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Did I say that my cocks only an inch erect

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Mum !! Wtf !

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By *uncouple31Couple  over a year ago

Walsall

I'm not using that I don't use them with anyone I sleep with.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I really would like a baby!! Wtf had this exact thing happen the other week aaargh !!!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

The husbands key in the door maybe

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By *arry50Man  over a year ago

northern jersey

Oh I forgot the condom do u have one

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

"Im a virgin "

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Is it in??

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I think I love you...

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By *urvywelshCouple  over a year ago

Everywhere and nowhere baby

Hang on, I'll just get the larger attachment.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Fart and give me a clue love

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By *unloversCouple  over a year ago

rotherham

Fancy a bacon sarnie

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Fancy a bacon sarnie"

Mmmmm yes please I'm starving

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Do you mind putting on this wig... can i call you my ex's name?

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By *ohohoWoman  over a year ago

Up North

Here put this bag on ....

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Oh by the way...I think I'm clear now. I mean the rash is gone and I've stopped scratching since 30 minutes ago..so its ok to fuck!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Tickets, please.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Turn the light off, I prefer to not see you

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Have you invited our saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ, into your heart?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

You know, it's funny, but from down here you look just like your dad.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Haha its like a penis, but smaller!

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By *ancatMan  over a year ago

Norwich

Do you mind if Sidney university wach and take notes?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Turn the light off, I prefer to not see you "

Turn on the light just wanna make sure I've got the right person cos I forget.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Oh for fuck sake Mother Nature not now!!!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Turn the light off, I prefer to not see you

Turn on the light just wanna make sure I've got the right person cos I forget. "

Now you have, holy fuck it's you . Turn it back off

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Move your head I can't see the telly

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

My axe wielding hubby is in wardrobe

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Have i been here before?

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By *ikeC81Man  over a year ago

harrow

Isn't that the top gear team in that caravan

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

can we do this position? thats how my wife likes it.

funny thing is this has happened to me

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By *arry50Man  over a year ago

northern jersey

What is your name again

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"What is your name again"

I would hazard a guess that the majority of men wouldn't care

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Have you got a lighter!!!

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By *ettering-couple76Couple  over a year ago

Kettering

burrrrrrp

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

is that it

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Oh shit I've cum already!!!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Do you mind if my dog joins us? "

Believe it or not, but that happened to me!

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By *K_Big_GuyMan  over a year ago

milton keynes

Sorry I can't stop all night but I've got to go to court first thing in the morning as my fella is up on charges of murder.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

£500 please! Money before sex!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Example "don't suppose you have a bigger one do you?""

Ive just taken a laxative?

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By *K_Big_GuyMan  over a year ago

milton keynes

Close yer legs a minute love, you just reminded me of that hot cheese toasty I had earlier..

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By *ohneybegoodMan  over a year ago

Dublin 14

shush !! I think the baby's awake

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By *arry50Man  over a year ago

northern jersey

Can we make this quick I have to be by night fall.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Mum..dads home

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Dont worry about the cheesey smell - its my feet not my cock

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By *hybutsweetCouple  over a year ago

sweetness

"hurry up"

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By *inaTitzTV/TS  over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

You're not a real woman are you?

(this is my nightmare, because when I'm dogging and it's dark people don't always realise at first. very embarrassing all round)

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Hang on, I need to fart

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"You're not a real woman are you?

(this is my nightmare, because when I'm dogging and it's dark people don't always realise at first. very embarrassing all round)"

i just spat my drink out.. lol

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I dont normally have this problem

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Did you buy fish today?

You didn't, Oh!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Oh shit I've cum already!!!"

Oh heard that one before Grrr !

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By *Ryan-Man  over a year ago

In Your Bush

It doesn't taste like Angel Delight

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Can you defrost my sausages please

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By *Ryan-Man  over a year ago

In Your Bush


"Can you defrost my sausages please "

You're disgusting

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Can you defrost my sausages please

You're disgusting

"

I'm wovely weally

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

ahhhhh better out than in!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

hey! No queue jumping...

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Nice your mum doesn't shave

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Bend over so I can't see your face

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By *ancatMan  over a year ago

Norwich

You have the numder for the local cave rescue ? And were do I put the safety line?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Your kids mooching about!

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By *layfullsamMan  over a year ago

Solihull

You don't have aids do you ? because I'd hate to get that again.

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By *B9 QueenWoman  over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Before we get down to it, can we agree a price?

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By *Ryan-Man  over a year ago

In Your Bush

You're not as nimble as your mother

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By *B9 QueenWoman  over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Just a minute - let me take my teeth out. Blow jobs are better that way.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Hahahahahahahahaha to all of the posts in this thread.

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By *uthTVDerbysTV/TS  over a year ago

Derby

"I'm a Tranny by the way ...."

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By *B9 QueenWoman  over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Would you mind putting this fake beard on before you give me a bj?

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By *arry50Man  over a year ago

northern jersey

What that smell

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By *az1312Woman  over a year ago

Somewhere near Coventry

"Sorry, I have only got 5 minutes because my wife is waiting outside in the car"

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Don't worry about the rash, Its clearing u p.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

My dad does it better

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By *arry50Man  over a year ago

northern jersey

Can the homey get some too

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By *B9 QueenWoman  over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I don't believe in showers - it washes away the natural juices.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Their not real scars,thats where they burnt the warts off

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

It's funny that's just how your brother does it to

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By *B9 QueenWoman  over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Would you mind putting this cream on for me? I can't quite reach.

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By *ohohoWoman  over a year ago

Up North

Do you mind if you strap your chest and I call you Richard?

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By *B9 QueenWoman  over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Just put these handcuffs on - ignore the scalpels. They're just for show.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

My IBS is playing up today I'll put a towel down just to be on the safe side

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By *urvywelshCouple  over a year ago

Everywhere and nowhere baby

NEXT!!!

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By *ohohoWoman  over a year ago

Up North


"Just put these handcuffs on - ignore the scalpels. They're just for show."

You have some imagination miss. I love it!

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By *B9 QueenWoman  over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I believe in safe sex. Would you mind wearing this crash helmet?

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Don't you worry your pretty little head off, its definitely curable

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By *ighland_RoseCouple  over a year ago

Brigadoon

Oh no! That's my waters broken!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

u cant touch this

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Hurry up I've ordered a Dominos Meat feast

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By *B9 QueenWoman  over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Just move those used condoms off the bed and brush the pizza crumbs on the floor - it'll be alright.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Just move those used condoms off the bed and brush the pizza crumbs on the floor - it'll be alright."

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Oh....go on then.....if you must.

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By *arry50Man  over a year ago

northern jersey

Don't worry I'm on the pill

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By *taffsfella1Man  over a year ago

Newcastle-under-Lyme

Do you mind if I cover you in marmite?

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By *B9 QueenWoman  over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

So, when are you moving in?

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By *arry50Man  over a year ago

northern jersey

I love you

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Hang on, that curry I had last night is repeating on me....

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By *empting Devil.Woman  over a year ago

Sheffield

Omg! How did you know I love anal?

So what size strap on can you take? Oh, but I'm out of lube - that won't be a problem will it.

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By *B9 QueenWoman  over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Do you mind if I put Corrie/football on? I don't want to miss it.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Do you have any flour so I can find the wet patch

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Can't believe its not butter... Lol

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Oppsss hold on u need to take me tampax out

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Sorry I'm not a lesbian I wanted a man with a cock lol

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Sorry emmerdale has just started

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By *B9 QueenWoman  over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Would you mind helping me cut my toenails? I find it hard to bend down with this backbrace on.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

But this is how we did it prison

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By *B9 QueenWoman  over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

You like role play? OK I am a fairy princess and you are the handsome prince come to sweep me off my feet. Would you put these tights on and this tunic?

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By *ohohoWoman  over a year ago

Up North

Just use this condom. It's only been used once or twice.

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By *layfullsamMan  over a year ago

Solihull

can we go to a wedding fair tomorrow

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By *arry50Man  over a year ago

northern jersey

Did we do it before I can't remember

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By *B9 QueenWoman  over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I have to be sure it's safe play so I will wear a femidom, you can put on these two condoms and we can both wear gloves.

Now, where did I put that dental dam?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Sorry for crying

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By *B9 QueenWoman  over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I think the bailiffs are due round - would you mind answering the door and putting them off while I hide behind the sofa?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

You look familiar - are you one of my dads mates

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By *B9 QueenWoman  over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I love a white wedding. What about you?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I thought you said you looked like Simon Cowell

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By *B9 QueenWoman  over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I know I said I was dom but actually I want you to strap me down and punch my testicles till they're blue.

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By *B9 QueenWoman  over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge


"I know I said I was dom but actually I want you to strap me down and punch my testicles till they're blue."

Something similar happened to me a couple of years ago - very off-putting if you are not into that kind of thing!

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By *icketysplitsWoman  over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Tights on or off, do you think?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I know I said I was dom but actually I want you to strap me down and punch my testicles till they're blue.

Something similar happened to me a couple of years ago - very off-putting if you are not into that kind of thing! "

Off-putting.....? But..... did ya...???

ted.

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By *B9 QueenWoman  over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge


"I know I said I was dom but actually I want you to strap me down and punch my testicles till they're blue.

Something similar happened to me a couple of years ago - very off-putting if you are not into that kind of thing!

Off-putting.....? But..... did ya...???

ted."

No. He wanted me to pull them - which I did but then asked for it harder and harder - and then to punch them and slap his dick really hard. Nice guy - but it all made me queasy. Chose not to see him again.

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By *az1312Woman  over a year ago

Somewhere near Coventry

I just need to put on my Hannibal Lector mask and....

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By *arry50Man  over a year ago

northern jersey

Don't worry it go away in a couples of day.

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