FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Location of Socials
Location of Socials
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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There have been a fair few in various clubs over the UK and they appear to be all well attended and generally run smoothly which is brilliant.
The reason i do not attend them is because i feel uncomfortable they are held in club settings where there is perhaps dress codes and i doubt id feel comfortable dressing in a certain way infront of people who i might not feel comfortable around or attracted too. Id personally much prefer to meet people with no pressure in a larger 'vanilla' setting. Away from anything sex related. If things go well for people, then there are opportunities at the end of the night. Having never attended a club social id imagine there be half naked folk everywhere all snogging each other. Have i got this completely wrong?
Perhaps im just being stupid but wondering what others thoughts are.. im open minded to having my views changed but ultimately i guess i have a problem with socials in clubs as i view them as 'playing zones' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm with you on this one CnS I don't fancy going to a social either for various reasons that I wont mention in the Forums! I'm sure people have a great time but I just don't think they're for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree with you, I've been to clubs and I would think twice about attending a social at a club. I think they should be held in a more vanilla place and them people have the chance to meet without the added club pressure.
For example some clubs have a towel only dress code, is that suspended for a social? I would not feel happy or confident dressed in towel or club wear in a social situation.
I'd love to attend a social, but in a social setting not a club. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I seldom play with people I do not already know when I go to clubs.
When attending socials at Chams or other clubs, there is no pressure to play, and many peeps are quite happy to sit around chatting and be sociable.
I guess each club is different, however, I like Chams as it is big enough for one to "escape" from the actions if one decides to do so.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I seldom play with people I do not already know when I go to clubs.
When attending socials at Chams or other clubs, there is no pressure to play, and many peeps are quite happy to sit around chatting and be sociable.
I guess each club is different, however, I like Chams as it is big enough for one to "escape" from the actions if one decides to do so.
"
And does chams suspend the dress code for a social or are you expected to be in a towel or lingerie? |
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I organised a social on a similar site and it was held in a bar/pub where I got us an area sectioned off, it was a great night with 55-60 attendees and most stayed in the same hotel which made any before /after shenanigans easier lol. It really did just feel like a big night out with friends. I would attend a social at a club but think it would have a different dynamic. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Im not a prude by any means and trust me can and do express self control, but purely based on the location of the social its almost gives it a free licence to get frisky publicly with others around and for me its just not my style.
Having said that, the last social i attended was in a family pub and was just an embarrassment to those who got wasted and thought it was acceptable because they were surrounded by like minded adults to 'dry hump' on a pool table, and go round grabbing handfuls of tits etc.. It was like they forgot they were adults in a public place. I know its a fine line..
like i said im just fussy/picky lol
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I seldom play with people I do not already know when I go to clubs.
When attending socials at Chams or other clubs, there is no pressure to play, and many peeps are quite happy to sit around chatting and be sociable.
I guess each club is different, however, I like Chams as it is big enough for one to "escape" from the actions if one decides to do so.
"
Its more than likely my perception and what id imagine a club to be like with scantilly clad women and naked men all over the place lol
Id not meet normal folk in next to nothing, for me thats why i choose to meet socially first, but to be confronted by a semi naked person as an initial meet would be a bit much.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yer I agree ... Would be great to meet people and have a chat ... But I'm not sure I would feel comfortable in a club .... Never been to one .. I'm sure when I find the right person to go with I will because I'm very curious .... But not right for me yet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Last nights social at Cupids was, for many, exactly that! No pressure to play and although there was a 'theme' - there was no requirement to get naked!
And there are socials at dressed venues as well as dress down! There's one coming up at Xtasia in August and the club has a proper nightclub feel as well as the playrooms. So if you just want to mingle and chat without seeing an inch of bare flesh - you can!! And it's free for couples and single females!
The only trouble with 'vanilla' venues is that the conversations can attract unwanted and unfriendly attention from locals - which can be a tad awkward!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
And does chams suspend the dress code for a social or are you expected to be in a towel or lingerie? "
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Only if the social is "themed".
For example, the most recent BBW social organised by Evie was a toga party.
Good thing about Chams is that for the ladies they can wear anything they feel sexy, revealing as little or as much as one feels comfortable in revealing, providing it is not normal outdoor clothes.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
The only trouble with 'vanilla' venues is that the conversations can attract unwanted and unfriendly attention from locals - which can be a tad awkward!!"
Could a venue not be hired out and have it as a stand alone party though.. no members of the 'public' need to know its a swingers social.
Its another frustration of mine that people just presume that no one can be adult and show respect for others who arent in the 'scene' |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
We many moons ago attended our one an donly social , it was in a pub. it wasn't very pleasant and we never attended anymore.....but if we did it would have to be a vanilla social rather than a club one.
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
The only trouble with 'vanilla' venues is that the conversations can attract unwanted and unfriendly attention from locals - which can be a tad awkward!!
Could a venue not be hired out and have it as a stand alone party though.. no members of the 'public' need to know its a swingers social.
Its another frustration of mine that people just presume that no one can be adult and show respect for others who arent in the 'scene'"
Hmmmm thats the main reason why we didn't attend more than one social...because of the people who had no decorum in a vanilla setting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Its more than likely my perception and what id imagine a club to be like with scantilly clad women and naked men all over the place lol
Id not meet normal folk in next to nothing, for me thats why i choose to meet socially first, but to be confronted by a semi naked person as an initial meet would be a bit much.
"
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Chams is a "wet" club, and yes, there will be peeps walking around with just a towel around them, ladies and gents alike.
However, the same dress standards apply to everyone.
When everyone else is dressed the same way, I feel comfortable in dressing the same as it becomes the norm rather than atypical.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yer I agree ... Would be great to meet people and have a chat ... But I'm not sure I would feel comfortable in a club .... Never been to one .. I'm sure when I find the right person to go with I will because I'm very curious .... But not right for me yet "
This is exactly how I feel. I'm not the most confident of women and think I would feel self conscious and uncomfortable. One lovely man on here has offered to take me to a Club as he think I'll enjoy and I'll probably take him up on that offer, one day lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've held many a social in past which was just a few drinks and laughs and mingling with fabs people to all get to know them and other people hold such socials too x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Its more than likely my perception and what id imagine a club to be like with scantilly clad women and naked men all over the place lol
Id not meet normal folk in next to nothing, for me thats why i choose to meet socially first, but to be confronted by a semi naked person as an initial meet would be a bit much.
.
Chams is a "wet" club, and yes, there will be peeps walking around with just a towel around them, ladies and gents alike.
However, the same dress standards apply to everyone.
When everyone else is dressed the same way, I feel comfortable in dressing the same as it becomes the norm rather than atypical.
"
and i suppose the plus side to that is after the initial strip off id more likely think 'ah screw it.. least you could see openly see what you'd be touching should you want an actual meet'
so great point thanks Pearl |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"PS...before anyone tells me off about their vanilla socials that don't endd like that, I am guessing lots don't, but it was just our experience."
No thats the same kind of experience my last 'vanilla' setting social was.. far too much alcohol and people forgetting they were in public
looked like a mass orgy and car crash material with the police nearly called for the amount of indecent exposure that was going on. Was genuinely ashamed to have even attended.
Even though it was THAT bad.. id still prefer a respectable, controlled non club setting social. Where adults acted like adults lol |
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All of the South Wales socials are held in pubs or non-swinging clubs, all are very well attended, and all have a "no play" policy (on the premises anyway lol!), and all are great places to meet, make friends, socialize and have a giggle.
One thing I would point out is, vanilla and swinging events don't mix, which is why these events are now held in separate areas of the venues, nothing worse than getting chatting to someone, and asking them what their profile name on Fab is, only to get a blank look lol!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Anyone remember the big hoo ha about reporters infiltrating a social event held at a pub in The Midlands last year?
 "
Think i do, but surely if adults are acting as adults there would be no issues or drama. Its gotta be just as easy for press to raid a club surely? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Allegedly the locals did not know what was going on, and when they did, they objected as it was supposed to be a "family" pub, even though it was closed to the general public on the night of the event.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Allegedly the locals did not know what was going on, and when they did, they objected as it was supposed to be a "family" pub, even though it was closed to the general public on the night of the event. "
oh right, thanks for explaining |
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There are a variety of types of socials. I've been to ones where they take over a whole pub for the evening, others which are just in a quiet room or corner of a pub and then club socials.
I enjoyed all of them but they are all different.
Clubs will never suit everybody. But the basic rules of swinging still apply no matter what the venue: no means no, no question, no argument, no debate. I went to last nights social but with the intention of simply being sociable and I spent the night catching up with old friends and making new ones and at no time did anyone make me feel uncomfortable for not playing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have been to a few socials at clubs and I have found tho over all people act politely there has been a few occasions where men seem to think because its a swingers social in a club its ok to grope you while saying hello 
Ive been to a few socials in pubs too and never had that so I do think to some the fact its in a swingers club means its a free for all |
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Torble is when socials are arranged at banal venues word usually gets out ans the venue gets a bit nervous. I have known several venues that have cancelled bookings because they found out it's a group of swingers that have booked it.
Also some people forget that they are at a vanilla venue and get a bit inappropriate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"PS...before anyone tells me off about their vanilla socials that don't endd like that, I am guessing lots don't, but it was just our experience."
I attended two that ended badly, certain people made it absolutely clear that the group were swingers. They were d*unk and found it hilarious.
Another I heard of was organised at their local night club, again people at the bar were told.
Clubs may have the sexual/dresscode connection but IMO local bars and clubs have bigger issues, in the wrong circumstances. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been to lots and I do mean lots of singers socials over the last 10-15 years. In swingers clubs and in pubs/private venues, as well as a full weekend social at a swingers hotel in Blackpool.
Been good and bad experiances at both, but on the whole 90% of them have been great nights/weekends. I even organised one for a weekend where the Friday night was in a pub and the Saturday night was in a swingers club, so that people had the choice of going to one or the other or as a most did, both.
The best thing I could sayis, if you have a particular sort of venue that you would be happy attending a social in, get organising a social in that venue and see how many people you can get along. Socials are great fun and the best way to meet lots of people with the same/similar views. As always though, no matter where they're held, there is no pressure for anyone to play if they don't want to.
As has already been mentioned, there is a Fab social being organise @ Xtasia in West Brom. This club is a nightclub style swingers club, so no need to drees down unless you want to, cheap bar prices, free for women and couples, only £10 for single males that are members of the club and there are playrooms available if anyone wants to make use of them. Plus a Premier Inn a couple of doors away as well. Pretty good place to venture for a first social or even if you've benn to loads  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I prefer socials at clubs, as they are bigger and have more areas for me to escape to if and when required.
I don't attend small house parties for this very reason - nowhere to escape except to leave!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tho I don't mind socials in clubs I do feel more comfy socializing fully dressed in a pub than in my underwear and most clubs don't let you stay dressed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been to LOADS of socials, in swingers clubs and in private rooms in 'vanilla' pubs too. I've always had a great time ... I've stayed dressed, in the bar/lounge and people have generally been very respectful.
Most genuine swingers can accurately gauge the tone of the evening, and move into the playrooms when they want to play.
Out of probably 30 socials, I've seen one pair of boobs (very pretty!), and one man who drank himself into unconsciousness (not so pretty).
So yes, I'm a big fan of socials! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Think i'll look out for more details of the Xtasia social then. Give it a try, if i dont enoy it i can just leave
Thanks for the input and experiences |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I seldom play with people I do not already know when I go to clubs.
When attending socials at Chams or other clubs, there is no pressure to play, and many peeps are quite happy to sit around chatting and be sociable.
I guess each club is different, however, I like Chams as it is big enough for one to "escape" from the actions if one decides to do so.
And does chams suspend the dress code for a social or are you expected to be in a towel or lingerie? "
The one and only time I attended a social at chams I wore a dress all night. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Both eurekas and abfabs are dress how you feel comfortable which means anything from naked to fully dressed. Socials at these kind of clubs are always well attended and are a good place to start for club virgins. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
i suppose i am one of the keen advocates on here for socials in play atmospheres and non-play atmospheres to be classed differently so people get a better jist as to what to expect...
I went to the newcastle social last night... it was held in a non-play setting and had a really good time...
the socials in scotland and wales all tend to be non-play and they go off without a hitch and well attended
I personally wouldn't go to a social in a club because it then adds a added pressure that I dont believe socials should have...... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Both eurekas and abfabs are dress how you feel comfortable which means anything from naked to fully dressed. Socials at these kind of clubs are always well attended and are a good place to start for club virgins. "
where in the country are eurekas and abfabs? |
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"i suppose i am one of the keen advocates on here for socials in play atmospheres and non-play atmospheres to be classed differently so people get a better jist as to what to expect...
I went to the newcastle social last night... it was held in a non-play setting and had a really good time...
the socials in scotland and wales all tend to be non-play and they go off without a hitch and well attended
I personally wouldn't go to a social in a club because it then adds a added pressure that I dont believe socials should have...... "
I have never ever felt any kind of pressure at socials in clubs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the good thing about holding a social at a club is that there is no initial outlay to the. Organiser. The club will let you use the venue, and may also lay on food etc. All the organisor has to do is get the names of those attending.
I think no matter where the party is held, everyone should be able to act in an appropriate manner, and no pressure be applied to anyone. |
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By *nnyMan
over a year ago
Glasgow |
I might have missed something but I thought the attraction of socials (like munches) was in precisely that they WEREN'T held in clubs and that there was NO POSSIBILITY of heading into the backroom for a quicky |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I have never ever felt any kind of pressure at socials in clubs
.
Neither have I!
"
just think its because its in a venue where intimate encounters are freely allowed and accepted as the norm. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I might have missed something but I thought the attraction of socials (like munches) was in precisely that they WEREN'T held in clubs and that there was NO POSSIBILITY of heading into the backroom for a quicky"
not a clue what a munch is.. but the more popular socials that are held by people who frequent the forums, the venue has been a swingers club. |
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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago
North of The Wall - youll need your vest |
"
just think its because its in a venue where intimate encounters are freely allowed and accepted as the norm. "
I didnt get an intimate encounter - I was robbed  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I seldom play with people I do not already know when I go to clubs.
When attending socials at Chams or other clubs, there is no pressure to play, and many peeps are quite happy to sit around chatting and be sociable.
I guess each club is different, however, I like Chams as it is big enough for one to "escape" from the actions if one decides to do so.
"
I thought you had to get undressed as soon as you arrived at Chams? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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still new to this scene even though iv been on here before didnt do much but talk.. iv always been interested in these clubs i see people talking about but a lil hesitant about it should we say as some of things iv read havent exactly made me think yh i defo wanna go so still a lil unsure but if anyone knows of any decent places for beginners who want to get in to the swinging scene please let me know...thanks and enjoy |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"
not a clue what a munch is.. but the more popular socials that are held by people who frequent the forums, the venue has been a swingers club."
I will absolutely bet you that is not true....
wales, scotland, newcastle, sheffield, wigan are all held in non play venues....
it looks skewed because people dont travel the way they use to..... especailly those in the midlands who think chams is the be all and end all.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I thought you had to get undressed as soon as you arrived at Chams?"
.
Yes to change into lingerie/shorts or wear a towel, or "themed" clothing for the social; however, no to going completely naked.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"still new to this scene even though iv been on here before didnt do much but talk.. iv always been interested in these clubs i see people talking about but a lil hesitant about it should we say as some of things iv read havent exactly made me think yh i defo wanna go so still a lil unsure but if anyone knows of any decent places for beginners who want to get in to the swinging scene please let me know...thanks and enjoy "
.
I would advise you to keep an eye out for socials that are held at swingers clubs in the Meetings and Events section of the forums.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
not a clue what a munch is.. but the more popular socials that are held by people who frequent the forums, the venue has been a swingers club.
I will absolutely bet you that is not true....
wales, scotland, newcastle, sheffield, wigan are all held in non play venues....
it looks skewed because people dont travel the way they use to..... especailly those in the midlands who think chams is the be all and end all...."
oh im sure others are but i was making a point of meeting regular forum users and socials that are organised through the forums obviously attract the people who use them.
The attraction for me is to meet the people i speak too on here (the lounge, swingers chat etc)..
The Beach Party at Chams being popular with regular lounge users (and regulars to Chams)
Hope i kinda explained that,, lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
just think its because its in a venue where intimate encounters are freely allowed and accepted as the norm.
I didnt get an intimate encounter - I was robbed "
You should have jumped in the jacuzzi with us then |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have been to 4 clubs so far, and I like Chams at Darlaston the best, and am willing to make the round trip of over 200 miles to go there for a soak in the jacuzzi alone.
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"I'm with you on this one CnS I don't fancy going to a social either for various reasons that I wont mention in the Forums! I'm sure people have a great time but I just don't think they're for me. "
I'm with both of you on this |
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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago
North of The Wall - youll need your vest |
"
just think its because its in a venue where intimate encounters are freely allowed and accepted as the norm.
I didnt get an intimate encounter - I was robbed
You should have jumped in the jacuzzi with us then "
But you said you were all shrivelled. A shrivelled one is neither use nor ornament |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In the past I've organised and attended many socials in private rooms in pubs or in a private function room that's stand alone, and at my house, never had or seen anything inappropriate happen, I think that the ones in a stand alone social type club are better as you are no where near the 'general public', can dress how you feel comfortable and like someone else pointed out, you don't have to worry about anyone over hearing the more 'open' conversations. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
just think its because its in a venue where intimate encounters are freely allowed and accepted as the norm.
I didnt get an intimate encounter - I was robbed
You should have jumped in the jacuzzi with us then
But you said you were all shrivelled. A shrivelled one is neither use nor ornament "
Well you could have dried me off  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
just think its because its in a venue where intimate encounters are freely allowed and accepted as the norm.
I didnt get an intimate encounter - I was robbed "
I offered |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i suppose i am one of the keen advocates on here for socials in play atmospheres and non-play atmospheres to be classed differently so people get a better jist as to what to expect...
I went to the newcastle social last night... it was held in a non-play setting and had a really good time...
the socials in scotland and wales all tend to be non-play and they go off without a hitch and well attended
I personally wouldn't go to a social in a club because it then adds a added pressure that I dont believe socials should have......
I have never ever felt any kind of pressure at socials in clubs "
I havnt either |
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went to a social in manchester last year and there is another this year, which was held in a bar, but the room was hired upstairs for the social and therefore was totally private, nobody needed to know who we were, we could have just been holding a party there nobody would have known who we were!!!! |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"
.
I would advise you to keep an eye out for socials that are held at swingers clubs in the Meetings and Events section of the forums.
"
and just for the sake of keeping it a level playing ground the non-club socials for england tend to end up being advertised in the uk section of the forums... with the scottish and welsh ones being in their sections respectively..... |
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not a clue what a munch is.. but the more popular socials that are held by people who frequent the forums, the venue has been a swingers club.
I will absolutely bet you that is not true....
wales, scotland, newcastle, sheffield, wigan are all held in non play venues....
it looks skewed because people dont travel the way they use to..... especailly those in the midlands who think chams is the be all and end all...."
I'm in the Midlands and travelled to Manchester and back in the same day this weekend for a social. I'd pit that Big tar brush away if I was you fab |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"went to a social in manchester last year and there is another this year, which was held in a bar, but the room was hired upstairs for the social and therefore was totally private, nobody needed to know who we were, we could have just been holding a party there nobody would have known who we were!!!!"
if the next manchester one is definately being held at a non-club venue as is being discussed (i.e the gay village) then it is something i would probably be very interested in going to again....
its been a while since I last got across for a social and the old manchester/wigan socials were an absolute blast.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There have been a fair few in various clubs over the UK and they appear to be all well attended and generally run smoothly which is brilliant.
The reason i do not attend them is because i feel uncomfortable they are held in club settings where there is perhaps dress codes and i doubt id feel comfortable dressing in a certain way infront of people who i might not feel comfortable around or attracted too. Id personally much prefer to meet people with no pressure in a larger 'vanilla' setting. Away from anything sex related. If things go well for people, then there are opportunities at the end of the night. Having never attended a club social id imagine there be half naked folk everywhere all snogging each other. Have i got this completely wrong?
Perhaps im just being stupid but wondering what others thoughts are.. im open minded to having my views changed but ultimately i guess i have a problem with socials in clubs as i view them as 'playing zones' "
Lets be fair - Socials held in Swing Clubs are NOT socials, they are club nights (regardless how it's dressed up)
Socials are held in vanilla environments (pubs, wine bars, cafe's etc) where the aim is everyone is socialising (talking, having a drink) in non pressurising vanilla social setting.
The only dress code there is then down to the individual and if dress up is required, it's like you would be a night out in town. So no one else is going to be naked sitting next to you putting you off you GnT
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes you've got it wrong, socials are just like a meet but with lots of people and no opportunity to play. The idea is for people who live in certain areas to meet; Wales have regular ones for example |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
just think its because its in a venue where intimate encounters are freely allowed and accepted as the norm.
I didnt get an intimate encounter - I was robbed "
Robbed??? 
You have me your name badge!!
Tried to convince a few that I was you but don't quite think I pulled it off!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have to admit id prefer a social in just a bar setting even tho i have attended last nights at cupids.
I think there are so many people i would like to meet that would not be comfy and for those that want the club could do that into the late evening.
I think it would be quite good to have one where everyone an feel comfy enough to go without any hassles. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There have been a fair few in various clubs over the UK and they appear to be all well attended and generally run smoothly which is brilliant.
The reason i do not attend them is because i feel uncomfortable they are held in club settings where there is perhaps dress codes and i doubt id feel comfortable dressing in a certain way infront of people who i might not feel comfortable around or attracted too. Id personally much prefer to meet people with no pressure in a larger 'vanilla' setting. Away from anything sex related. If things go well for people, then there are opportunities at the end of the night. Having never attended a club social id imagine there be half naked folk everywhere all snogging each other. Have i got this completely wrong? "
In a word, yes. Let's deal with the 'Vanilla location' issues first: In such a venue, swingers will be in the minority and have to respect the vanillas in the venue first. This often severely limits conversation, specially if there are children also in the venue (which happened at one we went to a while back - and not the fault of the organisers either btw). Also, if the venue manager gets wind that he has a group of swingers on the premises, it is not unheard of for them to be asked to leave... such is the prejudice of the non-swinging majority of society.
Right, now lets look at clubs as a venue. They are usually run by swingers or former swingers, they are populated by exclusively other swingers and there are no such 'social restrictions' on conversation for starters. Okay, the one at Cupids last night had a theme, and the club does have a dress code too, but you are made well aware of that before you go, so it's your choice whether you attend a particular social, in a particular club with a particular 'code', isn't it..?
However, if there was a social in another club which has no more of a dress code than 'smart casual', that somewhat negates your argument.
As for the idea of 'pressure' in any club - if there were pressure to get naked, take part in sex, or anything else, that club would NOT last long. People do what they want to do in clubs - not what anyone makes them do. The No 1 rule in any club is 'No means No' - and that goes for not wanting to undress, not wanting to play with anyone unless you want to, etc etc.
Really think you need to get a few facts straight before making ill-informed judgments.
ted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some people who have never attended a club seem to have a rather naive view of what goes on there. A naive view I completely understand as before we started swinging I imagined the same.
There is no expectation to play in clubs. Noone follows you around forcing you to have sex. You don't have to have sex with everyone attending, the swingers
already inside do not rip your clothes off as soon as you enter the door and you don't have to do anything in public if you don't want to.
Dress codes are usually smart casual
for men and dressed up as much as you like for the ladies, that can mean a sexy dress or a dress you'd wear on a night out. It doesn't have to be revealing.
In a wet club like Chams then men do wear towels around their waists and women have a bit more freedom to wear what they want as long as it isn't
outdoor dress. Most wear lingerie but there are varying degrees of lingerie, some more revealing than others. For instance on my first visit to Chams I
wore a corset top and a ballerina tutu. Whilst it would be quite racy to wear this outdoors, it still kept me fairly covered and not feeling naked and too exposed.
Clothes are adaptable, a lot of the time people wear things not dissimilar to what you could wear on a beach, ie bra
and knickers covered by a semi sheer tunic would be acceptable.
People don't have free licence to grope anyone in clubs either. I haven't attended many socials but the two
I have, I wasn't groped in front of everyone or forced to have sex in front of others. People, believe it or not, were sitting down just chatting, laughing and being social, they weren't acting like a bunch of animals just because they were in a swinging club.
Now yes of course you can get the arseholes who maybe will make a lewd comment, or try and have a sneaky grope as you walk past. It's up to the individual to open their mouths and tell that person to sod off. This kind of behaviour happens in vanilla settings also, usually by people who've had too much to drink and will come up to you blurry eyed with lager spilt down them saying 'alright luv fancy a dance'. You deal with them the same way.
I do think that alcohol should be limited and kept under control at swinging clubs, but other than that i feel they are acceptable places to hold socials. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There have been a fair few in various clubs over the UK and they appear to be all well attended and generally run smoothly which is brilliant.
The reason i do not attend them is because i feel uncomfortable they are held in club settings where there is perhaps dress codes and i doubt id feel comfortable dressing in a certain way infront of people who i might not feel comfortable around or attracted too. Id personally much prefer to meet people with no pressure in a larger 'vanilla' setting. Away from anything sex related. If things go well for people, then there are opportunities at the end of the night. Having never attended a club social id imagine there be half naked folk everywhere all snogging each other. Have i got this completely wrong?
Perhaps im just being stupid but wondering what others thoughts are.. im open minded to having my views changed but ultimately i guess i have a problem with socials in clubs as i view them as 'playing zones' "
I know what you're saying and I agree. A social in a pub/ bar is a totally different dynamic to a social in a club. There's another Manchester social in September that's in a bar. I went last year and it was a very different atmosphere to last night. Both were great nights, but VERY different.
Look out for a social in a bar type environment because from what you've said I think that would suit you better. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Socials held at swingers clubs are different to normal club nights in that one does not need to pay the joining fee as one is attending the event as a guest of the host.
OK, this applies to couples and single gents only for Chams (I cannot comment about other clubs as I do not know them well enough), however, it is makes a big difference in terms of the cost involved.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"still new to this scene even though iv been on here before didnt do much but talk.. iv always been interested in these clubs i see people talking about but a lil hesitant about it should we say as some of things iv read havent exactly made me think yh i defo wanna go so still a lil unsure but if anyone knows of any decent places for beginners who want to get in to the swinging scene please let me know...thanks and enjoy "
feel exactly the same x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"still new to this scene even though iv been on here before didnt do much but talk.. iv always been interested in these clubs i see people talking about but a lil hesitant about it should we say as some of things iv read havent exactly made me think yh i defo wanna go so still a lil unsure but if anyone knows of any decent places for beginners who want to get in to the swinging scene please let me know...thanks and enjoy
feel exactly the same x"
And me, we should all go together  |
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By *nnyMan
over a year ago
Glasgow |
"
Let's deal with the 'Vanilla location' issues first: In such a venue, swingers will be in the minority and have to respect the vanillas in the venue first. This often severely limits conversation, specially if there are children also in the venue (which happened at one we went to a while back - and not the fault of the organisers either btw). Also, if the venue manager gets wind that he has a group of swingers on the premises, it is not unheard of for them to be asked to leave... such is the prejudice of the non-swinging majority of society."
That's down to the choice of vanilla venue. Pick the right place and it won't be a problem. Pick the right place and there won't be any weans.
" Right, now lets look at clubs as a venue. They are usually run by swingers or former swingers, they are populated by exclusively other swingers and there are no such 'social restrictions' on conversation for starters. Okay, the one at Cupids last night had a theme, and the club does have a dress code too, but you are made well aware of that before you go, so it's your choice whether you attend a particular social, in a particular club with a particular 'code', isn't it..?
However, if there was a social in another club which has no more of a dress code than 'smart casual', that somewhat negates your argument."
Surely grown-ups know what to wear at what events
"As for the idea of 'pressure' in any club - if there were pressure to get naked, take part in sex, or anything else, that club would NOT last long. People do what they want to do in clubs - not what anyone makes them do. The No 1 rule in any club is 'No means No' - and that goes for not wanting to undress, not wanting to play with anyone unless you want to, etc etc."
That's not the impression given by posts regarding single men at clubs. It does appear there's a lot of couples being followed around by guys just waiting to pounce.
" Really think you need to get a few facts straight before making ill-informed judgments.
ted."
Onny |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm soooo old I don't even understand wot a 'social' is??
Would someone enlighten me!!
Do you just sit sipping a babycham making idle Smalltalk? Or do people engage in some ahem physical activity?
I have my name down to attend one but I didn't get a 'yes' from the hosts (altho I didn't actually get a 'no' either lol) |
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"I might have missed something but I thought the attraction of socials (like munches) was in precisely that they WEREN'T held in clubs and that there was NO POSSIBILITY of heading into the backroom for a quicky
not a clue what a munch is.. but the more popular socials that are held by people who frequent the forums, the venue has been a swingers club."
A munch is what we used to do before people forgot what swinging was about.
The term was borrowed from the BDSM scene, but usually involved a guest list of well over 100 people who would travel from all over the country. We travelled to Glasgow, Edinburgh, Manchester, Exeter, Birmingham and many other places and had fantastic times.
A social should be just that, a social meet. Not an environment where people feel pressured to join in playing (e.g in a club)
*Her* |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A munch is the term used by the BDSM community for socials I believe. "
We go to quite a few.
And there appears to be no problem whatsoever with them being hosted in vanilla pubs with other members of the public being in attendance.
I fail to see why munches in vanilla setting are a mainstay of the kink scene yet the general consensus is that they are difficult to organise on the swinging scene.
I became active on the scene at the point that the old style socials were dying out and glad I experienced them.
But I think that the recession is the big reason why club socials are so popular. It's 2 night's out for the price of one. The fun of social combined with the very different type of fun of going to a club. |
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By *nnyMan
over a year ago
Glasgow |
".............
A social should be just that, a social meet. Not an environment where people feel pressured to join in playing (e.g in a club)
*Her* "
A social should be an opportunity to meet people you kinda like the look of online online before you commit to a lengthy journey and/or overnight stay +/- costs etc.
Keeping it away from a club environment makes it that much easier. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lets be fair - Socials held in Swing Clubs are NOT socials, they are club nights (regardless how it's dressed up)
Socials are held in vanilla environments (pubs, wine bars, cafe's etc) where the aim is everyone is socialising (talking, having a drink) in non pressurising vanilla social setting.
The only dress code there is then down to the individual and if dress up is required, it's like you would be a night out in town. So no one else is going to be naked sitting next to you putting you off you GnT
"
I totally agree with this. I'm not a club virgin and I've never ever felt pressured into anything at a club and i enjoy going to clubs. Howevet a seinging club in my opinion is not the correct setting for a social.
A social and a club night are two very different things. If I'm expected to strip to my undies or wear a towel it's not a social. If its held in a swinging club, it's not a social. When I go to a club I have a different mind set then when I go to a social.
I know my opinion isn't shared by everyone but its not going to change, swinging clubs aren't the right place to hold socials.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm soooo old I don't even understand wot a 'social' is??
Would someone enlighten me!!
Do you just sit sipping a babycham making idle Smalltalk? Or do people engage in some ahem physical activity?
I have my name down to attend one but I didn't get a 'yes' from the hosts (altho I didn't actually get a 'no' either lol) "
Where is it being held? If it is anywhere other than a swingers club then why on earth would you think there would be some "ahem physical activity"? Re-read the posts earlier in the thread and the general disdain about people behaving inappropriately at vanilla venues... |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"
Do you just sit sipping a babycham making idle Smalltalk? Or do people engage in some ahem physical activity?
"
see... i don't know if you were being a tiny bit facetious, so i'll answer it with a straight bat, so to speak
you do at some... and don't at others...
and that is the reason why I am so for categorising them differently, so people can understand what MAY happen (not saying will for those club social advocates...)
I am feeling very "old-school" now in that socials for me are "non-play envirovment" events..... if you want the chance to play, you can arrange that yourselves after....
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"
just think its because its in a venue where intimate encounters are freely allowed and accepted as the norm.
I didnt get an intimate encounter - I was robbed "
Oi! I sat really close to you. How much more intimate do you want it?
As to the OP: The first social I attended was with my then partner. Neither of us had been to one before. It was in a private room in a pub, no play allowed at the private after party until you had attended a number of socials. It was odd. Everyone in the pub knew what the private party was and I felt awkward every time I had to go to the toilet or buy a drink at the bar. I really didn't know how to dress for it. I was new to the whole swinging concept.
The next one we went to was at a large pub in London in a specified space but not fully enclosed. It was on a particular theme and some people in the pub were curious and one man went as far as making a fairly far fetched guess and making a pass at me as I went to the toilet in order to come into the area. That was freaky.
The other two I have attended have been held in clubs. One club is, essentially, a country pub with play spaces beyond the pub area. The other was last night.
At the pub venues there is that awkward moment of plucking up the courage to ask for another 'date' - the bravest do well at this. The shy people don't.
At the club venues I find that people are, on the whole, more respectful of the boundaries. Again the bravest will do well but with the lowered sexual inhibitions I have found that the conversations actually flow better as there is no need to be guarded about discussing what got you into swinging etc. If you don't want to play you don't have to.
Yes, some people will be a little more open about displaying themselves and kissing and maybe even a bit of fondling but you know what? once you see one set of nipples you kind of get used to it and stop noticing.
I have never felt any pressure to dress down, play or do anything I haven't wanted to do. I have never felt that men are more likely to grab me in a swingers club, in fact the absolute opposite. The last time I went to a vanilla night club I saw lewder behaviour than I have EVER seen in public at a swingers club. I felt violated by one may coming over and shoving his face into my cleavage and another touching my bottom
As with all things, no one thing will meet everyone's preference so make you choice on what you feel comfortable doing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm soooo old I don't even understand wot a 'social' is??
Would someone enlighten me!!
Do you just sit sipping a babycham making idle Smalltalk? Or do people engage in some ahem physical activity?
I have my name down to attend one but I didn't get a 'yes' from the hosts (altho I didn't actually get a 'no' either lol)
Where is it being held? If it is anywhere other than a swingers club then why on earth would you think there would be some "ahem physical activity"? Re-read the posts earlier in the thread and the general disdain about people behaving inappropriately at vanilla venues... "
The venue has not yet been announced - hence my rather confused state regarding the whole thing!
Obv if it's a vanilla pub naturally I wouldn't b expecting anything but amiable talk n a snifter of gin |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"
I fail to see why munches in vanilla setting are a mainstay of the kink scene yet the general consensus is that they are difficult to organise on the swinging scene.
I became active on the scene at the point that the old style socials were dying out and glad I experienced them.
But I think that the recession is the big reason why club socials are so popular. It's 2 night's out for the price of one. The fun of social combined with the very different type of fun of going to a club."
have to say i think I am one of the lucky ones who came into the scene just as the "old school munches" were starting to hit... heck even i organised 2 for the north east and had 150-200 people there from all over the country....
bristol... essex... manchester... wigan... glasgow.... nottingham.... doncaster...
at the list would go on..... and organisors would liase so that events wouldn't clash
I still believed what killed off the "old school munches" was the advent of regional rooms.... it stopped the whole site being one mass of people..
there isn't that organisation or cooperation anymore, which is a shame...
thats why thinks an event calander for organisors would help... to prevent local clashes, |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Obv if it's a vanilla pub naturally I wouldn't b expecting anything but amiable talk n a snifter of gin "
see to me the word 'social' should mean have no expectations except good chit chat with like minded people.
if its held in a swinging club its still a social meaning NO PLAY til its all over. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Obv if it's a vanilla pub naturally I wouldn't b expecting anything but amiable talk n a snifter of gin
see to me the word 'social' should mean have no expectations except good chit chat with like minded people.
if its held in a swinging club its still a social meaning NO PLAY til its all over."
It means no play until you want too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm soooo old I don't even understand wot a 'social' is??
Would someone enlighten me!!
Do you just sit sipping a babycham making idle Smalltalk? Or do people engage in some ahem physical activity?
I have my name down to attend one but I didn't get a 'yes' from the hosts (altho I didn't actually get a 'no' either lol)
Where is it being held? If it is anywhere other than a swingers club then why on earth would you think there would be some "ahem physical activity"? Re-read the posts earlier in the thread and the general disdain about people behaving inappropriately at vanilla venues...
The venue has not yet been announced - hence my rather confused state regarding the whole thing!
Obv if it's a vanilla pub naturally I wouldn't b expecting anything but amiable talk n a snifter of gin "
If it's not been announced I would assume it is somewhere vanilla. See the earlier posts about venues cancelling when they realise that it is a bunch of swingers that have booked the function room. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm soooo old I don't even understand wot a 'social' is??
Would someone enlighten me!!
Do you just sit sipping a babycham making idle Smalltalk? Or do people engage in some ahem physical activity?
I have my name down to attend one but I didn't get a 'yes' from the hosts (altho I didn't actually get a 'no' either lol)
Where is it being held? If it is anywhere other than a swingers club then why on earth would you think there would be some "ahem physical activity"? Re-read the posts earlier in the thread and the general disdain about people behaving inappropriately at vanilla venues...
The venue has not yet been announced - hence my rather confused state regarding the whole thing!
Obv if it's a vanilla pub naturally I wouldn't b expecting anything but amiable talk n a snifter of gin
If it's not been announced I would assume it is somewhere vanilla. See the earlier posts about venues cancelling when they realise that it is a bunch of swingers that have booked the function room."
OH RIGHT! Well I think last few posts from folk have clarified that for me. Thank you
I don't think it's gonna be my cup if tea as I don't even 'do' clubs as I prefer the one on one meet scenario really so as me old Mammy would say - 'stick with wot you know kid ' - so I will
Thanks folks xx One n all |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Obv if it's a vanilla pub naturally I wouldn't b expecting anything but amiable talk n a snifter of gin
see to me the word 'social' should mean have no expectations except good chit chat with like minded people.
if its held in a swinging club its still a social meaning NO PLAY til its all over.
It means no play until you want too. "
see thats why im saying i wouldnt be comfy in a swinging club social knowing others are and have the freedom to do all that.
oh heck my brains all frazelld haha
even at the social last night through the forums ive learnt that play does happen. to me a social is a strict no play thing.. u want fun you sort it for after the event not during |
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As others have said, it depends on if you are "old school" or a "newer" swinger in terms of what the differences are.
That being said, i always had the impression (when i first started) that a social was a pub/ bar style meetup where people got to chat and get to know one another. The term social has clearly morphed into an amalgam of the former, and the club style group meet as well. Which isn't such a bad thing (as last night at Cupid showed for most)
Clearly a divisive topic though, maybe this is a good opportunity for us as a community to come up with some terms we can agree on going forward. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would love to meet up socially, but I will not do so in clubs. There was a gathering recently in a club, but sadly the dress code restrictions put me off - I do not believe that, for a social that the dress code for men should be 'a towel'.
It sends entirely the wrong impression for a social meet in my opinion.
Also, sadly, having attended two clubs and had abysmal experiences, there simply isn't enough sanitiser in the country to get me back in one a present.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I still think it's really easy!
If you like the idea of a 'social' in a swingers club, go along to one of the many that are organised in them. If there isn't one at the club you'd like to attend, see if you can organise one there.
If you only think a 'social' should be in a vanilla enviroment, go to ones that are held there, if there isn't one being held in and area you can get to, once again, stop whinging about it and organise one.
If you just love meeting people and don't mind where the venue is, go to as many of each that you can.
As I don't judge other swingers for things that they might be into that I'm not, the same goes for socials as far as I'm concerned. Go to the ones you feel comfortable going to and let other go to the ones they want to go to.
The whole point of socials IMHO is for like minded people to meet, where they choose to do that is indeed their choice. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
Using last night as the example as I think it has sparked some of the thoughts coming through on this thread I have a few observations.
1. By about thread 3 on the Cupids event I did say that I thought social was probably not the right term to use and that party would be more appropriate;
2. Most of us actually just organised ourselves into the purely "social" element by meeting in the afternoon and chatting over drinks at the pub. That was great and it allowed group conversations and some one to one conversations. I missed meeting some people and getting to know them before the party as I needed a nap.
3. By the time people got to the club the conversations were flowing, as new people arrived they may have felt a little left out as others were in the flow of ongoing conversations. However, the name stickers helped and certainly got me talking to people I have never come across on the forum or met at the pub earlier.
4. Lots of people enjoyed the freedom of free association and being able to move to different spaces, including private rooms, to have chats one to one.
5. Some people wanted to play and were able to.
6. Some people wanted to play and weren't able to.
7. What happened after we all parted company at the end of the night is between those individuals that chose to take things further in private and not at the club. As it should be.
8. I have a better sense of those people I have been communicating with on here but perhaps not any more so than those that have communicated with each other in Canada.
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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago
North of The Wall - youll need your vest |
"
Robbed???
You have me your name badge!!
Tried to convince a few that I was you but don't quite think I pulled it off! "
Of course you didn't! I would never be seen dead in a mankini dahling...  |
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"Anyone remember the big hoo ha about reporters infiltrating a social event held at a pub in The Midlands last year?
"
There must be social police out there, because I remember a 'social' being outed in the Midlands years ago |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Anyone remember the big hoo ha about reporters infiltrating a social event held at a pub in The Midlands last year?
There must be social police out there, because I remember a 'social' being outed in the Midlands years ago "
Do you get an ASBO if you don't attend socials?
Cute, apologies for that mini hijack. |
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I have not read all the posts so forgive me if I'm repeating something already mentioned.
Having little in the way of clubs here in Wales all socials are held in vanilla venues, all are in private rooms with their own toilets, bar & on the whole smoking area so although the venue is vanilla there is no worry about what you can talk about & offending people as the only vanillas present are bar staffs. We have been to countless socials at these venues over the years (indeed we have organised a few) & loved them. When we first started I don't think we'd have attended a social in a club, we'd have been far too nervous so I think socials held in vanilla venues are great for newbies.
We have only been to one social in a club & loved that too though will admit that there is a completely different atmosphere there.
I do think you can have socials at both though, some will prefer one type over another but variety is the spice of life! |
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"Anyone remember the big hoo ha about reporters infiltrating a social event held at a pub in The Midlands last year?
There must be social police out there, because I remember a 'social' being outed in the Midlands years ago
Do you get an ASBO if you don't attend socials?
Cute, apologies for that mini hijack."
Not yet and I'm not tagged |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Obv if it's a vanilla pub naturally I wouldn't b expecting anything but amiable talk n a snifter of gin
see to me the word 'social' should mean have no expectations except good chit chat with like minded people.
if its held in a swinging club its still a social meaning NO PLAY til its all over.
It means no play until you want too.
see thats why im saying i wouldnt be comfy in a swinging club social knowing others are and have the freedom to do all that.
oh heck my brains all frazelld haha
even at the social last night through the forums ive learnt that play does happen. to me a social is a strict no play thing.. u want fun you sort it for after the event not during"
If its not for you it's not for you and there is nothing wrong with that. I like socials at clubs better although its very rare for me to play at them. I like the freedom I get from being somewhere were everyone can say what they want within reason about sex without the worry of being overheard by someone who may not like it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Cute I used to say exactly what you did and wouldn't go to any socials in clubs either!!
Until last night
Cupids was the first time I had ever been inside a swingers club and I was amazed @ how comfortable I felt. Just like being in a normal nightclub..until you go wondering around. I've been to loads of pub socials before now and Cupids was ten times better than any of them. I wasn't touched up, letched at and wore beachwear with a dress on top and felt great. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't give a cuss.
I like to meet up with my friends and make new friends.
I'm gonna wear what I want to wear.
I'm gonna shag (or, more likely NOT shag!) peeps according to my own preference. Anyone who tries groping me, gets a slap in the face.
It's your own body, peeps, and people should/will respect that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's what the individual is happy with.
If someone isn't or doesn't feel comfortable going to a club social then that's their choice.
Stick to the pub socials where you going to feel more at ease and relaxed.
If you do get to a point where you do want to experience a club social or just a normal club night then go with someone you can trust or a group your comfy with. You don't even have to play on your first visit, Just have a look around at the facilities and soak in the atmosphere and have a laugh.
Then afterwards make your decision on if it's for you or not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's what the individual is happy with.
If someone isn't or doesn't feel comfortable going to a club social then that's their choice.
Stick to the pub socials where you going to feel more at ease and relaxed.
If you do get to a point where you do want to experience a club social or just a normal club night then go with someone you can trust or a group your comfy with. You don't even have to play on your first visit, Just have a look around at the facilities and soak in the atmosphere and have a laugh.
Then afterwards make your decision on if it's for you or not. "
I think that's great advice Rusty! I live hours away from all Socials and Clubs so it's not that easy to arrange but when the time is right I think I will probably visit a Club. I'm very lucky that someone I've already met has offered to take me so I know I'll feel comfortable in his company |
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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago
Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria |
I've been to a couple of the Manchester socials in the Village - one I played at afterwards at a private party, one I just chatted and went back to my hotel room alone...I've also been to Chams BBW toga party and last night's Cupids Forum social (played at both). I've enjoyed all of them, but think on the whole, I prefer the club ones as the opportunity to play is right there if you so desire (and I usually do ). This being said, I fully respect that it's not everyone's cup of tea, although I will reiterate what others have said - the first rule of clubs is that no means no, and generally there's less chance of people over-indulging in the grain and the grape as in my opinion, alcohol abuse is better policed in swinging clubs than in vanilla clubs/bars. |
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