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When to start seeing someone?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Firstly do you believe there has to be an instant "spark" before you start seeing someone or do you give them the benefit of the doubt and give them the chance to impress you when you start seeing them?
Secondly if you have someone on your mind whether its physical or emotional. If you know you definitely can't have that person. Is it right to see people. Despite whilst out with them the other person maybe on your mind? (May sound a bit obvious I know). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Secondly if you have someone on your mind whether its physical or emotional. If you know you definitely can't have that person. Is it right to see people. "
Pardon?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Secondly if you have someone on your mind whether its physical or emotional. If you know you definitely can't have that person. Is it right to see people.
Pardon?
"
Say you can't get your mind off someone because they are so attractive or you love someone else so much, but you know you can't have them. Would you meet other women despite having other women on your mind? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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maybe im reading this wrong i dunno,,
if i hand on heart liked someone that intensly theres not a chance in hell id even wanna look at another man or think about being with someone else.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Say you can't get your mind off someone because they are so attractive or you love someone else so much, but you know you can't have them. Would you meet other women despite having other women on your mind? "
The answer is yep.
Cos your saying "you know you can't have them".
So if you know you can't have them..move the fuck on. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"maybe im reading this wrong i dunno,,
if i hand on heart liked someone that intensly theres not a chance in hell id even wanna look at another man or think about being with someone else.
"
That's what I meant by the second bit of my post. My point is how can someone move on if they have someone on their minds and yet they know they can't have them. So isn't it healthy to move on? |
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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago
In Your Bush |
"Firstly do you believe there has to be an instant "spark" before you start seeing someone or do you give them the benefit of the doubt and give them the chance to impress you when you start seeing them?
Secondly if you have someone on your mind whether its physical or emotional. If you know you definitely can't have that person. Is it right to see people. Despite whilst out with them the other person maybe on your mind? (May sound a bit obvious I know)."
Sorry op. to try and steer your thread back on track. No I don't believe there necessarily has to be an instant spark.
In terms of your second question. If you definitely cannot have a certain individual, why punish yourself by having nobody at all? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Back to the topic.
IMHO, if a person is not available or is an untouchable for whatever reason(s), then why waste time thinking about that person at all? Forget and move on! 
As for when to see someone, each person is different.
Some prefers growers, as in they let people grow on them.
Others like myself rely on gut feel. If my gut feel says yes, and if the other person is available, then I would make sure he is aware that I like him as soon as I can. This way, I don't waste time pondering whether he likes me back etc...
Again, as already mentioned, everyone is different, so can't exactly paint everyone using the same brush! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Firstly do you believe there has to be an instant "spark" before you start seeing someone or do you give them the benefit of the doubt and give them the chance to impress you when you start seeing them?
Secondly if you have someone on your mind whether its physical or emotional. If you know you definitely can't have that person. Is it right to see people. Despite whilst out with them the other person maybe on your mind? (May sound a bit obvious I know).
Sorry op. to try and steer your thread back on track. No I don't believe there necessarily has to be an instant spark.
In terms of your second question. If you definitely cannot have a certain individual, why punish yourself by having nobody at all?"
Well I believe its best to meet people so you can move on, but its not fair on the woman as they deserve your full attention. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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its easier said than done to just 'move on' when there are feelings involved.
back off and distance yourself, accept in time that things will not progress to what you want and then test the waters by getting out there slowly
id be gutted if i was just someones quick ix re bound or if when a guy was with me he was thinking about someone else |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think people can grow on you but if the spark is there its more intense and better.
And yes see other people if you cant have them dont think about them and live your life.
People can be in love with one person but still get on with the here and now and be happy. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
What you have is an attachment to a fantasy. You can see other people but if you are judging them against a fantasy they are always going to come up short.
Some relationships start with a spark, burn brightly and go out quickly. Others have a spark that maintains its bright flame. Quite a lot have nothing dramatic and then you notice the smell of smoke and discover you are on fire.
Fantasies can't make you tea or give you a kiss when you're down. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"fuck this is deep for half 12 in the morning.. haha
You say that often? Lol. And I got a hit of news for you. Its not half 12  "
whats 10mins lol.. im tire... zzzz zzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz *wipes dribble from mouth*  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"fuck this is deep for half 12 in the morning.. haha
You say that often? Lol. And I got a hit of news for you. Its not half 12
whats 10mins lol.. im tire... zzzz zzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz *wipes dribble from mouth* "
"What's 10 mins" you ask? Something that a lot of fun could be had in  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Firstly do you believe there has to be an instant "spark" before you start seeing someone or do you give them the benefit of the doubt and give them the chance to impress you when you start seeing them?
Secondly if you have someone on your mind whether its physical or emotional. If you know you definitely can't have that person. Is it right to see people. Despite whilst out with them the other person maybe on your mind? (May sound a bit obvious I know)."
For me I have to be attracted from the off. Whether it's their physical appearance that attracts me or the way they present themselves i.e confidence, sense of humour, etc.
RE your second question, everyone is different, some may not see anyone else u till they re completely over the other person and others will, some may do it to help get over the other one! There's no right or wrong answer
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Firstly do you believe there has to be an instant "spark" before you start seeing someone or do you give them the benefit of the doubt and give them the chance to impress you when you start seeing them?
Secondly if you have someone on your mind whether its physical or emotional. If you know you definitely can't have that person. Is it right to see people. Despite whilst out with them the other person maybe on your mind? (May sound a bit obvious I know).
For me I have to be attracted from the off. Whether it's their physical appearance that attracts me or the way they present themselves i.e confidence, sense of humour, etc.
RE your second question, everyone is different, some may not see anyone else u till they re completely over the other person and others will, some may do it to help get over the other one! There's no right or wrong answer
"
 What she said.
When you meet someone and there is a spark and it's like you've always known them, it's amazing.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
When you meet someone and there is a spark and it's like you've always known them, it's amazing. "
This in answer to your OP, if your feelings are not reciprocated then you are just punishing yourself and need to move on as it is unhealthy. Unrequited love will get you nowhere and in time you will find someone and the feelings you have now will diminish. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Firstly do you believe there has to be an instant "spark" before you start seeing someone or do you give them the benefit of the doubt and give them the chance to impress you when you start seeing them?"
Love at first sight happens, but a lot of people go through their lives hoping for something they've only seen in Hollywood movies. I'd advise giving someone the benefit of the doubt. At the very least you can have a few fun dates, and if it doesn't lead anywhere fair enough. But it's a bit silly to reject someone on the basis that you haven't had the thunderbolt. Let's face it, you've probably had a lot of lonely days where all you've done is watch the telly; why not be enjoying someone else's company?
"Secondly if you have someone on your mind whether its physical or emotional. If you know you definitely can't have that person. Is it right to see people. Despite whilst out with them the other person maybe on your mind? (May sound a bit obvious I know)."
I think you owe it to yourself to give other people a shot, and not be pining the rest of your life for people who don't want you. You can at least give someone else some fun and pleasure, and after a while you'll probably find that you'll start to fall in with them and forget the other person. But give the other person a break: you can't expect to develop a lasting relationship on a first date. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Firstly do you believe there has to be an instant "spark" before you start seeing someone or do you give them the benefit of the doubt and give them the chance to impress you when you start seeing them?
Love at first sight happens, but a lot of people go through their lives hoping for something they've only seen in Hollywood movies. I'd advise giving someone the benefit of the doubt. At the very least you can have a few fun dates, and if it doesn't lead anywhere fair enough. But it's a bit silly to reject someone on the basis that you haven't had the thunderbolt. Let's face it, you've probably had a lot of lonely days where all you've done is watch the telly; why not be enjoying someone else's company?
Secondly if you have someone on your mind whether its physical or emotional. If you know you definitely can't have that person. Is it right to see people. Despite whilst out with them the other person maybe on your mind? (May sound a bit obvious I know).
I think you owe it to yourself to give other people a shot, and not be pining the rest of your life for people who don't want you. You can at least give someone else some fun and pleasure, and after a while you'll probably find that you'll start to fall in with them and forget the other person. But give the other person a break: you can't expect to develop a lasting relationship on a first date."
That's what I thought, but I also thought "is it right to date people whilst other women are on your mind" as not only will it feel to them they are being strung along and second best, but surely anyone on a date deserves to be the centre of attention and how would someone feel knowing that they are second best. Not good i bet and they will probably disrespect the guy if they find that out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's what I thought, but I also thought "is it right to date people whilst other women are on your mind" as not only will it feel to them they are being strung along and second best, but surely anyone on a date deserves to be the centre of attention and how would someone feel knowing that they are second best. Not good i bet and they will probably disrespect the guy if they find that out."
Why would they find out? I suspect you've got some sort of psychological issue about this. There's always an adjustment period when you first go out with someone where you have to get used to a human being who's different from the one you've been out with previously. It's shown up quite well in the lobster scenes in Annie Hall. But that shouldn't stop you trying. Just don't expect too much too soon. And good luck! Jx |
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