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David Moyes's first day on the new job

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

8am: Arrive at work to find my parking space still has ‘SAF’ painted on it. Discuss this with security guard who suggests I change my name to something with those initials. Return to car to find transfer request from Wayne under windscreen wiper.

9.30am: Finish clearing office of empty wine bottles. Had hoped cleaning staff might have got round to this in the last two months. Several bottles have notes in them. Stopped reading after the first two or three as they were all transfer requests from Wayne. Must have a chat with the lad later.

11am: Meet the coaches and physios, all of whom are wearing t-shirts with Alex Ferguson’s face on it. When I tell them I’m looking forward to working with them, they all start humming under their breath and coughing the word ‘resign’. The tea lady then asks me to have a big mouthful of the cuppa she made specially for me and starts giggling.

Noon: Eat sandwiches at desk in my office. Corned beef and Branston pickle. Wife forgot to pack Kit Kat. Must add ‘remind wife to pack Kit Kat for lunch’ to my to-do list.

1pm: First work email arrives. IT told me david.moyes@manchesterunited.com was already taken, which seems odd, so was given email address tempmanager174 instead. Email is from an anonymous Hotmail account. It’s a Photoshopped picture of me bumming Ron Atkinson.

1.10pm: Second email arrives. Series of links to big houses in London on the Rightmove website. I reply, asking Wayne to come into my office when he’s got a second.

2pm: Have a bit of a cry in the toilets. Phone my wife and ask her if she thinks I’ve done the right thing. No answer.

3pm: My last transfer kitty at Everton was a set of used bibs and a poster of Thomas Gravesen, so excited to get the folder outlining my budget for this season.

4.30pm: Wake up on office carpet with bump on forehead. Think I must have fainted a bit. Look at all the noughts on the transfer kitty and daydream about how many Nuno Valentes that would buy.

5pm: Decide to knock off a bit early. Wayne is stood by my car with a pen and a big sheaf of papers. Maybe he wants my autograph?

Well it made me laugh

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By *limBobStretchedPantsMan  over a year ago

Newcastle

Love it !!!!!!!!

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By *un_JuiceCouple  over a year ago

Nr Chester

Poor owd Moyesey, funny that and so we had to pinch it and post elsewhere

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By *hole Lotta RosieWoman  over a year ago

Deviant City

enjoyed reading that, very funny!

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By *ire_bladeMan  over a year ago

Manchester

Whos Moyesey ? can you guess im not a football fan

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By *unglerivermonkeyMan  over a year ago

Scarborough

Brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Last day of the season: lifts premier league trophy

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Gollum.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman  over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I wish I could share my football news but I can't.... This made me laugh

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Last day of the season: lifts premier league trophy "

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Did make me chuckle

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By *inkyfun2013Couple  over a year ago

lewisham

Did you borrow that from the Daily Mash, or did they borrow it from you?

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By *inkyfun2013Couple  over a year ago

lewisham

Did you borrow that from the Daily Mash, or did they borrow it from you?

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