FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > vanilla for the right person
vanilla for the right person
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Would you give up this lifestyle if you met some one who blew your mind or would you try and convert them to have your fill??
I Have said vinalla with some one could feel like every flavour under the sun  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess it depends how much you're invested in this "lifestyle"?
For me it has nothing to do with lifestyle and more about finding someone on the right wave length to experiment with. Vanilla can be exciting to with the right person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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well ive said many a time if i had a relationship i wouldn't want a swinging one.
if i happened to fall for a swinger id not stop him or try to change who he is, id have to accept that what he likes and enjoys, if it makes him happy id have to go along with it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess it depends how much you're invested in this "lifestyle"?
For me it has nothing to do with lifestyle and more about finding someone on the right wave length to experiment with. Vanilla can be exciting to with the right person. "
Totally agree. Though a little bit of whip in the vanilla never hurt too much... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If he was the right guy he would not need any one else as you would just make him happy ... "
thats how i would view it from my point of view being a female
I know im a one man woman and that if i give myself to someone then id not want to be with anyone else sexually..
Im not a swinger and never had the desire to sleep with a lot of men though, id rather learn and experiment with one person. its my preference.
if in time i had urges or fantasies that involved others id have no issues with talking things through with the partner and providing he was comfortable then explore those together. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No is the honest answer. Its something in my life that I enjoy and I couldn't and wouldn't give it up. However swinging could be described as vanilla to some people. The one thing I really wouldn't be able to give up is BDSM - I couldn't and won't give that up.
Limits my potential partners but hey ho! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If he was the right guy he would not need any one else as you would just make him happy ... "
i met the 'right' guy 22 years ago, we dont 'need' anyone else, we choose to explore with other people because we love each other enough to not want to limit our experience x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Look at it this way... if swinging (whatever you believe that to be) is more important than your relationship, you haven't got a relationship worth keeping - it's fucking doomed!"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Look at it this way... if swinging (whatever you believe that to be) is more important than your relationship, you haven't got a relationship worth keeping - it's fucking doomed!
"
Agree totally |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Look at it this way... if swinging (whatever you believe that to be) is more important than your relationship, you haven't got a relationship worth keeping - it's fucking doomed!"
Exactly.
Yes, of course I could switch to Vanilla for the right person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We were together over 4 years before we started to swing so we have had experience together being vanilla and are still together after joining the darkside
swinging is an extension of our sex and social lives |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If he was the right guy he would not need any one else as you would just make him happy ...
i met the 'right' guy 22 years ago, we dont 'need' anyone else, we choose to explore with other people because we love each other enough to not want to limit our experience x"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I much prefer the Darkside.
I lived a Vanilla lifestyle for 24 years of Marriage.
I would however give it up if he ticked all the boxes. Also finding someone who would is Very hard to find I imagine x   |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
If i were in a 'vanilla' relationship with someone i don't think i could give it up - i'd still like to carry on at least most of what i get up to, but i would only do it with them involved even if they were happy for me to 'go it alone'
Thats just me though - i'm a fussy, greedy bitch who likes things her way 
F x |
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By *livia_KWoman
over a year ago
South London |
I could quite easily go vanilla if I met the man of my dreams. I don't really see swinging as a long term permanent part of my life anyway. It's just a bit of fun for now (although 'for now' seems to have lasted quite a long time).
But then again, I am not looking for the man of my dreams. I prefer my single life anyway. I think I am an eternal single... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes, I'd delete my profile and give it up in an instant if I met the man of my dreams! This is my life as a single woman. I'm not really a Swinger either as CutenSassy said - I think someone in another Thread called us Swingles.
If I met someone in the 'real' world I'd devote my time and energy on that relationship. AND before any of you have a go at me for saying this isn't real  for me it's my secret fantasy world! I know some couples on here swing together and I'm not judging that in any way. I just know it wouldn't be for me if. |
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By *livia_KWoman
over a year ago
South London |
"Yes, I'd delete my profile and give it up in an instant if I met the man of my dreams! This is my life as a single woman. I'm not really a Swinger either as CutenSassy said - I think someone in another Thread called us Swingles.
If I met someone in the 'real' world I'd devote my time and energy on that relationship. AND before any of you have a go at me for saying this isn't real for me it's my secret fantasy world! I know some couples on here swing together and I'm not judging that in any way. I just know it wouldn't be for me if. "
What she said |
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By *livia_KWoman
over a year ago
South London |
"I would build up a relationship with the person and discuss with each other if we want to go into it as a couple... "
You know I have always wondered - HOW do committed couples actually bring up the topic of swinging? I mean, if they got together before they ever started swinging and had never discussed it before? I'm curious. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would build up a relationship with the person and discuss with each other if we want to go into it as a couple...
You know I have always wondered - HOW do committed couples actually bring up the topic of swinging? I mean, if they got together before they ever started swinging and had never discussed it before? I'm curious."
i guess that must be a very touchy subject, if i was deeply in love with a guy and he said to me 'i want to swing' i would take it very personal that i wasnt pleasing him sexually and was no longer enough, |
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"I would build up a relationship with the person and discuss with each other if we want to go into it as a couple...
You know I have always wondered - HOW do committed couples actually bring up the topic of swinging? I mean, if they got together before they ever started swinging and had never discussed it before? I'm curious."
I suppose that they feel that they can talk about anything and everything....I don't think it is a case of them not finding each other attractive...I suppose it's how you bring it up x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess it depends how much you're invested in this "lifestyle"?
For me it has nothing to do with lifestyle and more about finding someone on the right wave length to experiment with. Vanilla can be exciting to with the right person. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would build up a relationship with the person and discuss with each other if we want to go into it as a couple...
You know I have always wondered - HOW do committed couples actually bring up the topic of swinging? I mean, if they got together before they ever started swinging and had never discussed it before? I'm curious.
i guess that must be a very touchy subject, if i was deeply in love with a guy and he said to me 'i want to swing' i would take it very personal that i wasnt pleasing him sexually and was no longer enough, "
That's how I would take it too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've always been very up front about what I have done and do early in a relationship. Some have progressed to us doing something's together, others not.
I'm not suggesting airing all the dirty laundry however I like to present the slightly tarnished halo: first rule of pr, get the dirt out early;) |
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"Yes, I'd delete my profile and give it up in an instant if I met the man of my dreams! This is my life as a single woman. I'm not really a Swinger either as CutenSassy said - I think someone in another Thread called us Swingles.
If I met someone in the 'real' world I'd devote my time and energy on that relationship. AND before any of you have a go at me for saying this isn't real for me it's my secret fantasy world! I know some couples on here swing together and I'm not judging that in any way. I just know it wouldn't be for me if. "
Plus 1 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If he was the right guy he would not need any one else as you would just make him happy ... "
see I don't subscribe to that.. and I'm sure every couple on here reads that and finds it insulting... It's not about not making your partner happy..
to answer your question.. I don't think I could ever give it up as it's part of who I am. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would build up a relationship with the person and discuss with each other if we want to go into it as a couple...
You know I have always wondered - HOW do committed couples actually bring up the topic of swinging? I mean, if they got together before they ever started swinging and had never discussed it before? I'm curious."
We were together for eighteen years before we started swinging. We always talked about our fantasies and they gradually got more about involving other people in our sex life. First it was only a fantasy but then we decided to do something about it. It took us a couple of years to meet anyone but we knew if it didn't work that there would be no problem between us. At the moment we are thoroughly enjoying ourselves but we could give it up in an instant if one of us decided to call it a day. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If he was the right guy he would not need any one else as you would just make him happy ... "
Ju makes me very happy and I don't need anyone else at all. It's just a bit of fun , nothing more nothing less. |
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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago
Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria |
I've tried monogamy and I'm shite at it. I've no desire for a relationship but am kinda falling into one with a vanilla FWB where we're actually seeing quite a bit of each other, vanilla family n friends think we're "going out together", we spend time together with his kids, I'm best mates with his ex wife (and have been for years) and my mam met him today and said he seems a nice lad! I've no intention of stopping shagging other guys and girls, opening a couples profile or otherwise changing my lifestyle and he's quite happy with having a mate he can shag, chat with, go to the flicks with etc who most of all is honest about what she's doing - at the moment, seems like the best of both worlds to me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes I would give it all up. I am comfortable that I have some very good experiences along the way. I am lucky that we are both happy to have a limited exposure to the dark side at the moment, and the key now is to keep talking to each other about our feelings.
If evie said stop my profile would be gone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would definitely give this lifestyle up if the right guy came along. I have never considered myself as a swinger as such, just a single woman with sexual needs and desires with boundaries I have wanted to push and experience with like minded guys! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not vanilla and I never will be. I've got someone that ticks all the boxes and it's like a mental rollercoaster so I'm going to ride it (him!) as long as I can because it's bloody brilliant. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would you give up this lifestyle if you met some one who blew your mind or would you try and convert them to have your fill??
I Have said vinalla with some one could feel like every flavour under the sun "
I would well I have given up on seeing men, I am bi so I want to try with women but haven't had much luck lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Love my guy.. But also love the ladies... We have a fantastic sex life..
Drives me crazy being with a sexy lady... And it drives him crazy,Seeing us, he joins at our request only, no he doesn't sit in a corner perving!
I guess you can say its a fantastic extension of our naughtiness, having said that we love the social side, the banter the fun...
In a nutshell what we do indoors with each other is passionate 'love making'
What we do with others is sex, fun and downright, naughty!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had my fill of vanilla, including marriage - and have no intentions of ever going back. Guess I'm too selfish, have never had any interest in kids, am comfortable in my own company and don't subscribe to the bullshit my siblings tell me that 'one day you'll die sad and alone'.
I won't. I'll probably die of a heart attack 'on the job' - but even if I end up a rambling old fool in a nursing home - at least I'll have some interesting tales to tell the staff!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If he was the right guy he would not need any one else as you would just make him happy ...
thats how i would view it from my point of view being a female
I know im a one man woman and that if i give myself to someone then id not want to be with anyone else sexually..
Im not a swinger and never had the desire to sleep with a lot of men though, id rather learn and experiment with one person. its my preference.
if in time i had urges or fantasies that involved others id have no issues with talking things through with the partner and providing he was comfortable then explore those together. "
exactly how feel x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think I would want to give up the lifestyle now I've had a taste of it, but if it was someone I truly thought I could spend 'forever' with and he had absolutely no interest in it I would certainly try. If I couldn't give it up then I guess the relationship would have to end as I'm not someone that could cheat. My ideal situation would be to meet someone I could continue to play with...although I don't know how I'd feel about either of us playing alone, I think all play would have to be as a couple.
Not something I'm really worrying about though as I have a habit of scaring men off anyway!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If he was the right guy he would not need any one else as you would just make him happy ...
thats how i would view it from my point of view being a female
I know im a one man woman and that if i give myself to someone then id not want to be with anyone else sexually..
Im not a swinger and never had the desire to sleep with a lot of men though, id rather learn and experiment with one person. its my preference.
if in time i had urges or fantasies that involved others id have no issues with talking things through with the partner and providing he was comfortable then explore those together.
exactly how feel x"
Yes exactly, we had been together for 4yrs before I brooches the subject...
Previously I had been in a shitty marriage very vanilla very boring... And would never have dared or dreamt of broaching the subject! |
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By *Kgirl80Woman
over a year ago
South Coast |
"I've had my fill of vanilla, including marriage - and have no intentions of ever going back. Guess I'm too selfish, have never had any interest in kids, am comfortable in my own company and don't subscribe to the bullshit my siblings tell me that 'one day you'll die sad and alone'.
I won't. I'll probably die of a heart attack 'on the job' - but even if I end up a rambling old fool in a nursing home - at least I'll have some interesting tales to tell the staff! "
similar outlook to mine, and I have barely scratched the surface of what this lifestyle has to offer! |
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By *livia_KWoman
over a year ago
South London |
"I've had my fill of vanilla, including marriage - and have no intentions of ever going back. Guess I'm too selfish, have never had any interest in kids, am comfortable in my own company and don't subscribe to the bullshit my siblings tell me that 'one day you'll die sad and alone'.
I won't. I'll probably die of a heart attack 'on the job' - but even if I end up a rambling old fool in a nursing home - at least I'll have some interesting tales to tell the staff! "
This is my outlook as well. I think I am eternally single. I don't want kids and don't think I'm the marrying kind. I like my own company and really don't like sharing my space.
Singledom works for me and I get to choose when I have my naughty fun and who with. Suits me just fine |
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"I would actually give up very few things to be honest. The right person wouldn't expect you to give up anything."
Suppose you know that he'd prefer you to give it up, even though he tolerates it. He's the right person - nobody ever has/will come close, in or out of the bedroom. Are you going to voluntarily change or are you going to let him be unhappy with this side of your life ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would actually give up very few things to be honest. The right person wouldn't expect you to give up anything.
Suppose you know that he'd prefer you to give it up, even though he tolerates it. He's the right person - nobody ever has/will come close, in or out of the bedroom. Are you going to voluntarily change or are you going to let him be unhappy with this side of your life ?"
if I ever met someone and it became more, they would know this is who I am... So why would they want to change me. if they were unhappy it was obviously not the one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me vanilla leads to adultery, hurt, and broken hearts, manogomy is not part of my design, oh how I wish it was but I know I'm always going to have a wandering eye and so I will Stay single and keep doing things my way, the only ray I would entertain entering into a relationship now would be if it was an open relationship, I don't want to hurt anyone but I do want to live my life my way and its taken me a long time to get to this point in my life where I am free to be me so why try to change it |
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"if I ever met someone and it became more, they would know this is who I am... So why would they want to change me. if they were unhappy it was obviously not the one. "
You mean he has to love every little thing about you to be "the one" ?
I take a different viewpoint - for me, it's a case of loving the other person despite their flaws.
[not really flaws but you know what I mean]
Under my definition, she'd put up with it, but would prefer me to stop.
Understanding her point-of-view, I'd stop.
I'm just an old-fashioned romantic at heart |
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By *livia_KWoman
over a year ago
South London |
"I would actually give up very few things to be honest. The right person wouldn't expect you to give up anything.
Suppose you know that he'd prefer you to give it up, even though he tolerates it. He's the right person - nobody ever has/will come close, in or out of the bedroom. Are you going to voluntarily change or are you going to let him be unhappy with this side of your life ?"
Like I said earlier, I don't see this scene as a part of my life like some others do. For me it's just a bit of fun for now and not something I see myself doing for the long term anyway. And I could give this up quite easily for the right person.
If you love someone and want to be with them then you should want to be with them warts and all (I am not just talking about swinging here). You shouldn't be with someone if you expect them to change something about themselves in order to make you happy.
And if I met someone who would only be happy being with me if I changed something about myself, then that is't the kind of relationship I would want anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
You mean he has to love every little thing about you to be "the one" ?
I take a different viewpoint - for me, it's a case of loving the other person despite their flaws.
[not really flaws but you know what I mean]
Under my definition, she'd put up with it, but would prefer me to stop.
Understanding her point-of-view, I'd stop.
I'm just an old-fashioned romantic at heart "
sadly it's thinking like that which leads to most of the relationships I deal with in therapy breaking down..
Thing is that is okay In the beginning.. but people become resentful when they try to be something they are not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If he was the right guy he would not need any one else as you would just make him happy ... "
with the greatest of respect what a load of tosh
nobody NEEDS anyone else, couple swing because they want to not because they need to  |
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there seems to be 2 very distinct points of view being offered here - either you would or you wouldn't.
but then i guess that vanilla is like marmite - either you . . .
here we go again - do you like marmite ??? |
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"
You mean he has to love every little thing about you to be "the one" ?
I take a different viewpoint - for me, it's a case of loving the other person despite their flaws.
[not really flaws but you know what I mean]
Under my definition, she'd put up with it, but would prefer me to stop.
Understanding her point-of-view, I'd stop.
I'm just an old-fashioned romantic at heart
sadly it's thinking like that which leads to most of the relationships I deal with in therapy breaking down..
Thing is that is okay In the beginning.. but people become resentful when they try to be something they are not. "
But the majority of people who hold on to such seemingly archaic views don't require therapy - you only see the tip of the iceberg. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I honestly believe that compromise is key..but for me is asking me to change who I am for someone else.. if they really cared, they wouldnt want me to change.
I can stay faithful though.. but faithful and monogamous are not the Same |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"there seems to be 2 very distinct points of view being offered here - either you would or you wouldn't.
but then i guess that vanilla is like marmite - either you . . .
here we go again - do you like marmite ???"
In fairness they are the only views you'd get from this question , either yes or no.
People enter this lifestyle for lots of different reasons and there is a lot of different relationship make ups on here.
Singles , couples , couples who play separately, couple who have met in this lifestyle , couples who after some time together have drifted into this lifestyle and many many more.
The answer to will you give it up for the right person will differ greatly depending on their relationship status.
As for us we were already with the right person before we started swinging. Our marriage was great before we started and if one of us decided to stop we would still have a great marriage. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No is the honest answer. Its something in my life that I enjoy and I couldn't and wouldn't give it up. However swinging could be described as vanilla to some people. The one thing I really wouldn't be able to give up is BDSM - I couldn't and won't give that up.
Limits my potential partners but hey ho! "
same here waiting for the right partner is hard cause for me women come along and claim to be into bdsm it turns out from the of they aren't really and I get caught up in vanilla world  |
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