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Had enough..
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Personal post alert...
Just have to get this out sorry!
I am so fucking mad right now. Why can my sons dad not sort his priorities out. Was meant to have our boy today and tues (his choice of days not mine) so he face times our lad last night to say night and I say see you tomorrow. He says no I text you earlier to say I've been asked to work. After we get off the phone he checks and he hadnt sent the text. So my lad would of been waiting for him at 9 this morning and he wouldn't of turned up. But it's work and he needs the money so I cancel my plans for today and arrange plans for tomorrow.
Now he's just rang again. Can I have him Monday instead of tomorrow. Oh have you got to work again?? No I'm going out on the piss!! Wtf?? Is he for fucking real??
And apparently me telling him he needs to take a good look at his priorities is out of line. I told him no he can't have him Monday. He has him on the days he's meant to have him unless its for a good reason or he doesn't bother!!!
So now I've cancelled my plans again and am sat here really upset, not because of my plans coz my boy will ALWAYS come first but because I don't understand how he doesn't see what a complete prick he is!! Last week he was meant to have him on Sunday but text me sat night as he's had a row with his mrs and needs to move his stuff out. Fair play but come Monday he's not moved one item out and is still there now!!!
Sooooo angry!!!! |
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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago
near kings lynn |
Getting it off your chest on here is ideal. Its time you had a chat with him about re establishing boundaries and commitments. Itneeds to be a two way conversation.
I do feel for you as your little one needs time with dad and needs to feel important to him x |
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Life happens to people.
If your ex is the type that puts himself before everyone and even his son then what other kind of behaviour do you expect from him?
If you can manage the changes manage then without feeling aggrieved.
If you can't then get the custody details sorted legally and abide by them.
How does your son feel about it all ? If he doesn't care it really doesn't matter.
If you are willing to change your plans for your son then that doesn't matter either.
Loving couples that live together go through time and child issues too.
I'd say you find it difficult so .... get it sorted.
x |
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"Getting it off your chest on here is ideal. Its time you had a chat with him about re establishing boundaries and commitments. Itneeds to be a two way conversation.
I do feel for you as your little one needs time with dad and needs to feel important to him x"
I've tried more than once. He has a temper on his so I try not confront him face to face as it never ends well so I text him exactly what I thought and he just text back 'don't start' |
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"
Life happens to people.
If your ex is the type that puts himself before everyone and even his son then what other kind of behaviour do you expect from him?
If you can manage the changes manage then without feeling aggrieved.
If you can't then get the custody details sorted legally and abide by them.
How does your son feel about it all ? If he doesn't care it really doesn't matter.
If you are willing to change your plans for your son then that doesn't matter either.
Loving couples that live together go through time and child issues too.
I'd say you find it difficult so .... get it sorted.
x "
That is good advice granny thank you. My son is only 2 and a half so isn't really aware of what's going on at the moment thank goodness. But he does know when I say get your shoes on coz daddy is coming to get you he would of been upset this morning stood waiting with no appearance. I've stopped telling him plans the day before now as I don't want him thinking his dad is a complete loser but it won't be long before he realises it for himself  |
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By *ammyDodgaMan
over a year ago
Nottingham/and everywhere my location says i am ;) |
Miss Hottie
My piece of paper father was exactly the same, always letting me down etc etc.. Best thing my mum did was give up asking him and move away.
It broke her heart as she sent presents from him etc but she remarried and I got the dad I should have had. I still to this day have nowt to do with him
Being a dad isn't about just depositing sperm, its about being there, and if he can't be. Then he doesn't deserve the right..
Good luck honey, chin up and keep smiling  |
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"Miss Hottie
My piece of paper father was exactly the same, always letting me down etc etc.. Best thing my mum did was give up asking him and move away.
It broke her heart as she sent presents from him etc but she remarried and I got the dad I should have had. I still to this day have nowt to do with him
Being a dad isn't about just depositing sperm, its about being there, and if he can't be. Then he doesn't deserve the right..
Good luck honey, chin up and keep smiling "
I'm sorry you went through it but sounds like it worked out for the best.
The thing that annoys me most is he complains like mad that he doesn't get to see him much and he wants him more! Laughable really. Xx |
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By *ammyDodgaMan
over a year ago
Nottingham/and everywhere my location says i am ;) |
"Miss Hottie
My piece of paper father was exactly the same, always letting me down etc etc.. Best thing my mum did was give up asking him and move away.
It broke her heart as she sent presents from him etc but she remarried and I got the dad I should have had. I still to this day have nowt to do with him
Being a dad isn't about just depositing sperm, its about being there, and if he can't be. Then he doesn't deserve the right..
Good luck honey, chin up and keep smiling
I'm sorry you went through it but sounds like it worked out for the best.
The thing that annoys me most is he complains like mad that he doesn't get to see him much and he wants him more! Laughable really. Xx"
Don't ever apologies, I learnt from a young age from a women how a man should be.. Your son will too.. We've become a generation of men raised by ladies. And I don't think that's bad!!
He was the same, only time he reared his head was when my step dad wanted to have my name changed and he fought tooth and nail till it went to court.. Got access again, I told him he wasn't my dad the chap who raised me was and I never heard from him again xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I ended up bringing my three up alone Hun... It was their choice in the end not to see their father... But like many have said he will see his true colours, it's just such a shame.. But that old saying any man can be a father... But not any man can be a dad! Never a truer word... It will get easier, remind yourself your son is lucky to have you...
But am sure he already knows this x |
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I will add, give your son loads of hugs and kisses and don't badmouth your ex in front of your son.
I believe children should feel secure and sometimes parents spend so much time bickering the child gets hurt in the process. As your son gets older he'll see for himself the kind of man is dad is.
Your son at least knows his dad, my nephew is 5, his dads only child and he's never seen him and never wants to.
Some men don't realise what they're missing out on.
Deep breath...hug your son...and best wishes to you both. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I will add, give your son loads of hugs and kisses and don't badmouth your ex in front of your son.
I believe children should feel secure and sometimes parents spend so much time bickering the child gets hurt in the process. As your son gets older he'll see for himself the kind of man is dad is.
Your son at least knows his dad, my nephew is 5, his dads only child and he's never seen him and never wants to.
Some men don't realise what they're missing out on.
Deep breath...hug your son...and best wishes to you both."
this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I feel for you lil miss hotbot, I've been there I know exactly how you feel, it's hard, frustrating and just sad that lil ones dad can't be arsed to make the effort.
Hope you feel better for getting it out, a good rant tends to sort things and remember it wasn't your doing that 'dad' is a twat  x |
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I (Steve) split up with my sons mum when he was 18 months old. As I was working for myself at the time, mainly from home, I used to pick him up for a weekend and end up keeping him for a week or more until I got the "can you bring him back I really miss him" phone call. He's 19 now but he still remembers some of our times, turning a chicken hut into a playhouse was one with him and the little lad next door let loose with rollers and emulsion paint. What the hell, it washed off eventually 
Your ex is the one missing out. |
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"I will add, give your son loads of hugs and kisses and don't badmouth your ex in front of your son.
I believe children should feel secure and sometimes parents spend so much time bickering the child gets hurt in the process. As your son gets older he'll see for himself the kind of man is dad is.
Your son at least knows his dad, my nephew is 5, his dads only child and he's never seen him and never wants to.
Some men don't realise what they're missing out on.
Deep breath...hug your son...and best wishes to you both. this"
Yes I agree with that, I never bad mouth him to our boy or argue in front of him. He's very bad tempered and angry anyway one of the main reasons we split up as Id gotten to the point of being scared of him. Especially when he's had a drink. So I can only really converse with him via text. But he doesn't listen. It's like banging my head on a brick wall! |
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Misshot remember the thread I put up few wks ago about my doughter. Far from sticking up for him but as I put in that thread my doughter gave me the kick up the arse I deserved an no 1 el could have done that like she did. Im a workaholic an id justblost site of the real important thing maybe hes the same an maybe he need the same kick I did. As said not sticking up for no 1 an only read your 1st post yep im working lol just a thought hun hope you get it sorted |
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"I feel for you lil miss hotbot, I've been there I know exactly how you feel, it's hard, frustrating and just sad that lil ones dad can't be arsed to make the effort.
Hope you feel better for getting it out, a good rant tends to sort things and remember it wasn't your doing that 'dad' is a twat x"
No that's true, I wouldn't be without my boy now but do wish he's shown his true colours earlier on. I would of been long gone x |
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"Misshot remember the thread I put up few wks ago about my doughter. Far from sticking up for him but as I put in that thread my doughter gave me the kick up the arse I deserved an no 1 el could have done that like she did. Im a workaholic an id justblost site of the real important thing maybe hes the same an maybe he need the same kick I did. As said not sticking up for no 1 an only read your 1st post yep im working lol just a thought hun hope you get it sorted"
No I can say its not that. Like I said it was overtime yesterday which is fair enough I know he needs the money to get a new bike coz his old one is falling apart but then cancelling again because he wants to go out drinking tonight. And last week cancelling because he's had a row with his GF. And 3 weeks ago cancelling because his GF daughter had chicken pox which our son has had and he could quite easily of picked him up and taken him out without her. He's just a selfish wanker. I've been making excuses for him for 2 years and now I've had enough!! |
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"I (Steve) split up with my sons mum when he was 18 months old. As I was working for myself at the time, mainly from home, I used to pick him up for a weekend and end up keeping him for a week or more until I got the "can you bring him back I really miss him" phone call. He's 19 now but he still remembers some of our times, turning a chicken hut into a playhouse was one with him and the little lad next door let loose with rollers and emulsion paint. What the hell, it washed off eventually
Your ex is the one missing out."
Exactly! This is what they need to do. He never spends any time alone with him. And then he moans that they don't have the same bond that we do. Errrr whys that?? |
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"Misshot remember the thread I put up few wks ago about my doughter. Far from sticking up for him but as I put in that thread my doughter gave me the kick up the arse I deserved an no 1 el could have done that like she did. Im a workaholic an id justblost site of the real important thing maybe hes the same an maybe he need the same kick I did. As said not sticking up for no 1 an only read your 1st post yep im working lol just a thought hun hope you get it sorted
No I can say its not that. Like I said it was overtime yesterday which is fair enough I know he needs the money to get a new bike coz his old one is falling apart but then cancelling again because he wants to go out drinking tonight. And last week cancelling because he's had a row with his GF. And 3 weeks ago cancelling because his GF daughter had chicken pox which our son has had and he could quite easily of picked him up and taken him out without her. He's just a selfish wanker. I've been making excuses for him for 2 years and now I've had enough!! "
ok fair dos was just a thought no offence ment x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Miss Hotbottie,
The guy sounds like his priorities are "arse about face".
Not going to change anything but sorry to hear it.
Whrn I have kids. .I'll be the exact opposite that's for sure!
Maybe it's time for some heavy words with him?
Ben
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"Misshot remember the thread I put up few wks ago about my doughter. Far from sticking up for him but as I put in that thread my doughter gave me the kick up the arse I deserved an no 1 el could have done that like she did. Im a workaholic an id justblost site of the real important thing maybe hes the same an maybe he need the same kick I did. As said not sticking up for no 1 an only read your 1st post yep im working lol just a thought hun hope you get it sorted
No I can say its not that. Like I said it was overtime yesterday which is fair enough I know he needs the money to get a new bike coz his old one is falling apart but then cancelling again because he wants to go out drinking tonight. And last week cancelling because he's had a row with his GF. And 3 weeks ago cancelling because his GF daughter had chicken pox which our son has had and he could quite easily of picked him up and taken him out without her. He's just a selfish wanker. I've been making excuses for him for 2 years and now I've had enough!!
ok fair dos was just a thought no offence ment x"
No none taken hunni, if it were work id agree with you. And probably be more forgiving tbh after all times and hard and he needs the money. But it's everything. Friends. GF. The pub. Lol. Any thing comes first x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Miss hottie I know exactly how you feel my ex was just the same although my son was 14 when we split it was the best thing I ever did x wish I gad been stronger and done it years ago save me a lot of tears and heart ache x your son will realise in the end what a waste of space he is just as my son did (((hugs))) xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Did you marry my ex??????
I've brought my daughter up alone for the past8 yrs,never slaggedex off, she woke up to what a twat he really is and tbh we have done better without him ,nothing worse than your child sat at the window waiting for their parent to arrive and then you get the txt sorry gf wanted to do this blah blah blah blah.....
My daughter is now 17 and knows exactly what her sperm donor (her words not mine) is and one thing I can say is she as nothing to thank him for...
Know exactly where your coming from so mega virtual hugs and all I can say is just carry on being the great mum you are and remember KARMA is a good friend....your son will realise once he's older. And dont ever apologise for ranting on here some rant for the least pointless mindless thing...yours is worth forum time....have a great weekend with him x x |
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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago
near kings lynn |
There are some amazing parents who do put their kids first. Others dont. Its horrible to see someone you once loved change and not keep their child as prority. Wish more absent parents did care |
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Would just like to make it clear that I don't want my lad to not see his dad. I've never stopped him from taking him out or popping round after work for a coffee and a cuddle after work even though I don't want him near me.
I want him to be responsible, stick to arrangements and be a good dad to his son!! |
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By *ach3Man
over a year ago
Watford |
I suggest keeping a note / a diary of all the changes / cancellation and excuses given - could save you loads of hassle in the future!
Good luck and its not too hard to see why it didn"t work out. All the best x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I suggest keeping a note / a diary of all the changes / cancellation and excuses given - could save you loads of hassle in the future!
Good luck and its not too hard to see why it didn"t work out. All the best x"
Definitely so this. It will help you if ever you decide to do anything legally x hugs to you and your little one x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You are not alone in this situation, my friend was fumming the other day... Was her sons 18th and as shes looking through his cards on the shelf notices there isnt one from his dad, she texts the dad asking him if he had got him a card and his reply was " ive not had time but ive text him"
Yes there are great parents out there but there are also some gits! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am sorry to hear this. Some dads are useless and seem to think that kids can be picked up and discarded as and when. Says it all really when a child is disregarded for a night in the pub with mates.
Do let him know you are not happy with constant changes and do let him know that you are keeping a note of this and if it gets all too frequent them you will seek further legal advice. And don't feel threatened or frightened of him. If he starts on you then ask him toesbe your house or you will call the police.
If he knows your scared of him then he will keep messing both you and ultimately your son around. His priority is his child, not a bike or getting stuff sorted with girlfriends and certainly not other womens children.
Hugs to you, all this is easy to say, it's you going through it and I know it's tough xx |
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Personally, I wouldn't touch with somebody elses barge pole a man that didn't move heaven and earth to see his kids. If he didn't care about his own flesh and blood, how could I trust him to really care about me?!!
My step sons (35 and 37) visit at least once every six weeks, talk to their sisters every day, and my girls and their partners visited their mum in hospital, the hospice and attended her funeral earlier this year.
My ex saw his kids every weekend. If he went out I drove and picked them up and looked after them.
My ex is a good man who made sure all his kids felt loved, and we, his "baby mommas" made sure our kids grew up happy together.
We all put the kids first and there was no jealousy or one upmanship between us.
Some men don't realise what they're missing until it's too late. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Rant away and there seems to be already plenty of good advise and support for you on here.
You are totally right to feel the way you do right now and it is a shame that you are not in a position to be able to vent that anger to your ex in person because of his temper. Even if you did he would probably throw his dummy out and bury his head in the sand.
He does need to sort out his priorities out though.
How does his partner and her daughter fit into all this?
I just ask because maybe he is being given a hard time by her over the situation...or maybe not!
I would calm down and the next time I spoke to him ask if he could meet to discuss things in a calm and peaceful manner. If he refused or kept making excuses then I think it would be time to seek legal advise.
Good luck, big hugs x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I will add, give your son loads of hugs and kisses and don't badmouth your ex in front of your son.
I believe children should feel secure and sometimes parents spend so much time bickering the child gets hurt in the process. As your son gets older he'll see for himself the kind of man is dad is.
Your son at least knows his dad, my nephew is 5, his dads only child and he's never seen him and never wants to.
Some men don't realise what they're missing out on.
Deep breath...hug your son...and best wishes to you both. this"
Similar issues here except mine are older and understand that my ex is an idiot. Hugs xx |
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"Personally, I wouldn't touch with somebody elses barge pole a man that didn't move heaven and earth to see his kids. If he didn't care about his own flesh and blood, how could I trust him to really care about me?!!
My step sons (35 and 37) visit at least once every six weeks, talk to their sisters every day, and my girls and their partners visited their mum in hospital, the hospice and attended her funeral earlier this year.
My ex saw his kids every weekend. If he went out I drove and picked them up and looked after them.
My ex is a good man who made sure all his kids felt loved, and we, his "baby mommas" made sure our kids grew up happy together.
We all put the kids first and there was no jealousy or one upmanship between us.
Some men don't realise what they're missing until it's too late."
I've seen you say about your ex on here before and he sounds like a good guy. I would of given anything to have had a good post-relationship relationship for our sons sake but he makes it nigh on impossible. I just hope he bucks his ideas up before its too late. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My x has not bothered about his girl in 8 years, after a bunch of irresponsible bs likeurs hot bot! I was with my now wonderful husband back then, he has always been my big beautiful girls dad! But x couldn't take it as big girl wanted to call my hubby dad, no pressure from us, her choice. X decided to b even more of a twat & come storming th house shouting the odds about it! He behaved like a petulant child! No change there then! I stopped my girl seeing her dad. X hasn't bothered to challenge for access and I haven't asked for maintenance!
He had done her a favour, my husband took parental responsibility & we changed her name. She's so much my husband's girl. I don't doubt tht I made the right choice for her but it's not for every one. She's never needed anything from x, she's a bright beautiful balanced funny girl & thts down to us. She's 12 now and has no desire to c him....x |
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By *igSuki81Man
over a year ago
Retirement Village |
"Personal post alert...
Just have to get this out sorry!
I am so fucking mad right now. Why can my sons dad not sort his priorities out. Was meant to have our boy today and tues (his choice of days not mine) so he face times our lad last night to say night and I say see you tomorrow. He says no I text you earlier to say I've been asked to work. After we get off the phone he checks and he hadnt sent the text. So my lad would of been waiting for him at 9 this morning and he wouldn't of turned up. But it's work and he needs the money so I cancel my plans for today and arrange plans for tomorrow.
Now he's just rang again. Can I have him Monday instead of tomorrow. Oh have you got to work again?? No I'm going out on the piss!! Wtf?? Is he for fucking real??
And apparently me telling him he needs to take a good look at his priorities is out of line. I told him no he can't have him Monday. He has him on the days he's meant to have him unless its for a good reason or he doesn't bother!!!
So now I've cancelled my plans again and am sat here really upset, not because of my plans coz my boy will ALWAYS come first but because I don't understand how he doesn't see what a complete prick he is!! Last week he was meant to have him on Sunday but text me sat night as he's had a row with his mrs and needs to move his stuff out. Fair play but come Monday he's not moved one item out and is still there now!!!
Sooooo angry!!!! "
This may be of little use but i actually envy you. You get to see your son every day and as he grows up he will see which parent cared and which was selfish.
Some of us are unfortunate & don't get to see our own child cause the ex has run off with them & broke every agreement but because i was born with a penis i'm instantly demonised, guilty by accusation which seems to be the norm in society. Some ex's see the father as nothing more than a sperm donor, a visa guarantee & a bank account.
I'm not defending your ex or anything of that ilk & i realise it's a personal thread & i shouldn't say my own situ but wanted to give a guys perspective going through the idiotic processes & jumping through all the hoops to prove my innocence against baseless accusations.
As i said at the start i envy you for having the joy of watching your offspring grow up & raising him. If anything i think you should cherish every moment and love him to bits so he knows what a super-mom you are and what an arsehole he is. Your ex's non-commitment will at times ruin your plans but i hope you cherish the positive |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most of the time moans about ex's are generally because of looking after them. People usually get peed off because they arranged to go out on an evening and get let down. Bugger the ex, get a babysitter and tell the ex he can't see them at all. That will buck his ideas up!!! |
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"Personal post alert...
Just have to get this out sorry!
I am so fucking mad right now. Why can my sons dad not sort his priorities out. Was meant to have our boy today and tues (his choice of days not mine) so he face times our lad last night to say night and I say see you tomorrow. He says no I text you earlier to say I've been asked to work. After we get off the phone he checks and he hadnt sent the text. So my lad would of been waiting for him at 9 this morning and he wouldn't of turned up. But it's work and he needs the money so I cancel my plans for today and arrange plans for tomorrow.
Now he's just rang again. Can I have him Monday instead of tomorrow. Oh have you got to work again?? No I'm going out on the piss!! Wtf?? Is he for fucking real??
And apparently me telling him he needs to take a good look at his priorities is out of line. I told him no he can't have him Monday. He has him on the days he's meant to have him unless its for a good reason or he doesn't bother!!!
So now I've cancelled my plans again and am sat here really upset, not because of my plans coz my boy will ALWAYS come first but because I don't understand how he doesn't see what a complete prick he is!! Last week he was meant to have him on Sunday but text me sat night as he's had a row with his mrs and needs to move his stuff out. Fair play but come Monday he's not moved one item out and is still there now!!!
Sooooo angry!!!!
This may be of little use but i actually envy you. You get to see your son every day and as he grows up he will see which parent cared and which was selfish.
Some of us are unfortunate & don't get to see our own child cause the ex has run off with them & broke every agreement but because i was born with a penis i'm instantly demonised, guilty by accusation which seems to be the norm in society. Some ex's see the father as nothing more than a sperm donor, a visa guarantee & a bank account.
I'm not defending your ex or anything of that ilk & i realise it's a personal thread & i shouldn't say my own situ but wanted to give a guys perspective going through the idiotic processes & jumping through all the hoops to prove my innocence against baseless accusations.
As i said at the start i envy you for having the joy of watching your offspring grow up & raising him. If anything i think you should cherish every moment and love him to bits so he knows what a super-mom you are and what an arsehole he is. Your ex's non-commitment will at times ruin your plans but i hope you cherish the positive "
And I feel sorry for anyone who is genuinely in your situation . But he isn't. He has the opportunity to see him, every day if he wants to I've never even moaning about him popping his head in on the way home from work when I'm trying to sort dinner etc. but he chooses anything else.
I do appreciate every moment I spend with him and miss him like mad when he's not with me. But I understand its healthy for him to have a good relationship with his father. Shame his father doesn't agree! |
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"Most of the time moans about ex's are generally because of looking after them. People usually get peed off because they arranged to go out on an evening and get let down. Bugger the ex, get a babysitter and tell the ex he can't see them at all. That will buck his ideas up!!!"
I didn't have evening plans just a lunch date with a friend and some shopping and things I wanted to get done. Can't afford a baby sitter my mum comes round if I ever want to do anything in the evening so that's not a problem. It just annoys me that he moans he barely gets to see him then cancels all the time! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If he moans all the time and very rarely sees him, then have alternative arrangements in place. Don't ever be upset or angry by his actions, he will live to regret them. Be independent and show him that you really can manage without him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I say thank god your son has a lovely mum like you ....... who put him first and I bet he will be a fine young man when older ........ I know it don't help .... but we stand by the ones we love . And you feel there hurt their pain as if it was yours and when thay are let down by others....... so thank god he has you a caring loving mum. x xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx kisses and hugs you xxx |
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Been there and had it done time and again. My ex used to do it not to upset my daughter but for a reaction out of me. I soon learnt the "it's ok it means we can do something" soon stopped all the crap |
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