If you are seriously in this cyle the best advice i think is to talk to someone, family, friend or stranger, whatever your think will help, good luck x
Don't take this the wrong way...You may need some professional help..Someone that you can talk things through with and be able to give you unbiased advice and support..It does help..
Quiet meditation, lie flat looking at the ceiling, feet slightly apart arms at the sin(savasana) clear your mind and concentrate on breathing in to the count of 5, out to the count of seven xxx
