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What inanimate object has it in for you?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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anything i range of my head or feet- I could enter a stadium and kick the only delicate object there....then bang my head on something when I try and run away before anyone notices  |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
I do ok with inanimate objects, but hamsters attack me on sight for some bizarre reason. The most placid and happy go lucky household pet turns into a ravenous berserker as soon as I walk through the door.
My wife doesn't help. When I get in from work, she shouts, 'Dinner's here!' to them.  |
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By *livia_KWoman
over a year ago
South London |
Self serve bloody checkouts. Stupid things never work properly for me and then I look like an idiot having to call over a staff member who just tell me I'm doing it wrong. I'm not doing it wrong, the machine is just stupid and has it in for me! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Self serve bloody checkouts. Stupid things never work properly for me and then I look like an idiot having to call over a staff member who just tell me I'm doing it wrong. I'm not doing it wrong, the machine is just stupid and has it in for me! "
Whoever invented those self serve checkouts needs to be hung by their dangly bits from a rather tall building. Everything I use one it f&&ks up on me grrrr   |
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My kitchen cupboards. Seems like every time I open the high* ones something launches itself at me. If I'm lucky it'll be something soft like a bag of pasta. If I'm unlucky a tin of beans. And one time, a vase from the top of the cupboard fell and hit me on the head and actually knocked me out.
*high as in height, I don't think they smoke. |
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By *emmefatale OP Woman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"My garden, can I pick my garden .. Grrrr these stingy things just keep sprouting up unannounced and by eck they do attack!!!"
Stop throwing your knickers out there then and use a washing machine you dirty girl.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My garden, can I pick my garden .. Grrrr these stingy things just keep sprouting up unannounced and by eck they do attack!!!"
so long as they're not causing a nasty itch |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"my crutches ..when i'm d*unk they don't work properly !!!"
But they weren't designed to be used to flag down taxis and buses, neither were they to be used as some to hold onto when riding some chaps cock  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My garden, can I pick my garden .. Grrrr these stingy things just keep sprouting up unannounced and by eck they do attack!!!Stop throwing your knickers out there then and use a washing machine you dirty girl. "
I tried that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My garden, can I pick my garden .. Grrrr these stingy things just keep sprouting up unannounced and by eck they do attack!!!
so long as they're not causing a nasty itch "
Only if they get ya!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mine has to be Clingfilm...fucking thing never does what I want it to.....
I have the exact same problem with women You are picking the wrong ones then.... "
You the right one?  |
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By *emmefatale OP Woman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"Mine has to be Clingfilm...fucking thing never does what I want it to.....
I have the exact same problem with women You are picking the wrong ones then....
You the right one? "
No, I'm far too animated and complicated and exasperated. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tables I just stubbed me toe... "
I find that strange as every woman I know who does that Stubbs their toe whereas myself and people I know tend to bang the bit Inbetween the two toes and that hurts a lot more. However I will be glad to kiss it better for you and attend to your every need. |
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"Mine has to be Clingfilm...fucking thing never does what I want it to.....
I have the exact same problem with women You are picking the wrong ones then....
You the right one? "
She would eat you alive...l |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mine has to be Clingfilm...fucking thing never does what I want it to.....
I have the exact same problem with women You are picking the wrong ones then....
You the right one? No, I'm far too animated and complicated and exasperated. "
And the queen of expanding ones vocabulary, lol. Well as you say you aren't the right one. You can always point me out in the right direction, lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mine has to be Clingfilm...fucking thing never does what I want it to.....
I have the exact same problem with women You are picking the wrong ones then....
You the right one?
She would eat you alive...l "
....together with cling film??? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mine has to be Clingfilm...fucking thing never does what I want it to.....
I have the exact same problem with women You are picking the wrong ones then....
You the right one?
She would eat you alive...l "
I would love to be eaten whilst awake . Secondly we all got to die of something. So might as well do something I enjoy.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My car horn and club bag which simultaneously bang together through no fault of me to inform the street that I've just got back. Literally got the horn then? "
Not now no lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My shoe cupboard door.....keeps hitting me on the bum.
I bet that's frustrating as I bet you wish it was a guy doing that? My guy does much worse than that! "
A guy with a heart here mind  |
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By *emmefatale OP Woman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"My shoe cupboard door.....keeps hitting me on the bum.
I bet that's frustrating as I bet you wish it was a guy doing that? My guy does much worse than that!
A guy with a heart here mind "
You sound like the Tin man. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My shoe cupboard door.....keeps hitting me on the bum.
I bet that's frustrating as I bet you wish it was a guy doing that? My guy does much worse than that!
A guy with a heart here mind You sound like the Tin man. "
Is he the guy that sang if I only had a brain!?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My shoe cupboard door.....keeps hitting me on the bum.
I bet that's frustrating as I bet you wish it was a guy doing that? My guy does much worse than that!
A guy with a heart here mind You sound like the Tin man. "
Actually he wants a heart I already got one. If you want to compare me with someone. I am a mixture of the scarecrow, the lion and rocky  . Although at times I may resemble the tin man as some of me does turn a bit stiff and can be mistaken for steel |
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By *emmefatale OP Woman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"My shoe cupboard door.....keeps hitting me on the bum.
I bet that's frustrating as I bet you wish it was a guy doing that? My guy does much worse than that!
A guy with a heart here mind You sound like the Tin man.
Is he the guy that sang if I only had a brain!? "
That was the lion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My shoe cupboard door.....keeps hitting me on the bum.
I bet that's frustrating as I bet you wish it was a guy doing that? My guy does much worse than that!
A guy with a heart here mind You sound like the Tin man. :-
Is he the guy that sang if I only had a brain!? "
No it isn't. Scarecrow wanted a brain, the lion wanted courage and tin man wanted a heart.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My shoe cupboard door.....keeps hitting me on the bum.
I bet that's frustrating as I bet you wish it was a guy doing that? My guy does much worse than that!
A guy with a heart here mind You sound like the Tin man.
Is he the guy that sang if I only had a brain!? That was the lion. "
No he wanted courage.... The scarecrow was brainless.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My shoe cupboard door.....keeps hitting me on the bum.
I bet that's frustrating as I bet you wish it was a guy doing that? My guy does much worse than that!
A guy with a heart here mind You sound like the Tin man.
Is he the guy that sang if I only had a brain!? That was the lion. "
Wrong again. |
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By *emmefatale OP Woman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"My shoe cupboard door.....keeps hitting me on the bum.
I bet that's frustrating as I bet you wish it was a guy doing that? My guy does much worse than that!
A guy with a heart here mind You sound like the Tin man.
Is he the guy that sang if I only had a brain!? That was the lion.
Wrong again. "
Bugger, the scarecrow  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My shoe cupboard door.....keeps hitting me on the bum.
I bet that's frustrating as I bet you wish it was a guy doing that? My guy does much worse than that!
A guy with a heart here mind You sound like the Tin man.
Is he the guy that sang if I only had a brain!? That was the lion.
Wrong again. Bugger, the scarecrow "
So glad you put a comma in, a scarecrow with anal gape could be interesting! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My shoe cupboard door.....keeps hitting me on the bum.
I bet that's frustrating as I bet you wish it was a guy doing that? My guy does much worse than that!
A guy with a heart here mind You sound like the Tin man.
Is he the guy that sang if I only had a brain!? That was the lion.
Wrong again. Bugger, the scarecrow "
Read my message before that one you quoted and you know who is who. Do I get a reward for teaching you lovely ladies a lesson |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My shoe cupboard door.....keeps hitting me on the bum.
I bet that's frustrating as I bet you wish it was a guy doing that? My guy does much worse than that!
A guy with a heart here mind You sound like the Tin man.
Is he the guy that sang if I only had a brain!? That was the lion.
Wrong again. Bugger, the scarecrow
Read my message before that one you quoted and you know who is who. Do I get a reward for teaching you lovely ladies a lesson "
No, we don't need teaching, we are both fairly good at what we do |
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By *emmefatale OP Woman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"My shoe cupboard door.....keeps hitting me on the bum.
I bet that's frustrating as I bet you wish it was a guy doing that? My guy does much worse than that!
A guy with a heart here mind You sound like the Tin man.
Is he the guy that sang if I only had a brain!? That was the lion.
Wrong again. Bugger, the scarecrow
Read my message before that one you quoted and you know who is who. Do I get a reward for teaching you lovely ladies a lesson "
No I meant bugger the scarecrow. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My shoe cupboard door.....keeps hitting me on the bum.
I bet that's frustrating as I bet you wish it was a guy doing that? My guy does much worse than that!
A guy with a heart here mind You sound like the Tin man.
Is he the guy that sang if I only had a brain!? That was the lion.
Wrong again. Bugger, the scarecrow
Read my message before that one you quoted and you know who is who. Do I get a reward for teaching you lovely ladies a lesson
No, we don't need teaching, we are both fairly good at what we do "
I certainly don't doubt that . I was saying though I'll teach you other things that you aren't good at and you two give me a reward for it, lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My shoe cupboard door.....keeps hitting me on the bum.
I bet that's frustrating as I bet you wish it was a guy doing that? My guy does much worse than that!
A guy with a heart here mind You sound like the Tin man.
Is he the guy that sang if I only had a brain!? That was the lion.
Wrong again. Bugger, the scarecrow
Read my message before that one you quoted and you know who is who. Do I get a reward for teaching you lovely ladies a lesson
No, we don't need teaching, we are both fairly good at what we do
I certainly don't doubt that . I was saying though I'll teach you other things that you aren't good at and you two give me a reward for it, lol"
I'm like Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My shoe cupboard door.....keeps hitting me on the bum.
I bet that's frustrating as I bet you wish it was a guy doing that? My guy does much worse than that!
A guy with a heart here mind You sound like the Tin man.
Is he the guy that sang if I only had a brain!? That was the lion.
Wrong again. Bugger, the scarecrow
Read my message before that one you quoted and you know who is who. Do I get a reward for teaching you lovely ladies a lesson No I meant bugger the scarecrow. "
No chance of buggering you then as somebody claimed you would eat me alive |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My shoe cupboard door.....keeps hitting me on the bum.
I bet that's frustrating as I bet you wish it was a guy doing that? My guy does much worse than that!
A guy with a heart here mind You sound like the Tin man.
Is he the guy that sang if I only had a brain!? That was the lion.
Wrong again. Bugger, the scarecrow
Read my message before that one you quoted and you know who is who. Do I get a reward for teaching you lovely ladies a lesson
No, we don't need teaching, we are both fairly good at what we do
I certainly don't doubt that . I was saying though I'll teach you other things that you aren't good at and you two give me a reward for it, lol
I'm like Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way!! "
And I am like rocky. No matter how tired my opponent will make me. If I have belief I can go further I will get the job done. No matter how fiery the opponent is |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My shoe cupboard door.....keeps hitting me on the bum.
I bet that's frustrating as I bet you wish it was a guy doing that? My guy does much worse than that!
A guy with a heart here mind You sound like the Tin man.
Is he the guy that sang if I only had a brain!? That was the lion.
Wrong again. Bugger, the scarecrow
Read my message before that one you quoted and you know who is who. Do I get a reward for teaching you lovely ladies a lesson
No, we don't need teaching, we are both fairly good at what we do
I certainly don't doubt that . I was saying though I'll teach you other things that you aren't good at and you two give me a reward for it, lol
I'm like Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way!!
And I am like rocky. No matter how tired my opponent will make me. If I have belief I can go further I will get the job done. No matter how fiery the opponent is "
Must be difficult putting up with Bullwinkle though? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh god sugar strands .... My little man decorated my kitchen floor with them one morning last week, I'm still finding them now"
Why is he dropping sugar all over the floor for? Surely he must realise it gets covered in sweetness every day |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh god sugar strands .... My little man decorated my kitchen floor with them one morning last week, I'm still finding them now
Why is he dropping sugar all over the floor for? Surely he must realise it gets covered in sweetness every day"
He's 3, doesn't understand things like that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My shoe cupboard door.....keeps hitting me on the bum.
I bet that's frustrating as I bet you wish it was a guy doing that? My guy does much worse than that!
A guy with a heart here mind You sound like the Tin man.
Is he the guy that sang if I only had a brain!? That was the lion.
Wrong again. Bugger, the scarecrow
Read my message before that one you quoted and you know who is who. Do I get a reward for teaching you lovely ladies a lesson
No, we don't need teaching, we are both fairly good at what we do
I certainly don't doubt that . I was saying though I'll teach you other things that you aren't good at and you two give me a reward for it, lol
I'm like Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way!!
And I am like rocky. No matter how tired my opponent will make me. If I have belief I can go further I will get the job done. No matter how fiery the opponent is
Must be difficult putting up with Bullwinkle though? "
You mean Irwin winkler? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh god sugar strands .... My little man decorated my kitchen floor with them one morning last week, I'm still finding them now
Why is he dropping sugar all over the floor for? Surely he must realise it gets covered in sweetness every day
He's 3, doesn't understand things like that "
At that age I wouldn't know how to word things, but I would still know how to compare two things that are the same |
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I loathe the bastard stuff. Its formed from concentrated evil.
