"Third option - adopt  "
interesting third option but it is not as easy as it sounds .. the hoops that have to be jumped through and age restrictions etc stop a lot of loving parents from being able to do this |
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Very tough one - if you are the kind who absolutely wants kids of their own then I am afraid I would move on
I know that may seem heartless but watching a very close friend go through several failed IVF attempts, it must be heartbreaking.
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"Very tough one - if you are the kind who absolutely wants kids of their own then I am afraid I would move on
I know that may seem heartless but watching a very close friend go through several failed IVF attempts, it must be heartbreaking.
"
indeed .. have friends and I have also witnessed the heartache they went through but fortunately it did eventually work out for them  |
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By * Jay69Man
over a year ago
Bridgwater - Somerset |
"Third option - adopt
interesting third option but it is not as easy as it sounds .. the hoops that have to be jumped through and age restrictions etc stop a lot of loving parents from being able to do this "
I can see that a swinging lifestyle could be a problem 
Seriously, yes it's not quick or easy and lots of hoops to jump through, but can be rewarding.
No relevance, but I was adopted. |
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By * Jay69Man
over a year ago
Bridgwater - Somerset |
"
No relevance, but I was adopted.
massive respect to your parents .. its one of the most selfless acts that a person can do .. take my hat off to them ! "
I'd love to think they got something out of the deal too  I'm convinced that I had quite a different and better upbringing than would otherwise have been the case. My biological mum was very young and married to a violent bastard. I did incredibly well out of it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would really really like to hope that no one would decide they didn't want to be with me because I have fertility issues.
There are other options when it comes to children and I'd like to hope that a relationship which was strong enough to have kids would be strong enough to go through adoption or IVF. |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
My ex and I split up because I would not give him children - though not because of fertility issues.
It was, in the long run, the best decision for both of us and we are still friends. We just knew that it would not work for us as we wanted different things. |
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"I would really really like to hope that no one would decide they didn't want to be with me because I have fertility issues.
There are other options when it comes to children and I'd like to hope that a relationship which was strong enough to have kids would be strong enough to go through adoption or IVF."
|
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"Third option - adopt
interesting third option but it is not as easy as it sounds .. the hoops that have to be jumped through and age restrictions etc stop a lot of loving parents from being able to do this "
As an adoptive parent who now works in fostering and adoption I have to say its not as hard as people make out. We are crying out for adoptive parents and have such a shortage because of the myths around age restrictions etc which just don't exist!!
I would choose my soulmate every time as fertility and becoming a parent don't have to come hand in hand!!! |
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By *rsIdiotWoman
over a year ago
Bedworth |
It's unlikely that me and my husband will ever have children. Thankfully for me my husband loves me and is not so shallow to throw away our marriage in order to find someone to breed with.
And as for adoption, it's not as easy as people think. We applied and got half way through the process of social worker visits only to be turned down on the basis of a credit card debt from when I was eighteen |
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"
And as for adoption, it's not as easy as people think. We applied and got half way through the process of social worker visits only to be turned down on the basis of a credit card debt from when I was eighteen"
exactly .. the relevance being ??? dear god !!
your offering a child a family and a future .. why does that matter !?! |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"would you stay with someone you loved who was infertile or move on to get the children you want elsewhere but lose your soulmate ?"
I can't put myself in a position like that, I wouldn't envy anyone in a position like that either.  |
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"It's unlikely that me and my husband will ever have children. Thankfully for me my husband loves me and is not so shallow to throw away our marriage in order to find someone to breed with.
And as for adoption, it's not as easy as people think. We applied and got half way through the process of social worker visits only to be turned down on the basis of a credit card debt from when I was eighteen"
They can't do that just on the basis of an old debt!! You should have gone to the IRM and complained!! |
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"I can't adopt due to circumstances..Shame really as I would love to give a child a home..I see enough child neglect cases a day... "
I dont like to question but are you absolutely sure? There's very few reasons now that would stop adoption completely particularly with the new government permanence agendas. Adoption used to be much more difficult but the reality that perfect parents don't exist relaxed that some time ago!! |
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By *rsIdiotWoman
over a year ago
Bedworth |
We accepted the decision and decided to keep trying ourselves. Sadly it resulted in more miscarriages and we have had to come to terms with the fact that we will never be parents.
While this is a very hard thing to do, it does get easier to accept with time. There are still times when both of us struggle but we try to stay strong together and support each other through the tough times.
At the end of the day, the most important thing is that we love each other and value each other |
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"We'd love children, but I'm infertile and adopting is not a option as I'm disabled. It's been hard be we are getting there and have 2 dogs  "
I got a lot of solace from a dog too ... she was a rescue dog and a lot older than what I thought she was when I bought her and she broke my heart when she died so don't think I will go down that road again ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd love nothing more than to have children of my own one day, after loosing several babies, I'm desperate to be a mum one day! However, when I was with someone who didn't want kids, but who I was completely in love with (before I was told I may never have kids) I was still sure I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life...I wanted him to be the father of my kids, I didnt want them with anyone else, so I accepted it and was happy with that....it wasn't a deal breaker for me, I think if you love someone that much, it wouldn't be.... |
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"I'd like to think the fact I may not be able to have children of my own wouldn't make someone not want to be with me....It would be a deal breaker for some."
for some people it is all the be all and end all .. I do not condone it or wish to make judgement .. just wondered what others thought ? |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"I'd like to think the fact I may not be able to have children of my own wouldn't make someone not want to be with me....It would be a deal breaker for some.
for some people it is all the be all and end all .. I do not condone it or wish to make judgement .. just wondered what others thought ?"
I commented earlier, not a position I would like to find myself in......awful.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Like I said earlier it is a deal breaker if someone has had the snip..shallow I know.."
But that's before you know them, are you sure you'd feel the same if you fell for someone and was happy with them, then found out years down the line? |
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"Like I said earlier it is a deal breaker if someone has had the snip..shallow I know..
But that's before you know them, are you sure you'd feel the same if you fell for someone and was happy with them, then found out years down the line? "
Yes my need for children is far greatedr than my need for a soulmate..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Like I said earlier it is a deal breaker if someone has had the snip..shallow I know..
But that's before you know them, are you sure you'd feel the same if you fell for someone and was happy with them, then found out years down the line?
Yes my need for children is far greatedr than my need for a soulmate..
"
fair enough doesn't make you shallow, we all want different things in life |
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"Like I said earlier it is a deal breaker if someone has had the snip..shallow I know..
But that's before you know them, are you sure you'd feel the same if you fell for someone and was happy with them, then found out years down the line? "
It's a very different situation finding out once you're with someone.
I am absolutely desperate (I can't explain just how desperate) for a baby. We have been trying for 4 years, several rounds of IVF and it's just not going to happen for us.
Will I leave my husband, best friend,love of my life & soulmate to go and fulfill that need? Will I hell! I want OUR baby - an expression of our love - which is why adoption is not for us. If we can't have that together then we won't have it.
*Her*
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"Like I said earlier it is a deal breaker if someone has had the snip..shallow I know..
But that's before you know them, are you sure you'd feel the same if you fell for someone and was happy with them, then found out years down the line?
It's a very different situation finding out once you're with someone.
I am absolutely desperate (I can't explain just how desperate) for a baby. We have been trying for 4 years, several rounds of IVF and it's just not going to happen for us.
Will I leave my husband, best friend,love of my life & soulmate to go and fulfill that need? Will I hell! I want OUR baby - an expression of our love - which is why adoption is not for us. If we can't have that together then we won't have it.
*Her*
"
I completely understand where you are coming from..I guess I am seeing it now today as I am single and if I met someone and issues arose then I need to sit down and really think about it..I guess I have this ideal in my head as I have not met the special one... I have ended relationships because they don't want kids... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Like I said earlier it is a deal breaker if someone has had the snip..shallow I know..
But that's before you know them, are you sure you'd feel the same if you fell for someone and was happy with them, then found out years down the line?
It's a very different situation finding out once you're with someone.
I am absolutely desperate (I can't explain just how desperate) for a baby. We have been trying for 4 years, several rounds of IVF and it's just not going to happen for us.
Will I leave my husband, best friend,love of my life & soulmate to go and fulfill that need? Will I hell! I want OUR baby - an expression of our love - which is why adoption is not for us. If we can't have that together then we won't have it.
*Her*
"
This!
I hope you get your baby one day...there's always hope! |
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"Like I said earlier it is a deal breaker if someone has had the snip..shallow I know..
But that's before you know them, are you sure you'd feel the same if you fell for someone and was happy with them, then found out years down the line?
It's a very different situation finding out once you're with someone.
I am absolutely desperate (I can't explain just how desperate) for a baby. We have been trying for 4 years, several rounds of IVF and it's just not going to happen for us.
Will I leave my husband, best friend,love of my life & soulmate to go and fulfill that need? Will I hell! I want OUR baby - an expression of our love - which is why adoption is not for us. If we can't have that together then we won't have it.
*Her*
"
I thought like that after years of infertility and failed IVF. I thought that a baby wasn't mine unless I'd carried it and given birth to it till the some say selfish need to be a mother took over and I did with trepidation go down the adoption route!! I can though hand on heart say its by far the best decision I ever made in my whole life and made the years of infertility hell disappear.
She is mine it out a single doubt. No amount of biology would make her anymore mine than she is and indeed was from the very first moment I saw a slightly blurry Polaroid and knew that she was meant to be with me. For me parenting with someone is more a out the expression of love not the biology of it but I totally understand not everyone gets that as years ago neither would I.
I hope you get your miracle as I did nearly 12 years ago and still wake up everyday thankful that she's mine |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There's no such feckin thing as a soul mate ffs.. Soul mate searching + time = loneliness spinsterism cats dogs
Cynic.... "
Realist there's good sex with someone you find funny cute and can chat about stuff |
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"There's no such feckin thing as a soul mate ffs.. Soul mate searching + time = loneliness spinsterism cats dogs
Cynic....
Realist there's good sex with someone you find funny cute and can chat about stuff "
like your thinking!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There's no such feckin thing as a soul mate ffs.. Soul mate searching + time = loneliness spinsterism cats dogs
Cynic....
Realist there's good sex with someone you find funny cute and can chat about stuff
like your thinking!! "
It's what we all want really.. Soul mate.. Where's my bucket.. I just made a little sick in my mouth haha  |
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"There's no such feckin thing as a soul mate ffs.. Soul mate searching + time = loneliness spinsterism cats dogs
Cynic....
Realist there's good sex with someone you find funny cute and can chat about stuff
like your thinking!!
It's what we all want really.. Soul mate.. Where's my bucket.. I just made a little sick in my mouth haha "
lol I don't believe in the "one"..I believe in the almost one.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There's no such feckin thing as a soul mate ffs.. Soul mate searching + time = loneliness spinsterism cats dogs
Cynic....
Realist there's good sex with someone you find funny cute and can chat about stuff
like your thinking!!
It's what we all want really.. Soul mate.. Where's my bucket.. I just made a little sick in my mouth haha
lol I don't believe in the "one"..I believe in the almost one.. "
If that fails.. Any"one" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is something I might have to consider  its very early days for me and my mr, the tests have only just begun and I know its gonna be a long way to go. But we don't know if the problem is me or him or just not the right time at the moment. But as I can't see myself with anyone else and have always wanted children until the day comes where they tell me what's wrong all I'm gonna be doing is thinking the worse.
I'd like to think we would be able to stay together. I'm open to fostering and adoption as I know I would be able to provide a loving home and would love that child as if they were my own.
As I'm someone who always thinks the worse I'm thinking the problem is with me, so question is would he stay with me. If he wanted children of his own, I would let him go and find someone who could give him that if I couldn't and hope he would be happy. |
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"There's no such feckin thing as a soul mate ffs.. Soul mate searching + time = loneliness spinsterism cats dogs
Cynic....
Realist there's good sex with someone you find funny cute and can chat about stuff
like your thinking!!
It's what we all want really.. Soul mate.. Where's my bucket.. I just made a little sick in my mouth haha
lol I don't believe in the "one"..I believe in the almost one..
or you..lol
If that fails.. Any"one" "
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
Interesting post - I think it must be incredibly hard to want children and not be able to have them. It must be even tougher if somebody you love "rejects" you on the basis of infertility.
I cannot imagine my life with out my children and feel if I had not had them I would have missed out on so much. Then again, some people do choose not to have any and lead very happy and fulfilled lives.
I cannot imagine rejecting a soulmate on the grounds of fertility issues. I would probably either foster or adopt.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I havent read all the posts so if someone has said this before then I apologise - there are a
and fifth option as well
4) Fostering - that can be long term as well
5) surrogacy
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i was married 19 years and my hubby fucked off n left me on my own with 3 kids. i was gutted as i have found my soulmate n cannot have kids with him cos i was sterilised. [my partner has 2 kids] but always wanted one with him. gutted as type of op i had cannot be reversed [essure].but although it hurt that op can't be undone i am lucky as both me n my man have kids. i truely feel for those who have fertility problems  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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my man actually wanted to be a sperm donor to help those unable to have kids without help of fertility clinic. if i was under 35 i could of donated my eggs. its annoying that we both were willing to help others cos we have kids. i even said if he were find someone who would have a child for us [via his donation] i would of loved that, but sadly not as easy as going to Tesco |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My mother was adopted,I was adopted and I adopted my boy.
Being the biological part of bringing a child into this world doesn't make you a parent,supporting,protecting and nurturing that child is what makes you a parent.
I hope all those facing difficulties find a way to be able to share your love with a child wether it be biological,adoption,fostering or surrogacy,big love to you all xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Had this conversation a lot lately, as a few of my close friends on here know my 18 year old daughter had a full hysterectomy last month and she's convinced no one will want her now, her boyfriend has already left her, they had been together 2 years until the operation and that's hit her very hard, I think its made her think because he don't want her now no one will
Depends how much you want children I suppose, it matter to some, not to others, I guess the logical answer if you cant have kids if find someone who already has them so they don't miss having them
Its not a question I can answer from my point of view as I have children so have no idea how it feel to want them |
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its very sad to hear what has happened to your daughter since her operation and I really feel for her.
On the positive side as you say there are a lot of single fellas out there who have children from previous relationships who would positively embrace her into their lives and offer much love.
I wish her all the best for her future |
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I think grief took over me for some time and to a point it still has...On the 12 June my baby would of been 2...To this day not a day goes by where I don't think about it...Some days its a struggle for me..
When I lost the baby I just wanted to get pregnant again to feel the feeling of being pregnant again..To this day I still have those feelings but it gets easier and I am no longer desperate...To be honest I am still grieving to a point I feel like I am to blame for losing my child.. I worry that I will never get pregnant again..I have been to the doctors and they have done tests and said I am fine..I do have some damage as a result of injuries from an abusive relationship... Anyway I sound like a weirdo so I will wrap it up here.. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"My mother was adopted,I was adopted and I adopted my boy.
Being the biological part of bringing a child into this world doesn't make you a parent,supporting,protecting and nurturing that child is what makes you a parent.
"
Well put |
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I have read a lot of your posts over the time and what strikes me about you is that you are an incredibly resilient and strong woman who has overcome so many knocks along the way.
I find you quite inspirational to be honest at how you manage to bounce back and continue regardless of what life throws at you.
Stay strong and carry on |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I think grief took over me for some time and to a point it still has...On the 12 June my baby would of been 2...To this day not a day goes by where I don't think about it...Some days its a struggle for me..
When I lost the baby I just wanted to get pregnant again to feel the feeling of being pregnant again..To this day I still have those feelings but it gets easier and I am no longer desperate...To be honest I am still grieving to a point I feel like I am to blame for losing my child.. I worry that I will never get pregnant again..I have been to the doctors and they have done tests and said I am fine..I do have some damage as a result of injuries from an abusive relationship... Anyway I sound like a weirdo so I will wrap it up here.."
You dont sound like a weirdo at all. You sound like somebody who has been through a lot and is coming to terms with it. I really wish you all the best that one day motherhood will happen to you, one way or another. There is nothing more fulfilling than rasing a child, whether it is biologically yours or not. |
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"I have read a lot of your posts over the time and what strikes me about you is that you are an incredibly resilient and strong woman who has overcome so many knocks along the way.
I find you quite inspirational to be honest at how you manage to bounce back and continue regardless of what life throws at you.
Stay strong and carry on "
What don't kill you makes you stronger... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"would you stay with someone you loved who was infertile or move on to get the children you want elsewhere but lose your soulmate ?"
My hubby stayed with me, been married 17 years now...we compromised and bought a puppy  |
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"
My hubby stayed with me, been married 17 years now...we compromised and bought a puppy "
and I bet he's brought a load of joy to you both .. they can be extremely mischeivious wee minxes but we love them anyway ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
My hubby stayed with me, been married 17 years now...we compromised and bought a puppy
and I bet he's brought a load of joy to you both .. they can be extremely mischeivious wee minxes but we love them anyway ! "
He certainly has, he's totally spoilt, I mother him too much but he's so tiny and loves it...I know, I'm a total sap lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"would you stay with someone you loved who was infertile or move on to get the children you want elsewhere but lose your soulmate ?"
When you meet your true soulmate, as wonderful as children would be I don't really think you could move on. I know I couldn't |
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"
When you meet your true soulmate, as wonderful as children would be I don't really think you could move on. I know I couldn't"
my bloke is the epicentre of my life .. I also couldn't cope with life without him .. its a nice thing to have when you have it but also terrifying if you think it could be taken from you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
When you meet your true soulmate, as wonderful as children would be I don't really think you could move on. I know I couldn't
my bloke is the epicentre of my life .. I also couldn't cope with life without him .. its a nice thing to have when you have it but also terrifying if you think it could be taken from you "
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