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Therapy Session now open !!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Dear All
Today Dr Jon is please to announce that his learned colleague Dr Jon Two the eminent Therapist specialising in troubles a woo's is making himself available free for one day only here on FAB
Please post your troubles here and Dr Jon Two will try and sort you out - please bare with him though as his secretary Miss Take E M Down is off sick today
Dr Jon Two  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If I let you in my head to poke around I'm afraid you'd end up rocking in a padded cell in a straight jacket   "
Dear Rusty
Confusing poking in your head and rocking is a common problem and my immediate solution is to allow a friend of mine come and drill a hole inn it to take stress off .....his name Dr Frank....something !!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I let you in my head to poke around I'm afraid you'd end up rocking in a padded cell in a straight jacket
Dear Rusty
Confusing poking in your head and rocking is a common problem and my immediate solution is to allow a friend of mine come and drill a hole inn it to take stress off .....his name Dr Frank....something !! "
Dr Frank would run like fook when he saw what's in there, the voices alone scare me |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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""...troubles a woo's..." - Is he an Owl Therapist?"
Dear Professor
I see from your response that people with different traits than you are a problem - accordingly i am prescribing some self help books on "how to not be so stuck up on use of words" by Dr Jon Two £29 in all good book shops or 5p at car boot sales |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How do I get more motivated at the gym? I pedal casually just looking at reflections of semi dressed sweaty lycra clad ladies. "
Dear Steve
Yours is a common problem and can only best best described as "pervy tendencies" and my advice is to either stop going to the gym or wear loser fitting shorts so your swollen ego does not embarrass you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Oh God HELP me !!!!! They have left me in charge of an Avatar Challenge ................... god help me !!!!! "
Dear Minxie
Please do not bring religion into these sessions; you know i dont like it
as for your more serious problem all i would say is - just go with the flow ..or george ..or mary ...or ........  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""...troubles a woo's..." - Is he an Owl Therapist?
Dear Professor
I see from your response that people with different traits than you are a problem - accordingly i am prescribing some self help books on "how to not be so stuck up on use of words" by Dr Jon Two £29 in all good book shops or 5p at car boot sales "
Dear Jon,
Thank you for your recommendation. As a regular reader of your column in 'Cod Psychology Monthly' may I recommend a course of CBT* in order that you can gain perspective on when I'm being serious and when I'm taking the piss.  ;-)
--
*Cock N Ball Torture. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
""...troubles a woo's..." - Is he an Owl Therapist?
Dear Professor
I see from your response that people with different traits than you are a problem - accordingly i am prescribing some self help books on "how to not be so stuck up on use of words" by Dr Jon
Two £29 in all good book shops or 5p at car boot sales
Dear Jon,
Thank you for your recommendation. As a regular reader of your column in 'Cod Psychology Monthly' may I recommend a course of CBT* in order that you can gain perspective on when I'm being serious and when I'm taking the piss. ;-)
--
*Cock N Ball Torture. "
Dear professor
I take on board your point if you take on bused mine and read the irony in my comments
However should you feel offended by my comments please refer your complaint to ESRA who will help |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I let you in my head to poke around I'm afraid you'd end up rocking in a padded cell in a straight jacket
Dear Rusty
Confusing poking in your head and rocking is a common problem and my immediate solution is to allow a friend of mine come and drill a hole inn it to take stress off .....his name Dr Frank....something !! "
Oh trepanning - do they STILL DO THAT? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have a thing ... I make people mad
What can I possibly do to stop this .. I say what I feel on ( FB Sshhhhh) and its resulted in slamming doors ( albeit virtually)
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Doctor Jon - please help!
My doctor's orders say
there's only one thing for me!
Nothing he can do
Cos only u can cure me
Says in my condition
Love's the best physician!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I never see it .... but had mail saying I made first place on top fabbed , with a pic I put up two days ago .... if I had not had them mailing telling me I would have never have known , so now I am half way down page now . lol ok I am feeling sorry for myself as have been on strong antibiotics and forgot had two G/T s last night and head down loo half the night being ill .And feeling yukk still lol jo xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have a thing ... I make people mad
What can I possibly do to stop this .. I say what I feel on ( FB Sshhhhh) and its resulted in slamming doors ( albeit virtually)
"
Dear floro
I'm sorry to read about your affliction and can offer you a course in "how to piss people off without them knowing"
They start next monday in hotel room number 69 at !!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Further help needed doc plse!
I was lying insane
On my analysts couch
I said 'doc I got the feeling
I'm becoming a grouch'
I said
'my arches are falling
I'm developing a slouch '
Then he reached in his hot pants for his
Alligator pouch, n said
'once in the morning
And once at night
I'm not sure it'll help you
But you'll feel alright
Once in the afternoon
And again at twilight
Once for the money
And again at midnight '
PROB IS doc john - I dunno wot the HELL he was on about! !!!
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Doctor Jon - please help!
My doctor's orders say
there's only one thing for me!
Nothing he can do
Cos only u can cure me
Says in my condition
Love's the best physician! "
Dear Endangered
Sorry to here about your plight and whilst i can try and sort out your head i am afraid i cant sort out your love life - however my dear friend Dr F Uck is available on Tuesdays for one to one sesions |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have a thing ... I make people mad
What can I possibly do to stop this .. I say what I feel on ( FB Sshhhhh) and its resulted in slamming doors ( albeit virtually)
Dear floro
I'm sorry to read about your affliction and can offer you a course in "how to piss people off without them knowing"
They start next monday in hotel room number 69 at !!!!!"
ooooOOO Im in .. if its allowed .. you haven't been cattle prodded have you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear Doctor Jon
Can I lie on your sofa while you analyse me "
Dear Saucy
You my sofa is always free - you have to check my diary for free slots
However i can not deny is till think you have an obsession with sofa's and i have tried weening you off the attraction to the leather etc
Room for improvement still  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I never see it .... but had mail saying I made first place on top fabbed , with a pic I put up two days ago .... if I had not had them mailing telling me I would have never have known , so now I am half way down page now . lol ok I am feeling sorry for myself as have been on strong antibiotics and forgot had two G/T s last night and head down loo half the night being ill .And feeling yukk still lol jo xx "
Dear Gameforit
This is a clear case of "i'm hooked on FAB" situation and only one thing for it that is to undertake an intense therapy course called "get me laid now and i dont care by how many" - this course will either cure you or fuck you up |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dear Doctor Jon
Can I lie on your sofa while you analyse me
Dear Saucy
You my sofa is always free - you have to check my diary for free slots
However i can not deny is till think you have an obsession with sofa's and i have tried weening you off the attraction to the leather etc
Room for improvement still "
Damn you're good |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I never see it .... but had mail saying I made first place on top fabbed , with a pic I put up two days ago .... if I had not had them mailing telling me I would have never have known , so now I am half way down page now . lol ok I am feeling sorry for myself as have been on strong antibiotics and forgot had two G/T s last night and head down loo half the night being ill .And feeling yukk still lol jo xx
Dear Gameforit
This is a clear case of "i'm hooked on FAB" situation and only one thing for it that is to undertake an intense therapy course called "get me laid now and i dont care by how many" - this course will either cure you or fuck you up "
well how I am feeling right now I cant get out of bed , lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I am in need of some help today please Doctor can you send some blokes round? "
Dear Julie
This is a therapy session not a sex dating one ---- having said that my friend Dr Jon is free later and he has several junior doctors helping him on his rounds - i am sure they can delver the the sort of therapy you need |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am in need of some help today please Doctor can you send some blokes round?
Dear Julie
This is a therapy session not a sex dating one ---- having said that my friend Dr Jon is free later and he has several junior doctors helping him on his rounds - i am sure they can delver the the sort of therapy you need "
Ahem I didn't mention needing them for sex! I need one to sort out pia new wifi, one to lift crap and one to give me his undivided attention... Not much to ask I think |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dr Jon, I recommend you employ additional therapists. There is no way you will cope on your own. "
Dear Ryan
Your not first to contact me on this matter and i will give consideration
the hours are rubbish the payment is generally in kind and you have to sadly sometime sleep with the patients - yeah i know its a right bummer that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yesterday john got me a big bottle of GIN as on offer ........ after being ill I now hate it GIN...... I don't drink a lot never have and cant ever face that again . I only had two ... god it shows mixing with tables Doc give me thay don't mix .... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear Dr Jon…..
This morning I woke-up craving a bag of Smokey Bacon crisps for breakfast…..
Is this the sign of something wrong as I’m vegetarian?
 "
Dear soxy
This is one area im am at a loss how to advise; however i would suggest its similar to a man who deny's he is Bi but likes cock in his mouth ??? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I am in need of some help today please Doctor can you send some blokes round?
Dear Julie
This is a therapy session not a sex dating one ---- having said that my friend Dr Jon is free later and he has several junior doctors helping him on his rounds - i am sure they can delver the the sort of therapy you need
Ahem I didn't mention needing them for sex! I need one to sort out pia new wifi, one to lift crap and one to give me his undivided attention... Not much to ask I think "
Dear Julie
My apologies its only because some of my patients use similar wording meaning they wanted a shag etc..... please forgive me and as recompense you can have use of my body for as long as it needed to say sorry |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dear Dr Jon…..
This morning I woke-up craving a bag of Smokey Bacon crisps for breakfast…..
Is this the sign of something wrong as I’m vegetarian?
Dear soxy
This is one area im am at a loss how to advise; however i would suggest its similar to a man who deny's he is Bi but likes cock in his mouth ??? "
your making me smile here today , lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dear Dr Jon…..
This morning I woke-up craving a bag of Smokey Bacon crisps for breakfast…..
Is this the sign of something wrong as I’m vegetarian?
Dear soxy
This is one area im am at a loss how to advise; however i would suggest its similar to a man who deny's he is Bi but likes cock in his mouth ??? "
Ah ok.... thanks Dr Jon....Phew,,, so it is ok to eat crisps for breakfast.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Dr Jon Two - is inundated with private requests for sex and wants to put on record and say to all - OK
Seriously - Dr Jon Two needs to attend his private clinic and will leave his clinic in capable hands of Julie and Minxie if they are free
I will return after giving some one to one close up attention to a particular patient - BRB |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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bloody hell we are good not one request for help since he left us in charge .......... sits at table drumming fingers ............ dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum .............. |
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"bloody hell we are good not one request for help since he left us in charge .......... sits at table drumming fingers ............ dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum .............. "
Well, as you're the de facto wotsit thingumbob, I'd refer you to your esteemed colleagues suggestion of 'loser shorts'....I don't want to be a loser, I want to be at least second or preferably third if there's a queue, and I don't want to give up the gym. It does nothing for my biceps, quads or glutes but does have an effect on my 'third leg' so what do you suggest? You'remy second opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"bloody hell we are good not one request for help since he left us in charge .......... sits at table drumming fingers ............ dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum ..............
Well, as you're the de facto wotsit thingumbob, I'd refer you to your esteemed colleagues suggestion of 'loser shorts'....I don't want to be a loser, I want to be at least second or preferably third if there's a queue, and I don't want to give up the gym. It does nothing for my biceps, quads or glutes but does have an effect on my 'third leg' so what do you suggest? You'remy second opinion. "
Dear Steve
I am not sure the intention of your message but conclude that you need special attention - accordingly I have sent some ointment you can rub on
|
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