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re-entering a relationship
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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a question of curiosity, I'm only young and stupid, I am in a new relationship now with a lass. We are both open and now everything about each other good and bad. We get on great and we really like each other.
However, my last relationship last 5-6 year and I was cheated on and lied to a lot of that and wasn't strong enough to walk away. In the end I did. I think stuff like this does have an effect on your mind over time. Now I am in this new relationship I am very very happy, but I am finding it hard, I find getting these feelings again quite scary, I always seem to start expecting something bad to come along and happen too. This is very tiring and starts to bring me down a bit, I know it's just because of the past and will hopefully go. I have been honest and explained this to the lady, and she is very understanding.
I am wondering if this is normal behaviour? |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
If you know what is happening then you need to work to stop it. If you want your new relationship to end quite quickly then judging her by the standards of your ex will mean there is nothing she can do to calm your concerns.
When you say you both know the good and the bad about each other you just don't - that will come as you develop together and even then there will be surprises.
Try and relax about it and move on to treating this new woman as her behaviour to you dictates - not on what your ex might have done. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nothing worse than being in a relationship and feel you're being punished for someone else's misdemeanors.
Relax and be the best you can be to each other, everyone has baggage, it's up to you to not carry it forward with you. xxx |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"Nothing worse than being in a relationship and feel you're being punished for someone else's misdemeanors.
Relax and be the best you can be to each other, everyone has baggage, it's up to you to not carry it forward with you. xxx "
Well said. xx |
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By *xodussxMan
over a year ago
sheffield |
"I don't think you will like my advise.... You sound in love mate...runnnnnn 
That doesn't sound like love to me, it sounds like insecurity. Love, to me, is about security and trust as much as the flutters in the tummy and the other person constantly being in your thoughts."
Forget the flutters in the tummy. This guy has been hurt and I don't think he will get there easily. The reason why he is questioning this relationship is that he is on the same path as before and I wont be surprise if he tell us in few days that he is all loved up, which is not bad....but scary .. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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have u thort of goin 2 a relation ship councilor ,,at first go on ur own then after a cpl of sessions take ur new girl along ,,,,as others have sed 2 u dnt carry old suitcase full in to a new adventure u will drive her away ,,gud luk n b happy ,,,  |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I don't think you will like my advise.... You sound in love mate...runnnnnn
That doesn't sound like love to me, it sounds like insecurity. Love, to me, is about security and trust as much as the flutters in the tummy and the other person constantly being in your thoughts.
Forget the flutters in the tummy. This guy has been hurt and I don't think he will get there easily. The reason why he is questioning this relationship is that he is on the same path as before and I wont be surprise if he tell us in few days that he is all loved up, which is not bad....but scary .."
He's already told us he's loved up with this new person and I wish them both well. Not trusting someone is tiring for both parties and is like killer to love. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't think you will like my advise.... You sound in love mate...runnnnnn
That doesn't sound like love to me, it sounds like insecurity. Love, to me, is about security and trust as much as the flutters in the tummy and the other person constantly being in your thoughts.
Forget the flutters in the tummy. This guy has been hurt and I don't think he will get there easily. The reason why he is questioning this relationship is that he is on the same path as before and I wont be surprise if he tell us in few days that he is all loved up, which is not bad....but scary .."
I do get those feelings, and everything really is great. I do start getting insecure but this is mainly after we have had a really great weekend together, then suddenly the next day it hits me. A lot of this is that it scares me that I feel so strong for her, and her for me too. It's something I will overcome, I tend to be a person of habit and when something new happens it shocks the system |
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By *xodussxMan
over a year ago
sheffield |
"I don't think you will like my advise.... You sound in love mate...runnnnnn
That doesn't sound like love to me, it sounds like insecurity. Love, to me, is about security and trust as much as the flutters in the tummy and the other person constantly being in your thoughts.
Forget the flutters in the tummy. This guy has been hurt and I don't think he will get there easily. The reason why he is questioning this relationship is that he is on the same path as before and I wont be surprise if he tell us in few days that he is all loved up, which is not bad....but scary ..
I do get those feelings, and everything really is great. I do start getting insecure but this is mainly after we have had a really great weekend together, then suddenly the next day it hits me. A lot of this is that it scares me that I feel so strong for her, and her for me too. It's something I will overcome, I tend to be a person of habit and when something new happens it shocks the system "
IN that case forget the pass and enjoy what you have right. Don't let your insecurity ruin it and please do not play the jealous guy trying to know what she is up to when you are not with her. she is not your ex. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't think you will like my advise.... You sound in love mate...runnnnnn
That doesn't sound like love to me, it sounds like insecurity. Love, to me, is about security and trust as much as the flutters in the tummy and the other person constantly being in your thoughts.
Forget the flutters in the tummy. This guy has been hurt and I don't think he will get there easily. The reason why he is questioning this relationship is that he is on the same path as before and I wont be surprise if he tell us in few days that he is all loved up, which is not bad....but scary ..
I do get those feelings, and everything really is great. I do start getting insecure but this is mainly after we have had a really great weekend together, then suddenly the next day it hits me. A lot of this is that it scares me that I feel so strong for her, and her for me too. It's something I will overcome, I tend to be a person of habit and when something new happens it shocks the system
IN that case forget the pass and enjoy what you have right. Don't let your insecurity ruin it and please do not play the jealous guy trying to know what she is up to when you are not with her. she is not your ex."
On the other hand I actually feel totally at ease when she's on a night out etc, I do encourage her to go out and have a great time I'm not jealous at all. |
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By *xodussxMan
over a year ago
sheffield |
"On the other hand I actually feel totally at ease when she's on a night out etc, I do encourage her to go out and have a great time I'm not jealous at all."
That is really nice. Doing that will help you a lot. You need to stop worrying |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It takes time to get over something like what you have gone through and could take years to be fully comfortable with another partner. If you've explained it to her and she is supportive with you just take everything slow and when you do start to get these thoughts or feelings don't sit and let them fester go and do something else or talk to her about it. It can only get easier with being open and honest and she should respect you for being able to tell her how you feel. Sorry about the rumblings it's late but think you get the jist |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It takes time to get over something like what you have gone through and could take years to be fully comfortable with another partner. If you've explained it to her and she is supportive with you just take everything slow and when you do start to get these thoughts or feelings don't sit and let them fester go and do something else or talk to her about it. It can only get easier with being open and honest and she should respect you for being able to tell her how you feel. Sorry about the rumblings it's late but think you get the jist "
Yeah I did talk to her about it and she really did help a lot and it all went again, it did come back a little the next day and again she helped. She is very good and she says she totally understands. She says she'll help |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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don't let it stand in your way, seek help if you think you need it. Things we experience stick and sometimes need to be worked through.
http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/mental-health-a-z/T/talking-therapies/ |
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i don't want to rain on your parade but i've also got to ask if she knows you're on a swingers site and does she know you're bisexual - perhaps you're feeling insecure and not trusting of her because you're not being honest with her? Z |
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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago
near kings lynn |
I entered into a relationship a while back after pretty much 7 years keeping myself single to stop me and kids getting hurt again.
I entered into it completely and trusting. It didnt work but I tried. Honesty and or concern about if it will all go wrong will kill the relationship eventually.
Take time out. Have a serious chat with yourself and see if now is the right time for your relationship x
Good luck x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yes she does no, and knows I was on here because I didn't want a relationship she has also told me she has also been been doing the same with more than me. This is not an issue, we have no problem with this, it only becomes an issues if done behind done behind someone's back and your lied too. It's not the sex with others that hurts. That may not make sense to every one but that's our feelings.
I am mainly on here to chat with people who are similar minded and I do pick up good advice off here. If a meet opportunity came along now then there would be a discussion between us. I know she is someone who has enjoyed her 3some's |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dont visit the sins of a past relationship on a new one.
Trust me, you will regret it when you realise that you let something potentially great slip though your fingers.
Dont live with regret, it takes its toll.... |
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