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The Pros and Cons Of An Open Relationship
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I've always played as a single lady and with this there has never really been any problem with emotions and boundaries etc.
I've recently met someone who I get on so well with it's quite different. I didn't meet him through swinging, although I know he has done and he said right from the start he wasn't looking for a relationship as he finds it hard to stick to one woman.
Now... I'm used to being with other men and I have stopped seeing people in the past because I couldn't cope with the mundane nature of being with just that person, who never seems to be as sexually skilled as I'm used to.
So... I'm wondering if I should pose to him the idea of an open relationship and see how it goes.
Can it work? Does it work? And if so, are there any tips on how to make it work.
I have thought about rules and I know his may be very different to mine, but I was thinking this.
I don't want him to take anyone back to his home, because I don't want the neighbours to start feeling sorry for me or start rumours.
He should always wear a condom with someone else. (Basic common sense).
I don't want to know about his encounters.
And more of a request, that he doesn't see the same person too often.
Does that sound reasonable?
Help!! lol. It's a minefield! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i have done this ...... unfortunately it went tits up cuz he cudnt handle it after a while but we used to know who each ova was seeing and kinda got a kick outta it.really hope it works for ya .....also watch out for friends etc putting their two penneth in as ppl are very judgemental..... and again good luck mwah xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have also been there (sorry to be so negative) and unfortunatly it didnt work for him after a while he coudnt stand the thought of shareing me with sumone else even though it wasnt anyone on a regular basis, where as i was the opposite i wanted him to tell me what they had done in detiail.
Some work some dont but good luck chick and i hope it works out for ya xxxxxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not wanting to sound rude, but to us an open relationship would be as much use as no relationship at all. How could it be a relationship if your both going and doing your own thing with whoever takes your fancy ?
Each to their own, but if it's open, all your doing is sharing a house - assuming that you would live together as a couple that is .... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have to agree... Doesn't sound like a relationship we have ever heard of....
Almost sounds like you want more maybe!! Less 'open' as you say!! Maybe try being together and swing as a couple maybe???
Can't see how anyone can offer advice here if honest... Sorry lol.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It can and does work. Indeed, when we started swinging we said we'd always play as a couple but we have played alone and have talked about how our relationship is evolving in that direction.
We have friends in open relationships and it works for them. My only thought is that initially at least you need a period of exclustivity to establish the relationship or effectively you'd just be friends with benefits. And you need to agree on the rules or it isnt going to work. |
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
"I have thought about rules and I know his may be very different to mine, but I was thinking this.
I don't want him to take anyone back to his home, because I don't want the neighbours to start feeling sorry for me or start rumours.
He should always wear a condom with someone else. (Basic common sense).
I don't want to know about his encounters.
And more of a request, that he doesn't see the same person too often.
"
Providing you are prepared to stick to exactly the same rules, then I don't see a problem.
But to be honest........ if you are going to have an open relationship, what would you be seeing him for?
The sex?
Emotional contact?
Mundane things like going out to dinner?
Or would he just be a regular fuck buddy? In which case, it's a completely different senario and you would have no rights to any rules.
Can't see the point of it personally, but you know me Pen....... 3 marriages and blundering through life, so I can't really preach, can I !!! lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My husband and I have an open relationship. We are very much in love and the swinging is just what it should be - sexual fun.
Why can't people have the best of both worlds? We do loads of things together as a couple and our lifestyle has only brought us closer together. As long as there is total trust, there shouldn't be a problem in an open relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Scratching head moment… but we cannot understand why anyone into swinging, especially couples, would want an open relationship when they already have the best of both worlds. |
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
"Scratching head moment… but we cannot understand why anyone into swinging, especially couples, would want an open relationship when they already have the best of both worlds."
Personally, from bitter experience, it's normally cus the hubby can't get it up or he's got no more than 2"!
In MY opinion ( and it is just that, MY opinion), why bother getting married, living together and sharing things if half the time, one of the partners is away, shagging someone else.
Can't see the point of it personally.
If you swing, do it as a couple, or do it as a single I say.
But...... thats MY opinion and I'm gonna get flamed for that......
**Maddies off to carry on watching crap for her uni exams** |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Scratching head moment… but we cannot understand why anyone into swinging, especially couples, would want an open relationship when they already have the best of both worlds.
Personally, from bitter experience, it's normally cus the hubby can't get it up or he's got no more than 2"!
Can you not differentiate between love and sex? Yes, love and sex go together between a couple, but surely there's nothing wrong with having extra sexy fun as well with others? I emphasize that the swinging side IS only sexual fun. Are there couples on here who swing and expect more than just sex with others?
In MY opinion ( and it is just that, MY opinion), why bother getting married, living together and sharing things if half the time, one of the partners is away, shagging someone else.
Can't see the point of it personally.
If you swing, do it as a couple, or do it as a single I say.
But...... thats MY opinion and I'm gonna get flamed for that......
**Maddies off to carry on watching crap for her uni exams**"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Scratching head moment… but we cannot understand why anyone into swinging, especially couples, would want an open relationship when they already have the best of both worlds.
Personally, from bitter experience, it's normally cus the hubby can't get it up or he's got no more than 2"!
Can you not differentiate between love and sex? Yes, love and sex go together between a couple, but surely there's nothing wrong with having extra sexy fun as well with others? I emphasize that the swinging side IS only sexual fun. Are there couples on here who swing and expect more than just sex with others?
In MY opinion ( and it is just that, MY opinion), why bother getting married, living together and sharing things if half the time, one of the partners is away, shagging someone else.
Can't see the point of it personally.
If you swing, do it as a couple, or do it as a single I say.
But...... thats MY opinion and I'm gonna get flamed for that......
**Maddies off to carry on watching crap for her uni exams**"
Soz -- my thread seems to have got mixed up with others - mine starts "can you not diff...." and ends "sex with others" !! |
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"I've always played as a single lady and with this there has never really been any problem with emotions and boundaries etc.
I've recently met someone who I get on so well with it's quite different. I didn't meet him through swinging, although I know he has done and he said right from the start he wasn't looking for a relationship as he finds it hard to stick to one woman.
Now... I'm used to being with other men and I have stopped seeing people in the past because I couldn't cope with the mundane nature of being with just that person, who never seems to be as sexually skilled as I'm used to.
So... I'm wondering if I should pose to him the idea of an open relationship and see how it goes.
Can it work? Does it work? And if so, are there any tips on how to make it work.
I have thought about rules and I know his may be very different to mine, but I was thinking this.
I don't want him to take anyone back to his home, because I don't want the neighbours to start feeling sorry for me or start rumours.
He should always wear a condom with someone else. (Basic common sense).
I don't want to know about his encounters.
And more of a request, that he doesn't see the same person too often.
Does that sound reasonable?
Help!! lol. It's a minefield!"
I am confused.... why the need for an open relationship?
If he doesn't like the thought of sticking to one woman, what's wrong with swinging as a couple.... unless it's actually the thought of a relationship he doesn't like? In which case will an open relationship be little more than a pretend relationship to keep you sweet?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Open works for us for 2 reasons. At the moment I am working away (yes would love a job close to home) plus my wife as got a liking for the bdsm scene, it's not my thing, but don't see why I should stop her going. There are lots of things we do share, but we also have interests of our own. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We met 12 months ago and tried the open relationship and found that it didn't work for either of us so we stick to swinging as a couple... I know its not the same for everyone but we found that single mets were to personal .. good luck |
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First of all, thank you to everyone who answered my messages (even the ones who name dropped lol)
I guess it seems like a solution that I had never considered before, but believe could work for me. I've been single for a very long time and the last 4 years have been predomiantly swing based for me. I know that the last time I attempted to date someone who was not in the scene it lasted no time at all as I was frustrated and bored. I started to feel hemmed in and trapped. He just lacked total imagination and skill.
I enjoy the emotional side of being with this chap and we have loads in common, we seem to have clicked very quickly and have similar tastes and ideas. I can see an emotional bond forming, but... keeping it open, for me at least stops me from feeling like a huge sacrifice.
We have not discussed swinging together and to be honest, I'm not sure if that is what I want. That if at all is a long way down the line, but in the mean time, it would mean that when we are not together we can still enjoy other people's company and have fun.
I know his reasons are different to mine, he's not long come out of a relationship and the last thing I want to do is make him feel hemmed in. I'd rather have the time we do spend together as enjoyable and because we choose to be together, not because either of us feel obliged to make it work, but because we feel we should.
Also as I do seem to like black guys, it doesn't matter how much tan spray he may put on, there is no way he is going to be able to do that for me.
Maybe it would just be a starting point and something to be reviewed now and again. |
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By *ohjaneCouple
over a year ago
south staffs |
I often wonder ...what's in a word ?
An open relationship sounds good for people who can live like that, and bad for people who can't.
We have been married for 30 yrs ( I mentioned that before ) and we have always been playing, together or singly, and always tell each other what went on - the debrief is many times even sweeter than the meet, but don't tell the guys that !! lol
The only rule that we have, and have stuck to, is that we must always be completely honest with each other.
if that rule is adhered to, then the relationship will adapt, mature and change as the people in it do.
That's my ha'penny's worth.
Wish you all sorts of luck.
Jane & Tarzan |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I often wonder ...what's in a word ?
An open relationship sounds good for people who can live like that, and bad for people who can't.
We have been married for 30 yrs ( I mentioned that before ) and we have always been playing, together or singly, and always tell each other what went on - the debrief is many times even sweeter than the meet, but don't tell the guys that !! lol
The only rule that we have, and have stuck to, is that we must always be completely honest with each other.
if that rule is adhered to, then the relationship will adapt, mature and change as the people in it do.
That's my ha'penny's worth.
Wish you all sorts of luck.
Jane & Tarzan"
The problem is we humans are, after all only human.
We went to Chams a while back and met a very nice couple who joined us in a private room for some fun, and it was very nice indeed. When the action was over we sat chatting and the lady of the couple, as lovingly cuddled her other half told us very sincerely that they had decided to keep kissing strictly to themselves as that was considered way to personal to share.
That explained a lot to me as she had just shunned any attempt I made at kissing her but had Mrs Two2 looking very confused and the guy looking well sheepish as I had seen her and him on several occasions playing some very very passionate tonsil hockey.
In the ideal world we would all be honest and truthful in everything we do. Sadly that is seldom the case and the cynic in me often wonders if folk in circumstances as quoted above are simply not being told what they want to hear as opposed to what actually occurred?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I often wonder ...what's in a word ?
An open relationship sounds good for people who can live like that, and bad for people who can't.
We have been married for 30 yrs ( I mentioned that before ) and we have always been playing, together or singly, and always tell each other what went on - the debrief is many times even sweeter than the meet, but don't tell the guys that !! lol
The only rule that we have, and have stuck to, is that we must always be completely honest with each other.
if that rule is adhered to, then the relationship will adapt, mature and change as the people in it do.
That's my ha'penny's worth.
Wish you all sorts of luck.
Jane & Tarzan
The problem is we humans are, after all only human.
We went to Chams a while back and met a very nice couple who joined us in a private room for some fun, and it was very nice indeed. When the action was over we sat chatting and the lady of the couple, as lovingly cuddled her other half told us very sincerely that they had decided to keep kissing strictly to themselves as that was considered way to personal to share.
That explained a lot to me as she had just shunned any attempt I made at kissing her but had Mrs Two2 looking very confused and the guy looking well sheepish as I had seen her and him on several occasions playing some very very passionate tonsil hockey.
In the ideal world we would all be honest and truthful in everything we do. Sadly that is seldom the case and the cynic in me often wonders if folk in circumstances as quoted above are simply not being told what they want to hear as opposed to what actually occurred?
"
Well I can only say that on our part, we tell each other everything, there is no reason not to. We have no secrets from eachother and this is the only way to enjoy a healthy open relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Diane, I agree.
Cynicism does not belong in a loving relationship.
Jane x"
Till death do us part, wonder how many folk say that as part of their wedding vows and subsequently renege on that promise, cynasism or realism?
The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, for most mere mortals that is a tough ask  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Goodness, two2bonkw, something really nasty must have happened in your life to make you so hard.
I sympathise, but can't agree.
Have a hug x
Jane x"
Happily married for 30 years and still going strong so my life is very good thanks, however seen many others fall by the wayside and usually ends up with one half always being the last to know.........
It's not being hard, it's simply living in the real world |
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
If you want to play alone or feel the need to play alone..... then sign up as a single swinger.
Whats the point of being in a relationship when you one of the partners/or both, are off snogging, winning, dining and shagging others as a single?
Thats MY opinion. I don't expect to get derided for the fact that we play as a couple. FFS, we met at a swinging club so have always known the 'lie of the land' so to speak.
Some people don't kiss, some only soft swing, some go for bi girls, some go for bi guys.........
Does it make us any less human because we only play as a couple......? of course not.
And for your information previous poster, I am perfectly able to differentiate between love/emotion and sex. I also have complete trust in my partner and him in me. We are also completely satisfied with each other and what we do as a couple. We don't need to go off on our own to find some kind of sexual satisfaction/gratification or to cuckold each other.
I bet that not one couple who play separately can actually say that they have absolutely NO secrets from each other. Or that they have told the other partner EXACTLY what they did, what they felt, how they reacted.
FFS..... you'd be over analysing til doomsday.
For those couples that want to play solo, good on you, but just remember, there will always be a proportion of swingers who will have nothing to do with you because it can lead to major problems.
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