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Chuck Norris appreciation...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.
pmsl   |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't f*ck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Lmfao |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris does press ups, he stays still and pushes the world down! |
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Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ghosts sit around campfires telling Chuck Norris stories..."
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Death once had a 'near Chuck Norris' experience!
Chuck Norris can win a game of connect 4 in just 3 moves!
Chuck Norris once crossed the road...no one has ever questioned his motives! |
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"Death once had a 'near Chuck Norris' experience!
Chuck Norris can win a game of connect 4 in just 3 moves!
Chuck Norris once crossed the road...no one has ever questioned his motives!"
Hahahahahaha!!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My personal fave.......
Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.
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"My personal fave.......
Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.
"
As it happens, Chuck Norris was my hero when I was younger 
Fooking hell! I'd love to meet you...I haven't laughed that much for a long time....Thank you!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My personal fave.......
Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.
As it happens, Chuck Norris was my hero when I was younger
Fooking hell! I'd love to meet you...I haven't laughed that much for a long time....Thank you! "
My pleasure  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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If you come home to find Chuck Norris doing your wife, it's probably best to go fetch a glass of water and stand there in case Chuck gets thirsty. There ain't no future in any other course of action.
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
did you know that chuck norris was actually the no.1 choice to play the part of jack bauer in 24......
but those plans had to be changed when he shot all the terrorists and killed all the baddies in 1hr 23mins.... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is an optical illusion. His right foot doesn't swing around and hit your head, his left foot spins the earth so that your head hits his foot.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
pmsl |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Haaaaaaaaa!! Cough cough! Spitting blood hahaaaA!!! Feck feck!!! Where's 118 when u fecking need it!! Splurttwr cough! Annnnnnnd faint!!
Now who's going to give me first aid???  "
Mouth to mouth coming up |
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"Haaaaaaaaa!! Cough cough! Spitting blood hahaaaA!!! Feck feck!!! Where's 118 when u fecking need it!! Splurttwr cough! Annnnnnnd faint!!
Now who's going to give me first aid??? Mouth to mouth coming up "
Breath in...breath out! And again, and again ...ahhhhh am feeling better..Ta! Ducky... |
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