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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Do you have any limericks or funny verses?
I'll kick off with-
One two three four five, once I caught a fish alive,
Six seven eight nine ten, I'm barred from Blue Planet again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mary had a little skirt
Was split right down the sides
And everywhere that Mary walked
The boys could see her thighs
Mary had a little skirt
Was split right down the front
But she diddnt wear that one very often  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This here is my penis
My penis is really big
In fact my cock's so massive
I like to call it 'pig'
'Like to call it pig?' you say
'Well that's some funny talk!'
But you certainly won't be laughing
When you're slipped this joint'o pork. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Spider spider on the wall,
You think you're smart,
you know fuck all,
You've climbed a wall that's just been plastered,
And now you're stuck you stupid bastard. |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"Spider spider on the wall,
You think you're smart,
you know fuck all,
You've climbed a wall that's just been plastered,
And now you're stuck you stupid bastard."
The version I know is:
Spider, spider
On that wall,
Haven't you any
Sense at all?
Can't you see
That wall's been plastered?
Get down you
Silly little spider.
How about:
The boy stood on the burning deck
Playing a game of cricket.
The ball rolled up his trouser leg
And stumped his middle wicket. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There was a young man from Bombay
Who modelled a c*nt out of clay
But the heat from his prick
Turned the damn thing to brick
And he ripped all his foreskin away. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider that crept beside her,
But Gary Glitter and his horn.
A 3d-printer that can make guns?
that's nothing!
I've had a Canon printer for years.
Jack and Jill Went up the hill
So Jack could lick her fanny
Jack got a shock
And a mouthful of cock
Cos Jill's a fucking tranny |
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I eat my peas with honey
I've done it all my life
it makes the peas taste funny
but it sticks them to my knife.
Oh I do feel so sorry for my uncle Jim
for somebody threw a tomato at him
Tomatoes don't hurt you may say with a grin
but this one it did cos it came in a tin.
My cousin Billy had a six foot willy
he showed it to the girl next door.
She thought it was a snake
and hit it with a rake
and now it's only four foot four.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To market, to market, to buy her a cow.
To milk it, to milk it, she didnt know how...
She pulled on its tail, instead of it's tit...
Now poor little Mary is covered in sh*t... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her, between two chunks of bread.
Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman, What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon, "Pies, you dickhead."
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men, said
"Fuck him, He's only an egg." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Kermit the frog,
got smacked in the gob,
for messing around with miss piggy,
he slapped out her tits,
and pulled down her knicks,
and popped in his little green Willy! |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
Mary Pugh was nearly two
When she went out of doors.
She went out standing up she did
But came back on all fours.
The moral of this story?
Please, meditate and pause.
Never send a baby out
With loosely-waisted drawers.
(Spike Milligan) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mary Pugh was nearly two
When she went out of doors.
She went out standing up she did
But came back on all fours.
The moral of this story?
Please, meditate and pause.
Never send a baby out
With loosely-waisted drawers.
(Spike Milligan)"
Love this one. |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
Here are my favourite Ogden Nash ones:
Children aren't happy without something to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave
when they think that their children are naive.
Celery, raw
Develops the jaw,
But celery, stewed,
Is more quietly chewed.
The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other, milk.
I think that I shall never see
a billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all.
The camel has a single hump;
The dromedary, two;
Or else the other way around.
I'm never sure. Are you?
The ostrich roams the great Sahara.
Its mouth is wide, its neck is narra.
It has such long and lofty legs,
I'm glad it sits to lay its eggs.
I test my bath before I sit,
And I'm always moved to wonderment
That what chills the finger not a bit
Is so frigid upon the fundament.
I've never seen an abominable snowman,
I'm hoping not to see one,
I'm also hoping, if I do,
That it will be a wee one.
Some primal termite knocked on wood
And tasted it, and found it good!
And that is why your Cousin May
Fell through the parlor floor today.
Candy is dandy
But liquor is quicker
There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball,
and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.
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