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How good a listener are you?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hmm no I can be a bad listener
I stress CAN because its not all the time What does it depend on whether you are a good listener? "
If Ive been through something similar then I like to share my experience when really I should just listen. I always listen - does that make sense |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Hmm no I can be a bad listener
I stress CAN because its not all the time What does it depend on whether you are a good listener?
If Ive been through something similar then I like to share my experience when really I should just listen. I always listen - does that make sense"
Totally makes sense - sometimes it helps the person talking when you have been through a similar experience. Soemtimes it can distract, All depends on the situation I guess  |
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
"And can you resist mentioning your own stuff when somebody wants you to listen to them?  "
Depends....
I can be a really good listener when it is something important, interesting or I feel they really need to get it off their chest.
Other times I do have a habit of switching off. I have one friend who does like to tell you the same thing 20 times that drives me nuts. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not that good really to be honest, if its a one off I have all the time in the world if its someone who moans all the time I just don't have the patience for that |
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By * Jay69Man
over a year ago
Bridgwater - Somerset |
As a man I realized a few years ago, women generally want you to listen.
Being men we are naturally problem solvers and try to offer solutions.
Generally we'd do better to just shut up and listen - but not shut off and pretend to listen |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"And can you resist mentioning your own stuff when somebody wants you to listen to them?
Depends....
I can be a really good listener when it is something important, interesting or I feel they really need to get it off their chest.
Other times I do have a habit of switching off. I have one friend who does like to tell you the same thing 20 times that drives me nuts."
I get that totally - and that can be a turn off and you actually switch off. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Not that good really to be honest, if its a one off I have all the time in the world if its someone who moans all the time I just don't have the patience for that"
I understand, there is a difference between somebody being in acute distress and somebody who always seems to be a victim. I have tons of empathy for people, I really do but not as much patience with those who always complain. |
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listening properly is a skill .. natural to some people and not so natural to others. I tend to find that if you are quite an empathetic person then you may be better at this than someone who isn't so empathetic.
interjection whilst listening can be useful as well to convey the message that you do actually understand what is being explained |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"listening properly is a skill .. natural to some people and not so natural to others. I tend to find that if you are quite an empathetic person then you may be better at this than someone who isn't so empathetic.
interjection whilst listening can be useful as well to convey the message that you do actually understand what is being explained "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not that good really to be honest, if its a one off I have all the time in the world if its someone who moans all the time I just don't have the patience for thatI understand, there is a difference between somebody being in acute distress and somebody who always seems to be a victim. I have tons of empathy for people, I really do but not as much patience with those who always complain. "
A woman I know isn't very happy in her marrage, all she does is bitch about her husband, how he threats her and how she don't want to be with him anymore, at first I tried to help her, ive offered her help, ive listerned to her, ive given her loads of numbers of people who can help her and shes done nothing at all, she just keeps moaning about him, im not at the point where I want to say either leave him or shut the fuck up  |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Not that good really to be honest, if its a one off I have all the time in the world if its someone who moans all the time I just don't have the patience for thatI understand, there is a difference between somebody being in acute distress and somebody who always seems to be a victim. I have tons of empathy for people, I really do but not as much patience with those who always complain.
A woman I know isn't very happy in her marrage, all she does is bitch about her husband, how he threats her and how she don't want to be with him anymore, at first I tried to help her, ive offered her help, ive listerned to her, ive given her loads of numbers of people who can help her and shes done nothing at all, she just keeps moaning about him, im not at the point where I want to say either leave him or shut the fuck up "
SOunds like somebody who makes herself a victim of a situation rather than making a positive decision to either stay or leave. I can understand your frustration and I would find it hard to remain patient. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Men should always listen to women & remember that what you thought she meant, she didn't , but you still do it anyway
Of course I know where my bread is buttered, that's why butter wouldn't melt in my mouth |
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There is a big difference between hearing and listening!
Hearing is what I do if I go to a pub on a saturday (or any other) night. I hear voives, parts of conversations, laughs, shouts, city noises disturbing thoughts, snippets of people's lives, beliefs, likes and dislikes. I join in the noise and activity knowing nobody gives a monkey's tutu about what I said and will have forgotten in the next 2 or 3 pints.
Listening is what I do is small groups of friends or newly found acquaintances. I learn about them, what they think, who they are, what their dreams are etc...and when asked I will share with them the same. If I am not asked I continue to listen and very quickly will be tempted to put in my '2 pence'. Its a hard urge to resist! After all am I not as interesting as they are? I have learnt that by letting others talk and not fill the gaps of silence, I will leave an enriched person.
Aphrodite, my mentor! I cannot answer your question. Tell me precicely what you meant by 'listening'
(Typed whilst soaking in a very very hot bath) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not that good really to be honest, if its a one off I have all the time in the world if its someone who moans all the time I just don't have the patience for thatI understand, there is a difference between somebody being in acute distress and somebody who always seems to be a victim. I have tons of empathy for people, I really do but not as much patience with those who always complain.
A woman I know isn't very happy in her marrage, all she does is bitch about her husband, how he threats her and how she don't want to be with him anymore, at first I tried to help her, ive offered her help, ive listerned to her, ive given her loads of numbers of people who can help her and shes done nothing at all, she just keeps moaning about him, im not at the point where I want to say either leave him or shut the fuck up "
I did tell someone who lives nearby, though wouldn't class her as a friend ( she moaned about her life , husband, kids parents etc) after listening to her negativity for months I told her to get a job and a life. She has fallen out with every neighbour she has ever had but can't see that she's the problem.
Haven't seen her for a while! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not that good really to be honest, if its a one off I have all the time in the world if its someone who moans all the time I just don't have the patience for thatI understand, there is a difference between somebody being in acute distress and somebody who always seems to be a victim. I have tons of empathy for people, I really do but not as much patience with those who always complain.
A woman I know isn't very happy in her marrage, all she does is bitch about her husband, how he threats her and how she don't want to be with him anymore, at first I tried to help her, ive offered her help, ive listerned to her, ive given her loads of numbers of people who can help her and shes done nothing at all, she just keeps moaning about him, im not at the point where I want to say either leave him or shut the fuck up "
I did tell someone who lives nearby, though wouldn't class her as a friend ( she moaned about her life , husband, kids parents etc) after listening to her negativity for months I told her to get a job and a life. She has fallen out with every neighbour she has ever had but can't see that she's the problem.
Haven't seen her for a while! |
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I'm a business and life coach, but not a cousellor. I have to know what the issues are, but I have to get them into forward thinking mode, but acknowledge that I might have to recommend they go to a counsellor to sort out the negative issues in their life that they can't seem to let go of. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always been told I am a good listener, but as the years wear on I am become less and less patient with people. Maybe I have just got a bit too jaded with hearing the same old whines and moans from people who never seem to go and actually DO something to change things for the better for themselves...
Oh well, best apply to go on 'Grumpy Old Men' I suppose.... |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"There is a big difference between hearing and listening!
Hearing is what I do if I go to a pub on a saturday (or any other) night. I hear voives, parts of conversations, laughs, shouts, city noises disturbing thoughts, snippets of people's lives, beliefs, likes and dislikes. I join in the noise and activity knowing nobody gives a monkey's tutu about what I said and will have forgotten in the next 2 or 3 pints.
Listening is what I do is small groups of friends or newly found acquaintances. I learn about them, what they think, who they are, what their dreams are etc...and when asked I will share with them the same. If I am not asked I continue to listen and very quickly will be tempted to put in my '2 pence'. Its a hard urge to resist! After all am I not as interesting as they are? I have learnt that by letting others talk and not fill the gaps of silence, I will leave an enriched person.
Aphrodite, my mentor! I cannot answer your question. Tell me precicely what you meant by 'listening'
(Typed whilst soaking in a very very hot bath)"
Bambi, oh dear - I hope you did not get burnt in the hot bath and had somebody to pass you a warmed soft towel?
I meant listening as in actively listening and so being able to maybe reflect and help the person. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Not that good really to be honest, if its a one off I have all the time in the world if its someone who moans all the time I just don't have the patience for thatI understand, there is a difference between somebody being in acute distress and somebody who always seems to be a victim. I have tons of empathy for people, I really do but not as much patience with those who always complain.
A woman I know isn't very happy in her marrage, all she does is bitch about her husband, how he threats her and how she don't want to be with him anymore, at first I tried to help her, ive offered her help, ive listerned to her, ive given her loads of numbers of people who can help her and shes done nothing at all, she just keeps moaning about him, im not at the point where I want to say either leave him or shut the fuck up
I did tell someone who lives nearby, though wouldn't class her as a friend ( she moaned about her life , husband, kids parents etc) after listening to her negativity for months I told her to get a job and a life. She has fallen out with every neighbour she has ever had but can't see that she's the problem.
Haven't seen her for a while! "
Sounds like that person could not take responsibility for her life? |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I'm a business and life coach, but not a cousellor. I have to know what the issues are, but I have to get them into forward thinking mode, but acknowledge that I might have to recommend they go to a counsellor to sort out the negative issues in their life that they can't seem to let go of."
That is really interesting as it is quite the difference between the two lines of work. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Always been told I am a good listener, but as the years wear on I am become less and less patient with people. Maybe I have just got a bit too jaded with hearing the same old whines and moans from people who never seem to go and actually DO something to change things for the better for themselves...
Oh well, best apply to go on 'Grumpy Old Men' I suppose.... "
Sometimes people may just want to offload, knwoing you cant do much to help, knowing they cant make a change at that moment in time. Sometimes it may just be about listening without judging that is helpful. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find that people always seem to tell me all there woes and i listen. But they have absolutely no interest in how i am or if things are ok. Mind you its very rare i seek help x |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I find that people always seem to tell me all there woes and i listen. But they have absolutely no interest in how i am or if things are ok. Mind you its very rare i seek help x"
I get that sometimes, too. Not a good recipe for a long term friendship if it is always one sided. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"There is a big difference between hearing and listening!
In one ear and out of the other syndrome, sometimes you wonder why you waste your breath  "
People often say men dont listen - now I dont find that to be true. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Always been told I am a good listener, but as the years wear on I am become less and less patient with people. Maybe I have just got a bit too jaded with hearing the same old whines and moans from people who never seem to go and actually DO something to change things for the better for themselves...
Oh well, best apply to go on 'Grumpy Old Men' I suppose.... "
I do understand this but then I think that it's the first time they have told me the thing that I think of as the same old same old. If they keep repeating it then I might start to interject. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find that people always seem to tell me all there woes and i listen. But they have absolutely no interest in how i am or if things are ok. Mind you its very rare i seek help xI get that sometimes, too. Not a good recipe for a long term friendship if it is always one sided.
No its not and it gets taken advantage of. I sometimes wish i wasnt a good listener but i can't change the way i am I know what you mean - sometimes people cross boundaries and become quite "selfish" in their need to talk. I say selfish with a degee of empathy but nonetheless it is not good for a friendship. I have a friend (in the vanilla world) who only ever rings/ visits when she has a problem to discuss and the problems invariably focus on the men in her life. There is a real pattern to it but she cannot see it. "
Oh i hear you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And can you resist mentioning your own stuff when somebody wants you to listen to them? "
I mention my own stuff as I sometimes knows it helps if I've had the same problem
Two heads are sometimes better than one xx |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"And can you resist mentioning your own stuff when somebody wants you to listen to them?
I mention my own stuff as I sometimes knows it helps if I've had the same problem
Two heads are sometimes better than one xx"
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I have always been a good listener, I had to be with three sisters
I have always soaked up people problems but never give advice, instead I helped guide them to their own choice. Now people seem to want to hear what is wrong in my life and what is happening to me.  |
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