FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Has anyone had any dealings with wills after someone passes?
Has anyone had any dealings with wills after someone passes?
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I'm asking this because I've got a small bit of legal stuff left to do after an older family member passed about 2 years back.
But..
What I'm taken a back by is how much of a rift these things seems to cause in families or siblings left behind.
Everyone I've spoken to has some sort of personal horror story.
I feel very lucky that I actually get on well my brother. |
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We laughed our heads off at one point because a particular family member swooped in and took everything they believed to be of value including a 'valuable' antique table. It sold for £12 at auction  |
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"We laughed our heads off at one point because a particular family member swooped in and took everything they believed to be of value including a 'valuable' antique table. It sold for £12 at auction "
My 2 aunts went in my nans house while mum & I were at her death bed in the hospice & took everything they wanted, my mum hasn’t spoken to them since |
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By *rKnightsMan 7 days ago
Nott,in,your,mums,forrest |
Yeah my brothers a money grabbing bastard, I can see him being a dick when my parents cop it, but it’s not my money, I didn’t earn it, I definitely don’t deserve it, he can have the lot. |
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"We laughed our heads off at one point because a particular family member swooped in and took everything they believed to be of value including a 'valuable' antique table. It sold for £12 at auction
My 2 aunts went in my nans house while mum & I were at her death bed in the hospice & took everything they wanted, my mum hasn’t spoken to them since "
we dealt with one will that has had very far reaching consequences and caused a huge family rift. |
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I think the huge rise in house prices has changed the dynamics of inheritance a lot. Modest houses that once would have been worth a few thousand are now worth several 100k, and that turns a lot of heads. |
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In my case the people I (we) have looked up to and respected most have brought more questions as to how they accumulated their wealth than I could have imagined. People you'd assume would be there through thick and thin, only to realise they'd not only skin you, but use something rusty to make sure. |
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"I'm asking this because I've got a small bit of legal stuff left to do after an older family member passed about 2 years back.
But..
What I'm taken a back by is how much of a rift these things seems to cause in families or siblings left behind.
Everyone I've spoken to has some sort of personal horror story.
I feel very lucky that I actually get on well my brother. "
Very late, but sorry for the loss. Obviously it was someone close if you're sorting it.
Think of it from that person's perspective, they will have reasons for their decisions, we just need to enact what they wished.
Hopefully you get yours squared away with no drama. 
Take care and keep up the good work with your forum posts, you post some awesome topics bro. |
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By *zeroMan 7 days ago
Glasgow |
When my grandmother died we learned that prior to her dementia diagnosis she signed over everything to my aunt. Despite constantly belittling and dragging my gran down upon her death she took money, her house and everything that was inside. We haven't spoke to her since and that was 18 years ago. I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire. |
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"Money splits families apart, it happens so often it’s scary
Honestly this. People's true colours can come out when there's money involved. Quite shocking. "
MONEY..
Only when you haven't got a single penny and struggling from day to day ..
Do you really and truly appreciate it..
Unfortunately too many who are privileged and spoiled just don't understand.
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By *tr8MrEMan 7 days ago
Shireoaks, Worksop |
Weirdly I've just spent the last 4 days at parents house whilst father is in hospital, which has been a very difficult trying time for mum
I never knew till now what utter bitches my sister's can be. I'm disgusted to even call them family
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By *avinaTVTV/TS 7 days ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
My wife was in the process of drafting her will when she passed. She had written into it that she was leaving everything to me. I asked what about our daughter, and she said she trusted me to do whatever was right. ❤
When she passed, I had to apply for executorship. Then I spilt the inhertiance she'd recently received from her dad in half, and gave half, and all my wife's jewels etc. to my daughter.
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By *ndycoinsMan 7 days ago
Whaley Bridge,Nr Buxton, |
Been an executor several times.At least you have the law behind you if anyone tries to be a dick. Unfortunately I've had to give people the choice of being a dick and explaining themselves to the cops or behaving a couple of times.They behave when you put it like that.In this job dealing with the effects of deceased estates and giving valuations for Probate you see the worst of people.Greedy and grabbing,telling people at the funeral they were promised this and that.On the other side was the guy who let his niece cook,clean and wash for him for twenty odd years then left his entire estate to the woman he had been having an affair with for forty five years,who turned up armed with several solicitors. |
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"My wife was in the process of drafting her will when she passed. She had written into it that she was leaving everything to me. I asked what about our daughter, and she said she trusted me to do whatever was right. ❤
When she passed, I had to apply for executorship. Then I spilt the inhertiance she'd recently received from her dad in half, and gave half, and all my wife's jewels etc. to my daughter.
"
sorry for your loss you done right  |
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By *lynJMan 7 days ago
Morden |
I was co-executor of my late partner's will. She passed 3 years ago. Dealing with the Will was a very painful process. My partner had had 2 children (though they are mid 20s now). In the Will I was left all the chattels. The kids don't seem to be able to grasp this and keep trying to take things. 🤬
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"We laughed our heads off at one point because a particular family member swooped in and took everything they believed to be of value including a 'valuable' antique table. It sold for £12 at auction "
My uncle took loads from the house including the white goods without speaking to anyone before my nan was even buried. My mum was mostly just upset it meant it didn't look like her home anymore when everyone gathered there before the funeral. Waiting would have been more considerate for sure. |
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"One thing I will say. If you want individual people to have specific things for goodness sake put it in your will. It's amazing how many people say they were told they could have things "
Absolutely this. My partner was upset about this when his grandparents passed and his cousins got both money and sentimental items which their parents shared with them from their inheritance and he couldn't even get one of his grandad's engraved screwdrivers as something sentimental. Don't rely on people to "do what's right" or rely on your children for equality between your grandchildren. |
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"One thing I will say. If you want individual people to have specific things for goodness sake put it in your will. It's amazing how many people say they were told they could have things
Absolutely this. My partner was upset about this when his grandparents passed and his cousins got both money and sentimental items which their parents shared with them from their inheritance and he couldn't even get one of his grandad's engraved screwdrivers as something sentimental. Don't rely on people to "do what's right" or rely on your children for equality between your grandchildren."
My dad has told me a couple of things he wants individuals to have and I've written it down. This might be gallows humour but Mr N and I have got bets on who will come out of the woodwork when the time comes. |
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By *avie65Man 7 days ago
In the west. |
I have only had to deal with this once, when my mother died. It was quite straightforward as she had a will and I had PoA.
The lawyer did nearly everything, including sending money to both my siblings. Although one thought they should have got more but he quickly forgot as he was always off his nut on alcohol.
Keep a note of everything you do and keep a paper trail OP, it will make things easier in the long run. |
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My ex wife's grandfather died and her uncle turned up and put post it notes with his name on everything he wanted. Needless to say he ended up with nothing as he wasn't named in the will. Quite funny seeing his face at the reading |
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My nan passed away in a care home and one uncle thought he was entitled to everything. In fact my other uncle helped my grandparents out and bought the house they were in allowing them to live rent free. The friction when first u come found out. He took items from the house then flooded it in a rage of jealousy, blocking the sinks and putting the water on. It ended up with the police being involved and first uncle walked away with nothing! |
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After dealing with this my only advice would be try and do it amicably with all involved. When my mum passed we asked her friends and wider family if there was anything they’d like.
Some people wanted a cushion off the sofa etc, to be honest we would only have skipped them but they were a memory to someone
As soon as lawyers or solicitors get involved it is amazing how much longer the process becomes but also how much it costs and you can easily end up with a bill rather than an inheritance
So yes, where possible, try and sort it as amicably as possible |
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By *hief ScoutMan 6 days ago
Wild Border Country of Herts & Middx ! |
Very sad to read some of the stories on here. My brother & I have never been massively close but when my Mum passed just over ten years ago, everything was straight forward, there were sums set aside for his boys, and then everything else was split 50/50 between us.
Similarly our aunt who died just over a year ago (she & my uncle had no kids) after a couple of years in care had everything tidily belted & braced, and the sale of her home down in South Wales is currently edging its way through. All the outstanding expenses are taken care of from her estate, and there will be very tidy lump sums coming to my brother and myself (we're pretty much sole beneficiaries) when the sale is completed. |
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"One thing I will say. If you want individual people to have specific things for goodness sake put it in your will. It's amazing how many people say they were told they could have things "
I would go further and say if you want someone to have something specific, give it to them while you still can, that way you know they have it and doing it in person it will probably mean more to them aswell.
I know with its not always possible but for many things it is. |
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In my experience i found you really get to see the real side to your family and family friends when you have to deal with a deceased relatives will and property, people not happy with what was left to them in their will or how the property was to be divided up according to their wishes.
I endured a lot of back stabbing and innuendo, people spreading false rumours and downright lies which has caused rifts amongst the family and others that will never be healed.
As a direct result i no longer have any contact with my siblings or many of my relatives.
As i said this is just my experience but not all wills are like this and are straight forward and are dealt with without any fuss.
I hope you have it easier and stress free. |
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On the positive side though you get to see the family members who will step up when it's needed. The ones who'll do the endless tip runs, sort through piles of old paperwork, help you empty and clean a house ready to sell. |
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It's interesting how family members appear from nowhere after someone passes...
The same family members who were absent during the difficult times leading up to the end...
And then when the will is settled and they have their share, they disappear again...
🤷🏻
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When my dad died he left nothing but debts, so nobody was fighting me for control of his estate.
I've seen it all turn to crap a couple of times though. There's nothing like a death to bring out a sense of entitlement in people! |
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