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Are you quick to forgive or....
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By *nitter OP Woman 1 week ago
the land of tall tales and yarn |
So dear ladies and gents of the forum, do you forgive with ease or hold a grudge.
I forgive easily, I don't think either way is right btw, I think people just process differently.
So are you a forgiver or grudger?
Knitter kisses |
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By *avie65Man 1 week ago
In the west. |
It would depend what had happened. I can hold a grudge if someone really pisses me or does something to offend or hurt me. If that happens I tend to cut them out of my life, I’m at an age where I don’t need to tolerate someone else’s shite. |
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There is one person who I will never forgive. What they did is appalling, and plumbs the depths of wickedness and cruelty (not fab related). For everything else, there isn’t really much to forgive. Some people haven’t behaved with kindness towards us (or just me), but really, it doesn’t matter very much. |
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I never hold a grudge, I always let it go, or if they are genuinely sorry I 'forgive' them.
However, sometimes after I've let it go, I just move on.
Life is too short and holding grudges gives them power and brings negativity that I don't need in my life |
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"So dear ladies and gents of the forum, do you forgive with ease or hold a grudge.
I forgive easily, I don't think either way is right btw, I think people just process differently.
So are you a forgiver or grudger?
Knitter kisses "
I don't hold grudges, but for several years I've been dissapointed by the actions of someone I considered a friend.
That her partner continues to try and deceive people is mildly amusing. |
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"Not forgiving doesn't mean I hold grudges, far from it. I become indifferent.
That is a much better way of putting it than I did, I become indifferent."
Indifference is way better than grudges because the person no longer affects you in any way. They simply cease to exist for you. You dont need to forgive for that too happen do you  |
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By *aizyWoman 1 week ago
west midlands |
"Not forgiving doesn't mean I hold grudges, far from it. I become indifferent.
That is a much better way of putting it than I did, I become indifferent.
Indifference is way better than grudges because the person no longer affects you in any way. They simply cease to exist for you. You dont need to forgive for that too happen do you "
Exactly this, I am very good at forgetting and moving on I don't tend to dwell on things. |
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Total Grudger.
I’m not proud.
I’m the one who’s missing out.
I have friends I don’t speak to anymore.
I have I family I don’t speak to anymore.
I lost the love of my life because of it.
It doesn’t come from a self-righteous place. It just comes from the fact that if I hold your care in such high regard & you can’t do the same - Fuck off…forever  |
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Life is too short to actively hold a grudge. It just eats away at you and the only one it hurts, ultimately, is you.
Just wait for karma to come round, which it will, and you will get your reward without burning yourself. |
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By *riel13Woman 1 week ago
Northampton |
It depends how bad the thing that was done is... If it's a breach of trust I just cut people off... I just can't be arsed anymore... My feelings just die on the spot... Shame it waited until I had no interest in getting into a relationship with anyone 
But if it's not that bad then ya know ... Grudges are hard work so avoid that
Sorry for the overshare |
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Forgive - if that's the right word. Carrying a grudge in no way affects the other person, it's just a negative emotion I have to carry around and there's zero to gain from that. Maybe a better word is to simply not care? Most people don't do stuff on purpose to hurt others, they're just too dumb to realise the effect of their behaviour. Can't see the point in stressing about something someone did without even realising.
P |
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Thing is, forgiving is about you and not them. Carrying around that grudge just eats you up, affects you negatively and doesn't really have any impact on them at all. Doesn't mean you need to reconcile and you can forgive someone without needing to restore the relationship or be around them anymore. That's the emotionally mature answer, I'm still a work in progress when it comes to applying the theory 😂 |
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By *edSirenWoman 1 week ago
magic mountain |
"So dear ladies and gents of the forum, do you forgive with ease or hold a grudge.
I forgive easily, I don't think either way is right btw, I think people just process differently.
So are you a forgiver or grudger?
Knitter kisses "
Neither. I don’t hold grudges. Why give that sort of power to anyone? But I won’t forgive someone just to appease a situation either. Sometimes it’s just a case of walking away and not allowing the past to control the future. |
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"So dear ladies and gents of the forum, do you forgive with ease or hold a grudge.
I forgive easily, I don't think either way is right btw, I think people just process differently.
So are you a forgiver or grudger?
Knitter kisses
Neither. I don’t hold grudges. Why give that sort of power to anyone? But I won’t forgive someone just to appease a situation either. Sometimes it’s just a case of walking away and not allowing the past to control the future. "
Cool philosophy |
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All depends on the situation. And if I am able to talk to the person to sort things out.
If we can work past things and get everything out then all good but sometimes that isn't going to happen. I don't spend my time just hating people but once I stop caring then I won't help or be part of your life. |
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With a stranger or someone being an idiot online they only get one chance but I don't give them much thought afterwards.
With those I've invested time in, it depends on what their indiscretion was in the first place and how much credit they have in the bank. |
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"Depends on who it is.
If it's someone I don't know that well? I'm not forgiving you for shit.
But someone I'm close with? Someone I'm emotionally invested in? I'll give you way too many chances. "
Your choice I know but that seems so very very the wrong way around... |
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By *HUSH-Man 1 week ago
London |
It does depend on the context. I’m generally a forgiving person however I’ve been pushed beyond the brink and cut people off that just won’t learn from their mistakes.
I’m much better at letting go of grudges as I’ve gotten older. I still have some improvements to make but considering what I was like 20 years ago it’s a night and day difference.
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"No I don’t forgive and I don’t forget.
Actions have consequences I’ll not infantilise adults by absolving them of their behaviour. "
Interesting train of thought. I don't see forgiveness as absolving others of their behaviour nor does it take away consequences for their behaviour and uhhhm nor does it infantilise them.
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Many years ago in a group conversation the idea of forgiveness came up. I was pretty flabbergasted at the idea that someone ,even for ONE moment, thought that they can forgive other people. I would never seek anyone's forgiveness if I believed my actions to be fair. Just because they didn't like my actions doesn't make them right and me wrong.
The only person who can forgive me for anything i've done is myself and I believe that goes for all of us. |
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"No I don’t forgive and I don’t forget.
Actions have consequences I’ll not infantilise adults by absolving them of their behaviour.
Couldn't have put it better myself ...
"
This^^
If things need made right then make them right. Don't expect a magic 'apology' wand to whitewash your bad choices or behaviours.
It's on you not me.
If I fk up? I own it, I fix it, I apologise, I do whatever is needed or is possible. I. Not they.
Beyond that you have to make your own peace with what remains and do better. That's the price of fkg up. Don't put it on others to make yourself feel better about your mistake.
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I am never “quick”, I will weigh it up. Take my part of it into consideration and then make a decision from there
What I have learnt is that sometimes I’m at fault and I’m okay with that as long as I can say “sorry” and mean it sincerely. If they don’t want to forgive then I’m okay and I work the same in reverse |
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By *nitter OP Woman 1 week ago
the land of tall tales and yarn |
"Many years ago in a group conversation the idea of forgiveness came up. I was pretty flabbergasted at the idea that someone ,even for ONE moment, thought that they can forgive other people. I would never seek anyone's forgiveness if I believed my actions to be fair. Just because they didn't like my actions doesn't make them right and me wrong.
The only person who can forgive me for anything i've done is myself and I believe that goes for all of us."
You always make lots of sense GC  |
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By (user no longer on site) 1 week ago
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"So dear ladies and gents of the forum, do you forgive with ease or hold a grudge.
I forgive easily, I don't think either way is right btw, I think people just process differently.
So are you a forgiver or grudger?
Knitter kisses "
Nope , do neither tbh , dont forgive easily or hold a grudge , l forgive but NEVER forget |
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"Not everyone deserves forgiveness. Some people need to accept their actions have consequences. It's not always about holding a grudge, it's holding people to account. "
Forgiveness has nothing to do with whether the person deserves it or not, and it doesn’t change the consequences really. If I do something really bad and the other person chooses to forgive me, I still have to live with what I did to that person. |
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"Not everyone deserves forgiveness. Some people need to accept their actions have consequences. It's not always about holding a grudge, it's holding people to account.
Forgiveness has nothing to do with whether the person deserves it or not, and it doesn’t change the consequences really. If I do something really bad and the other person chooses to forgive me, I still have to live with what I did to that person."
you can forgive person doesn't mean you have to have contact with them |
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"Not everyone deserves forgiveness. Some people need to accept their actions have consequences. It's not always about holding a grudge, it's holding people to account.
Forgiveness has nothing to do with whether the person deserves it or not, and it doesn’t change the consequences really. If I do something really bad and the other person chooses to forgive me, I still have to live with what I did to that person."
Some people dont have the capacity to feel guilt or regret. I've met some of them. Just because I don't forgive them for their behaviour doesn't mean I carry it around with me either. I cut them out of my life and I don't think about them. |
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I have held far too many grudges in life and still do to this day..
be it people from everyday real life encounters/experiences and also a fair few people even on Fab in the past..
for the most part as time goes by I have tried at times to just let some things go and not be this way and reflect on my own short comings or general actions overall as it's not always a healthy thing to do so carrying grudges..
then other times I'm reminded of exactly why I'm like this and why I hold on to grudges and completely cut off some people all together..
I have had people numerous times in life in the past act all surprised or taken aback when I completely ignore and cease all communication with them for them to ask me why I'm doing this?
Honestly my only thought time and time again is you went above and beyond going to great lengths of majorly pissing me off and yet you assume nothing has happened and that we are fine, that you can speak and be friendly with me?
I have even straight up been asked numerous times how I can be so cold or unforgiving or holding onto grudges with people?? that apparently it's not in my nature or character to be so harsh or cruel??...  |
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"Many years ago in a group conversation the idea of forgiveness came up. I was pretty flabbergasted at the idea that someone ,even for ONE moment, thought that they can forgive other people. I would never seek anyone's forgiveness if I believed my actions to be fair. Just because they didn't like my actions doesn't make them right and me wrong.
The only person who can forgive me for anything i've done is myself and I believe that goes for all of us."
What if, on reflection, you realise your actions weren't fair? What if they chose to forgive you even if you couldn't forgive yourself? What if you decided to forgive yourself but the person you had wronged felt you didn't deserve it?
Seems a strange way to reply to a thread on forgiving others by asserting you would never seek forgiveness on the grounds you don't believe you've done something wrong. I imagine this is true for everyone apart from a few chronic appeasers.
Or have I totally misunderstood your post?
P |
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I would love to say that I'm the type of person the forgives easy and forgets. But it totally depends on the situation. If it's a case of someone has hurt me, I can move on easily enough, I can forgive but I won't forget. If someone has hurt my friends or family, I'm vengeful unfortunately. |
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Depends on the context but some people don't deserve forgiveness. I don't buy into the notion that it's always better to forgive because it isn't that simple. Some people deserve to burn in a volcano regardless as to what others think. |
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I tend to be a forgive and move on type of person in general. Especially if both parties have said their piece and shall we say have agreed to disagree.
However I'm not so sure that would be the case if, say someone was intentionally vindictive and "stabbed me in the back".
I'm pretty sure I could hold a grudge for quite a while. Lol |
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I'll forgive depending on their actions.
So if they are not sorry for what slight they did against me then I'll not forgive them but I'm not really into revenge.
I'll just distance myself from them. |
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"If the other person is genuinely contrite then I would forgive readily, otherwise I would let my feelings about them or what they did linger."
Nero. Could you stop being so naturally cool please! And yes, what he said ! |
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By *mf123Man 1 week ago
with one foot out the door |
I used to hold grudges when i was young and hyper impulsive but as i got old realised they surve little purpose i tend to forgive most things unless they threaten anyone i care abouts safety that list will be acted upon at the very last resort |
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"Not everyone deserves forgiveness. Some people need to accept their actions have consequences. It's not always about holding a grudge, it's holding people to account.
Forgiveness has nothing to do with whether the person deserves it or not, and it doesn’t change the consequences really. If I do something really bad and the other person chooses to forgive me, I still have to live with what I did to that person.
Some people dont have the capacity to feel guilt or regret. I've met some of them. Just because I don't forgive them for their behaviour doesn't mean I carry it around with me either. I cut them out of my life and I don't think about them. "
Then I think you are forgiving them, but you are perhaps not using the same definition of what forgiveness is.
Wikipedia describes it as ‘ overcomes the impact of the offense, flaw, or mistake including negative emotions such as resentment or a desire for vengeance’
So if you are not carrying around the negative emotions and looking for revenge, then I would say that you have forgiven them.
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Neither - I mean I can't recall a situation where I've had to forgive someone because I was so affected (I'm assuming this is not regular apologies for mistakes that happen all the time in which case forgive, of course).
No grudges either. Do I get annoyed? Sure, but if that repeats with a person, it's likely we won't be fast friends, but it's not like they'll be on a no talk list or anything 😁 |
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Forgiving people is easy.
Once a mistake.
Second time not a mistake.
That always puts doubt in your mind.
Third time. (The second time wasn’t a mistake.)
Yes means yes. No means No. And fuck me harder means exactly that…
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I have no problem forgiving someone if they mean it, I've fucked up in life and been forgiven.
If it's something really bad I tend to just let go and move on.
I liken holding a grudge to carrying a bag, the bigger the grudge the heavier the bag, so I'm always mindful if that.
I imagine it would be hard to have a happy/ great life if you have to carry all those bags around with you. 🌈 |
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Depends on the indiscretion….something stupid with no intent… one off, a. Fuck up etc… we all do that…. O issue…
Something dark and devious against you…. That’s different…..
A mutual friend went out with my GF of 6 years one night, they got locked and he ended up fucking her…. I knew I could never trust the guy and had a thing…. She was no angel… takes two to tango…. I hated him… eventually we broke up over it…….
That was 20 years ago…. Recently I saw him at a soft play kids party…. I wanted to wallop him with a clown balloon 🤣 I guess it didn’t leave me…… (for the record no one was hurt) |
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"So dear ladies and gents of the forum, do you forgive with ease or hold a grudge.
I forgive easily, I don't think either way is right btw, I think people just process differently.
So are you a forgiver or grudger?
Knitter kisses "
I can’t say I forget but I forgive to a extent and often give a 2nd chance but I definitely don’t give any chances after that |
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"Not everyone deserves forgiveness. Some people need to accept their actions have consequences. It's not always about holding a grudge, it's holding people to account.
Forgiveness has nothing to do with whether the person deserves it or not, and it doesn’t change the consequences really. If I do something really bad and the other person chooses to forgive me, I still have to live with what I did to that person.
Some people dont have the capacity to feel guilt or regret. I've met some of them. Just because I don't forgive them for their behaviour doesn't mean I carry it around with me either. I cut them out of my life and I don't think about them.
Then I think you are forgiving them, but you are perhaps not using the same definition of what forgiveness is.
Wikipedia describes it as ‘ overcomes the impact of the offense, flaw, or mistake including negative emotions such as resentment or a desire for vengeance’
So if you are not carrying around the negative emotions and looking for revenge, then I would say that you have forgiven them.
"
That's quite a thought provoking idea. There is one person who I would say I have forgiven but whenever I get very low - usually a combination of stress and lack of sleep, I find my mind going back to old thought patterns of hurt, frustration and anger. As soon as I recognise it happening I'm able to stop it but it's almost as though my brain has developed these neural pathways that link being very low with those thought patterns. Maybe that is the real meaning of forgiveness, breaking down the negative patterns of thought that are associated with a person and developing new neural links with neutral or even positive thoughts.
P
P |
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By *ustBoWoman 1 week ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
There are a few people who I will never forgive them for what they did in the past to me as their actions were beyond vile and twisted . In saying that I don't hold a grudge as such they are out of my life and completely irrelevant to my life and the life of others affected by their actions.
Apart from them, it depends on the person and what they did and the reasoning behind it all. I won't forget why someone did but they may get a pass on something. But not if it becomes a pattern of behaviour Then I would usually just remove myself from that person.
On here, I'm not that invested in worrying about the actions of others and rarely is there anything to forgive. Usually if anything it's incompatibility with another person on here.
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I forgive no point on holding grudges cause it only effects you the person you made at is sleeping well at night and moving on from it while you still bitter and thinking about it all the time every time you think about that person and sometimes it effects your sleep |
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I think the issue is less around forgiveness, more that I don't want people in my life who treat me or the people I care about badly. I don't wish harm on them, but I don't want to spend time with them, and there seems to be an expectation that if I forgive someone things go back to how they were and everything in the garden is rosy.
If I don't want that person in my circle and don't want to interact with them it seems to be perceived as holding a grudge, though I don't view it in that light. |
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"There are a few people who I will never forgive them for what they did in the past to me as their actions were beyond vile and twisted . In saying that I don't hold a grudge as such they are out of my life and completely irrelevant to my life and the life of others affected by their actions.
Apart from them, it depends on the person and what they did and the reasoning behind it all. I won't forget why someone did but they may get a pass on something. But not if it becomes a pattern of behaviour Then I would usually just remove myself from that person.
On here, I'm not that invested in worrying about the actions of others and rarely is there anything to forgive. Usually if anything it's incompatibility with another person on here.
"
hey hun how are you |
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