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Bad lessons that porn taught you as a virgin
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Contrary to porno films, most women won't react enthusiastically to an unsolicited finger in the anus.
Most women aren't up for a threesome with their 'mother' and/or twin sister.
and most women that hang around car washes/public parks in the day/the local shopping centre aren't up for going back to a strangers house for sex within 5 minutes of meeting.
Oh how I learnt these the hard way
Any more? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most women do not enjoy cum shot on thier face nor will they beg for anal right off the bat. Also...any man that can last 15+ minutes of straight boffing without cumming must have super powers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most women do not enjoy cum shot on thier face nor will they beg for anal right off the bat. Also...any man that can last 15+ minutes of straight boffing without cumming must have super powers."
I just think about Kryptonite! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Contrary to porno films, most women won't react enthusiastically to an unsolicited finger in the anus.
Most women aren't up for a threesome with their 'mother' and/or twin sister.
and most women that hang around car washes/public parks in the day/the local shopping centre aren't up for going back to a strangers house for sex within 5 minutes of meeting."
Think you need to move. Happens all the time up here  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most women do not enjoy cum shot on their face nor will they beg for anal right off the bat. Also...any man that can last 15+ minutes of straight boffing without cumming must have super powers."
Allow me to demonstrate mine then. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most women do not enjoy cum shot on thier face nor will they beg for anal right off the bat. Also...any man that can last 15+ minutes of straight boffing without cumming must have super powers."
I like cum on my face!
I like anal!
Luke lasts for however long I want him too! And it's normally way longer than 15 mins  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Apparently, women love it when a man spits on his hand and rubs it on her vagina as an impromptu lubricant, saves the time it takes to get her turned on and appropriately moistened. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"15 min, shit i must be superman.takes me at least that long to get the rhythm going 
You're not a drummer by any chance?"
No, but I have a large timbali |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To answer this I would direct you to the swingers chat forum on any given day and threads such as:
Any Ladies like chipmunking?
Ladies do you prefer cum in the ass or pussy?
Ladies who like to gag?
Guys who like cockdocking?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Any more?"
..Younger women only shag blokes over 50 who look like Ben Dover.
..Pizza delivery guys still keep their jobs after spending an hour at the homes of every MILF they deliver to.
..Your wife will NEVER come home when you are in the middle of shagging the babysitter.
..Your best mates Mum has always had a thing about you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I just thank the good lord above I'd learn that not everything you see on screen is true, before I caught a glimpse of the retina-wrecking retch-inducer that was 'two girls one cup'... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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When you pull your penis out of a woman's anus it'll be free of the standard coating of pooey slime and clean enough to put straight in her mouth. Which she'll love |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"To answer this I would direct you to the swingers chat forum on any given day and threads such as:
Any Ladies like chipmunking?
Ladies do you prefer cum in the ass or pussy?
Ladies who like to gag?
Guys who like cockdocking?
"
Whats chipmunking?! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To answer this I would direct you to the swingers chat forum on any given day and threads such as:
Any Ladies like chipmunking?
Ladies do you prefer cum in the ass or pussy?
Ladies who like to gag?
Guys who like cockdocking?
Whats chipmunking?!"
Its where the lady, whilst having an orgasm, sounds like Alvin, Theodore or Simon! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've yet to meet a woman that actually begged to have cum in her eye....
....bloody stings  "
Yes it does!
But have you ever seen the porn where the women actually hold their eyes wide open to receive it from source? Good Grief! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"and 'cockdocking' ???? lol "
Its where a man and a woman re-enact the space scenes from Stanley Kubrick's '2001-A Space Odyssey' using their gentials whilst a third woman gives the guys balls a 'hummer'(from underneath)to the tune of 'The Blue Danube' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Women have an internal vaginal capacity equal to, or greater than the task at hand.
This also included scenarios where they are loudly heard to proclaim 'Oh God is so big it will never fit' - but actually, it does! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Whenever you travel around the beautiful historic city of Prague on it's bus system, a young couple will get on and start having sex while they travel to their destination |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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you can stop random girls in the street, interview them on your shaky hand-held camera for a few seconds, and they'll agree to have outdoor public sex with you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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porn actors and actresses will often fuck in random outdoor places when no one is watching.. this is because the camera crews and directors are all hiding under Harry Potters cloak of invisibility |
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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago
Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria |
"All women keep their dildo, buttplug and vibrator collection conveniently stashed under their pillow for safe keeping"
Actually, I have a wand, a dildo and 2 bullets under the pillow...butt plugs in the drawer, bigger toys in the ottoman - all easily accessible |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"when having slumber parties, not once have i ever felt the need to lez it up with best mates and for it to turn into a mass fuck fest... "
I did ...ahhhh the memoreis  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Men come with the force of a thousand exploding suns, produce a volume of cum which would make a Blue Whale jealous and can fire off streams of white sticky goo like Spiderman! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Women never have a hot friend who just shows up and lets herself into the bedroom while you're going at it.
If this site is a testament to anything, it's that getting a bisexual woman to show up at all is miraculous, let alone at a given time or place! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Apparently, women love it when a man spits on his hand and rubs it on her vagina as an impromptu lubricant, saves the time it takes to get her turned on and appropriately moistened."
Thats disgusting !!  (own opinion) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I learnt from porn that a little bit of spit on a finger wiped over a woman's anus will allow an erect 10" long and 6" circumference cock to enter without effort.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't enjoy having my face slapped whilst giving blow jobs "
I do... Lol with the right person.. I got all my sexual preferences long before I watched porn. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most women do not enjoy cum shot on thier face nor will they beg for anal right off the bat. Also...any man that can last 15+ minutes of straight boffing without cumming must have super powers."
Ive been known to the ex hated and I do sometimes its hatd work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nowadays hot chics knock on your door, announce their name to your cam, flash their boobs, turn round, stand on tip toes and flash their arse. That's all the foreplay they need before sucking like Henry the vacuum cleaner. |
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"15 min, shit i must be superman."
I was just thinking that ... I don't actually think that's a very difficult one lol. Some girls love long hard constant fucking ... some don't ... but if they do, I've not had a problem :D |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bee got her first facial recently and loved it, anal she's not so keen and Stan can last as long as is needed but that's the joy of getting older as I had very little choice when I was younger lol! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I once had a meet with a lady that had watched maybe too many porn films, I ended up pissing myself laughing because of some of the things she was saying, but i will say it was a Fun meet |
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Porn has taught me that plumbers turn up within 5 minutes of being called, not saying 'i can be there in a couple of days', which turns into 4. then turns up in the 5 minutes i've gone to the local tescos for supplies as i've been constantly living in the house waiting for him to turn up! Coming back to find his calling card through the door, I'm sure he's been sitting round the corner waiting for me to go out!!! |
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