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Meets and Emotions...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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This is aimed specifically at women who swing both singly, and with a partner/husband.
Recently I spent a whole night with a very nice guy from Fabs. Had great sex, and an otherwise good time.
Once my partner had picked me up and we were on the way back home however, emotions began to get the better of me and we had a rather soul-searching day after. As a result, I now know that overnight meets which resemble a 'date' (ie. being taken out for a meal etc) are not for me. But, as he has been swinging a lot longer than I have, my partner has no problem with them himself and is able to treat them rather like he is acting in a 24hr movie and, at the end, it's over and that's that.
How do any of you who have also tried overnight meets feel about them? Have you tried them and also found it's not for you? Or have you found it's something which works for you..?
Would be really interested in your _iews.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im single and dont like the over night meet. Id rather book my own room and sleep alone. I also have a 3 meet rule.
Its my way of detaching. I know i can not be trusted to read into things that are not there. I purposely take steps to avoid it happening |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't know how I'd feel. Overnighters in my head conjour up thoughts of snuggles and giggling and mugs of tea in bed in a morning (yeah I'm a romantic at heart lol). That might tug at my heart strings a little  |
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"Had a few "overnighters". I enjoy them as just because I am staying overnight don't mean I am moving my toothbrush in... "
This.... For me it depends on the person I'm meeting. Some have spent the night from the first play meet, others when I've been meeting them for a while... Nothings set in stone..
There's one guy I've been meeting for a couple of years and another for over a year... Both regularly spend the night or I spend the night at theirs. No problems with emotions or anyone reading anything into anything...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have my last "single girl" meet on Friday. Its taken J 3 and a half months to "tame" me.
I don't do emotions with anyone other than J - who I simply adore. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
I think staying overnight means different things to different people so for some it is just being practical (especially when alcohol has been consumed) and for others it feels too close to dating. Simple - different strokes.... |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
I think overnight stays may be _iewed differently by actual couples versus play partners.
although, partners may and I mean may have a feeling of vulnerability, one partner may worry the other was getting too close to someone. Or a power thing over the other. |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
I have a friend I have been seeing for a few years, and I know the score and have never had any intentions of it being more than nsa, doesn't mean I can't enjoy him spending the night, in fact I bloody enjoy it plus the logistics play a factor and allows us to enjoy a drink or two but I've never had any problems separating emotions, maybe it is harder for others?  |
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I try to avoid overnight stays because I snore and that's not sexy (I do provide ear plugs though!) But God do I love morning sex!!!
If I stay overnight, I have no problem distancing myself, but that is a result/consequence of my circumstances, nothing to do with my feelings.
You are a tender soul HotRuby and your feelings and emotions seem to 'rule' you rather than the opposite (I may be wrong and out of line here). You have a partner who is experienced and is willing to be your sounding board, he is your "someone" you can talk to openly about everything so trust and believe him. Sorry if this comes across a bit personal!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I should also add that I have very rarely done overnighters - in fact J is the only man in a very long time that I've shared a bed with. It was lovely waking up with him.
I know the OP has been doing this a long time and has the support of her OH. Its a good thread though, one I'm interested about especially as I've found my someone special on here and have done a few meets since we have been together. |
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I've had overnighters with playmates and had a whale of a time. I've gone out shopping, dinner, sat and watched tv without any crossed wires.
People often talk about the social aspect of this lifestyle but seem unable to do so without thinking they'll be/required to move in!
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"I've had overnighters with playmates and had a whale of a time. I've gone out shopping, dinner, sat and watched tv without any crossed wires.
People often talk about the social aspect of this lifestyle but seem unable to do so without thinking they'll be/required to move in!
"
I totally agree with you!! I don't know why people find it so difficult |
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I like the social aspect of it...While I have vanilla friends I can not often be completely myself with them as I can be with someone that I have met via the "lifestyle". I often like to cook meals open a bottle of wine and have a natter about different things that I may not talk about with my nilly friends and family...I enjoy the build up of knowing that you are going to have (hopefully) mind blowing sex that night... You wake up next to someone and have great morning sex and then get up have breakfast and they go about their day..I have had meets that were meant to be one night but has lasted all weekend because we have both been comfortable...
I am aware however that this scene is not the starting of a relationship but starting of a friendship that could make my sex life even better... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks Ladies (and Gentleman!) - even with just these few comments it's helped a great deal. Some of you I will reply to privately, but don't want to go further with my own comments in open forum.
I guess it's just "horses for courses" at the end of the day. I tried it and it didn't 'gel' for me, but I do respect those of you for whom overnighters are no big deal - good for you and I hope you enjoy every single one of them
Thank you all. Ruby xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Firstly, I think there's a difference between singles and couples. I can see there being potential for issues when one of a couple is involved.
However, when it's 2 singles, I don't see why there should be a problem, except for the fact that a number of people on here seem to have problems with emotions. By the way, that's not a criticism, simply an observation.
I've done a fair few 'overnighters'. Other than once, a weekend at a neutral venue, the lady has always come to mine. And I haven't yet disappeared off into the sunset with any of them!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I like the social aspect of it...While I have vanilla friends I can not often be completely myself with them as I can be with someone that I have met via the "lifestyle". I often like to cook meals open a bottle of wine and have a natter about different things that I may not talk about with my nilly friends and family...I enjoy the build up of knowing that you are going to have (hopefully) mind blowing sex that night... You wake up next to someone and have great morning sex and then get up have breakfast and they go about their day..I have had meets that were meant to be one night but has lasted all weekend because we have both been comfortable...
I am aware however that this scene is not the starting of a relationship but starting of a friendship that could make my sex life even better..."
+1
I enjoy the social aspect of the scene as much as I do the rest, so I'll always prefer to either take a meet out shopping or treat them to coffe or dinner, or have them back to my place for takeaway and a movie, before the naughty fun starts.
Other than having a great time with a like-minded person (a different kind of great time, I've found, compared to what I can have with my vanilla friends), I love the build-up of chemistry and tension that comes from getting to know and clicking with someone who you know you're going to be having what will hopefully be mind-blowing sex with very soon!
I also prefer to meet the same partners regularly for repeat fun, and they know they're always welcome to stay over at my place (morning sex - mmmmm!). I guess you could say I believe in both parts of the term "fuck buddy" equally, and so far I've never had any problems or complications with either of them getting confused, and I've played with some of the same people for years, even on both side of unsuccessful relationships for them.
I think it comes down to the individual. It depends on how they're wired, and if they can seperate serious emotions from sex or not. If they can't, especially if they are one half of a couple, then I'd definitely advise against doing anything as intimate as sharing someone's bed! |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
For me personally and well in line with what I said earlier, an overnight stay is a practical solution. I would prefer not to stay overnight in the scene especially as I love my own bed and comfort but if I did it would not mean emotional attachment - my boundaries are well in place. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love over night meets its that nice bit of company and sleeping with someone....i don't read into things tho i know what i want and i like but i wont be falling in love with anyone anytime soon x |
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I have one friend with whom I do meals and overnighters but we both absolutely know the score. We keep our emotions in check beautifully
If you're not happy doing overnighters then don't...No point doing something which doesn't make you happy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We don't meet singularly, we only meet as a couple! So can't really give you an opinion.
Trial and error I suppose what's good for one may not be good for others  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think if I was a single woman then I'd _iew it differently and be happy with overnighters.
Being married, those snuggles and late night cuddles and pillow talk become something more intimate that I only want to share with him even though he snores like a buffalo being anally raped by a lion. |
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"I think if I was a single woman then I'd _iew it differently and be happy with overnighters.
Being married, those snuggles and late night cuddles and pillow talk become something more intimate that I only want to share with him even though he snores like a buffalo being anally raped by a lion."
That's an image,... |
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"Firstly, I think there's a difference between singles and couples. I can see there being potential for issues when one of a couple is involved.
However, when it's 2 singles, I don't see why there should be a problem, except for the fact that a number of people on here seem to have problems with emotions. By the way, that's not a criticism, simply an observation.
I've done a fair few 'overnighters'. Other than once, a weekend at a neutral venue, the lady has always come to mine. And I haven't yet disappeared off into the sunset with any of them!! "
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"I think if I was a single woman then I'd _iew it differently and be happy with overnighters.
Being married, those snuggles and late night cuddles and pillow talk become something more intimate that I only want to share with him even though he snores like a buffalo being anally raped by a lion."
Personally, if I were part of a swinging couple there'd be no overnight stays with singles. What?!! I wake up alone while she gets cuddles?!! I don't think so! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've only done overnighters with 3 people on this site.
The recent one, We met in Jan and we were friends with benefits for a while, but done things like got a pizza and watched a film and gone to places for the day etc, then I found out recently in March I started to develop feelings for him.
I was worried about telling him because I did not(and nor did he) signed up for it, but I told him anyway. He said he had feelings for me too and now we're in a relationship but gonna swing as a couple. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a single bi fem who only meets women I find sleep overs great, to continue the fun with a gorgeous lady the following morning is very erotic. I have never had a bad experience doing this, it has always been a very positive experience.. Sleeping over 2
nights is even better  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think if I was a single woman then I'd _iew it differently and be happy with overnighters.
Being married, those snuggles and late night cuddles and pillow talk become something more intimate that I only want to share with him even though he snores like a buffalo being anally raped by a lion.
Personally, if I were part of a swinging couple there'd be no overnight stays with singles. What?!! I wake up alone while she gets cuddles?!! I don't think so!"
That's what I meant. I cant and wouldn't do over nighters now I'm married however as a singleton I would have been happy too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have done overnighters occasionally, although most were with a previous fb. For me I'm not overly keen as I like my own sleeping space and am worried about morning breath! They can be nice every now and then though for the morning sex with someone you know (and if I know it's happening I do take a toothbrush and will try to sneak out of bed in the morning to brush my teeth before he wakes up!!). I can understand how spending time with someone beyond just sex can bring emotions into it, but sometimes wonder if these emotions carry on once the glow from the orgasms has gone! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think if I was a single woman then I'd _iew it differently and be happy with overnighters.
Being married, those snuggles and late night cuddles and pillow talk become something more intimate that I only want to share with him even though he snores like a buffalo being anally raped by a lion.
Personally, if I were part of a swinging couple there'd be no overnight stays with singles. What?!! I wake up alone while she gets cuddles?!! I don't think so!"
That's what I meant. I cant and wouldn't do over nighters now I'm married however as a singleton I would have been happy too |
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"never done an overnighter, never done a date thing and meals out, or cinema or anything of the like.
I'm boring, I meet in clubs and it stays like that, but dont mind repeat meets."
Same as me but I do get invited to peoples homes too which is very good of them. |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
My fb regularly stays over. It means we can both relax and have a drink and take our time. It's never an issue. I like my space and he does too - so once a week works fine for us. I have occasionally allowed others to stay over, but prefer it when I know someone well. I get irritated when I don't have my space.
Emotions don't really come in to it. It's playtime and nothing more. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Cant do overnights. would like to but its impossible. Anyway, maybe not a good idea for me as it seems I meet a guy and then might hear from them the next day and then nothing at all, even though we both say we'd like to meet again, seems they dont. Id rather they said I had fun but dont want to meet again, wouldnt be nice to hear but at least know where I stood. Think my hard shell is not hard enough yet  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My fb regularly stays over. It means we can both relax and have a drink and take our time. It's never an issue. I like my space and he does too - so once a week works fine for us. I have occasionally allowed others to stay over, but prefer it when I know someone well. I get irritated when I don't have my space.
Emotions don't really come in to it. It's playtime and nothing more."
Totally agree with you there... playtime with added benefits and for me enjoying various aspects of life because of similar tastes but being able to detach any emotions as it's not what were looking for.. Manage your mind... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is aimed specifically at women who swing both singly, and with a partner/husband.
Recently I spent a whole night with a very nice guy from Fabs. Had great sex, and an otherwise good time.
Once my partner had picked me up and we were on the way back home however, emotions began to get the better of me and we had a rather soul-searching day after. As a result, I now know that overnight meets which resemble a 'date' (ie. being taken out for a meal etc) are not for me. But, as he has been swinging a lot longer than I have, my partner has no problem with them himself and is able to treat them rather like he is acting in a 24hr movie and, at the end, it's over and that's that.
How do any of you who have also tried overnight meets feel about them? Have you tried them and also found it's not for you? Or have you found it's something which works for you..?
Would be really interested in your _iews.."
It works for me as i think the sex gets better with someone you know better . and ...i hate quickies |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have a big, long awaited meet in a couple of weeks. An over nighter too, very sexy and fun couple. But its just for fun. Hope we'll all be far too busy with smug grins on our faces to be thinking of anything other than "WOW!!"  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As part of a couple for nearly 20 years I would say that I don't think I'd be comfortable with an overnight stay. For the last 20 years it has been Mr Salisburycouple that I have fallen asleep with and woken up with...that just wouldn't seem right with anyone else. I'm not saying never, but at the moment, it just wouldn't feel right. That might sound weird as I do meet alone, but somehow overnight is one step too far for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I stay overnight at my fwb's house and love nothing better, I get the cuddles and holding hand bf/gf stuff without the attachment bit and feel I think more relaxed. The only problem I have is that once I am awake, I want to get up, I cannot just lie in bed nor go back to sleep whereas he is quite happy to stay there and of course its not my house so I cannot wander off and do housework
Not sure about staying at anyone else's; I have had offers but find it uncomfortable as I prefer to go home |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It takes a long time before I can trust someone enough for an overnight stay. I would feel far too vulnerable to sleep. Plus I snore."
We are lucky that both of us do |
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I've had a few over nighters but always at his or a hotel and I'm fine with them. They are what they are meets for lots of sex but I can have a drink as well. I admit I'm not really comfortable with overnights at my home but that's because of practical reasons as although my daughter is at her dads when i play he is only round the corner and she could turn up anytime in the morning!! Saying that though its rare I do them because I snore badly  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know how I'd feel. Overnighters in my head conjour up thoughts of snuggles and giggling and mugs of tea in bed in a morning (yeah I'm a romantic at heart lol). That might tug at my heart strings a little "
I went to dinner with a fb, it was nice just because two people are having sex it doesn't mean you can't sleep over or have dinner. I went away with a fb once and I stayed with him all night and he took me to dinner but it wasn't romantic as we were discussing who we could find on fab to come and fuck me lol
saying that I am going on nights out with someone as well as having nights in, if its fun then do it just know where you stand. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've only done overnighters with 3 people on this site.
The recent one, We met in Jan and we were friends with benefits for a while, but done things like got a pizza and watched a film and gone to places for the day etc, then I found out recently in March I started to develop feelings for him.
I was worried about telling him because I did not(and nor did he) signed up for it, but I told him anyway. He said he had feelings for me too and now we're in a relationship but gonna swing as a couple. "
if you don't tell then you will never know.. how nice for you both |
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By *rsIdiotWoman
over a year ago
Bedworth |
I love a long, duvet day with my friend but have never considered an over nighter with him or anyone else.
Our meets are incredible and never long enough, no matter how long we spend together.
Ultimately though, much as I love spending time with my friend and having mind blowing sex. It's my husband that I love and cherish and he is the only man I want to wake up with in the mornings.
Plus I snore |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My preference has always been for one awesome fuckbuddy and I do infrequent overnighters. I find I prefer almost the
Intimacy and trust of this type of relationship.
I have been caught out after a weekend together where my feelings/emotions took over but within days they were firmly back in check. The boundaries we both stipulated are there for a reason
For the odd meet for just sex then no overnighters - enjoy the sex and be gone! |
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