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Being someones dirty little secret.
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By *hagTonight OP Man 2 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
Before I am asking the question. I will set the scene. I watched an episode of eastenders and there ravi and denise is having secret meetings behind jacks back, ravi is denise secret that jack doesnt know about, they have many secret meetings.
On the same day ravi saw denise and jack was hugging, when jack left, ravi and denise met secretly, ravi wasnt happy that she still had feelings for jack and said that he didnt want to be her dirty little secret anymore, it was like an ultimatum for her, he did still want to be it, but she had to decide if he wanted jack or him.
That got me thinking, have you ever been someones secret, how did it go, are you still together? I havent been ones yet, it does sound fun and exciting.
Is there a lot of jealousy in these kind of relationships, who gets jealous the most, is it the partner or the secret? I reckon it is the secret because they dont have who they want so they have to sneak around with them instead  |
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Yes I have or at least I was made to feel that way. People have lots of reasons for keeping secrets and sometimes they don't care who they hurt. I didn't even question it at the time but now I see it was a lack of respect and shows the persons true feelings for me. Especially when it was different with others. It makes you feel like you are worthless.
Definate red flag for me now. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 2 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"No I haven't and never will be and I would never put a man in that position either.
If a man doesn't want to be seen with me then he's not my type."
Hi sparkle, yes, you are right, that then they wouldnt be your type too |
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People i meet here are private shall we say. But if I had a relationship either from here or anywhere then that would have to be open. I might be vague about how we met. My kids know about fab and I do sometimes tell them about the guys I meet regularly. My family know I am enm but not much else. |
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I don't really like to be anyone's dirty little secret.
One of my partners is married and the wife isn't out to her family, so we're not blatant or public, but it's not completely hidden away in the dark from everyone, friends and people that are accepting of poly are in the know.
Another I work with. We're not open about it at work because it isn't worth the gossip or hassle that being public with it would cause for the sake of being unprofessional at work anyway. But I think that's reasonable and not on the same level as a full dirty little secret.
I do much prefer to just be open and express affection wherever we are, but it doesn't always make sense to do that 💜 |
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People often have secrets and I don't know this television series info. I'm sure that someone hasn't told others about me, due to their discretion but I'm unaware as a single person, of anything remotely like this. I'm not in favour of cheating and if I dated it would need to be open and honest |
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By *929Man 2 weeks ago
northumberland |
Not exactly the same situation but was expected to keep quiet when I first met my kids mam as she was terrified of her ex as apparently “if he can have her no man can” I didn’t care and was happy for him to find out but did so for her sake, that went out the wi do when she became pregnant though no hiding it then haha that was 18 years ago now and I’m still waiting now on the fat sack of shit making good on his threats haha |
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Unless having an affair being someone's secret is not on. There maybe times when keeping it under the radar a little is needed, potentially jealous ex especially if kids are involved. But I think it is always best to be out and open. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 2 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Yes I have or at least I was made to feel that way. People have lots of reasons for keeping secrets and sometimes they don't care who they hurt. I didn't even question it at the time but now I see it was a lack of respect and shows the persons true feelings for me. Especially when it was different with others. It makes you feel like you are worthless.
Definate red flag for me now. "
Hi _exyscientists, yes, you are right there, people have lots of reasons for keeping secrets. I see, yes, sometimes it takes time to see what it is about too |
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I have been, a married woman from work. It carried on for six months, car fun, dates, weekends away. She and her hubby were at breaking point, she said her skin crawled if he came near her.
We kind of just fizzled out and they’re not together anymore. She left the job and we don’t speak anymore, people who know her said she’s doing well, so I’ve left it at that. |
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Yes, but not in that context. A large age gap relationship, where he didn't want to be seen out with me unless we were out of area. As soon as he admitted he was scared, that his mates would take the piss out of him, for being with someone who could have been his mum. I walked...
I refuse to be someones dirty little secret. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 2 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Not exactly the same situation but was expected to keep quiet when I first met my kids mam as she was terrified of her ex as apparently “if he can have her no man can” I didn’t care and was happy for him to find out but did so for her sake, that went out the wi do when she became pregnant though no hiding it then haha that was 18 years ago now and I’m still waiting now on the fat sack of shit making good on his threats haha "
Yes, that situation is a bit different too  |
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"I have it was incredibly lonely and resulted in much heartbreak for me.
Not all 'other women ' are the cold hearted stereotype either and I wish more people realised that "
Sorry to hear. And yes people are always too quick to judge sadly. Nobody know's other people's circumstances |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 2 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I don't watch EastEnders so I don't know if Jack and Denise are married or why the other guy is a secret. Whatever the situation I wouldn't want to be anyone's secret, it's too stressful"
Hi nicecouple, the episode is from the 14th january, jack and denise are coparents and are divorced, but they still got feelings for each other, denise had ravi first before she got together with jack, she still got feelings for ravi, so she is seeing him behind jacks back too |
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"Special mention to the guys who are fine to sneak me into their hotel room but won't do socials because they can't be seen with "a trans". 🤮"
That's so unbelievably shit. My sister has had similar experiences due to her disability. She has cerebral palsy. |
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"Special mention to the guys who are fine to sneak me into their hotel room but won't do socials because they can't be seen with "a trans". 🤮
That's so unbelievably shit. My sister has had similar experiences due to her disability. She has cerebral palsy. "
I'm so sorry. That's horrible 😢 |
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"Special mention to the guys who are fine to sneak me into their hotel room but won't do socials because they can't be seen with "a trans". 🤮
That's so unbelievably shit. My sister has had similar experiences due to her disability. She has cerebral palsy.
I'm so sorry. That's horrible 😢"
I'm sorry too x |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 2 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Yes, but not in that context. A large age gap relationship, where he didn't want to be seen out with me unless we were out of area. As soon as he admitted he was scared, that his mates would take the piss out of him, for being with someone who could have been his mum. I walked...
I refuse to be someones dirty little secret."
Hi briar. I see, yes, that is good you dont want to be someones secret too |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 2 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I've had the 'we need to be discreet' thing a few times.
I can take it in small doses, when it's a drama dynamic or part of what the turn on is for them - I get bored."
That is good you can take it in small doses too |
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"Is there a lot of jealousy in these kind of relationships, who gets jealous the most, is it the partner or the secret? I reckon it is the secret because they dont have who they want so they have to sneak around with them instead "
I’m quite old and over the years I’ve been on both sides of this, more than once. (Okay, a lot more than once.)
I think that so long as you’re honest and open with each other - within your ‘secret’ relationship, I mean - then the jealousy doesn’t have to happen. Boundaries, compartmentalisation, and all that … it *can* work. |
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I have been. Married female coworker who I got on well with shocked me one night out when she asked why I had never hit on her and I said because she’s married, why would I? Her response is one of the few times my jaw has been on the floor. Needless to say a few weeks later things progressed. |
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Been someone's dirty little scret a couple of times.
One was a meet at his place, his place of work. A small unit on an industrial estate. One quite Sunday morning got picked up at his local train station, driven to the unit, locked in it, while he went off hurriedly to do something for his wife. When he got back we fucked all over the unit, office, work area and the loo. He was supposed to be at a football match he told me.
Another time a hotel meet was a bit of surprise, he was a xdresser, that wasn't the surprise, it was what he did for a living. So this was his secret rendezvous with me.
Not bothered about it, I'm discreet so I wouldn't grass them up.
They were both good fucks, especially the first one he was small in height, had a five inch dick that he enjoyed pumping the hell out of me, phew. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 2 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"People i meet here are private shall we say. But if I had a relationship either from here or anywhere then that would have to be open. I might be vague about how we met. My kids know about fab and I do sometimes tell them about the guys I meet regularly. My family know I am enm but not much else. "
Hi catnip. I see, that is good if you had a relationship it would be open too |
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I have been the other woman in an affair when I was younger, I didn't go looking for it but we were drawn together. It was pretty difficult emotionally/mentally and not something I would rush into getting involved with again, it was on an off for a number of years tho he would drop in and out of my life and it wasn't constant. His partner never found out, they are still together. I never wanted her to find out and did my best to ensure he didn't fuck his life up. I haven't seen him for three years but we do still talk online sporadically now and again to check in. I have no romantic feelings for him now, but we are friends and always were. |
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There was a period when things were very intense between us and I can't pretend that part of the intensity/attraction wasn't the fact it was a secret and we knew we shouldn't be doing it. If he wasn't married with a family I don't know if we would have been as involved with eachother as we were. It is something I have thought about. |
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I'm someone's secret, and he is mine. It's complicated. Mentally draining a lot of the time. I've tried to walk away many times, but I can't seem to make it stick. The sex is incredible! I'm now wondering if it's only as good as it is because we are each other's secret. |
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Found out after dating someone for 6 months he was married. I knew he had kids but not the wife.
I was in deep by that point and should have walked away. I didnt. I was 19. I would now. In a heartbeat |
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