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What happens to an narcissist in the end?
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By *hagTonight OP Man 1 week ago
From the land of haribos. |
I read an interesting article about narcissists and it was about of what happens to one in the end.
They mentioned many things like, how they thrive on admiration and how they always find new people to feed their ego, but what happens over time, when the cracks begin to show that is then friends and family grow tired of their self absorption.
They concluded by saying how they face isolation when they grow older as their superficial charm loses its power, their tactics work for some time, but not always.
What is your view about it and what happens to them in the end, do you also agree with me that they will end up lonely as the people they are with gets tired of their behavior, or can they use their charm forever on some people and stay together with them?  |
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You talk about narcissists as if they are different species Shag.
Would you do the same about any other kind of difference or disorder ?
Are you going to round up all the narcissists in the world and do something to eradicate them from the planet ?
I read an interesting article about a man who did something like that once. |
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" Come across a few in here that have caused some women emotional and physical pain and distress, so I’m interested in hearing more about this topic x"
Good to know that someone wants to actually UNDERSTAND this mental illness.
Start by reading reputable medical magazines and not some fly by night article in a magazine or the internet.
The word is bandied about now to mean any partner who someone thinks treated them badly ..... That does not make a narcissist.
Many people with the disorder lead very productive , creative and succesfull lives.
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"You talk about narcissists as if they are different species Shag.
Would you do the same about any other kind of difference or disorder ?
Are you going to round up all the narcissists in the world and do something to eradicate them from the planet ?
I read an interesting article about a man who did something like that once. "
Morning, I have not heard anyone called ( or been referring to ) as Shag since I was an apprentice in the late 80s. That takes me back.
Every one at work used to call each other Shag or Colin.
The good old days! |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 1 week ago
From the land of haribos. |
" Come across a few in here that have caused some women emotional and physical pain and distress, so I’m interested in hearing more about this topic x"
Hi _leasinglipznhips, yes, it is an interesting topic, you are right there, some of them cause, emotional, physical pain and distress too x |
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"Most people face isolation as they get older....narcissist or not!
True. P.S. not a narcissist.
Only a narcissist would say that !
Gasp ....... maybe it's me.
A narcissist wouldn't say that."
Or maybe a clever narcissist would. They're the worst. |
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I don't pretend to know much if anything on the subject but just from personal experience of someone pointing the finger at others and calling them a narcissist, my thinking on it is that very often those who use the term to label others often display the very tendencies they are highlighting.
That person used to stalk social media pages belonging to those she was calling a narcissist while at the same time had joined numerous online groups and forums searching for ammunition to back up her claims.
Because most of these groups were US based she spent every other night scrolling on phone or laptop until 2 or 3am and almost every conversation she had with those around her were linked to this obsession.
For that reason many friends including me, didn't want to be in her company.
We walked away and were then labelled as narcissists in her own social media ramblings.
I haven't spoken to her in years but I can only imagine her circle of friends has reduced significantly to a point where loneliness is a very real issue for her now.
I always believed she had gone down the rabbit hole in an attempt to prove to others that she wasn't the very thing she claimed to despise and became frustrated that nobody seemed to understand her obsession.
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" Come across a few in here that have caused some women emotional and physical pain and distress, so I’m interested in hearing more about this topic x
Good to know that someone wants to actually UNDERSTAND this mental illness.
Start by reading reputable medical magazines and not some fly by night article in a magazine or the internet.
The word is bandied about now to mean any partner who someone thinks treated them badly ..... That does not make a narcissist.
Many people with the disorder lead very productive , creative and succesfull lives.
"
 The majority of people's ex partners seem to be narcissists but the reality is its a mental illness that has to be diagnosed. Being a asshole does not make someone a narcissist. |
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By *ert999400Man 1 week ago
Glasgow/Edinburgh/Cardiff |
" Come across a few in here that have caused some women emotional and physical pain and distress, so I’m interested in hearing more about this topic x
Good to know that someone wants to actually UNDERSTAND this mental illness.
Start by reading reputable medical magazines and not some fly by night article in a magazine or the internet.
The word is bandied about now to mean any partner who someone thinks treated them badly ..... That does not make a narcissist.
Many people with the disorder lead very productive , creative and succesfull lives.
"
There once was a successful guy in last century Germany who had a mental illness no one treated him. He was just entertained for a decade. |
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"Good to know that someone wants to actually UNDERSTAND this mental illness.
Start by reading reputable medical magazines and not some fly by night article in a magazine or the internet.
The word is bandied about now to mean any partner who someone thinks treated them badly ..... That does not make a narcissist.
Many people with the disorder lead very productive , creative and succesfull lives. "
So, stay away from Tic-Tok for an education, that's what you're saying GC, right?! (because it's painfully rife with 'experts' you see!) 😉 |
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True Narcisistic Personalities are scary. They are manipulative and play by different rules. The problem is that it is impossible for a normal person to imagine that they would do, say and lie like they do. |
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Everyone claims they know a narcissist Lmao they probably don't everyone can have narcissistic traits and can be horrible were human no one is kind and sweet all the time and a diagnosed narcisist is sally very good at manipulating people and situations to look like they're the victim and they usually have amazing life's and get whatever they want whilst dragging and pulling others down to get ahead including narc females or males who use good looks as a advantage of manipulation narcs have no empathy for others and can only feel bad for themselfs nothing more dangerous than a pretty narc pretty privilege is a real thing |
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By *inkShyWoman 1 week ago
near Windsor |
My ex is a narcissist, diagnosed in 2022, after I left because of his ways. His daughter, who I was very close with, told me. He's been in 'treatment' and, from what I've been told, his old friendship group is now back on speaking terms with him, and he's apparently not treating everyone like a pawn in his own world. Whether it is true or not, I don't know, as most people didn't realise they were a game piece to him.
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By *hagTonight OP Man 1 week ago
From the land of haribos. |
"True Narcisistic Personalities are scary. They are manipulative and play by different rules. The problem is that it is impossible for a normal person to imagine that they would do, say and lie like they do."
Hi _lusher, yes, you are right there, they are manipulative and play by different rules too |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 1 week ago
From the land of haribos. |
"My ex is a narcissist, diagnosed in 2022, after I left because of his ways. His daughter, who I was very close with, told me. He's been in 'treatment' and, from what I've been told, his old friendship group is now back on speaking terms with him, and he's apparently not treating everyone like a pawn in his own world. Whether it is true or not, I don't know, as most people didn't realise they were a game piece to him.
"
Hi _inkshy. I see, that is good you left him, yes, they never change their behaviour of who they are with too |
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"My ex is a narcissist, diagnosed in 2022, after I left because of his ways. His daughter, who I was very close with, told me. He's been in 'treatment' and, from what I've been told, his old friendship group is now back on speaking terms with him, and he's apparently not treating everyone like a pawn in his own world. Whether it is true or not, I don't know, as most people didn't realise they were a game piece to him.
"
It is very rare for a therapist to continue treatment with someone they believe has NPD as it’s hard wired in them. They usually do the “I don’t think we’re compatible” talk and let them leave.
Primary narcissism is something children grow out of and some borderline personalities carry in to adulthood. This can be tempered with therapy. |
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I often wonder about this as my ex is a complete narc/psycho.
He will end up lonely and alone. His kids will want nothing to do with him. All they will have from him is money, which will set them up for life.
He will no longer be able to trade on his looks nor youth. He wont be able to get a younger model as he wont splash the cash he tries so hard to hide from me.
Sad lonely evil pathetic excuse of a man and a father. |
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"Good to know that someone wants to actually UNDERSTAND this mental illness.
Start by reading reputable medical magazines and not some fly by night article in a magazine or the internet.
The word is bandied about now to mean any partner who someone thinks treated them badly ..... That does not make a narcissist.
Many people with the disorder lead very productive , creative and succesfull lives.
So, stay away from Tic-Tok for an education, that's what you're saying GC, right?! (because it's painfully rife with 'experts' you see!) 😉"
I've never Tik Tok'd n I think it's about time I did ........ hmmmmmmm
I'll let you know what I think |
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"Good to know that someone wants to actually UNDERSTAND this mental illness.
Start by reading reputable medical magazines and not some fly by night article in a magazine or the internet.
The word is bandied about now to mean any partner who someone thinks treated them badly ..... That does not make a narcissist.
Many people with the disorder lead very productive , creative and succesfull lives.
So, stay away from Tic-Tok for an education, that's what you're saying GC, right?! (because it's painfully rife with 'experts' you see!) 😉
I've never Tik Tok'd n I think it's about time I did ........ hmmmmmmm
I'll let you know what I think "
Me neither granny. I’ve not even twittered or instagrammed yet! I think I can live happily without it all though |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 1 week ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Answer to OP. They form relationships with pleasers unknowingly seeking trauma bonds or end up serial dating along with other antisocial people who can’t hold down a relationship long."
Yes, they form relationships with pleasers too |
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By *inkShyWoman 1 week ago
near Windsor |
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Hi _inkshy. I see, that is good you left him, yes, they never change their behaviour of who they are with too "
100%. I don't believe he has truly changed, I think he had run out of people to manipulate and pulled them back in... |
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By *inkShyWoman 1 week ago
near Windsor |
".
It is very rare for a therapist to continue treatment with someone they believe has NPD as it’s hard wired in them. They usually do the “I don’t think we’re compatible” talk and let them leave.
Primary narcissism is something children grow out of and some borderline personalities carry in to adulthood. This can be tempered with therapy."
I actually doubted he even stayed in therapy, so what you say makes perfect sense. Hearing stories from his mum, I think his began when he was around 9 or 10. It's quite dangerous as he has such a feeling of superiority and needing admiring, thinking he is better than everyone, and fantasies of being powerful he actually pretended to be a solicitor (he was a legal case worker) and lost someone his house in his divorce, and lost a family member of mine their employment tribunal, as he obviously wasn't even able to represent. That's when it all started to crumble. |
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".
It is very rare for a therapist to continue treatment with someone they believe has NPD as it’s hard wired in them. They usually do the “I don’t think we’re compatible” talk and let them leave.
Primary narcissism is something children grow out of and some borderline personalities carry in to adulthood. This can be tempered with therapy.
I actually doubted he even stayed in therapy, so what you say makes perfect sense. Hearing stories from his mum, I think his began when he was around 9 or 10. It's quite dangerous as he has such a feeling of superiority and needing admiring, thinking he is better than everyone, and fantasies of being powerful he actually pretended to be a solicitor (he was a legal case worker) and lost someone his house in his divorce, and lost a family member of mine their employment tribunal, as he obviously wasn't even able to represent. That's when it all started to crumble."
Wow, what a piece of work! Assuming he’s a narc, he was in all probability between 5 and 7 when it fixed in his personality but became more visible by 9 or 10. He was building a a facade to hide overwhelming feelings of guilt or shame, low self esteem or self worth. He never learned to accept that we all have dark sides or how to achieve internal validation. He doesn’t have feelings of superiority at all, just a mantra of superiority to sooth himself with that’s so deeply ingrained he can’t hear it any more. |
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By *eliWoman 1 week ago
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Shag; are narcissists a particular interest of yours/have you been affected by one before?
I've been labelled one by an ex when they've been angry with me - it's pretty shitty behaviour. I don't think that makes me a narcissist, just part of an unimaginative trend. It's soon forgotten when they message me yet again. 
Unless someone actually has a diagnosis... I don't know. Stay away from trends and videos looking to utilise that but without actual formal qualifications - Bob the Life Coach has an ex, not a job where he can identify narcissists. |
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"Not all people who display narcissistic characteristics ARE narcissists
Not all people who ARE narcissists are diagnosed. "
And this is partly what I was getting at - there must be a proportion of NPD people who have not been diagnosed.
And I also agree that we can all have traits at certain times, it can be asituational or environmental reaction. |
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"Would someone with NPD seek out a diagnosis, though. Under what circumstances would it arise? Genuinely curious. "
Someone with NPD would in all probability never suspect themselves. Therapists will not want to work with People with NPD, they can’t be fixed. People who do get diagnosed with NPD are often there through a criminal case or a condition of bail. |
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"Not all people who display narcissistic characteristics ARE narcissists
Not all people who ARE narcissists are diagnosed.
And this is partly what I was getting at - there must be a proportion of NPD people who have not been diagnosed.
And I also agree that we can all have traits at certain times, it can be asituational or environmental reaction. "
Narcissistic responses are much more common than NPD. A good acid test for narcissism is forgiveness. They have no capacity for it. They can do public displays if forgiveness when it shows them in a good light but in times of insecurity their list of slights, large or small will all come up again. |
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"Not all people who display narcissistic characteristics ARE narcissists
Not all people who ARE narcissists are diagnosed.
And this is partly what I was getting at - there must be a proportion of NPD people who have not been diagnosed.
And I also agree that we can all have traits at certain times, it can be asituational or environmental reaction. "
I would suggest that as behavioural conditions go, narcissism is probably the least likely to be diagnosed, people with other behavioural conditions are far more likely seek an answer for their behaviour as a means to understanding it and to help them manage it
An actual narcissist would probably not have that thought process.
Disclaimer -: these are just observations of an individual with no medical qualifications. |
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"Would someone with NPD seek out a diagnosis, though. Under what circumstances would it arise? Genuinely curious.
Someone with NPD would in all probability never suspect themselves. Therapists will not want to work with People with NPD, they can’t be fixed. People who do get diagnosed with NPD are often there through a criminal case or a condition of bail."
That's what I was thinking, it would need to be enforced on them. Is there any overlap between NPD and anti social personality disorder? |
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"Would someone with NPD seek out a diagnosis, though. Under what circumstances would it arise? Genuinely curious.
Someone with NPD would in all probability never suspect themselves. Therapists will not want to work with People with NPD, they can’t be fixed. People who do get diagnosed with NPD are often there through a criminal case or a condition of bail.
That's what I was thinking, it would need to be enforced on them. Is there any overlap between NPD and anti social personality disorder? "
Loads of overlap. ASPD don’t care what you think about them, they don’t crave your respect like NPD. ASPD mellows with age, NPD does not. ASPD use aggression to get their way, NPD use charm, triangulation and gaslighting. |
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"Would someone with NPD seek out a diagnosis, though. Under what circumstances would it arise? Genuinely curious.
Someone with NPD would in all probability never suspect themselves. Therapists will not want to work with People with NPD, they can’t be fixed. People who do get diagnosed with NPD are often there through a criminal case or a condition of bail.
That's what I was thinking, it would need to be enforced on them. Is there any overlap between NPD and anti social personality disorder?
Loads of overlap. ASPD don’t care what you think about them, they don’t crave your respect like NPD. ASPD mellows with age, NPD does not. ASPD use aggression to get their way, NPD use charm, triangulation and gaslighting."
I'd love to discuss further, but don't want to hijack Shags thread. |
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"Shag, don’t let anyone tell you it is wrong to be curious about something.
If you have the brains to have a question, you have the brains to have an answer."
Curiosity is fantastic , but not a guarantee of understanding. If responses to questions were absorbed readily and learned we could all be solving quantum mechanics in our sleep.
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Neurodiversity does deserve better understanding, but like other forms of diversity it may not actually happen, sadly. Likewise, even the labels adopted with good intentions can be used to differentiate. There are also some difficulties around pathologising mental health issues using fixed categories. None of this is easy and maybe an anonymous forum on a swingers site isn’t the best place for these sorts of discussion…. |
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"Neurodiversity does deserve better understanding, but like other forms of diversity it may not actually happen, sadly. Likewise, even the labels adopted with good intentions can be used to differentiate. There are also some difficulties around pathologising mental health issues using fixed categories. None of this is easy and maybe an anonymous forum on a swingers site isn’t the best place for these sorts of discussion…."
I’ve no idea why you feel the need to shut down discussion between adults. Narcissism is not classified as neural diversity. As an ND person myself I find your belief that they are concerning. Also narcissism is not a protected characteristic so you need not fear for their discrimination.
We are not diagnosing anyone online, just sharing knowledge where there is curiosity. The ability to avoid wrong’uns is a good lesson for any of us. We are all adults here and discerning enough to take on board or discard any comments we read. If you find my comments triggering, feel free to block me. |
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"Neurodiversity does deserve better understanding, but like other forms of diversity it may not actually happen, sadly. Likewise, even the labels adopted with good intentions can be used to differentiate. There are also some difficulties around pathologising mental health issues using fixed categories. None of this is easy and maybe an anonymous forum on a swingers site isn’t the best place for these sorts of discussion…."
Personality disorders and neurodiversity are two separate entities. Personality disorders are behaviours and characteristics, whereas ND is to do with brain function.
There are some labels that are helpful, and promote understanding, or access to much needed support.
And why shouldn't we discuss these topics on a swinging site? If it helps people understand a different perspective, or simply to understand, then I don't see a problem.
In all likelihood, there are many people with NPD without a diagnosis. Some will be able to manage it and adapt to accepted societal norms. Others will not.
Asking whether the ex has received a diagnosis, or invalidating someone's lived experience is not helpful.
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By *hagTonight OP Man 1 week ago
From the land of haribos. |
"
Hi _inkshy. I see, that is good you left him, yes, they never change their behaviour of who they are with too
100%. I don't believe he has truly changed, I think he had run out of people to manipulate and pulled them back in... "
Yes, you are right there, they usually run out of people to manipulate and pulled them back in too |
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