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The intimacy of being understood.
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I’ve been thinking about this recently. But sometimes there’s an intimacy that I can’t really explain about being understood by people like you.
Of course it’s good to not just hang out with people that are just like you, but how do YOU balance that? Do you mostly hang around those similar to you? Or nah? |
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Mostly, I'll be around people with whom I share interests. Mostly my friends share my socio-political views as ive no desire to be around views I detest.
However, my friends range from old style One Nation tories to Anarcho-Syndicalists.
I suspect that, like most, my friends range across all the sexual proclivities but outside of this scene it just isn't discussed. |
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I was a swinger all my adult life although in the beginning I didn't know what it was called really.
When I got the Internet and found a site I thought omg there are other people like me. I then found myself in the community of swingers online and going to clubs.
It was great where you could tell someone you had avten man gangbang without them batting an eye.
Still have my vanilla friends |
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"I’ve been thinking about this recently. But sometimes there’s an intimacy that I can’t really explain about being understood by people like you.
Of course it’s good to not just hang out with people that are just like you, but how do YOU balance that? Do you mostly hang around those similar to you? Or nah?"
Not sure I understand the first bit?
But yeah it’s good to have friends that challenge you and think differently to you, and have different interests and perspective or how would you grow? Isn’t this why companies push for diversity. But I think it’s important you have the same or similar values, mostly.
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I have an asexual friend that I hang out with a lot and she is a constant source or *contented sigh*
Being around her fills me up. I have mostly straight friends so the fact that she is bisexual and asexual makes me feel seen.
I also used to have majority non white friends but a lot of them have moved away now and I feel a little lonely from that lack of understanding that can sometimes happen.
I definitely want to build up my social networks for POCf friends and also LGBTQ+ friends. |
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I hang out with a lot of people, who are a little like varied me. All have very different strengths and the conversations never run dry. Having them all in my life makes me feel complete.
I don't think I'd get on with someone completely like me, we would argue too much, my personality needs dilution  |
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"I have an asexual friend that I hang out with a lot and she is a constant source or *contented sigh*
Being around her fills me up. I have mostly straight friends so the fact that she is bisexual and asexual makes me feel seen.
I also used to have majority non white friends but a lot of them have moved away now and I feel a little lonely from that lack of understanding that can sometimes happen.
I definitely want to build up my social networks for POCf friends and also LGBTQ+ friends."
You get it.
This is exactly what I mean. I hope you find your people again |
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I don't really hang out with many people other than Mr KC, my circle has shrunk and my ability to go out on my own diminished. I'm mainly inside my own head and that's not always a good thing.
I've stopped hanging out with certain people if I've found them to have values that are in direct opposition to mine. I spent a lot of my life trying to ignore certain things about some people in my life and it didn't do me any good.
I'm not saying I exist in an echo chamber, far from it, but I don't have the energy to try and pretend I'm something I'm not to placate others, so if their values trample all over mine, I'd rather leave them be to be themselves away from me. |
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I have various friends from various backgrounds who all get certain sides or aspects of me.
But when I meet one who gets all of them. Or at least that I have so many. That feels like home. Easy. Relaxed. Like I can breathe and not have to explain the leg twitches or foot tapping. Or why I’m suddenly quiet. Or need to just step outside….
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"I have various friends from various backgrounds who all get certain sides or aspects of me.
But when I meet one who gets all of them. Or at least that I have so many. That feels like home. Easy. Relaxed. Like I can breathe and not have to explain the leg twitches or foot tapping. Or why I’m suddenly quiet. Or need to just step outside….
"
Oh, same here Misty!
I've inadvertently collected various people who have turned out to be ND during the course of our friendship. It's ace. |
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I'm a few ways, I'm starting from scratch, rebuilding a social life as a woman and as a singleton after 30+ years committed monogamy and self imposed isolation.
As I become more comfortable in my own skin and honestly now that I like myself, I want to get out there and make friends, be around people that like me too.
I've had an interest in BDSM for 20+ years but was put off socialising in those circles by many negative stories from friends who had ventured into the social side. It's something I keep meaning to do but not getting the opportunity.
I've tried to meet socially with trans groups and the only one that's really populated and regular is a tea room for young folk. I was the oldest one there by about 30 years! The wider lgbtqia+ community, there's a coffee morning every week but that's all gay men.
I've been going to a swingers club semi regularly for six months now and signed up here for their VIP lists. I feel safe and comfortable at the club and I'm slowly making friends and connections.
I'm getting myself out there and so far it's going ok. We'll see what the future brings. |
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"I have various friends from various backgrounds who all get certain sides or aspects of me.
But when I meet one who gets all of them. Or at least that I have so many. That feels like home. Easy. Relaxed. Like I can breathe and not have to explain the leg twitches or foot tapping. Or why I’m suddenly quiet. Or need to just step outside….
"
Yes!
In all seriousness, certain connections I’ve made on fab feel make me feel like I can be the most me I’ve ever been with anyone, bar Mr. It’s one of my favourite things about this place.
Mrs TMN x |
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I hang out with people either because we have shared values (e.g. my friends, my partners), a shared history (e.g. my family), shared interests, or a mix of all three.
I share more with the people I share values with, because it's more likely they'll understand and accept me. But do they actually understand me; I have no idea, that's where it becomes complicated and philosophical. |
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"I have various friends from various backgrounds who all get certain sides or aspects of me.
But when I meet one who gets all of them. Or at least that I have so many. That feels like home. Easy. Relaxed. Like I can breathe and not have to explain the leg twitches or foot tapping. Or why I’m suddenly quiet. Or need to just step outside….
Oh, same here Misty!
I've inadvertently collected various people who have turned out to be ND during the course of our friendship. It's ace."
Mhm. Someone called me an ND magnet before 😅 |
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"I’ve been thinking about this recently. But sometimes there’s an intimacy that I can’t really explain about being understood by people like you.
Of course it’s good to not just hang out with people that are just like you, but how do YOU balance that? Do you mostly hang around those similar to you? Or nah?"
I find that being understood and seen has such an impact as I instantly feel more calmer and the intimacy reaches new levels, I wouldn’t just be around similar people but if there’s a relatable factor then I’m more inclined to form a stronger bond |
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"I’ve been thinking about this recently. But sometimes there’s an intimacy that I can’t really explain about being understood by people like you.
Of course it’s good to not just hang out with people that are just like you, but how do YOU balance that? Do you mostly hang around those similar to you? Or nah?
I find that being understood and seen has such an impact as I instantly feel more calmer and the intimacy reaches new levels, I wouldn’t just be around similar people but if there’s a relatable factor then I’m more inclined to form a stronger bond"
Yes!
I recently described it as an intimacy that I feel like you only know if you’ve felt it. |
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I feel like when you feel like ‘other‘ you especially see the value in these connections. Connections with people who are also ‘other’ or who feel like ‘other’. Your bond on that feels particularly strong. It makes you feel seen as said above. The importance of this feels super interesting to me because of course, it’s important to not solely rely on connections like this that make you feel safe and comfortable.
I as a poc feel this way about other poc and poc spaces but so many queer friends and women also have described it too. |
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By (user no longer on site) 6 days ago
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I wish I had friends that both understand the intense joy the scene and being EMM and Poly can bring but could also be there when the converse absolute misery is there too.
Someone that wasn't relationship wise close to talk with. |
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"I’ve been thinking about this recently. But sometimes there’s an intimacy that I can’t really explain about being understood by people like you.
Of course it’s good to not just hang out with people that are just like you, but how do YOU balance that? Do you mostly hang around those similar to you? Or nah?
I find that being understood and seen has such an impact as I instantly feel more calmer and the intimacy reaches new levels, I wouldn’t just be around similar people but if there’s a relatable factor then I’m more inclined to form a stronger bond
Yes!
I recently described it as an intimacy that I feel like you only know if you’ve felt it. "
So as soon as I read the topic I thought of how my ND has been when forming friendships/ relationships etc, and always go back to the wanting to be understood and not worry about masking as much as that’s tiring in itself, so being your true authentic self where you don’t have to mask as much provides a level of comfort and then you add in relatable connections whether it’s just them understanding how you may have felt or been misunderstood |
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The person who understands my brain the most I met on here, I don't have to explain how my AuDHD is screwing with me sometimes, they just know.
Due to being very late diagnosed, I've never felt so understood in my entire life |
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I had mostly neurotypical friends most of my life and have always been 'outside'. It's only recently that I have ND people close to me that I can really let the mask go with and it's really incredible to have a licence to just be.
I do challenge myself and mostly do it by arranging dates with people that are wildly different from me and not my 'type'. They almost never go further than a really interesting coffee but it's also how I found the woman I'm seeing, my best friend and my sea swimming buddies.
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