I don't have one, or friends really.
I did, J, we knew each other from babies, spent every day together and were the undisputed Kings of our school year.
But then my parents moved just before I turned 7 and they forced me to cut all contact "to make it easier for me to make new friends".
Except I didn't, at the tiny new school the friendship ties had all been made and there was no room for the new kid, so I finished primary school as basically a loner.
Secondary school was no better, as as soon as I tried to reach out, the children from my primary said, avoid him, he's the weird loner.
It wasn't helped by my being intelligent in a time where that was frowned on by other kids. So I was doomed to lack any close friends throughout secondary school too.
College came and went, made friends but I didn't live anywhere near them so socialising fizzled it to class acquaintances.
University was more promising, made friends but after uni, despite my trying, distance made it difficult, and after one birthday where they all pulled out in the last week before it, I gave up on them.
Now this is where the heartfelt comedy film version of my life would hit hard, I randomly bumped into J by total accident. We were both so excited, chatting about transformer toys and the fun we had etc. And him telling me that for years after I left, the group of friends I had, with him as bestie, often talked about me wondering how I got on.
But as we chatted it became obvious we were strangers with some early memories, we hadn't grown up together, we split to early, before creating that shared bond that would last. We did try, but were just too different and again distance didn't help along with the lack of actual shared history.
Now onto my career, I looked for work, eventually got a job that I didn't think I'd get as I was totally unqualified for, after 6 months the guy (one of 3 people) who interviewed me got back from deployment and let me know he was the reason I got the job as he thought I was hilarious. We got on like a house on fire, bounced off each others interests. Fast forward a few years, my marriage was failing, career stalled.l, then collapsed, I left the marital home and asked if I could stay in his spare room for a few days until I got set up with new digs, apparently it was going to be a bit inconvenient so no. He literally let me be homeless rather than stay in his spare room (he was single).
Soon after he basically blocked me.
Fast forward I rebuilt my life, new house, new job, but new job there is a big age gap between me and most workers, so I'm friendly with them but not friends.
So, 7 years with a good friend that was torn from me so hard it died, then 40 years with what turned out to just be acquaintances only.
Take away notes. If you have a best friend, cherish them. I wish I could.
|
