FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Confidence boost/breaker
Confidence boost/breaker
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Do you feel that since you joined fab your confidence and how you thought about yourself has grown or diminished.
Like every time I come back here no matter how I change things up or what I do it’s just been a constant blow to how I feel about myself it gets to the point of not feeling great about myself at all and my self esteem hits a low.
Anyone else in the same boat or want to share how their experience here has been to them ? |
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Maybe for women it can be a confidence boost when you get loads of messages but on the flip side it can have the opposite effect- if you let it and that can be hard.
Like with any group there is a wide range of people and that can have a positive or negative effect. You probably need to develop a tough skin but that’s hard sometimes if you are not that type of person x |
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By *funladMan 2 weeks ago
huddersfield |
Youve got to remember women get hundreds of messages a day yoube got to stand out or be lucky. But what will be will be remember its not about sleeping with everyone but getting the connection right which takes time |
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"This site is meant to be fun, I'm concerned that you let it drag you down.
Why let a bunch of strangers on an internet site affect how you feel about yourself?
"
I totally echo this, it's social media and so people are always gonna be weird, be rude, you not be their type or the other way round. If people say horrid things I just block and report and move on.
I have insecurties but just don't let people get you down, their lost  |
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For me, I do not let the views of strangers knock my confidence
Actually I see it the other way. If someone goes out of their way to try and knock your confidence it’s actually their problem not yours. They are most probably slightly not confident in themselves so try and bring you down to make them feel better.
That or they are just a dick
That said if you fire off a load of messages and get zero response or even just a well thought out one message and get nothing back, I see it has potential to but then I go back to my first point of why let strangers bother you
Without referring to Sydney university for figures I pretty much reckon over 99% of the site users, not forum users, will never meet each other |
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I can imagine it can knock your confidence a bit if you get no messages or meets. But like firing off hundreds of CVs and getting no interview’s. Any rational person must be able to see they are doing something wrong?
We have to take full responsibility for the outcomes we get in life be that career , financial, relational. Because this is how you become successful in those areas. If you can shift your mindset and look in the mirror when things are bad, instead of out of the window, you will begin to make the changes required to be more successful, in all area , including your health even. |
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If I am honest I enjoy fab. It’s been good to me. I don’t know if it has given me extra confidence but it certainly hasn’t taken it away.
If I was finding it was working against me then I wouldn’t stay - there are too many other things that I could be doing to get down on here. |
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My confidence has definitely increased, I was (and still am slightly) a very shy person, especially around women. I was with the same woman from the age of 15 so never needed to converse with other women to impress. We sort of knew what each other was thinking. So being on here was a big challenge at first. But I've met some amazing people, and hopefully meet a few more. |
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If I'm being totally honest, I've found the number of couples (and singles for that matter - although not what I'm seeking), that have a top age limit significantly less than my age, very disheartening. This is particularly true of those maybe only say 10 years younger than me.
Getting old in itself is weird mentally (I don't actually feel really any different to how I did in my mid 30s), but simply being excluded from any 'fun' on the basis of an arbitrary number, when I'm relatively fit, mentally sharp and still sexually active, does have a somewhat negative effect on my psyche.
Ho hum. It is what it is I guess. |
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No, but I've always been a confident person.
I think the worst thing on here can happen when you rely on others for a confidence boost, sure its nice to get a compliment. But seeing how I can change from being a beautiful women to a ugly pig in 10 seconds, just because I said 'no thank you'. Is dangerous to anyones mental health. |
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"If I'm being totally honest, I've found the number of couples (and singles for that matter - although not what I'm seeking), that have a top age limit significantly less than my age, very disheartening. This is particularly true of those maybe only say 10 years younger than me.
Getting old in itself is weird mentally (I don't actually feel really any different to how I did in my mid 30s), but simply being excluded from any 'fun' on the basis of an arbitrary number, when I'm relatively fit, mentally sharp and still sexually active, does have a somewhat negative effect on my psyche.
Ho hum. It is what it is I guess."
I can't argue with how it makes you feel but I've never understood this at all.
I'm about to turn 60 and didn't sign up here until just before turning 52 and in all those years since I've never I've felt excluded based on my age.
I've never once had a conversation about my age and in regard to my own filters, which are pretty tight, I have zero interest in meeting or chatting to women of a similar age to my daughters.
I don't feel I'm missing out on anything by having strict age filters and I've never felt I was missing out on those I couldn't contact because of their age preferences either. My filters have nothing to do with how fit and active a person is or what they may look like and from experience, most comments I've seen in the forums say likewise.
To answer the op, I didn't have any self confidence before the age of 50 and a couple of things happened around that milestone that changed my outlook on life so when I joined here a couple of years later, despite having very very little sexual experience I was as confident as I had ever been.
I had never even so much as taken my shirt off in public before that.
Being here has had no effect on my confidence levels at all. I've had a few negative experiences but it has been mostly positive.
If I felt that the site was affecting me in a negative way I would leave and not return especially if I had prior experience of it doing exactly that. |
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Fab can be horrible for a guys confidence because of the ratios. All you can do is present yourself in the best light so work on your profile, have a very selective process in who you message. Read profiles and in your message highlight how well you match. Go to socials which tend to have a much more better ratio of men to women.
Join in on the forums with the aim of making friends with both genders as men have female friends they could hook you up with.
But number one don't take this site seriously and don't base your self worth on it. |
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"Fab can be horrible for a guys confidence because of the ratios. All you can do is present yourself in the best light so work on your profile, have a very selective process in who you message. Read profiles and in your message highlight how well you match. Go to socials which tend to have a much more better ratio of men to women.
Join in on the forums with the aim of making friends with both genders as men have female friends they could hook you up with.
But number one don't take this site seriously and don't base your self worth on it."
While I agree with the majority of what you have said, I often question the benefit of a single male with low self confidence going to a social.
I have been to quite a few and every single one of them had twice or three times as many women as it did men which may sound ideal but in practice it's anything but.
Most of those women knew each other and attended every social so for someone who isn't very confident there is no chance they will approach a large group of women in the hope of striking up a conversation with one of them.
I have never been at a social where the hosts introduced newbies and most of them had extremely loud music so having a conversation that didn't involve shouting was impossible.
I agree that if possible, try and attend a small lunch social with a dozen or less attendees rather than a big evening event. |
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It's harder work on here than in real life. I used to be able to walk in to a club or pub and walk to a group of woman and start chatting and flirting. And it's just my opinion but some woman on here thinks they are gods gift and demand 6ft with a 6 pack and a 10" cory when in real world they would struggle with that.
Just my opinion. |
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"It's when you start chatting and send a face pic with no reply that can sting haha, but cest la vie, not everyone is for everyone !
"
Ah the cherry on top is when you get promptly blocked after sending a face pic! |
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"While I agree with the majority of what you have said, I often question the benefit of a single male with low self confidence going to a social.
I have been to quite a few and every single one of them had twice or three times as many women as it did men which may sound ideal but in practice it's anything but.
Most of those women knew each other and attended every social so for someone who isn't very confident there is no chance they will approach a large group of women in the hope of striking up a conversation with one of them.
I have never been at a social where the hosts introduced newbies and most of them had extremely loud music so having a conversation that didn't involve shouting was impossible.
I agree that if possible, try and attend a small lunch social with a dozen or less attendees rather than a big evening event."
I agree with this. Socials are for a particular type of person and, as with a lot of forum “advice”, they only work if you are that type of person.
I do ok on here but I doubt I would ever go to a large social again. They are just not me. |
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"While I agree with the majority of what you have said, I often question the benefit of a single male with low self confidence going to a social.
I have been to quite a few and every single one of them had twice or three times as many women as it did men which may sound ideal but in practice it's anything but.
Most of those women knew each other and attended every social so for someone who isn't very confident there is no chance they will approach a large group of women in the hope of striking up a conversation with one of them.
I have never been at a social where the hosts introduced newbies and most of them had extremely loud music so having a conversation that didn't involve shouting was impossible.
I agree that if possible, try and attend a small lunch social with a dozen or less attendees rather than a big evening event.
I agree with this. Socials are for a particular type of person and, as with a lot of forum “advice”, they only work if you are that type of person.
I do ok on here but I doubt I would ever go to a large social again. They are just not me."
Same. I used to go to them quite a lot. Then I just thought why am I doing this I’d rather go out with my mates. I don’t think I ever really enjoyed them to be honest. One to one socials or very small ones I enjoy though. |
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"Do you feel that since you joined fab your confidence and how you thought about yourself has grown or diminished.
Like every time I come back here no matter how I change things up or what I do it’s just been a constant blow to how I feel about myself it gets to the point of not feeling great about myself at all and my self esteem hits a low.
Anyone else in the same boat or want to share how their experience here has been to them ?"
First rule of self confidence. Stop giving a monkey about what other people think, especially online and especially women! In fact, you need to stop trying to meet women online period! It's a waste of time for a lot of men on here!
I'm just going to come out and say what no one else will.
Women get attention on here, most men do not, most men will be ignored and a lot of people will try to insinuate it's you (especially women), not them that is the issue.
It's not. The real issue is...it's just how things are and you need to learn how to play the game!
You as a man can send a hundred messages to a hundred women and get zero responses. Most women will take a quick glance at your photo and go..nah..not for me.
A woman however could (not that they will) send 100 messages to 100 guys and well...they'd hear back off most I suspect.
Because men tend to pursue and women like to be pursued. But it's hard to do online unless you tick the exact right boxes.
There are literally numerous studies out there going back decades that women are as fickle as it gets when it comes to mate selection and if we are to go by dating app statistics (and not other studies from before dating apps existed) about 80% of women tend to find about 80% of men unattractive.
Thats not good for men especially if the whole way of meeting each other is based purely of a photo and a short bio at best.
Thats just how fab is.
Or to put this in context.
My profile is, for all intents and purposes, invisible on here. Been here 13 years on and off and with this account I have another) I have never been messaged first by a woman or couple yet. In fact, I've had no meets at all arranged purely because of this account.
This isnt the same on my couples account with my wife but even there, given our dynamics, it's not that common.
But my wife (whos only into meeting women)..oh she had 60 messages from men within 5 mins of creating her account (before I put the filter up). But she's only ever been messaged by about 4 women in 3 years and none of it went anywhere.
But here's the thing.
Take Fab out of it. Go to clubs and socials. It becomes a different ball game "IF" you're confident and pleasant with the right amount of charm. And you have to be. Be well dressed, well groomed, smell good and have the right approach. You need to be able to talk to people and read the room...and if they're not interested..move on!
And eventually you stop caring and you work it out.
I've met quite a few women at clubs and socials who I ended up with later in the evening just to find out on they had me blocked on here. Funny that! I wasn't attractive enough here but in real life I very much was (a few became regular playmates). This of course is over years...
So I'll say this to you because you're a young guy. You've got years ahead of you.
Confidence will not come from online interactions. It will not come by essentially putting yourself on a digital shelf waiting for a women to come and pick you.
That only works for women! they can sit on a shelf waiting for a man to come along...but even then, he still has to sell himself to her.
So yeah, confidence comes from being a salesman, realising you have to go out into the real world and sell yourself. And if you do it right, sooner or later, they'll come to you wanting to be bought...metaphorically speaking!
So, ditch the app if it's messing with your head, just go out in the real world and talk to people. Be polite, be respectful but dont waste your time wondering why they're not interested...just keep going till you find someone who is.
|
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"Do you feel that since you joined fab your confidence and how you thought about yourself has grown or diminished.
Like every time I come back here no matter how I change things up or what I do it’s just been a constant blow to how I feel about myself it gets to the point of not feeling great about myself at all and my self esteem hits a low.
Anyone else in the same boat or want to share how their experience here has been to them ?
First rule of self confidence. Stop giving a monkey about what other people think, especially online and especially women! In fact, you need to stop trying to meet women online period! It's a waste of time for a lot of men on here!
I'm just going to come out and say what no one else will.
Women get attention on here, most men do not, most men will be ignored and a lot of people will try to insinuate it's you (especially women), not them that is the issue.
It's not. The real issue is...it's just how things are and you need to learn how to play the game!
You as a man can send a hundred messages to a hundred women and get zero responses. Most women will take a quick glance at your photo and go..nah..not for me.
A woman however could (not that they will) send 100 messages to 100 guys and well...they'd hear back off most I suspect.
Because men tend to pursue and women like to be pursued. But it's hard to do online unless you tick the exact right boxes.
There are literally numerous studies out there going back decades that women are as fickle as it gets when it comes to mate selection and if we are to go by dating app statistics (and not other studies from before dating apps existed) about 80% of women tend to find about 80% of men unattractive.
Thats not good for men especially if the whole way of meeting each other is based purely of a photo and a short bio at best.
Thats just how fab is.
Or to put this in context.
My profile is, for all intents and purposes, invisible on here. Been here 13 years on and off and with this account I have another) I have never been messaged first by a woman or couple yet. In fact, I've had no meets at all arranged purely because of this account.
This isnt the same on my couples account with my wife but even there, given our dynamics, it's not that common.
But my wife (whos only into meeting women)..oh she had 60 messages from men within 5 mins of creating her account (before I put the filter up). But she's only ever been messaged by about 4 women in 3 years and none of it went anywhere.
But here's the thing.
Take Fab out of it. Go to clubs and socials. It becomes a different ball game "IF" you're confident and pleasant with the right amount of charm. And you have to be. Be well dressed, well groomed, smell good and have the right approach. You need to be able to talk to people and read the room...and if they're not interested..move on!
And eventually you stop caring and you work it out.
I've met quite a few women at clubs and socials who I ended up with later in the evening just to find out on they had me blocked on here. Funny that! I wasn't attractive enough here but in real life I very much was (a few became regular playmates). This of course is over years...
So I'll say this to you because you're a young guy. You've got years ahead of you.
Confidence will not come from online interactions. It will not come by essentially putting yourself on a digital shelf waiting for a women to come and pick you.
That only works for women! they can sit on a shelf waiting for a man to come along...but even then, he still has to sell himself to her.
So yeah, confidence comes from being a salesman, realising you have to go out into the real world and sell yourself. And if you do it right, sooner or later, they'll come to you wanting to be bought...metaphorically speaking!
So, ditch the app if it's messing with your head, just go out in the real world and talk to people. Be polite, be respectful but dont waste your time wondering why they're not interested...just keep going till you find someone who is.
"
So you are claiming to be saying what no-one else will but yet there is a thread almost every day in here saying most of what you just said.
As I've said so many times before, I haven't sent a single introductory message here since January 2020 and in the five years since I've had lots of conversations with women who have got in touch with me because they like what I write or my profile catches their eye.
Any man who sends hundreds of messages on here isn't very selective and that is very obvious to the recipient.
Any man who sends hundreds of messages is also the type of man who will be like a child in a sweet shop at a club or social and that will also be obvious to the other attendees.
Fab isn't a competition and anyone who sees it as such has failed before they start.
As someone who has worked in sales off and on for 40 years, I would class myself as an average salesman but I have met plenty who focus on patronising their customer base and telling everyone how poor their competitors products and services are rather than highlighting their own strengths.
My success as a salesman is similar to my fab success and has been achieved by offering a quality product and speaking to interested parties as intelligent human beings on an equal footing rather than telling them I'm one of the 20 percent they should be interested in and that I'm not like the 80 percent.
That's because stats like that are moronic and dismissive of a woman's ability to choose who and what she is attracted to.
I've never pursued a woman in my life and I've yet to chat to any woman on fab who likes being pursued.
These are all weak arguments for an inability regardless of gender to speak to others as equals. |
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"Do you feel that since you joined fab your confidence and how you thought about yourself has grown or diminished.
Like every time I come back here no matter how I change things up or what I do it’s just been a constant blow to how I feel about myself it gets to the point of not feeling great about myself at all and my self esteem hits a low.
Anyone else in the same boat or want to share how their experience here has been to them ?
First rule of self confidence. Stop giving a monkey about what other people think, especially online and especially women! In fact, you need to stop trying to meet women online period! It's a waste of time for a lot of men on here!
I'm just going to come out and say what no one else will.
Women get attention on here, most men do not, most men will be ignored and a lot of people will try to insinuate it's you (especially women), not them that is the issue.
It's not. The real issue is...it's just how things are and you need to learn how to play the game!
You as a man can send a hundred messages to a hundred women and get zero responses. Most women will take a quick glance at your photo and go..nah..not for me.
A woman however could (not that they will) send 100 messages to 100 guys and well...they'd hear back off most I suspect.
Because men tend to pursue and women like to be pursued. But it's hard to do online unless you tick the exact right boxes.
There are literally numerous studies out there going back decades that women are as fickle as it gets when it comes to mate selection and if we are to go by dating app statistics (and not other studies from before dating apps existed) about 80% of women tend to find about 80% of men unattractive.
Thats not good for men especially if the whole way of meeting each other is based purely of a photo and a short bio at best.
Thats just how fab is.
Or to put this in context.
My profile is, for all intents and purposes, invisible on here. Been here 13 years on and off and with this account I have another) I have never been messaged first by a woman or couple yet. In fact, I've had no meets at all arranged purely because of this account.
This isnt the same on my couples account with my wife but even there, given our dynamics, it's not that common.
But my wife (whos only into meeting women)..oh she had 60 messages from men within 5 mins of creating her account (before I put the filter up). But she's only ever been messaged by about 4 women in 3 years and none of it went anywhere.
But here's the thing.
Take Fab out of it. Go to clubs and socials. It becomes a different ball game "IF" you're confident and pleasant with the right amount of charm. And you have to be. Be well dressed, well groomed, smell good and have the right approach. You need to be able to talk to people and read the room...and if they're not interested..move on!
And eventually you stop caring and you work it out.
I've met quite a few women at clubs and socials who I ended up with later in the evening just to find out on they had me blocked on here. Funny that! I wasn't attractive enough here but in real life I very much was (a few became regular playmates). This of course is over years...
So I'll say this to you because you're a young guy. You've got years ahead of you.
Confidence will not come from online interactions. It will not come by essentially putting yourself on a digital shelf waiting for a women to come and pick you.
That only works for women! they can sit on a shelf waiting for a man to come along...but even then, he still has to sell himself to her.
So yeah, confidence comes from being a salesman, realising you have to go out into the real world and sell yourself. And if you do it right, sooner or later, they'll come to you wanting to be bought...metaphorically speaking!
So, ditch the app if it's messing with your head, just go out in the real world and talk to people. Be polite, be respectful but dont waste your time wondering why they're not interested...just keep going till you find someone who is.
So you are claiming to be saying what no-one else will but yet there is a thread almost every day in here saying most of what you just said.
As I've said so many times before, I haven't sent a single introductory message here since January 2020 and in the five years since I've had lots of conversations with women who have got in touch with me because they like what I write or my profile catches their eye.
Any man who sends hundreds of messages on here isn't very selective and that is very obvious to the recipient.
Any man who sends hundreds of messages is also the type of man who will be like a child in a sweet shop at a club or social and that will also be obvious to the other attendees.
Fab isn't a competition and anyone who sees it as such has failed before they start.
As someone who has worked in sales off and on for 40 years, I would class myself as an average salesman but I have met plenty who focus on patronising their customer base and telling everyone how poor their competitors products and services are rather than highlighting their own strengths.
My success as a salesman is similar to my fab success and has been achieved by offering a quality product and speaking to interested parties as intelligent human beings on an equal footing rather than telling them I'm one of the 20 percent they should be interested in and that I'm not like the 80 percent.
That's because stats like that are moronic and dismissive of a woman's ability to choose who and what she is attracted to.
I've never pursued a woman in my life and I've yet to chat to any woman on fab who likes being pursued.
These are all weak arguments for an inability regardless of gender to speak to others as equals. "
Oh the irony.
Implies there is an inability to speak to others as equals whilst referring to oneself as a "quality product".
Well if you are a salesman, you'll know the old salesman's saying about something that baffles. I'll leave it at that.
|
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"Do you feel that since you joined fab your confidence and how you thought about yourself has grown or diminished.
Like every time I come back here no matter how I change things up or what I do it’s just been a constant blow to how I feel about myself it gets to the point of not feeling great about myself at all and my self esteem hits a low.
Anyone else in the same boat or want to share how their experience here has been to them ?
First rule of self confidence. Stop giving a monkey about what other people think, especially online and especially women! In fact, you need to stop trying to meet women online period! It's a waste of time for a lot of men on here!
I'm just going to come out and say what no one else will.
Women get attention on here, most men do not, most men will be ignored and a lot of people will try to insinuate it's you (especially women), not them that is the issue.
It's not. The real issue is...it's just how things are and you need to learn how to play the game!
You as a man can send a hundred messages to a hundred women and get zero responses. Most women will take a quick glance at your photo and go..nah..not for me.
A woman however could (not that they will) send 100 messages to 100 guys and well...they'd hear back off most I suspect.
Because men tend to pursue and women like to be pursued. But it's hard to do online unless you tick the exact right boxes.
There are literally numerous studies out there going back decades that women are as fickle as it gets when it comes to mate selection and if we are to go by dating app statistics (and not other studies from before dating apps existed) about 80% of women tend to find about 80% of men unattractive.
Thats not good for men especially if the whole way of meeting each other is based purely of a photo and a short bio at best.
Thats just how fab is.
Or to put this in context.
My profile is, for all intents and purposes, invisible on here. Been here 13 years on and off and with this account I have another) I have never been messaged first by a woman or couple yet. In fact, I've had no meets at all arranged purely because of this account.
This isnt the same on my couples account with my wife but even there, given our dynamics, it's not that common.
But my wife (whos only into meeting women)..oh she had 60 messages from men within 5 mins of creating her account (before I put the filter up). But she's only ever been messaged by about 4 women in 3 years and none of it went anywhere.
But here's the thing.
Take Fab out of it. Go to clubs and socials. It becomes a different ball game "IF" you're confident and pleasant with the right amount of charm. And you have to be. Be well dressed, well groomed, smell good and have the right approach. You need to be able to talk to people and read the room...and if they're not interested..move on!
And eventually you stop caring and you work it out.
I've met quite a few women at clubs and socials who I ended up with later in the evening just to find out on they had me blocked on here. Funny that! I wasn't attractive enough here but in real life I very much was (a few became regular playmates). This of course is over years...
So I'll say this to you because you're a young guy. You've got years ahead of you.
Confidence will not come from online interactions. It will not come by essentially putting yourself on a digital shelf waiting for a women to come and pick you.
That only works for women! they can sit on a shelf waiting for a man to come along...but even then, he still has to sell himself to her.
So yeah, confidence comes from being a salesman, realising you have to go out into the real world and sell yourself. And if you do it right, sooner or later, they'll come to you wanting to be bought...metaphorically speaking!
So, ditch the app if it's messing with your head, just go out in the real world and talk to people. Be polite, be respectful but dont waste your time wondering why they're not interested...just keep going till you find someone who is.
So you are claiming to be saying what no-one else will but yet there is a thread almost every day in here saying most of what you just said.
As I've said so many times before, I haven't sent a single introductory message here since January 2020 and in the five years since I've had lots of conversations with women who have got in touch with me because they like what I write or my profile catches their eye.
Any man who sends hundreds of messages on here isn't very selective and that is very obvious to the recipient.
Any man who sends hundreds of messages is also the type of man who will be like a child in a sweet shop at a club or social and that will also be obvious to the other attendees.
Fab isn't a competition and anyone who sees it as such has failed before they start.
As someone who has worked in sales off and on for 40 years, I would class myself as an average salesman but I have met plenty who focus on patronising their customer base and telling everyone how poor their competitors products and services are rather than highlighting their own strengths.
My success as a salesman is similar to my fab success and has been achieved by offering a quality product and speaking to interested parties as intelligent human beings on an equal footing rather than telling them I'm one of the 20 percent they should be interested in and that I'm not like the 80 percent.
That's because stats like that are moronic and dismissive of a woman's ability to choose who and what she is attracted to.
I've never pursued a woman in my life and I've yet to chat to any woman on fab who likes being pursued.
These are all weak arguments for an inability regardless of gender to speak to others as equals.
Oh the irony.
Implies there is an inability to speak to others as equals whilst referring to oneself as a "quality product".
Well if you are a salesman, you'll know the old salesman's saying about something that baffles. I'll leave it at that.
"
Ye goddamn those fickle women eh? |
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We are both gert lush and sod all the doubters and haters.... as are all of you lot... just being on fab, posting photos, putting yourselves out there, to be shot down by some knobheads, shows huge balls...(quite literally sometimes)... |
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