FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > A poly people discussion
A poly people discussion
Jump to: Newest in thread
All are welcome but please don’t be mean. This is intended as a space for poly people to talk some poly things.
Anyway first thread- poly saturation/ poly satisfaction. Are you there? How do you know when you are there? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I’m there when bringing in someone else would mean giving less of myself to others.
By that I don’t mean love and feelings but more about the finite things. The things that you can control and measure. If it would mean giving less of my time, energy and attention to other partners and therefore hurting them; then I have already reached my saturation point.
As for whether I’m there….right now, at this moment yes. I have so much going on elsewhere in life that I don’t want to complicate things even further. To do so would mean having to spread myself thin and then I’d not be acting in my own best interests or those of the people I’m connected to. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I don't think it's for me, but I kind of envy those that can get their heads round it
I'm all for sharing physically, but I wouldn't want to share emotionally"
I think what helps me with partners loving others is loving them in a way that I care so much about their happiness even if that’s with others |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I feel like it's something I could do but the discussions around it are complicated and honesty and communication is so important. It's a steep learning curve to get to that situation especially when you have no experience with it. I feel like we have learnt a lot this year that would mean potentially it's a possibility and I see much more clearly where some of the issues are.
I would love that situation in the future.
Mrs 🥰 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
With all due respect, "all welcome" really? Last time I posted on a poly thread you said, maybe not in so many words, that anyone that didn't understand it shouldn't comment.
It's a public forum, you'll get opinions from all sides. Maybe you could set a group chat with like minded individuals, to avoid that. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Poly saturated? Aside from the Flora jokes, I think it’s when you’re not able to meet your partner’s needs or desires.
For me that can vary as to my mental health as well as time and energy. At the moment I’m feeling the strain with three partners. Last month? I was loving life |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Poly saturated? Aside from the Flora jokes, I think it’s when you’re not able to meet your partner’s needs or desires.
For me that can vary as to my mental health as well as time and energy. At the moment I’m feeling the strain with three partners. Last month? I was loving life"
I think three partners would be a real struggle for me so big up you for managing that. I have a person that’s basically a partner tbf so it’s like having 3 partners and I feel very much like I’m reaching saturation point. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"With all due respect, "all welcome" really? Last time I posted on a poly thread you said, maybe not in so many words, that anyone that didn't understand it shouldn't comment.
It's a public forum, you'll get opinions from all sides. Maybe you could set a group chat with like minded individuals, to avoid that."
I said people shouldn’t comment? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Poly saturated? Aside from the Flora jokes, I think it’s when you’re not able to meet your partner’s needs or desires.
For me that can vary as to my mental health as well as time and energy. At the moment I’m feeling the strain with three partners. Last month? I was loving life
I think three partners would be a real struggle for me so big up you for managing that. I have a person that’s basically a partner tbf so it’s like having 3 partners and I feel very much like I’m reaching saturation point. "
I honestly don’t know how I do. It’s a constant balancing act and I’m pretty time poor |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"With all due respect, "all welcome" really? Last time I posted on a poly thread you said, maybe not in so many words, that anyone that didn't understand it shouldn't comment.
It's a public forum, you'll get opinions from all sides. Maybe you could set a group chat with like minded individuals, to avoid that.
I said people shouldn’t comment? "
In a round about way, yes.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"With all due respect, "all welcome" really? Last time I posted on a poly thread you said, maybe not in so many words, that anyone that didn't understand it shouldn't comment.
It's a public forum, you'll get opinions from all sides. Maybe you could set a group chat with like minded individuals, to avoid that.
I said people shouldn’t comment?
In a round about way, yes. "
So I didn’t say that then? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
What I have said before is- if you don’t get it, you don’t have to. And I don’t mean this to offend, it’s just that we don’t have to understand everything.
There’s plenty of things people do that I don’t get and I don’t make digs at people for doing it. On the previous thread, people were mean about poly. Hence me asking for niceness today. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"With all due respect, "all welcome" really? Last time I posted on a poly thread you said, maybe not in so many words, that anyone that didn't understand it shouldn't comment.
It's a public forum, you'll get opinions from all sides. Maybe you could set a group chat with like minded individuals, to avoid that.
I said people shouldn’t comment?
In a round about way, yes.
So I didn’t say that then?"
You know what was said, I'm just offering advice on how to avoid people giving you their opinions, as that rarely goes down well 🤷♀️ |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I believe that it was a request to not be mean. Not a do not comment post.
There was definitely a request for people of certain opinions to avoid posting 🤷♀️ "
It's a bit odd wanting to post though. If someone put a request up for someone to shit on them then I wouldn't reply as that's not a bit of me.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I believe that it was a request to not be mean. Not a do not comment post.
There was definitely a request for people of certain opinions to avoid posting 🤷♀️ "
If people don’t like poly or understand poly or whatever I’ve asked them to not be mean. They’re welcome - as you said, anyone can post, but being nice would be preferred |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"With all due respect, "all welcome" really? Last time I posted on a poly thread you said, maybe not in so many words, that anyone that didn't understand it shouldn't comment.
It's a public forum, you'll get opinions from all sides. Maybe you could set a group chat with like minded individuals, to avoid that.
I said people shouldn’t comment?
In a round about way, yes.
So I didn’t say that then?
You know what was said, I'm just offering advice on how to avoid people giving you their opinions, as that rarely goes down well 🤷♀️"
Well thanks. And thanks for letting me know I upset you.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Having recently ventured into poly life I have learned that the things I thought would be hard are easier than I feared and the things I didn't think about at all are what's hard.
Saturation for me is two people that I care about. That doesn't include casual flirtations and chats but I am finding that I have less bandwidth and enthusiasm for all the random app matches, fab chats, coffees and dates that used to be my staple. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I definitely don't have the time or head space for another relationship right now, I'm guessing that's the same thing? It's not because of my current relationships, it's just life has taken an unforseen turn in other areas thats taken all my mental energy. It wouldn't be fair on anyone to try a bring a new person into that right now.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
Well thanks. And thanks for letting me know I upset you. "
Oh, you didn't. Interesting, make a comment about it being a public forum and people start getting defensive. Just that you mentioned previous threads.
If you don't like "mean" comments, take it to the group chat that I'm sure already exists, problem solved |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
Well thanks. And thanks for letting me know I upset you.
Oh, you didn't. Interesting, make a comment about it being a public forum and people start getting defensive. Just that you mentioned previous threads.
If you don't like "mean" comments, take it to the group chat that I'm sure already exists, problem solved"
Dfkm. 💀🤣
And group chat? Girl 
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By *eliWoman 3 weeks ago
. |
Going back to the OP because I'm really enjoying learning more about how others view/approach things and sadly for me, I'm not part of this super cool top secret polyam group chat  ...
Yes, I think so. I don't have as much emotional and mental bandwidth and time to balance everything as it is. But it's also more than that... I'm happy for the most part. Content if that's not too nauseating a term to use.
My life is rather busy and I wouldn't want to give less of myself to anyone. They deserve the world. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Going back to the OP because I'm really enjoying learning more about how others view/approach things and sadly for me, I'm not part of this super cool top secret polyam group chat ...
Yes, I think so. I don't have as much emotional and mental bandwidth and time to balance everything as it is. But it's also more than that... I'm happy for the most part. Content if that's not too nauseating a term to use.
My life is rather busy and I wouldn't want to give less of myself to anyone. They deserve the world."
Not you being messy 😭 I changed my mind I hate you |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eliWoman 3 weeks ago
. |
"Going back to the OP because I'm really enjoying learning more about how others view/approach things and sadly for me, I'm not part of this super cool top secret polyam group chat ...
Yes, I think so. I don't have as much emotional and mental bandwidth and time to balance everything as it is. But it's also more than that... I'm happy for the most part. Content if that's not too nauseating a term to use.
My life is rather busy and I wouldn't want to give less of myself to anyone. They deserve the world.
Not you being messy 😭 I changed my mind I hate you "
🥲 Worth it. Can you review your hatred stance next month or are you too polysaturated to? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Going back to the OP because I'm really enjoying learning more about how others view/approach things and sadly for me, I'm not part of this super cool top secret polyam group chat ...
Yes, I think so. I don't have as much emotional and mental bandwidth and time to balance everything as it is. But it's also more than that... I'm happy for the most part. Content if that's not too nauseating a term to use.
My life is rather busy and I wouldn't want to give less of myself to anyone. They deserve the world.
Not you being messy 😭 I changed my mind I hate you
🥲 Worth it. Can you review your hatred stance next month or are you too polysaturated to?"
I am currently too saturated. Cutting friendships is ideal rn  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I never like seeing interesting threads get derailed. Am gently bring the thread back to the OP...
A poly relationship isn't something that I would be interested in for myself, but I do find it a very interesting topic and would appreciate gaining a further understanding of the dynamics and considerations regarding the feeling or desire for more and an awareness of completeness.
Thanks
Mrs |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think my ideal would be poly-lite. Not a relationship or relationships. Sort of, multiple best friends plus sex. Stay the night occasionally, but go home to your own house and we keep some boundaries. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think Eva nailed it above. If I feel like Bilbo Baggins and butter spread over too much bread then I need to reassess. Two partners and putting more effort into friendships I've neglected means I'm not looking for anything else right now. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I think my ideal would be poly-lite. Not a relationship or relationships. Sort of, multiple best friends plus sex. Stay the night occasionally, but go home to your own house and we keep some boundaries."
That's what I have now but not best friends. Good friends who i talk to most days and see at least weekly.
I can't do one relationship let alone multiple. Not my bag at all but ENM is perfect. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
How do other poly people navigate any jealousy from their partner's other partner? or if the other partner is struggling with the time they spend with you as they can't spend time with them themselves?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I do like the term poly-saturation, it fits in well with my sense of humour.
I think how I know is the same as with any saturation point. I feel overwhelmed; that I don't have enough time for myself or the people in my life, to give what is deserved, or would feel meaningful.
Like butter spread to thin. I like a lot of butter, so I can really get the flavour and preferably on the cusp of beginning to melt, as I get the texture profile too.
The same ethos carries over into most desirable elements of my life.
Satisfaction is a temporary state, the journey to which can be just as enjoyable. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"How do other poly people navigate any jealousy from their partner's other partner? or if the other partner is struggling with the time they spend with you as they can't spend time with them themselves?
"
I think that's the key to making it work and my understanding is that each person in the relationship can have other partners that they would be in a polyamorous relationship with? At least that would be how I would view it, maybe I'm wrong. Then it's about communication to avoid the jealousy I would say, but then everyone involved has to be on board with the dynamics.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"How do other poly people navigate any jealousy from their partner's other partner? or if the other partner is struggling with the time they spend with you as they can't spend time with them themselves?
"
Jealousy happens, it's sitting with it and working out why that's the useful thing. What do you need for yourself that's causing the jealousy?
The meta's (partner's partner) problems are for your partner to resolve (unless you're being a dick and unfair). If they're justified in their upset then it makes sense to all work towards a solution. That could look like more time spent with the meta. Or de-escalating the relationship if a compromise can't be found. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ornycougaWoman 3 weeks ago
MADERIA Wherever I lay my hat |
"I don't think it's for me, but I kind of envy those that can get their heads round it
I'm all for sharing physically, but I wouldn't want to share emotionally"
I'm exactly the same. I'm also a total hypocrite in that I could be emotionally invested in more than one person, but I really don't think I'm in the place where I could be with someone who had a deep emotional connection with a person or people other than me |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I don't think I really considered myself poly until recently and I'm still not sure.
If I am, I'd say I already have two 'partners' within the connections I have with an ex that I haven't let go and another connection that maybe isn't what I want it to be but it's what I have.
I'm not sure I have much capacity for anything else other than casual friendships that include sex. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I wish I had the physical time and mental space to set up a proper poly relationship. Life has other ideas, alas.
Life is the worst I’m getting a bit tired of it"
Pickle, you wouldn't believe me if I told you what's been going down here this week. It's too bonkers. I barely have time to decipher my own thoughts. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"How do other poly people navigate any jealousy from their partner's other partner? or if the other partner is struggling with the time they spend with you as they can't spend time with them themselves?
"
Jealousy is a secondary emotion and often arises from a need not being met or a perception of someone having something that you want, whether that’s time, energy or whatever.
The important thing is that jealousy is your problem to manage and deal with. It’s about communicating those needs in a healthy way, not using your jealousy as a tool to manipulate or control others |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"How do other poly people navigate any jealousy from their partner's other partner? or if the other partner is struggling with the time they spend with you as they can't spend time with them themselves?
"
Jealousy happens, and honestly if any poly person said they’d never experienced it I would see that as a bit of a red flag.
When it comes to the meta partners…. That’s not your circus. The person who is the hinge needs to navigate that. Being mindful of a meta especially if you are the newest member is fair and it helps sometimes to remind the hinge that perhaps they’re getting carried away with NRE. If there is a big issue it’s for you to set your own boundaries and if the others can’t or won’t meet those, then the decision has to be made whether you change your boundaries or perhaps de-escalate or end things.
When it comes to your own feelings it’s important to be honest with your partners, and really examine why you’re feeling this way. Mine often stems from an insecurity and some simple reassurance is really all I need.
I find being poly means I do a lot of self reflection that I never did when in monogamous relationships and it’s really helped me understand myself better and articulate my needs in healthier ways.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"How do other poly people navigate any jealousy from their partner's other partner? or if the other partner is struggling with the time they spend with you as they can't spend time with them themselves?
Jealousy happens, and honestly if any poly person said they’d never experienced it I would see that as a bit of a red flag.
When it comes to the meta partners…. That’s not your circus. The person who is the hinge needs to navigate that. Being mindful of a meta especially if you are the newest member is fair and it helps sometimes to remind the hinge that perhaps they’re getting carried away with NRE. If there is a big issue it’s for you to set your own boundaries and if the others can’t or won’t meet those, then the decision has to be made whether you change your boundaries or perhaps de-escalate or end things.
When it comes to your own feelings it’s important to be honest with your partners, and really examine why you’re feeling this way. Mine often stems from an insecurity and some simple reassurance is really all I need.
I find being poly means I do a lot of self reflection that I never did when in monogamous relationships and it’s really helped me understand myself better and articulate my needs in healthier ways.
"
❤️ |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"All my waffling and Tea and Julie articulated that so much better than I could have. "
I think that it’s nice to see people give slightly different answers but in the same vein. It kind of reinforces and underlines how we do things |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I've never been poly and never thought it would interest me. My husband would also never allow it (I know because I've asked).
I started seeing a guy 8 months ago, was only supposed to be sex but it became so much more that I feel like I've had a second relationship on the go. It's been weird and hard to deal with and don't think I could keep it up as a lifestyle but I really wish I could.
If I did I'm fairly sure 2 would be mh limit, I've not even been able to meet for a social let alone anything else since he's been around (it's me that stops me not him). |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Im extremely happy with my two, I'm time poor, we chat every day and the frequency we can physically catch up works, as we can all have other friends we want in our lives.
So I'm definitely saturated pickles  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Gosh, poly satiated would be lovely. I can barely get past 2-4 dates with someone.
I am so ready and have been actively trying to date for years and it just doesn't happen for me.
My partner has no problem and often has to break things off or reestablish boundaries because that person will want my partner all to themselves.
Mono relationships do not fulfil me. I am so much happier when dating 2 or 3 people. I don't think I could date more than 3 but that being said, the offer/situation never manifests. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I never like seeing interesting threads get derailed. Am gently bring the thread back to the OP...
A poly relationship isn't something that I would be interested in for myself, but I do find it a very interesting topic and would appreciate gaining a further understanding of the dynamics and considerations regarding the feeling or desire for more and an awareness of completeness.
Thanks
Mrs"
There’s some awesome Reddit groups that give amazing insights into the benefits and challenges of poly relationships |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
