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Married but not living together
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Separated right ? 
I know quite a few that do this, usually because of visas or job opportunities, rather than by choice.
I think it’s nice to make that public commitment, even if the timing or circumstances isn’t quite right to live together.
But to do it because you want to retain your independence I find a bit odd because marriage is about choosing interdependance over independence. It feels a little bit like having your cake and eating it. If you’re not ready to share your life fully with somebody then is marriage the right thing.? |
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"What's the context? Are they estranged, or is it a happy relationship and this is how they prefer to be? I need details, Pickle. "
Could I just ask how you get any messages when your age limit is set at 99-99? |
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"What's the context? Are they estranged, or is it a happy relationship and this is how they prefer to be? I need details, Pickle.
Could I just ask how you get any messages when your age limit is set at 99-99?"
I think that’s the point  |
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"Separated right ?
I know quite a few that do this, usually because of visas or job opportunities, rather than by choice.
I think it’s nice to make that public commitment, even if the timing or circumstances isn’t quite right to live together.
But to do it because you want to retain your independence I find a bit odd because marriage is about choosing interdependance over independence. It feels a little bit like having your cake and eating it. If you’re not ready to share your life fully with somebody then is marriage the right thing.? "
Yes. Because marriage would be the commitment between the two of us. How we tailor it to suit us, not societys norms. Is what's special about it  |
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"What's the context? Are they estranged, or is it a happy relationship and this is how they prefer to be? I need details, Pickle.
Yes they’re happy"
Good on them. Not everyone is able to identify what they need from a relationship if it deviates from the traditional model. If a couple are happiest maintaining their own spaces whilst still being committed to each other I think it shows good self-awareness and emotional intelligence. |
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There are lots of people that do this. It could be for a multitude of reasons including work and home locations or the fact it just works for you
To be honest I feel that over the last few years the need to actually be married has been eroded.
So do whatever you want and however you decide to define that |
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I don't understand why people choose to do this. Why get married but spend your time apart? Seems like a whole heap of effort to me. But then I'm not sold on the whole marriage idea anyway. I guess we all do what's right for us so if that makes someone happy then why not? .. but if you marry me, I'm moving me and the kids and the cats in! |
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If I ever felt strongly enough about someone to marry them, then I wouldn’t choose to live apart, I’d want to be close to them and share my life totally….
However, the thought of marrying or even living with someone is 😱
But if that situation works for them and they are both happy then it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. |
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"This is what we are doing. It works well for us. "
Are you married though? The question is for married couples, not for couples who aren't married, of which there are loads that don't live together. |
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"It feels a little bit like having your cake and eating it."
I hate this phrase. What's the point in having cake at all if you're not going to eat it?
I don't intend to live with a partner again. I like my space. I like my home to be mine. I'm not breeding so I don't need the support of a coparent. But that doesn't exclude me from committed relationships 💜 |
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"This is what we are doing. It works well for us.
Are you married though? The question is for married couples, not for couples who aren't married, of which there are loads that don't live together."
My comment is self explanatory. |
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"This is what we are doing. It works well for us.
Are you married though? The question is for married couples, not for couples who aren't married, of which there are loads that don't live together.
My comment is self explanatory. "
Not married then. |
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"This is what we are doing. It works well for us.
Are you married though? The question is for married couples, not for couples who aren't married, of which there are loads that don't live together.
My comment is self explanatory.
Not married then. "
🙄 |
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"It feels a little bit like having your cake and eating it.
I hate this phrase. What's the point in having cake at all if you're not going to eat it?
I don't intend to live with a partner again. I like my space. I like my home to be mine. I'm not breeding so I don't need the support of a coparent. But that doesn't exclude me from committed relationships 💜"
I agree with you.
Especially with later-in-life relationships we can design our own way of doing it to meet our needs rather than to fit social norms. |
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By *a LunaWoman 5 weeks ago
South Wales |
If we were married then live together.
But otherwise I’m more than happy to have my place and they have theirs. I just don’t see the point in marrying someone and not living together. Although if we could afford adjoining houses then of course, that would be the dream and I could do that. |
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When you get married, you aren't handed a rule book of rigid commandments of what it must look like.
Choosing to live separately doesn't mean those people love each other less, or are less committed, or any of the other nonsense said above.
If I had the choice between marriage with someone who just blindly did what they think society says they're supposed to do, versus marriage with someone who has the emotional intelligence and self awareness to know what they want and need, to communicate that clearly to a partner, to set and hold their boundaries while also respecting mine... I know which one I'd choose! |
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"When you get married, you aren't handed a rule book of rigid commandments of what it must look like.
Oh but apparently you are. "
I mean. We're on a swinging website. Clearly everyone here adheres to the societal norms for relationships 💜 |
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"When you get married, you aren't handed a rule book of rigid commandments of what it must look like.
Oh but apparently you are.
I mean. We're on a swinging website. Clearly everyone here adheres to the societal norms for relationships 💜"
Yes. 
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"When you get married, you aren't handed a rule book of rigid commandments of what it must look like.
Oh but apparently you are.
I mean. We're on a swinging website. Clearly everyone here adheres to the societal norms for relationships 💜"
🎯 |
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Someone I know has lived in a separate house to her husband for the past 5 years, and it's saved their marriage. If they hadn't tried it their relationship would have failed. But now they are more friendly, have occasional sleepovers and spend quality time together.
Mrs |
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Never say never. I wouldn’t marry someone with the view that this is how we would end up but if we got there organically who's to say how I’d feel. If I didn’t want to live with someone I wouldn’t marry them.
Different things work for different people |
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"When you get married, you aren't handed a rule book of rigid commandments of what it must look like.
Choosing to live separately doesn't mean those people love each other less, or are less committed, or any of the other nonsense said above.
If I had the choice between marriage with someone who just blindly did what they think society says they're supposed to do, versus marriage with someone who has the emotional intelligence and self awareness to know what they want and need, to communicate that clearly to a partner, to set and hold their boundaries while also respecting mine... I know which one I'd choose! "
Bingo!
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To me this is how I think marriage would work for me in the future.
Relationships, good relationships, aren’t built on codependency or habitual domestication, they’re built on intentional interactions and intimacy, clear communication and mutual understanding of the others needs. There’s nothing that says that you have to live together |
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"To me this is how I think marriage would work for me in the future.
Relationships, good relationships, aren’t built on codependency or habitual domestication, they’re built on intentional interactions and intimacy, clear communication and mutual understanding of the others needs. There’s nothing that says that you have to live together "
My best friend thinks this too. She's loved living alone for so long, that she could not imagine herself ever wanting to live with a partner at all. |
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