A musing for a Sunday morning.
What does the term feedback loop mean to you, in terms of sexual relationships? Is it something you recognise, value or seek? What does it look like in your relationships and what is its effect?
Mrs TMN x |
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I don't think feedback is necessary unless you are in a regular arrangement with someone and they want to know how to make things better. Most people can read the room and know whether you are sexually compatible or not so I wouldn't go out my way to make someone feel bad if they didn't rock my world. Some people welcome it, others don't, very much depends on the size of their ego if they can take it on board or not. |
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Waiting for the eloquent people to show up so I can just say "this ^^^"
But yes it's something I enjoy very much. I don't know if it's something you can actively look for though or if it just occurs. |
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To me it’s knowing how someone is responding to what you’re doing and having the chance to do something different. It doesn’t have to be verbal.
In a regular relationship, it’s important to me - especially if swinging is involved. On a one off or regular meet it’s still important to an extent - if we’re having sex, I’d like everyone to enjoy it!
L |
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A very qood and thought-provking questions.
To me, it means being continually communicative with your partner(s) about your needs and desires, and your activities. Without fear or favour. Just analytical about how things panned out, what worked, what didn't, and how they made you feel and why. What you derived from them, and listening to your partner(s) about the same.
Then formulating course-changes as necessary to accommodate or respect the needs, desires and wishes of all involved.
Yes, it is something I recognise, value highly, and continually seek. |
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"Waiting for the eloquent people to show up so I can just say "this ^^^"
But yes it's something I enjoy very much. I don't know if it's something you can actively look for though or if it just occurs. "
Looks like I'll have to define my version as it's not quite what I'm seeing in other posts.
For me it's when a sexual partner does something that turns me on and I respond physically, verbally, emotionally which in turn drives their desire. Often it's more a spiral than a loop as it gets deeper and more intense. |
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Both instinctively reading and understanding each others bodies and movements and reactions and responding in kind.
Or, y’know, however you want to reword that for threesomes, foursomes, or groups. |
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By *ornycougaWoman 2 weeks ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
"A very qood and thought-provking questions.
To me, it means being continually communicative with your partner(s) about your needs and desires, and your activities. Without fear or favour. Just analytical about how things panned out, what worked, what didn't, and how they made you feel and why. What you derived from them, and listening to your partner(s) about the same.
Then formulating course-changes as necessary to accommodate or respect the needs, desires and wishes of all involved.
Yes, it is something I recognise, value highly, and continually seek."
I agree with this. In my experience it takes time to get to that point where there is real honesty and the "requester" isn't perceived as being needy or fishing for compliments and the "provider" can provide feedback without it being perceived as criticism. |
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"Waiting for the eloquent people to show up so I can just say "this ^^^"
But yes it's something I enjoy very much. I don't know if it's something you can actively look for though or if it just occurs.
Looks like I'll have to define my version as it's not quite what I'm seeing in other posts.
For me it's when a sexual partner does something that turns me on and I respond physically, verbally, emotionally which in turn drives their desire. Often it's more a spiral than a loop as it gets deeper and more intense. "
This ^^^^ |
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For me it’s that mutual cycle of touch, desire and arousal. Observing how my touch is received, how their body reacts, their breath quickens and they moan or gasp….then going it again over and over until they’re a squirming mess.
I get a huge amount of satisfaction from these sort of reactions in a partner, their pleasure pleases me and arouses me in turn.
When two people enjoy that sort of feedback together the results can be amazing. A mutual desire for each others pleasure, a gentle observation in each others responses and a drive to fulfill the other is explosive. |
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By *essaMayWoman 2 weeks ago
Fairytale Wood |
Depends on how you define "feedback loop", simply if i'm giving and it is clearly working then the more turned on i get. Likewise if i'm receiving and it is clear the giver is definitely enjoying it also,no words needed, no dirty talk simples.
That is what i call a good feedback loop.
That's why i avoid most couples with "bi" females as there is not that connection. Usually doing it for their partner anyway. |
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"For me it’s that mutual cycle of touch, desire and arousal. Observing how my touch is received, how their body reacts, their breath quickens and they moan or gasp….then going it again over and over until they’re a squirming mess.
I get a huge amount of satisfaction from these sort of reactions in a partner, their pleasure pleases me and arouses me in turn.
When two people enjoy that sort of feedback together the results can be amazing. A mutual desire for each others pleasure, a gentle observation in each others responses and a drive to fulfill the other is explosive."
👆100% agree |
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"
I agree with this. In my experience it takes time to get to that point where there is real honesty and the "requester" isn't perceived as being needy or fishing for compliments and the "provider" can provide feedback without it being perceived as criticism. "
It does indeed take quite a bit of time and the lowering of barriers, because ultimately there is vulnerability within the act of sex. We present ourselves in our most vulnerable and emotional states. So you are quite correct in that any form of criticism, no matter how well-intentioned, can be taken poorly. This is because in that vulnerable state, defensive shields are up and there is a hyper-acuteness to criticism.
Mutual trust is essential, amongst many other things. |
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"“Il n’y a qu’un bonheur dans la vie, c’est d’aimer et d’être aimé.”
And I think you can interpret that to be about physical love, and sex, just as much as it’s about emotions."
I can’t interpret it at all. In the immortal words of Girls Aloud: “I can’t speak French” 🇫🇷 |
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"“Il n’y a qu’un bonheur dans la vie, c’est d’aimer et d’être aimé.”
And I think you can interpret that to be about physical love, and sex, just as much as it’s about emotions.
I can’t interpret it at all. In the immortal words of Girls Aloud: “I can’t speak French” 🇫🇷 "
There is nothing better in life than to love and be loved.
Approximately 😘 |
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"“Il n’y a qu’un bonheur dans la vie, c’est d’aimer et d’être aimé.”
And I think you can interpret that to be about physical love, and sex, just as much as it’s about emotions.
I can’t interpret it at all. In the immortal words of Girls Aloud: “I can’t speak French” 🇫🇷
There is nothing better in life than to love and be loved.
Approximately 😘"
Thank you x |
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Oh it is absolutely something I value and seek in my relationships.
Doing something that pleases them? Wonderful. I like to please people who excite me.
Seeing their excitement heightened by them knowing how much I'm enjoying it? Sublime.
Them getting off on me getting off on them getting off on me? Perfection 💜 |
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"There is nothing better in life than to love and be loved. Approximately 😘"
That’s it, yeah. “There is only one happiness in life - to love and be loved.” It just sounds a lot sexier in the original French. |
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"Them getting off on me getting off on them getting off on me? Perfection 💜"
This sums up my take on it. An infinite cycle.
Seeing what others have written, I would also include the giving and receiving of feedback as part of that. Not like a formal debrief, two stars and a wish, shit sandwich or the like. In a more organic way.
Mrs TMN x |
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By *a LunaWoman 2 weeks ago
South Wales |
"It's not a term I've ever used in terms of sexual relationships.
Mutual enjoyment? Yes"
This. I think if someone was to give me “feedback” on my sex techniques I’d probably think they were a bit of a knobber.
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By *eliWoman 2 weeks ago
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It's no longer the morning but sod it.
I use desire feedback loop a lot on the forums (you're very welcome) and that's because it perfectly describes something that is important to me. If I get the feeling it won't be present, I kind of lose interest.
For me, it doesn't mean actual feedback. Not a detailed critique of what worked, areas of improvement, things to forego next time. Nor is it solely about one sense being used - I'd much rather employ all the senses.
It's about how the other responds, how much I get off on that and the way it makes me want to keep bringing them pleasure, which in turn heightens their pleasure and makes them more in to it... you get the idea. An example would be someone's fingers slipping between my thighs whilst kissing, them feeling how slick I am and the little groan of need they make when they realise the effect they have on me. Which turns me on even more. And then they're more turned on etc...
I think it's part of why I'd much rather give oral than receive it. Quite a few people are "happy to" give oral if it's something the other enjoys but I want when a person loves doing it. Is almost needy to taste me. When they're aroused from my arousal. Like I would be, giving them oral.
Desire is really important to me, that intoxicating rush of being with another who I truly desire and when they can't get enough of me. Getting lost in that lustful desire is... well. Yes.
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"Them getting off on me getting off on them getting off on me? Perfection 💜
This sums up my take on it. An infinite cycle.
Seeing what others have written, I would also include the giving and receiving of feedback as part of that. Not like a formal debrief, two stars and a wish, shit sandwich or the like. In a more organic way.
Mrs TMN x"
Everyone's said something I agree with. Prey's whole comment summed it up really well too.
My only addition is that even when you're getting that feedback spiral or loop, there are other, hidden spirals and loops in different spaces that can be explored and found too.
There's always a touch or movement or sequence that you can surprise with or be surprised by, so you can upload ongoing novelty as well.
The "that's never happened before" thing is great to discover, and it can happen a lot from exploration and experimentation - tiny little "cues" hint at something else awaiting its moment xxxx |
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There are many ways in which it can manifest, but for me; sexually, it's about a shared vicarious arousal.
One partner phrased it as: losing oneself in each other, to the point we no longer know where I stop and you begin. Or who is fucking who anymore. I imagine without being there, whilst that sounds profound to me, is just a bunch of words.
That takes on a primal or primordial aspect, where cognition is abandoned to a shared wave of feelings, which we ride.
I don't think about it as an experience specific to sex. It can exist between people I am close to just walking together. Our bubble, where all the adulting paraphernalia is stripped away and we allow ourselves to be completely ourselves, in the moment together.
Lust, playfulness, affection raw and unfettered spiraling out to wherever. Physically it can be anything from a gentle stroke of finger tips to nails deep in my flesh. Her response to my response to hers.
Words are such clumsy tools, nature is sometimes smarter than we think. Well than I can think at least. |
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