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Imposter syndrome and sex
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Anyone ever felt apprehensive about getting deep down and dirty with a fellow potential meet for fear of being perceived as inadequate, inferior, or incompetent and being wracked with self doubt?
Even though on balance you’ve only ever really had great sexual experiences in the past so know you can indulge.
What techniques do you put in place to overcome these anxieties and just throw yourself right in? |
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Ooof, I feel seen! To be honest, I've still not found a way to fully overcome it. I tend to use a bit of self depreciation with the aim to manage expectations so that I don't get in my own head about it. I mean, if their expectations are low, they can only be pleasantly surprised, right? 😅 |
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"Anyone ever felt apprehensive about getting deep down and dirty with a fellow potential meet for fear of being perceived as inadequate, inferior, or incompetent and being wracked with self doubt?
Even though on balance you’ve only ever really had great sexual experiences in the past so know you can indulge.
What techniques do you put in place to overcome these anxieties and just throw yourself right in? "
I really admire anyone who has no self doubt. It must be great to feel that way. I guess I just through myself in and wing it. Fake it til you make it and all that 🤣 |
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Haven’t met someone on here yet as it’s hard with no verifications however I’ve never lacked confidence in bed. I like to take control and am a very generous lover. Key for me is ask for feedback and guidance  |
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The first meet we ever had I felt apprehensive because I imagined that everyone else was like real life porn stars. I quickly realised that this wasn't the case and thereafter just went with flow and didn't think about it. |
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By (user no longer on site) 8 weeks ago
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Always
That first time is always a little nervous / first night nerves
But hopefully you both enjoy it enough for round 2, be that the same or subsequent meet |
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In a nutshell, yes.
For me, personally, I don't think of it really as anything to do with confidence or assuredness (I don't lack in that regard), but more to do with not living up to their expectations when meeting for the first time, and not conforming to whatever playbook or roadmap they have in their mind about how the sex will go/should go.
In essence I fear the spectre of inadequacy. |
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If there is no fear at all, you are a hard rock! Nerves are what make us stronger in the long run! Just think the other person is probably feeling the same way so have a giggle and the ice is broken |
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Yes.
I can be pretty intimidated if someone has a lot of sexual experiences.
I’m really glad to hear you had 4 women tied up squirting out enough to put out LA whilst the 5th and 6th did acrobatics on your face. We’re not going to do any of that. Can I interest you in missionary?
On the whole I’m pretty confident but sometimes I get in my own head and think fuck am I boring?!
It doesn’t ever last long but I do get those niggles of doubt. |
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If I am feeling it enough with someone it simply overwhelms any feelings of doubt. And I don't really go for less than that feeling, as that's what I am accustomed to and desire.
It's not some great belief in my abilities or anything like that. I just think it's about the connection or chemistry or whatever you want to call it that I have with that person. |
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"Yes.
I can be pretty intimidated if someone has a lot of sexual experiences.
I’m really glad to hear you had 4 women tied up squirting out enough to put out LA whilst the 5th and 6th did acrobatics on your face. We’re not going to do any of that. Can I interest you in missionary?
On the whole I’m pretty confident but sometimes I get in my own head and think fuck am I boring?!
It doesn’t ever last long but I do get those niggles of doubt. "
I doubt you’d ever be boring  |
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"Yes.
I can be pretty intimidated if someone has a lot of sexual experiences.
I’m really glad to hear you had 4 women tied up squirting out enough to put out LA whilst the 5th and 6th did acrobatics on your face. We’re not going to do any of that. Can I interest you in missionary?
On the whole I’m pretty confident but sometimes I get in my own head and think fuck am I boring?!
It doesn’t ever last long but I do get those niggles of doubt. "
Yes! I absolutely get what you mean here. I worry aboht these women and couples who have had all these great and wild experiences that it leaves me wondering what they see in me and what I can offer that different to what they've had in order to be memorable. It's a brutal way of overthinking. |
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By *ornycougaWoman 8 weeks ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
Yes and no. It's been a while since I have felt inadequate in my own performance or about my body (I used to have huge insecurities and confidence issues about both). But I tend to discount guys for one on one meets who usually meet hotwives/go to clubs/parties etc. because I worry that the experience of the meet will be sufficient. |
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By *ornycougaWoman 8 weeks ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
"Yes and no. It's been a while since I have felt inadequate in my own performance or about my body (I used to have huge insecurities and confidence issues about both). But I tend to discount guys for one on one meets who usually meet hotwives/go to clubs/parties etc. because I worry that the experience of the meet will be sufficient. "
I mean insufficient |
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Teach yourself reckless abandon.
It’s highly unlikely that anyone is going to have a bad time so relax… enjoy.
Embrace the diversity of experience, learn, guide, teach..
Always remember we do this because it’s pleasurable and fun. |
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Ugh yes! To a degree anyway. I overthink about lots of things before a meet. I don’t really have any coping strategies other than telling myself if he didn’t want to be here he wouldn’t.
I don’t tend to do one offs, I prefer regular meets because second time onwards any overthinking/worries are gone and I’m much more relaxed. |
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"Anyone ever felt apprehensive about getting deep down and dirty with a fellow potential meet for fear of being perceived as inadequate, inferior, or incompetent and being wracked with self doubt?
Even though on balance you’ve only ever really had great sexual experiences in the past so know you can indulge.
What techniques do you put in place to overcome these anxieties and just throw yourself right in? "
To be fair, getting down and dirty with a potential meet is always a nervous affair for me.
I guess it can be best described as a good theme park ride. Chatting with your meet is like being in the queue for the ride, psyching yourself up for the big moment in the process. Being on the ride is the actual getting down and dirty where it's a bit scary but very exciting. Then there's the walking away from the ride bit which is kinda like parting ways with your meet and realising it was less daunting and more exciting than you thought. Well, that's how I try to think of it, and I still get nervous on theme park rides even now, especially the fast rides 🤣 |
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Every single time! I try and turn the anxiety and apprehension mainly about thinking are they sure they want to be with me into nervous excitement and dive right to it. I find as soon as the kissing starts any thoughts of apprehension disappear |
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Yeah a little bit. Sometimes I can’t believe how lucky I am & theres a huge expectation to be great at sex. I think I cared less when younger too.
It helps me, knowing that the gorgeous women I meet that make me feel way, often feel the same. |
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No one should feel like that but know easy to say. We tend to think others are better than us and having more fun. In reality not always the case and just a perception. I try not to worry about it. Have met many lovely people. Maybe am lucky as talk in advance what all like or not and what can do or not. That helps me anyway. Sorry for rambling thoughts |
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I'm really insecure about my body. I've had kids and things are soft and squishy lol. Once I have a vodka or two I'm usually a bit more confident, but I generally think if someone messages us, it's my husband they're after, not me or when we meet irl they'll be repulsed by me |
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Yes! I thought this was just me. I always get nervous before a meet. I’m not very body confident and worry about what they’ll think of me in person and whether they’ll enjoy the sexual experience, especially if they’ve met a lot of girls who are “smaller” than me 🫣 |
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I always do my best to make someone feel good, I might not hit it every time but that's more likely to happen with someone new. I don't know them intimately yet ha.
I'm good at reading body language though and I am happy to communicate and recieve feedback, as in if they want me to tweak anything.
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By (user no longer on site) 8 weeks ago
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For me this is something that comes with experience. When I first started I probably had more negative thoughts than positive ones and doubted myself in general. But now im pretty confident in myself, my abilities in the bedroom and I don't get intimidated by anyone. Compatability, attraction and connections are all subjective to each individual but does not reflect who you are and what you bring to the table. |
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Yes, the first couple of times with someone new, I have this little niggling worry that I'm not any good at sex and they'll be disappointed. It soon disappears once I get lost in the "activities", and it's never strong enough to stop me meeting someone. |
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Yes, of course.
I think it’s a fairly common thing. I often get nervous before a meet and if I’ll meet expectations.
I generally try to manage expectations of people beforehand, I’m not a pornstar and neither are they, we’re just two people that hopefully will enjoy each others company |
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By (user no longer on site) 8 weeks ago
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I always feel inadequate. I feel like anyone I meet would be expecting more or better than I can ever give or be. I put myself down and tell anyone who messages me that I'm not good enough for them, that I never will be, so that they can go find someone else who will be good enough. I never feel like my pics are showing me even though they are. My pics aren't great, but I feel like I'm not as good as they are |
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By (user no longer on site) 8 weeks ago
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Don’t overthink things, just remember to breathe and take it slowly and take things one step at a time.
If you have had positive experiences in the past there is no reason why things will be any different.
I usually like a slow seduction for a first time meet which allows you both a chance to settle and get into the flow. |
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By *sWyldWoman 8 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
I'm far from confident in myself in anything and certainly not about my body. I always fear they will get me naked and change their minds.
I don't however worry about the sex bit as such. I don't fancy myself as some sort of goddess or great lover but I think I can hold my own pretty well. I've certainly usually got plenty of enthusiasm and a desire to please.
I just have to hope that I do and that energy is matched so the experience is good for us both |
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I got some apprehension before some meets plus excitement. I think it's pretty common. They've always worked fine and I'd wAlk away. I think it's fine to just go with the flow and to relax. It's trivial in the grand scheme of things |
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By *ags73Man 8 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
"Anyone ever felt apprehensive about getting deep down and dirty with a fellow potential meet for fear of being perceived as inadequate, inferior, or incompetent and being wracked with self doubt?
Even though on balance you’ve only ever really had great sexual experiences in the past so know you can indulge.
What techniques do you put in place to overcome these anxieties and just throw yourself right in? "
For me, fear only comes from person-ing and the social and chat bits of it.
Breathing, remembering name, thinking positively and thinking conversations/chats, what to ask. Would be in my head beforehand.
Being on time, thinking how to get there, what to do are things that you can plan around as well as what to wear.
Those things you can control or sort out yourself beforehand.
As for ‘performing’ that’s in yourself, that’ll happen when and if something happens and having doubts before you start seems like extra drama to me.
I suppose it depends on how long ago was last time, was your last effort a ‘mare or is there a specific and genuine reason to believe that you’d be shite?
If not take the load off and go and do what you can. |
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By *eliWoman 8 weeks ago
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I wouldn't say I'm ever wracked with self doubt - I'd probably take some time away from Fab and work on myself a bit, my confidence levels if that was the case.
But I do get those feelings of apprehension, of potentially not being good enough. I suppose I don't help matters when I discuss how much I love certain sexual acts but there's also a feeling that some people put me on a pedestal. And then there's the more generalised overthinking because I'm actually quite dorky and chubby and maybe they've fucked all these middle aged (40+) sex goddesses who do clubs and mmfs and gangbangs and anal and that's not me.
But then I relax in to being with the person, enjoy my time with them mindfully and remind myself that it's meant to be fun and not something I give *too* much headspace to worrying about. |
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By *a LunaWoman 8 weeks ago
South Wales |
"Comparison is the thief of all joy ... "
This!
Everyone gets nervous, I think that is to be expected. But the key to awesome sex is to concentrate on the present. Who you are with, your connection, have fun and just go with it.
Don’t overthink it. Sex should be fun, not a study case on how well you suck cock or lick fanny. |
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"Anyone ever felt apprehensive about getting deep down and dirty with a fellow potential meet for fear of being perceived as inadequate, inferior, or incompetent and being wracked with self doubt?
Even though on balance you’ve only ever really had great sexual experiences in the past so know you can indulge.
What techniques do you put in place to overcome these anxieties and just throw yourself right in? "
Yes, yes, yes..... I have no solution other than I'm not currently meeting because of this.
If my mind isn't in the right place I just can't do it, my overthinking awkwardness just takes over.
Mrs |
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No. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's The Sex.
I have limitations, as most of us do, but, I'm enthusiastic, and once I'm comfortable with someone, the gloves come off 
Ask anyone who has had the pleasure  |
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"Comparison is the thief of all joy ...
This!
Everyone gets nervous, I think that is to be expected. But the key to awesome sex is to concentrate on the present. Who you are with, your connection, have fun and just go with it.
Don’t overthink it. Sex should be fun, not a study case on how well you suck cock or lick fanny."
Good points, but in the back of mind, I'm wondering if comparisons are being made, during love making  |
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By *a LunaWoman 8 weeks ago
South Wales |
"Comparison is the thief of all joy ...
This!
Everyone gets nervous, I think that is to be expected. But the key to awesome sex is to concentrate on the present. Who you are with, your connection, have fun and just go with it.
Don’t overthink it. Sex should be fun, not a study case on how well you suck cock or lick fanny.
Good points, but in the back of mind, I'm wondering if comparisons are being made, during love making "
Then you’re not (emotionally) present in the moment |
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"Comparison is the thief of all joy ...
This!
Everyone gets nervous, I think that is to be expected. But the key to awesome sex is to concentrate on the present. Who you are with, your connection, have fun and just go with it.
Don’t overthink it. Sex should be fun, not a study case on how well you suck cock or lick fanny.
Good points, but in the back of mind, I'm wondering if comparisons are being made, during love making
Then you’re not (emotionally) present in the moment "
Pull me in then, you Welsh goddess  |
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"No. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's The Sex.
I have limitations, as most of us do, but, I'm enthusiastic, and once I'm comfortable with someone, the gloves come off
Ask anyone who has had the pleasure "
Who shall I ask? |
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