FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Why is everyone so ignorant?
Why is everyone so ignorant?
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By (user no longer on site) OP 5 weeks ago
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When I used to message first a long time, doubt it will have changed, not one reply. When I get a wink I reply with a wink. No reply. I reply to a wink with a message, no reply. They message first, I respond with the same amount of effort they put into their message, no reply. I've had people message me then not replying to my response, then repeating again, no reply to my reply, a couple weeks later, and again a few weeks after that.
It seems to me that people just pop up wanting you to know that they're ignoring you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 5 weeks ago
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"Why not try getting active in person in the scene instead of relying on messages on here?
We find this site hard work and don't bother messaging people much."
I don't go out enough. And when I do, I'm not interested |
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"When I used to message first a long time, doubt it will have changed, not one reply. When I get a wink I reply with a wink. No reply. I reply to a wink with a message, no reply. They message first, I respond with the same amount of effort they put into their message, no reply. I've had people message me then not replying to my response, then repeating again, no reply to my reply, a couple weeks later, and again a few weeks after that.
It seems to me that people just pop up wanting you to know that they're ignoring you. "
Yep. Often wonder. |
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"Why not try getting active in person in the scene instead of relying on messages on here?
We find this site hard work and don't bother messaging people much.
I don't go out enough. And when I do, I'm not interested"
So you're not interested in swinging? Hmmmmm, ok. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 5 weeks ago
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"Why not try getting active in person in the scene instead of relying on messages on here?
We find this site hard work and don't bother messaging people much.
I don't go out enough. And when I do, I'm not interested
So you're not interested in swinging? Hmmmmm, ok."
Can't really go to that kind of club as a single man |
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"Why not try getting active in person in the scene instead of relying on messages on here?
We find this site hard work and don't bother messaging people much.
I don't go out enough. And when I do, I'm not interested"
I am exactly the same brother. I hardly go out either. Again I am not interested when I do.
I agree with you about the messaging. I know I am not everyone’s cup of Tea. A bit of common courtesy, doesn’t go a miss. A simple reply to say yea read your message, not for me unfortunately. Is that too much to ask for.
It is like applying for a job. Go to the bother of writing something specific to that woman’s profile. Then hear nothing back. |
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Just delete everything from your sent box that way you can't see what people are doing and you don't have to follow up
Tas for your status I'm quite sure with the number of people on FAB there are some very interesting ones
They may not be interested or interesting to you but that doesn't mean it's the site/them who are lacking
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"Why not try getting active in person in the scene instead of relying on messages on here?
We find this site hard work and don't bother messaging people much.
I don't go out enough. And when I do, I'm not interested
So you're not interested in swinging? Hmmmmm, ok.
Can't really go to that kind of club as a single man"
Yes you can as most clubs do at the very least one night a week where single men are allowed entry as well as couples and single ladies.
You could also try social events that are held all over the country (not in clubs). Trust me, it's much easier meeting people face to face.
Ruby |
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"Why not try getting active in person in the scene instead of relying on messages on here?
We find this site hard work and don't bother messaging people much.
I don't go out enough. And when I do, I'm not interested
So you're not interested in swinging? Hmmmmm, ok.
Can't really go to that kind of club as a single man"
There's newbie nights listed by clubs in the forums
Effort in
Results out |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 5 weeks ago
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"Why not try getting active in person in the scene instead of relying on messages on here?
We find this site hard work and don't bother messaging people much.
I don't go out enough. And when I do, I'm not interested
I am exactly the same brother. I hardly go out either. Again I am not interested when I do.
I agree with you about the messaging. I know I am not everyone’s cup of Tea. A bit of common courtesy, doesn’t go a miss. A simple reply to say yea read your message, not for me unfortunately. Is that too much to ask for.
It is like applying for a job. Go to the bother of writing something specific to that woman’s profile. Then hear nothing back."
It's more about those who actively go out of their way to look at your profile, decide they should message, then when you reply they just ignore it. Then send the exact same message they sent the first time a few weeks later, then ignore your reply to that message. And then send it again a few weeks later before they get blocked |
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"Why not try getting active in person in the scene instead of relying on messages on here?
We find this site hard work and don't bother messaging people much.
I don't go out enough. And when I do, I'm not interested
I am exactly the same brother. I hardly go out either. Again I am not interested when I do.
I agree with you about the messaging. I know I am not everyone’s cup of Tea. A bit of common courtesy, doesn’t go a miss. A simple reply to say yea read your message, not for me unfortunately. Is that too much to ask for.
It is like applying for a job. Go to the bother of writing something specific to that woman’s profile. Then hear nothing back."
FAQs
No response = no thanks |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 5 weeks ago
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I'm not concerned about the meets or anything, it's just why go through the effort of messaging on a site or an app if you're just going to ignore any message you get back |
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"I'm not concerned about the meets or anything, it's just why go through the effort of messaging on a site or an app if you're just going to ignore any message you get back"
Maybe just because they can. Could be so many reasons. I wouldn't worry yourself about what others do or don't, just you do you and don't sweat the small stuff.  |
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By *KOTGMan 5 weeks ago
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I think you’re thinking too much into it buddy.
On weekends, sometimes I’ll get what I’d consider a lot of messages and I’ll admit it’s hard to keep up. Women and couples here are getting 100’s a day.
That must be a nightmare. |
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"When I used to message first a long time, doubt it will have changed, not one reply. When I get a wink I reply with a wink. No reply. I reply to a wink with a message, no reply. They message first, I respond with the same amount of effort they put into their message, no reply. I've had people message me then not replying to my response, then repeating again, no reply to my reply, a couple weeks later, and again a few weeks after that.
It seems to me that people just pop up wanting you to know that they're ignoring you. "
Fair point. Apparently though it's acceptable and all your fault for expecting basic humanity. However... Holding a mirror up won't change anything. Keep your pecker up op. And as someone has already said. If you can get to a social event, people are always a good deal friendlier in person. |
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Yes I find the same, very frustrating but females and couples must get hundreds of messages, shame as I think once chatting you can get your personality across, just getting that conversation started is hard |
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"Why not try getting active in person in the scene instead of relying on messages on here?
We find this site hard work and don't bother messaging people much.
I don't go out enough. And when I do, I'm not interested
I am exactly the same brother. I hardly go out either. Again I am not interested when I do.
I agree with you about the messaging. I know I am not everyone’s cup of Tea. A bit of common courtesy, doesn’t go a miss. A simple reply to say yea read your message, not for me unfortunately. Is that too much to ask for.
It is like applying for a job. Go to the bother of writing something specific to that woman’s profile. Then hear nothing back."
And when we do reply, "Thanks but not for me" it sometimes leads to an abusive follow up message. Is that common courtesy?? |
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By *rT25Man 5 weeks ago
South Yorkshire |
Some of us will feel like this at some stage on this site. It's just part and parcel of it.
I've been messaging a few people and all of a sudden it's stopped. Plus my new pics go unnoticed and I'm constantly skipped in the forums today. It's like the Chicago song Mr Cellophane.
Just don't take it personally I suppose  |
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"Why not try getting active in person in the scene instead of relying on messages on here?
We find this site hard work and don't bother messaging people much.
I don't go out enough. And when I do, I'm not interested
I am exactly the same brother. I hardly go out either. Again I am not interested when I do.
I agree with you about the messaging. I know I am not everyone’s cup of Tea. A bit of common courtesy, doesn’t go a miss. A simple reply to say yea read your message, not for me unfortunately. Is that too much to ask for.
It is like applying for a job. Go to the bother of writing something specific to that woman’s profile. Then hear nothing back.
And when we do reply, "Thanks but not for me" it sometimes leads to an abusive follow up message. Is that common courtesy??"
Absolutely 💯 % this |
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"When I used to message first a long time, doubt it will have changed, not one reply. When I get a wink I reply with a wink. No reply. I reply to a wink with a message, no reply. They message first, I respond with the same amount of effort they put into their message, no reply. I've had people message me then not replying to my response, then repeating again, no reply to my reply, a couple weeks later, and again a few weeks after that.
It seems to me that people just pop up wanting you to know that they're ignoring you. "
Hey, nature of the beast man. I don't even get looked at let alone a wink. Don't take it so personally and move on like water off a ducks back. |
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"Why not try getting active in person in the scene instead of relying on messages on here?
We find this site hard work and don't bother messaging people much.
I don't go out enough. And when I do, I'm not interested
I am exactly the same brother. I hardly go out either. Again I am not interested when I do.
I agree with you about the messaging. I know I am not everyone’s cup of Tea. A bit of common courtesy, doesn’t go a miss. A simple reply to say yea read your message, not for me unfortunately. Is that too much to ask for.
It is like applying for a job. Go to the bother of writing something specific to that woman’s profile. Then hear nothing back.
And when we do reply, "Thanks but not for me" it sometimes leads to an abusive follow up message. Is that common courtesy??"
No it's not. |
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"So what should I do then? Just ignore everyone that winks or messages?"
That's your choice but just don't feel disheartened if you receive nothing back.
Keep your chin up, don't let it drag you down. This place is meant to be fun. |
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By (user no longer on site) 5 weeks ago
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Or you could look at it as why are you so entitled? Nobody owes you anything.
I've seen comments from women who have been on the site for less than a day and have 500 messages. If that was me I'm pretty surer I'd ignore most of them and probably even just leave the site. |
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By (user no longer on site) 5 weeks ago
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I'm going to say something completely different here, but think about it.
Put your cock away in your pictures
Upload a normal picture that doesn't show cock.
That takes away at least 70% of people winking at you. It's because they're staring at your cock .
Now message people again with a normal everyday conversation starter and see where you get too.
A lot of people don't want to see that alongside a message, most won't reply, that's just how it sometimes goes on here.
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By (user no longer on site) OP 5 weeks ago
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"I'm going to say something completely different here, but think about it.
Put your cock away in your pictures
Upload a normal picture that doesn't show cock.
That takes away at least 70% of people winking at you. It's because they're staring at your cock .
Now message people again with a normal everyday conversation starter and see where you get too.
A lot of people don't want to see that alongside a message, most won't reply, that's just how it sometimes goes on here.
"
I don't message first |
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By (user no longer on site) 5 weeks ago
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"I'm going to say something completely different here, but think about it.
Put your cock away in your pictures
Upload a normal picture that doesn't show cock.
That takes away at least 70% of people winking at you. It's because they're staring at your cock .
Now message people again with a normal everyday conversation starter and see where you get too.
A lot of people don't want to see that alongside a message, most won't reply, that's just how it sometimes goes on here.
I don't message first"
But you reply!
They still see you.... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 5 weeks ago
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"I'm going to say something completely different here, but think about it.
Put your cock away in your pictures
Upload a normal picture that doesn't show cock.
That takes away at least 70% of people winking at you. It's because they're staring at your cock .
Now message people again with a normal everyday conversation starter and see where you get too.
A lot of people don't want to see that alongside a message, most won't reply, that's just how it sometimes goes on here.
I don't message first
But you reply!
They still see you...."
But they've already expressed interest by messaging me first for me to reply |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 5 weeks ago
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"I don’t really get the gripe. Why complain about the results of something you no longer do? "
It's the people who message first then ignore your reply to their message |
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One of the reasons why a friend and I started organising socials, to help likeminded people connect and make friends. It is difficult for men and women alike to make genuine connections on here.
My advice would be to go along to a local social, it’s daunting at first but take it from one who knows, they do get easier.
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People's expectations and needs changes, which will include whether someone might be mutually compatible.
Once they are not mutually compatible with you, there's no need for any further contact. You might have seemed the best thing since sliced bread.
The Fab rules are very, very simple. No reply means no thanks.
It's not ignorance. It's the rules of the site that you have signed up for. You didn't pay attention or forgot? That's not the fault of the people you are blaming as ignorant, is it?
Move on. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 5 weeks ago
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"People's expectations and needs changes, which will include whether someone might be mutually compatible.
Once they are not mutually compatible with you, there's no need for any further contact. You might have seemed the best thing since sliced bread.
The Fab rules are very, very simple. No reply means no thanks.
It's not ignorance. It's the rules of the site that you have signed up for. You didn't pay attention or forgot? That's not the fault of the people you are blaming as ignorant, is it?
Move on. "
As I've said a few times in this thread. When they message first, my response to that initial message gets ignored. A few weeks later, they send the same message again. And then my response to that gets ignored. Then a few weeks after, they try message again. This has happened a few times.
When I get a message and I reply to that one message they sent and it gets ignored, it is ignorant. You're saying they're saying no thanks based on my one reply to their one message or that their expectations have changed from that one interaction. But then change their mind again later, then change it back after I reply to their next message |
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I think you just have to take it for what it is on here. When I first started out I literally replied to everyone but it's so time consuming it leaves no time for engaging I genuine connections. However i do try to not ignore people mid conversation but because of the amount of messages sometimes a reply goes way down the list unnoticed for a while |
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By (user no longer on site) 5 weeks ago
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"Fab’s a piece of piss. "
It really is. It only turns into an issue, if you allow it to become one.
I just delete messages that are being ignored or left on Read. Problem solved. |
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By *nnCeeWoman 5 weeks ago
East of Eden, West of Hell |
"As I've said a few times in this thread. When they message first, my response to that initial message gets ignored. A few weeks later, they send the same message again. And then my response to that gets ignored. Then a few weeks after, they try message again. This has happened a few times.
When I get a message and I reply to that one message they sent and it gets ignored, it is ignorant. You're saying they're saying no thanks based on my one reply to their one message or that their expectations have changed from that one interaction. But then change their mind again later, then change it back after I reply to their next message"
It does seem strange that someone would send a message, ignore your response, but then send the same thing again a few weeks later.
As JW said - if they ignore your reply, I'd block them. I would imagine they didn't much like what you put, but then forgot they'd messaged you in the first place. Because you've sent a message back, the system won't ask them whether they want to send another message which was previously ignored.
That's what gets my goat - when I don't respond to someone, then they send another message (or 15)... even worse when the second/third/fourth message is a carbon copy of the first...
FAB is a funny old place. |
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"I'm going to say something completely different here, but think about it.
Put your cock away in your pictures
Upload a normal picture that doesn't show cock.
That takes away at least 70% of people winking at you. It's because they're staring at your cock .
Now message people again with a normal everyday conversation starter and see where you get too.
A lot of people don't want to see that alongside a message, most won't reply, that's just how it sometimes goes on here.
I don't message first
But you reply!
They still see you....
But they've already expressed interest by messaging me first for me to reply"
Pushing water uphill there mate |
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"When I used to message first a long time, doubt it will have changed, not one reply. When I get a wink I reply with a wink. No reply. I reply to a wink with a message, no reply. They message first, I respond with the same amount of effort they put into their message, no reply. I've had people message me then not replying to my response, then repeating again, no reply to my reply, a couple weeks later, and again a few weeks after that.
It seems to me that people just pop up wanting you to know that they're ignoring you. "
The trouble is the ratio is like 500 men to 1 woman |
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"Why not try getting active in person in the scene instead of relying on messages on here?
We find this site hard work and don't bother messaging people much.
I don't go out enough. And when I do, I'm not interested
So you're not interested in swinging? Hmmmmm, ok.
Can't really go to that kind of club as a single man
There's newbie nights listed by clubs in the forums
Effort in
Results out"
Yeah, I agree with this statement. I'm not much of a club goer in general in the past but I'm planning to make an effort this year. I'm planning to hit up one of the clubs end of the month as a single man. Already reserved my spot in a newbie night. Sure you my not get what you want. But get out there and start socialising, it's a solid start I think. |
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"People's expectations and needs changes, which will include whether someone might be mutually compatible.
Once they are not mutually compatible with you, there's no need for any further contact. You might have seemed the best thing since sliced bread.
The Fab rules are very, very simple. No reply means no thanks.
It's not ignorance. It's the rules of the site that you have signed up for. You didn't pay attention or forgot? That's not the fault of the people you are blaming as ignorant, is it?
Move on.
As I've said a few times in this thread. When they message first, my response to that initial message gets ignored. A few weeks later, they send the same message again. And then my response to that gets ignored. Then a few weeks after, they try message again. This has happened a few times.
When I get a message and I reply to that one message they sent and it gets ignored, it is ignorant. You're saying they're saying no thanks based on my one reply to their one message or that their expectations have changed from that one interaction. But then change their mind again later, then change it back after I reply to their next message"
There's no accounting for the behaviour of many people, who we'll not know or understand. It's helpful to block people who you identify as not being mutually compatible. This stops further unnecessary contact. They may, some of them, be complete arseholes and never treat people well.
At least you understand the site rules and knows better how to avoid some hassle. As others recommend, being social in clubs or at Fab social meets, is a good way to expand the amount of people who you know and balance out any negatives engagements. |
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"Why not try getting active in person in the scene instead of relying on messages on here?
We find this site hard work and don't bother messaging people much."
Same. Striking it lucky on a message Vs going to a club is a no brainer. |
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Tbf think you need to consider the people you message are most likely getting 100s more aswell as yours it's hard to stand out amongst that many and it's gotta burn out the people trying to comb through all the messages maybe you get one back and it goes dead might be on purpose might be accidental just one of those things keep moving forward and don't think on it yknow |
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By *bi HaiveMan 5 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
It's more common that men complain about not getting messages at all OP so at least you're doing better than them.
You've started several times that you don't message first and that the issue of being ignored only happens after you reply.
Nobody has mentioned it yet.....but is there a chance its down to the contents of your reply?
The best suggestion I've seen so far above I'd agree with. Get some normal, non dick focused images up and be proactive. Send messages that aren't about sex and just talk to people as you would if you weren't trying to get laid. It often boosts your chances considerably.
Oh. And of course......clubs and socials. Single men can go to both. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 5 weeks ago
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I'm not trying to meet, I'm not even trying to get replies. I'm just questioning why do people go through the effort of sending a message if they're just going to ignore. When someone says "hi how you", and I reply with "I'm great thanks, you?" That gets ignored. How else do they expect me to reply |
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"I'm not trying to meet, I'm not even trying to get replies. I'm just questioning why do people go through the effort of sending a message if they're just going to ignore. When someone says "hi how you", and I reply with "I'm great thanks, you?" That gets ignored. How else do they expect me to reply"
I’d be questioning if they’re a real profile
Happens once, benefit of the doubt. Happens again? Block and never have to worry about their messages again |
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"So what should I do then? Just ignore everyone that winks or messages?"
That's entirely up to you.
Had a friend on here who would go on about some folk 'ghosting' her, by not replying to messages, and in the nex sentence tell me how she isnt talking to X anymore. It works both way.
Sure it would be considerate to reply to everyone, but hey. Think you just need to accept it for what it it.
It's pretty much a numbers game on here anyway. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 5 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I'm not trying to meet, I'm not even trying to get replies. I'm just questioning why do people go through the effort of sending a message if they're just going to ignore. When someone says "hi how you", and I reply with "I'm great thanks, you?" That gets ignored. How else do they expect me to reply"
Now you've added more context here's my take.
We (on our couples profile) get dozens of 'Hi how are you' messages every week. We will only ever bother replying in exceptional circumstances if there's something really interesting in the profile sending it as it's the most dull way ever to make initial contact. That dull we've already put replies in our profile text to similar questions to save us bothering.
If all you answer is that. Then you've answered the question and the conversation is dead. Had you been a little more creative in your response they may well not have ignored it. It's the difference between using the opportunity to reply with something that will keep the convo flowing, demonstrate you've read their profile and are interested in something you've seen/read as opposed to just firing out a basic, lazy reply.
An opportunity missed.
One line message exchanges don't get people excited. Yes theirs was a lazy opener, but in a world where most men's inboxes are often drier than the Sahara it's best to respond with something that will maintain whatever initial interest motivated them to contact you in the first place, rather than just rush to reply with an unimpressive one line reply. 🤷♂️ |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 5 weeks ago
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"I'm not trying to meet, I'm not even trying to get replies. I'm just questioning why do people go through the effort of sending a message if they're just going to ignore. When someone says "hi how you", and I reply with "I'm great thanks, you?" That gets ignored. How else do they expect me to reply
Now you've added more context here's my take.
We (on our couples profile) get dozens of 'Hi how are you' messages every week. We will only ever bother replying in exceptional circumstances if there's something really interesting in the profile sending it as it's the most dull way ever to make initial contact. That dull we've already put replies in our profile text to similar questions to save us bothering.
If all you answer is that. Then you've answered the question and the conversation is dead. Had you been a little more creative in your response they may well not have ignored it. It's the difference between using the opportunity to reply with something that will keep the convo flowing, demonstrate you've read their profile and are interested in something you've seen/read as opposed to just firing out a basic, lazy reply.
An opportunity missed.
One line message exchanges don't get people excited. Yes theirs was a lazy opener, but in a world where most men's inboxes are often drier than the Sahara it's best to respond with something that will maintain whatever initial interest motivated them to contact you in the first place, rather than just rush to reply with an unimpressive one line reply. 🤷♂️"
So they're not ignorant, just lazy. Send a crap message to someone they're interested in and expect them to do all the work.
I just reply to a greeting to be polite, there's no reason for me to immediately list all the things on their profile that may pique my interest.
It's only these types of greetings I recieve or compliments which I reply thanks to. I don't expect a reply from those |
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