I wonder sometimes if it having a lack of common interests, other than just 'being' family
You choose friends based on similar interests and outlook -or shared experiences, often bonding over work challenges |
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"Apparently the full quote is “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Which means that the relationships you choose are stronger than the ones you inherit."
Oooohhh...so the opposite of what we all tend to think?
That's very interesting xxxx |
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"Apparently the full quote is “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Which means that the relationships you choose are stronger than the ones you inherit.
Oooohhh...so the opposite of what we all tend to think?
That's very interesting xxxx"
I’d like to act all intelligent and pretend I’ve always known this but there was a thread of quotes on Twitter the other day that mean the opposite of what we think. |
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I haven't spoken to my sister in 29 years and I am not bothered about it, I have a brother and friends who I would give my life for.
Genetics mean nothing, its the person that matters. Focus on these, not family because you share genetics |
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"Apparently the full quote is “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Which means that the relationships you choose are stronger than the ones you inherit.
Oooohhh...so the opposite of what we all tend to think?
That's very interesting xxxx
I’d like to act all intelligent and pretend I’ve always known this but there was a thread of quotes on Twitter the other day that mean the opposite of what we think. "
Well I think you're clever. |
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"Fookin' in-laws 🤬
Out-laws I think that should read, no? "
Oh Frida. How can parents be so awful towards their only son, who has done nothing wrong other than to almost kill himself through the exhaustion, stress and worry of looking after me and our daughter (and himself, when he remembers)? He's been doing it, without complaint or expectation of outside help, for over 8yrs now.
But we're not welcome. |
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"Apparently the full quote is “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Which means that the relationships you choose are stronger than the ones you inherit.
Oooohhh...so the opposite of what we all tend to think?
That's very interesting xxxx
I’d like to act all intelligent and pretend I’ve always known this but there was a thread of quotes on Twitter the other day that mean the opposite of what we think.
Well I think you're clever."
My GCSE results disagree with you. |
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"Fookin' in-laws 🤬
Out-laws I think that should read, no?
Oh Frida. How can parents be so awful towards their only son, who has done nothing wrong other than to almost kill himself through the exhaustion, stress and worry of looking after me and our daughter (and himself, when he remembers)? He's been doing it, without complaint or expectation of outside help, for over 8yrs now.
But we're not welcome. "
Some people are so far up their own arses, they can't contemplate not being the centre of someone's universe. |
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"Fookin' in-laws 🤬
Out-laws I think that should read, no?
Oh Frida. How can parents be so awful towards their only son, who has done nothing wrong other than to almost kill himself through the exhaustion, stress and worry of looking after me and our daughter (and himself, when he remembers)? He's been doing it, without complaint or expectation of outside help, for over 8yrs now.
But we're not welcome. "
Families are shit, cut mine out after my Mum died.
Christmas brings out the worst in people for sure, my Daughter in law in tears Christmas morning, she was feeling anxious and upset at being expected to go round to her Mums family....I just don't think Christmas is worth tieing yourself in knots for others.
Told her to message me if she wanted rescuing and I'd ring her with an emergency  |
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Because there are enough awful people in the world so that some families get more than their fair share. Also sometimes the family dynamic is so toxic that the people within it have no idea how awful they are as a unit. |
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My mum used to have a special Christmas celebration on boxing day for my brother and his children. We lived across the road but were never invited.
She steadfastly believed that because their parents had divorced they 'deserved' to be treated differently. |
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People are people, blood doesn't make them any different, you don't have to like it put up with your family just because of blood.
The relationships that work are the ones we chose, not the ones we are forced to have.
Mrs |
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It saddens me that our daughter will not have any kind of decent relationship with any of her grandparents.
My Mother was cut off long ago with very good reason.
My Dad doesn't remember who she is any more and poses a physical risk to me and her, as his dementia has made him aggressive.
And her paternal grandparents fawn over the children of Mr KCs two sisters (one recently had a new baby, so that's flavour of the month obviously) but don't bother with our daughter at all.
Apparently we are at fault for not having visited before Christmas. I mean, the bit where my disability and ill health kicked off to the point of a 3wk inpatient stay, Mr KC almost had a nervous breakdown trying to do everything (via public transport) and look after me after I came home AND worked FT obviously isn't relevant.
Did they offer to help? No.
Did they visit? No.
Did they contact us at all? No.
But we should have come round before Christmas and handed out gifts. We did sort Giggs via online ordering but they're breakable and not suitable for posting. And in any case, I couldn't go there on my own and Mr KC didn't have even the slightest opportunity to take 3 buses there and 3 buses back. He worked till midnight of the night before we went on the Christmas holiday we booked back in April and how he's still standing I really do not know.
But we are the bad guys. |
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"Are families so shit? They say blood is thicker than water but I beg to differ.
"
Bless you hun we tried for years with family but in the end we cut them all out and can honestly say it's the best thing we ever did |
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"My sister is my rock, always has been, always will be. Miss my dad, he was a very special man. My mother I tolerate but she can be harsh and always makes me feel like shit."
I miss my Dad. His body is alive, but he is long gone. I also miss my maternal grandparents, especially my Grandad. It'll be the 4th anniversary of his death in late January. |
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I think there comes a point where we have to accept that family members won't behave the way we want or expect them to and we can then choose how we will manage that relationship in a way that's best for our wellbeing.
The chances are, they'll have their own perception of us and that may not be entirely positive either. |
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"I think there comes a point where we have to accept that family members won't behave the way we want or expect them to and we can then choose how we will manage that relationship in a way that's best for our wellbeing.
The chances are, they'll have their own perception of us and that may not be entirely positive either."
I agree, I'm pretty sure my brother didn't view us entirely positively. |
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"It saddens me that our daughter will not have any kind of decent relationship with any of her grandparents.
My Mother was cut off long ago with very good reason.
My Dad doesn't remember who she is any more and poses a physical risk to me and her, as his dementia has made him aggressive.
And her paternal grandparents fawn over the children of Mr KCs two sisters (one recently had a new baby, so that's flavour of the month obviously) but don't bother with our daughter at all.
Apparently we are at fault for not having visited before Christmas. I mean, the bit where my disability and ill health kicked off to the point of a 3wk inpatient stay, Mr KC almost had a nervous breakdown trying to do everything (via public transport) and look after me after I came home AND worked FT obviously isn't relevant.
Did they offer to help? No.
Did they visit? No.
Did they contact us at all? No.
But we should have come round before Christmas and handed out gifts. We did sort Giggs via online ordering but they're breakable and not suitable for posting. And in any case, I couldn't go there on my own and Mr KC didn't have even the slightest opportunity to take 3 buses there and 3 buses back. He worked till midnight of the night before we went on the Christmas holiday we booked back in April and how he's still standing I really do not know.
But we are the bad guys."
What a shit show 🙁 sending hugs xx |
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"I think there comes a point where we have to accept that family members won't behave the way we want or expect them to and we can then choose how we will manage that relationship in a way that's best for our wellbeing.
The chances are, they'll have their own perception of us and that may not be entirely positive either."
Yeah. I'm a massive burden on their son blah blah. And they don't accept that their son is autistic either. I know what they think. |
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"It saddens me that our daughter will not have any kind of decent relationship with any of her grandparents.
My Mother was cut off long ago with very good reason.
My Dad doesn't remember who she is any more and poses a physical risk to me and her, as his dementia has made him aggressive.
And her paternal grandparents fawn over the children of Mr KCs two sisters (one recently had a new baby, so that's flavour of the month obviously) but don't bother with our daughter at all.
Apparently we are at fault for not having visited before Christmas. I mean, the bit where my disability and ill health kicked off to the point of a 3wk inpatient stay, Mr KC almost had a nervous breakdown trying to do everything (via public transport) and look after me after I came home AND worked FT obviously isn't relevant.
Did they offer to help? No.
Did they visit? No.
Did they contact us at all? No.
But we should have come round before Christmas and handed out gifts. We did sort Giggs via online ordering but they're breakable and not suitable for posting. And in any case, I couldn't go there on my own and Mr KC didn't have even the slightest opportunity to take 3 buses there and 3 buses back. He worked till midnight of the night before we went on the Christmas holiday we booked back in April and how he's still standing I really do not know.
But we are the bad guys."
Ah that's horrible. |
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Pretty certain there's a get together going on at the in-laws', with all other cousins invited but our daughter not. And us not, obviously. Our daughter has been asking about going to visit but our messages went unanswered until mid afternoon today, where we were perfunctorily informed they would be too busy today or tomorrow to even have us drop gifts off.
Mr KC is back at work on the 2nd so that means we can't then go until a weekend. They know this very well indeed.
Oh, and they've never accepted invites to things like our daughter's birthday party or to watch her dance. Obviously they not only attend, but organise, such events for the children of the middle sister. And I'm sure for the new baby, the same will be true.
Oh well. Looks like we can only rely on ourselves. We shall continue to do absolutely everything for ourselves, without any support from family of any kind whatsoever. |
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^^ I suggest that you don't drop the gifts off. Let them know you have them and they're welcome to pick them up but due to the very obvious limitations you both have on time and transport you can't get there. |
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"Pretty certain there's a get together going on at the in-laws', with all other cousins invited but our daughter not. And us not, obviously. Our daughter has been asking about going to visit but our messages went unanswered until mid afternoon today, where we were perfunctorily informed they would be too busy today or tomorrow to even have us drop gifts off.
Mr KC is back at work on the 2nd so that means we can't then go until a weekend. They know this very well indeed.
Oh, and they've never accepted invites to things like our daughter's birthday party or to watch her dance. Obviously they not only attend, but organise, such events for the children of the middle sister. And I'm sure for the new baby, the same will be true.
Oh well. Looks like we can only rely on ourselves. We shall continue to do absolutely everything for ourselves, without any support from family of any kind whatsoever. "
Families are like that mine all lived 5 mins from my mum and dad before they passed away we live 20 mins away my sister who is my dad's biological daughter never even went to visit them it was always left to me and my husband if the parents needed anything your daughter will grow up and know and cherish the love you gave her and yes it's horrible they leave her out but again she will grow up to see it's there loss from what you say it sounds like you'd be better off without them x |
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"Apparently the full quote is “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Which means that the relationships you choose are stronger than the ones you inherit."
Blood of the battlefield is one translation. It means that the bonds you form through the challenges & struggles of life are stronger than those of family. Very true in western modern culture , people don’t need families to survive
|
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"Apparently the full quote is “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Which means that the relationships you choose are stronger than the ones you inherit.
Blood of the battlefield is one translation. It means that the bonds you form through the challenges & struggles of life are stronger than those of family. Very true in western modern culture , people don’t need families to survive
"
It’s very true. The bonds you make through shared experiences are a lot more important than a relationship with a family member that causes you nothing but grief. |
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Several members of my dad's family have turned up after many years with no contact. One because they were old and alone and needed help and another because they were just old and alone and some because they thought there might be something in it for them. They obviously took the commonly misunderstood meaning of blood is thicker than water. |
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I barely speak to my family now, and although I do kind of long for that family I never had I'm mostly happy and much better off not having them in my life. I've had so many comments about how you only get one family etc, but unless you've been put through hell you will never understand.
I am sorry it is so shit, but you have each other and thank fuck for that.  |
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"I barely speak to my family now, and although I do kind of long for that family I never had I'm mostly happy and much better off not having them in my life. I've had so many comments about how you only get one family etc, but unless you've been put through hell you will never understand.
I am sorry it is so shit, but you have each other and thank fuck for that. "
A lot of people who have good families don't understand that not all families are the same. Asking someone to walk back in to the arena shows insensitivity I think |
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"I barely speak to my family now, and although I do kind of long for that family I never had I'm mostly happy and much better off not having them in my life. I've had so many comments about how you only get one family etc, but unless you've been put through hell you will never understand.
I am sorry it is so shit, but you have each other and thank fuck for that.
A lot of people who have good families don't understand that not all families are the same. Asking someone to walk back in to the arena shows insensitivity I think "
Yeah I get that a lot about my mother. I've not replied to the in-laws, feels pointless to do so. I shall leave it with Mr KC. |
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"I barely speak to my family now, and although I do kind of long for that family I never had I'm mostly happy and much better off not having them in my life. I've had so many comments about how you only get one family etc, but unless you've been put through hell you will never understand.
I am sorry it is so shit, but you have each other and thank fuck for that. "
I know you understand, Lemony and I'm sorry it's so shit for you too 🫂 |
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"I barely speak to my family now, and although I do kind of long for that family I never had I'm mostly happy and much better off not having them in my life. I've had so many comments about how you only get one family etc, but unless you've been put through hell you will never understand.
I am sorry it is so shit, but you have each other and thank fuck for that.
A lot of people who have good families don't understand that not all families are the same. Asking someone to walk back in to the arena shows insensitivity I think
Yeah I get that a lot about my mother. I've not replied to the in-laws, feels pointless to do so. I shall leave it with Mr KC."
I think you need to get to the point of indifference, that can take a long time though. |
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