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Finding confidence
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By *sWyld OP Woman 2 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
I notice a few people talking about wanting to be more confident in the new year and it's got me wondering, how do people actually achieve this.
How do you find confidence to push yourself out of your comfort zone?
How do you develop confidence in yourself to be bolder and braver?
What wlll you do to make it happen?
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Confidence is a beautiful thing... It's one of the only things that you can actually obtain by faking it.
The hardest part is getting out of your own way to have a go and be prepared to fuck up and that's just a choice. |
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"Well I did what I said I wanted to do. A friend told me to stop being a pussy and go for it 
Sometimes the courage comes from those positive people we surround ourselves with "
This.
Listen more to those that encourage you and less to those that don't  |
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"You’ll not find any confidence being on this site.
Sure you will, as soon as you realise that confidence comes from within and is a choice...
Really? I beg to differ "
Feel free... It certainly has been in my experience but I'm not walking your journey and can only speak for myself and proffer forward my opinion in an attempt to help if help is sought. |
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"You’ll not find any confidence being on this site.
Sure you will, as soon as you realise that confidence comes from within and is a choice...
Really? I beg to differ
Feel free... It certainly has been in my experience but I'm not walking your journey and can only speak for myself and proffer forward my opinion in an attempt to help if help is sought."
I’m not after any help thank you |
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"Well I did what I said I wanted to do. A friend told me to stop being a pussy and go for it
Sometimes the courage comes from those positive people we surround ourselves with "
The courage came from you. It was always there. You were just getting in the way of yourself until your friend helped you realised you could do it.
Roger Bannister was the first to run a mile in under 4 minutes. Nobody in the entire history of humanity had managed that. 12 people then ran the 4-minute mile in the next 12 months. Why? Because they now knew they could. They believed they could so pushed themselves to do it.
"The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it." |
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"You’ll not find any confidence being on this site.
Sure you will, as soon as you realise that confidence comes from within and is a choice...
Really? I beg to differ
Feel free... It certainly has been in my experience but I'm not walking your journey and can only speak for myself and proffer forward my opinion in an attempt to help if help is sought.
I’m not after any help thank you "
Then don't take it... |
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"You’ll not find any confidence being on this site.
Sure you will, as soon as you realise that confidence comes from within and is a choice...
Really? I beg to differ
Feel free... It certainly has been in my experience but I'm not walking your journey and can only speak for myself and proffer forward my opinion in an attempt to help if help is sought.
I’m not after any help thank you
Then don't take it..."
I won’t - your advice was unsolicited |
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From personal experience on this site, it goes a long way to break a guys confidence and boost a girls.
When I was on here with my late partner we/she literally had hundreds of potential meets a week. As a single guy very rare to even get a negative response from women/couples.
Admittedly I’m in my 50’s and not an Adonis lol |
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"From personal experience on this site, it goes a long way to break a guys confidence and boost a girls.
When I was on here with my late partner we/she literally had hundreds of potential meets a week. As a single guy very rare to even get a negative response from women/couples.
Admittedly I’m in my 50’s and not an Adonis lol"
Spot on |
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"You’ll not find any confidence being on this site.
Sure you will, as soon as you realise that confidence comes from within and is a choice...
Really? I beg to differ
Feel free... It certainly has been in my experience but I'm not walking your journey and can only speak for myself and proffer forward my opinion in an attempt to help if help is sought.
I’m not after any help thank you
Then don't take it...
I won’t - your advice was unsolicited "
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By (user no longer on site) 2 weeks ago
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From a females perspective, this site has ruined any confidence I had.
Men telling you crap just to get laid. The same bullshit again and again. Knowing all you are to guys is a willing hole.
And yeah, even the "nice" guys. Anyone on here striking up conversation is doing so to get you into bed. You as a person doesn't come into it. And that's a fact. Despite all the guys protesting they're different. No they aren't, they just know how to play the game.
Which is fair enough but it's all false, which does nothing for anyone's confidence.
My confidence increases when I'm not on here.
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Confidence isn't about how others make you feel, it's about how you feel about yourself. Whether it be physically, mentally, emotionally or just who you are as a person, these little confidence areas shine through and naturally you become how others see you. Detach from others opinions and give yourself a little credit, that's a good start. |
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"You’ll not find any confidence being on this site.
Sure you will, as soon as you realise that confidence comes from within and is a choice...
Really? I beg to differ
Feel free... It certainly has been in my experience but I'm not walking your journey and can only speak for myself and proffer forward my opinion in an attempt to help if help is sought.
I’m not after any help thank you
Then don't take it...
I won’t - your advice was unsolicited "
Maybe read the message above which is a true reflection of most men’s experience on here.
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"From personal experience on this site, it goes a long way to break a guys confidence and boost a girls.
When I was on here with my late partner we/she literally had hundreds of potential meets a week. As a single guy very rare to even get a negative response from women/couples.
Admittedly I’m in my 50’s and not an Adonis lol"
Boost a girls confidence? Care to share how you think a bunch of randoms paying you bullshit compliments in the hopes of a shag, does anything for anyone's confidence? |
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"From a females perspective, this site has ruined any confidence I had.
Men telling you crap just to get laid. The same bullshit again and again. Knowing all you are to guys is a willing hole.
And yeah, even the "nice" guys. Anyone on here striking up conversation is doing so to get you into bed. You as a person doesn't come into it. And that's a fact. Despite all the guys protesting they're different. No they aren't, they just know how to play the game.
Which is fair enough but it's all false, which does nothing for anyone's confidence.
My confidence increases when I'm not on here.
"
Beat me to it |
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"You can't tar everyone with the same brush , there are a few guys on here who are gentlemen. Who do actually care about a woman's feelings. "
Not sure that will cut much ice with some of the posters on this thread
We’re all misogynists innit? |
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"You’ll not find any confidence being on this site.
Sure you will, as soon as you realise that confidence comes from within and is a choice...
Really? I beg to differ
Feel free... It certainly has been in my experience but I'm not walking your journey and can only speak for myself and proffer forward my opinion in an attempt to help if help is sought.
I’m not after any help thank you
Then don't take it...
I won’t - your advice was unsolicited
Maybe read the message above which is a true reflection of most men’s experience on here.
"
And still it continues... Gotta have the last word?  |
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"You’ll not find any confidence being on this site.
Sure you will, as soon as you realise that confidence comes from within and is a choice...
Really? I beg to differ
Feel free... It certainly has been in my experience but I'm not walking your journey and can only speak for myself and proffer forward my opinion in an attempt to help if help is sought.
I’m not after any help thank you
Then don't take it...
I won’t - your advice was unsolicited
Maybe read the message above which is a true reflection of most men’s experience on here.
And still it continues... Gotta have the last word? "
Do forgive me - imagine posting things on a forum. Whatever next? |
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By (user no longer on site) 2 weeks ago
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"You can't tar everyone with the same brush , there are a few guys on here who are gentlemen. Who do actually care about a woman's feelings. "
I mean, you may not agree with me, but I can do just that.
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Confidence isn’t about others but about yourself. So how do you build it?
For me, I’ve realised that I say ‘no’ to lots of things for different reasons so I build my own confidence by saying ‘yes’ to scary things and feeling amazing for having done something I wanted to do but had been afraid to do before.
I build my own confidence by saying yes to more meets, attending social events, going to clubs. Wearing the riskier thing. Not filtering my thoughts so much when I’m others, not beating myself up afterwards when I say or do things that are awkward, being kinder to myself. Thinking about the things I want, that would make me happy and actively working towards making those things happen. |
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I’m Slowly started to feel more confident and I think that has come from being on here. I’ve also gained a lot of confidence from having my own profile, it’s nice to get attention.
I feel like I have started to realise that I am attractive and I have started to appreciate my body a lot more. It’s not perfect but people seem
To like it 😂 |
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By *ags73Man 2 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
"I notice a few people talking about wanting to be more confident in the new year and it's got me wondering, how do people actually achieve this.
How do you find confidence to push yourself out of your comfort zone?
How do you develop confidence in yourself to be bolder and braver?
What wlll you do to make it happen?
"
Dunno.
Came to fab about two years ago and all
I can think is that it’s cycles of experience and belief.
The more you do something the easier it is the next time and the fear/worry less.
Yeah some things are fall flat in your face and some nights it’s just good to escape the house.
But if you don’t, you won’t know.
I guess sometimes it’s blagging it and other times knowing to say nothing. |
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Great question and thread.
For me: it was finding who i am, doing things solo.
Finding others giving me confidence for things i used to be ridiculed for; eg my (natural) vampire teeth, facial hair, hairy chest etc
So now i have the confidence to approach people, post spicy pics.
I also just try to get over my anxiety with coping mechanisms unique to me and step out my comfort zone by doing things solo, because my friends wont go to events or sex parties with me (understandable), and as a single guy it’s hard to find couples or females to go with, so I’ve just tried to really push myself to do these things.
I guess you have to overcome/work on yourself but at the same time push yourself to break through the low barriers & gain the confidence.
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"
I’m Slowly started to feel more confident and I think that has come from being on here. I’ve also gained a lot of confidence from having my own profile, it’s nice to get attention.
I feel like I have started to realise that I am attractive and I have started to appreciate my body a lot more. It’s not perfect but people seem
To like it 😂"
This! I can relate as I’ve just posted, go you! |
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Anyway OP.
It’s been a long time in the making. A few insane meets/dates.
A new job.
New friends.
Looking outward as someone said. Just realising that I am enough.
I made a huge mistake earlier this year and had a social with the most delicious man. And decided for him that he was stupid or blind or something…. And never followed through on it.
I regret it. He really was lovely as well as insanely hot. And I suspect my reaction was also a bit insulting…..
I’m not doing that again!!! |
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"You’ll not find any confidence being on this site.
That’s because you don’t find it.
You gain it.
It takes work and self evaluation.
Btw, the thread title refers to “finding”
BTW….. yawn.
BTW… it’s not just me bored of your tired, pathetic narrative.
Oh dear - I’m so sorry that I’m boring the forum people "
Oh… honey…. No.
Not all of them. But some. And me. A lot. |
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"You’ll not find any confidence being on this site.
That’s because you don’t find it.
You gain it.
It takes work and self evaluation.
Btw, the thread title refers to “finding”
BTW….. yawn.
BTW… it’s not just me bored of your tired, pathetic narrative.
Oh dear - I’m so sorry that I’m boring the forum people
Oh… honey…. No.
Not all of them. But some. And me. A lot."
I’ll not post then - thanks for the feedback |
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I’ve actually found confidence from saying no to things where previously I’d have gone along with them, finding inner strength to not settle for situations and walk away rather than muddle along because I was uncertain of what that would mean. That doesn’t relate to this site really but that’s how I’ve gained more. However when I’m low, this site can be a real kicker and requires a break, i don’t think its built on what confidence I have got. |
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"From personal experience on this site, it goes a long way to break a guys confidence and boost a girls.
When I was on here with my late partner we/she literally had hundreds of potential meets a week. As a single guy very rare to even get a negative response from women/couples.
Admittedly I’m in my 50’s and not an Adonis lol
Boost a girls confidence? Care to share how you think a bunch of randoms paying you bullshit compliments in the hopes of a shag, does anything for anyone's confidence? "
’m Slowly started to feel more confident and I think that has come from being on here. I’ve also gained a lot of confidence from having my own profile, it’s nice to get attention.
I feel like I have started to realise that I am attractive and I have started to appreciate my body a lot more. It’s not perfect but people seem
To like it 😂
As this person has posted |
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"I notice a few people talking about wanting to be more confident in the new year and it's got me wondering, how do people actually achieve this.
How do you find confidence to push yourself out of your comfort zone?
How do you develop confidence in yourself to be bolder and braver?
What wlll you do to make it happen?
"
For me personally ? I genuinely and absolutely do not care one iota what other people think. My autonomy is my own. My will is my own. I direct that will as it pleases me.
"Lack of confidence" is a self-imposed constraint. This opposes my will. My will takes precedence.
The trick is not to let Ego drive that breaking down of the constraint. In other words, there is no "faking it till you make it". The Ego must always be kept in check, and it doesn't hurt to suppress it either. In fact you can suppress your Ego quite a bit, willingly.
I'm not in to "conquering your fear" which if it works for some, then great. That technique does have a place.
I'm more in to exerting your Will, without Ego as much as you can.
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By *ags73Man 2 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
"You’ll not find any confidence being on this site.
That’s because you don’t find it.
You gain it.
It takes work and self evaluation."
Actually the tough bits.
Going out to things, talking to people, using your words.
And thinking later how it went. What you got right, what you’d do differently. |
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"I notice a few people talking about wanting to be more confident in the new year and it's got me wondering, how do people actually achieve this.
"
Winning the lottery, joining a gym, hanging around people less confident than themselves or Dutch courage usually. |
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"You’ll not find any confidence being on this site. "
Im afraid we have to disagree, especially Mr. His confidence has soared since we joined Fab, it's been a real pleasure for me watching his confidence increasing. He's flourishing and I love his new found confidence. |
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For me, if I'm feeling like I'm lacking confidence about a certain situation for example, I take a deep breath, wear a smile and go for it. The feeling after you've achieved something that you've found challenging is great, and spurs me on to push myself more.
Life can be so much more enjoyable when you push yourself out of your comfort zone a little. |
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