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1st thing to your left is going straight up your arse.

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By *evotee101 OP   Woman 8 weeks ago

Houghton le Spring

How Much trouble you in?

I'm fucked,it's a 7ft high fibre optic xmas tree

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By *mberValleyManMan 8 weeks ago

Derby/Notts

Sky Remote!!🤦🏻‍♂️

Think Fab has seen enough of those up folks arses!

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By *evotee101 OP   Woman 8 weeks ago

Houghton le Spring


"Sky Remote!!🤦🏻‍♂️

Think Fab has seen enough of those up folks arses!"

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By *ohn.Wick.Man 8 weeks ago

The Continental

A footlong of Salami.

Result.

Pleasurable and tasty.

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By *evotee101 OP   Woman 8 weeks ago

Houghton le Spring


"A footlong of Salami.

Result.

Pleasurable and tasty. "

good luck

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By *WANDTGCouple 8 weeks ago

Borough of Greenwich

Wow , I got a steel column to my left !!

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By *enk15Man 8 weeks ago

Evesham

A calculator... pass the lube, I got this.

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By *uliette500Woman 8 weeks ago

Hull

Not sure how I'm fitting an examination table up my arse. Might make my eyes water a bit

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By *onnie 90Woman 8 weeks ago

Leeds

A bookshelf.

I may be gone some time...

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By *porty_and_NaughtyCouple 8 weeks ago

Swansea

A razor 🤯😵‍💫😵

Mrs

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By *r.and.Mrs.DSCouple 8 weeks ago

N. Wales

A tiny herb grinder... I ain't getting that back! 🫣😅

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By *evotee101 OP   Woman 8 weeks ago

Houghton le Spring

Quite a few medical emergencies upcoming me thinks

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By *infullyNaughtyMan 8 weeks ago

Staines

A Tesco delivery van.

Well this is going to be interesting…

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By *inky_couple2020Couple 8 weeks ago

North West

A sun lounger

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By *tu.xMan 8 weeks ago

around

Ruck sack 😬

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By *hatKlungeEnigmaMan 8 weeks ago

St Leonards

I'm "buggered" either way - it's either the heavy duty sofa I'm sitting on, or the almost heavy-duty sofa bed next to it.

I might need Davina, Glow, or MB to help me get it up there - I think they have bum-filling experience ...

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By *ltrMan 8 weeks ago

sheffield

Kenwood microwave, gonna have to do this I'm stages

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By *lowupdollTV/TS 8 weeks ago

Herts/Beds/Lomdon


"I'm "buggered" either way - it's either the heavy duty sofa I'm sitting on, or the almost heavy-duty sofa bed next to it.

I might need Davina, Glow, or MB to help me get it up there - I think they have bum-filling experience ..."

You know you want the sofa bed really.

Because you want to feel the conversion.

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By *lowupdollTV/TS 8 weeks ago

Herts/Beds/Lomdon


"A calculator... pass the lube, I got this."

If you are smart you could quickly calculate radius. See if you guessed correctly…

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By *acd03Man 8 weeks ago

Naughtyville


"How Much trouble you in?

I'm fucked,it's a 7ft high fibre optic xmas tree "

Mines a set of 4ft forklift-truck forks and their attached headstock.

Ouch

Best fetch the lube methinks

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By *lowupdollTV/TS 8 weeks ago

Herts/Beds/Lomdon


"How Much trouble you in?

I'm fucked,it's a 7ft high fibre optic xmas tree "

Let’s be honest. When did you last get a fairy up your arse?

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By *hatKlungeEnigmaMan 8 weeks ago

St Leonards


"I'm "buggered" either way - it's either the heavy duty sofa I'm sitting on, or the almost heavy-duty sofa bed next to it.

I might need Davina, Glow, or MB to help me get it up there - I think they have bum-filling experience ...

You know you want the sofa bed really.

Because you want to feel the conversion. "

I want my mummy!!!

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By *vaRose43Woman 8 weeks ago

Forest of Dean

A chihuahua

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By *r not quite virginMan 8 weeks ago

rochdale

A katana...I think I may be dead

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By *coobyBoobyDooWoman 8 weeks ago

Markfield

I’m in bed laying on my right side so it’s either the duvet or the ceiling lightbulb and light shade! Not the big light surely!!!

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By *ildGroverMan 8 weeks ago

rathfarnham

It's a thick sharpie marker... doable I'd say

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By *histlerMan 8 weeks ago

Guildford

A telescope… which planet is that I can see?

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By *hatKlungeEnigmaMan 8 weeks ago

St Leonards


"A telescope… which planet is that I can see?"

Sat on?

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By *lowupdollTV/TS 8 weeks ago

Herts/Beds/Lomdon


"A telescope… which planet is that I can see?

Sat on?"

Uranus

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By *hatKlungeEnigmaMan 8 weeks ago

St Leonards


"A telescope… which planet is that I can see?

Sat on?

Uranus "

Not any more - it's too sore!

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By *uff_Butler85Man 8 weeks ago

south East

My dog

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By *ant...stay...awayCouple 8 weeks ago

South Wales

Roll of wrapping paper. Lengthy! Paper cuts aplenty thouh

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By *uff_Butler85Man 8 weeks ago

south East


"Roll of wrapping paper. Lengthy! Paper cuts aplenty thouh"

Why can't I be sat next to you..

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By *allGuy1000Man 8 weeks ago

Reading

My gear stick. I’ll give it a go but I think the other people in the traffic jam might wonder what’s going on.

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By *lue Eyed JokerMan 8 weeks ago

Always on the move

Coffee cup....big trouble if it shatters!

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By *oxdawgMan 8 weeks ago

Linthorpe

A rather girthy deoderant bottle... I can do that

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By *eyeYCouple 8 weeks ago

Nr Leicester

One of the kids super soakers, I'll pass 😜😳

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By *avinaTVTV/TS 8 weeks ago

Transsexual Transylvania

It'a a multicoloured feather duster! That's going to tickle!

🤪

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By *evotee101 OP   Woman 8 weeks ago

Houghton le Spring


"My gear stick. I’ll give it a go but I think the other people in the traffic jam might wonder what’s going on. "

🎶DRIVE IT HOME FOR CHRISTMAS🎶😂

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By *avinaTVTV/TS 8 weeks ago

Transsexual Transylvania


"I'm "buggered" either way - it's either the heavy duty sofa I'm sitting on, or the almost heavy-duty sofa bed next to it.

I might need Davina, Glow, or MB to help me get it up there - I think they have bum-filling experience ..."

Excuse me! What kind of a gurl do you think I am!? Speak to Glow! 😝

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By *andPextraCouple 8 weeks ago

North West

An amazon echo speaker. Im guessing someone will come along saying “done that”….as size wise looks achievable to a degree for some.

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By *abtastic Mr FoxMan 8 weeks ago

A den in the Glen

A massive high backed old fashioned antique chair.

I might be able to take the fist inch or 2 of the legs, but would then be in trouble.

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By (user no longer on site) 8 weeks ago

23inch monitor...

That's gonna need lube.

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By *avinaTVTV/TS 8 weeks ago

Transsexual Transylvania


"A telescope… which planet is that I can see?"

Marse

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By *abtastic Mr FoxMan 8 weeks ago

A den in the Glen


"A telescope… which planet is that I can see?

Marse"

Very very good. Nice not seeing the typical Uranus joke

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By *hatKlungeEnigmaMan 8 weeks ago

St Leonards


"I'm "buggered" either way - it's either the heavy duty sofa I'm sitting on, or the almost heavy-duty sofa bed next to it.

I might need Davina, Glow, or MB to help me get it up there - I think they have bum-filling experience ...

Excuse me! What kind of a gurl do you think I am!? Speak to Glow! 😝"

Glow put the sofa bed up me!

And then put the sofa bed down.

In me.

😭😭😭

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By *lowupdollTV/TS 8 weeks ago

Herts/Beds/Lomdon


"I'm "buggered" either way - it's either the heavy duty sofa I'm sitting on, or the almost heavy-duty sofa bed next to it.

I might need Davina, Glow, or MB to help me get it up there - I think they have bum-filling experience ...

Excuse me! What kind of a gurl do you think I am!? Speak to Glow! 😝"

Umm s’cuse moi.. do I LOOK like I have things up my ass? Do I?

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By *inger_SnapWoman 8 weeks ago

Hampshire/Dorset

One of the cats... 😳

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By *avinaTVTV/TS 8 weeks ago

Transsexual Transylvania


"I'm "buggered" either way - it's either the heavy duty sofa I'm sitting on, or the almost heavy-duty sofa bed next to it.

I might need Davina, Glow, or MB to help me get it up there - I think they have bum-filling experience ...

Excuse me! What kind of a gurl do you think I am!? Speak to Glow! 😝

Glow put the sofa bed up me!

And then put the sofa bed down.

In me.

😭😭😭"

Well, I'm sure she needed a lie-down after that.

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By *hatKlungeEnigmaMan 8 weeks ago

St Leonards


"I'm "buggered" either way - it's either the heavy duty sofa I'm sitting on, or the almost heavy-duty sofa bed next to it.

I might need Davina, Glow, or MB to help me get it up there - I think they have bum-filling experience ...

Excuse me! What kind of a gurl do you think I am!? Speak to Glow! 😝

Glow put the sofa bed up me!

And then put the sofa bed down.

In me.

😭😭😭

Well, I'm sure she needed a lie-down after that. "

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By *avinaTVTV/TS 8 weeks ago

Transsexual Transylvania


"I'm "buggered" either way - it's either the heavy duty sofa I'm sitting on, or the almost heavy-duty sofa bed next to it.

I might need Davina, Glow, or MB to help me get it up there - I think they have bum-filling experience ...

Excuse me! What kind of a gurl do you think I am!? Speak to Glow! 😝

Umm s’cuse moi.. do I LOOK like I have things up my ass? Do I? "

Darling! I couldn't possibly comment!

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By *hatKlungeEnigmaMan 8 weeks ago

St Leonards


"I'm "buggered" either way - it's either the heavy duty sofa I'm sitting on, or the almost heavy-duty sofa bed next to it.

I might need Davina, Glow, or MB to help me get it up there - I think they have bum-filling experience ...

Excuse me! What kind of a gurl do you think I am!? Speak to Glow! 😝

Umm s’cuse moi.. do I LOOK like I have things up my ass? Do I? "

🤔🤔

Yes 💁‍♂️

💋😘

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By *avinaTVTV/TS 8 weeks ago

Transsexual Transylvania


"I'm "buggered" either way - it's either the heavy duty sofa I'm sitting on, or the almost heavy-duty sofa bed next to it.

I might need Davina, Glow, or MB to help me get it up there - I think they have bum-filling experience ...

Excuse me! What kind of a gurl do you think I am!? Speak to Glow! 😝

Umm s’cuse moi.. do I LOOK like I have things up my ass? Do I?

🤔🤔

Yes 💁‍♂️

💋😘"

Nicky, on the other hand, has trouble not commenting...

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By *ugarbearCouple 8 weeks ago

Tredegar

my phone but i am not going to try putting that up my bum

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By *hatKlungeEnigmaMan 8 weeks ago

St Leonards


"I'm "buggered" either way - it's either the heavy duty sofa I'm sitting on, or the almost heavy-duty sofa bed next to it.

I might need Davina, Glow, or MB to help me get it up there - I think they have bum-filling experience ...

Excuse me! What kind of a gurl do you think I am!? Speak to Glow! 😝

Umm s’cuse moi.. do I LOOK like I have things up my ass? Do I?

🤔🤔

Yes 💁‍♂️

💋😘

Nicky, on the other hand, has trouble not commenting... "

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By *evotee101 OP   Woman 8 weeks ago

Houghton le Spring


"my phone but i am not going to try putting that up my bum "
leave the camera on, probably make top of the hot pics

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By *mberValleyManMan 8 weeks ago

Derby/Notts


"A calculator... pass the lube, I got this."

Hope it’s not a scientific one?!

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By *mberValleyManMan 8 weeks ago

Derby/Notts


"A razor 🤯😵‍💫😵

Mrs"

Didn’t Sticky Vicky put those up her bum?🤔

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By *acd03Man 8 weeks ago

Naughtyville


"My gear stick. I’ll give it a go but I think the other people in the traffic jam might wonder what’s going on.

🎶DRIVE IT HOME FOR CHRISTMAS🎶😂"

Devotee101, CLASSIC

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By *issmorganWoman 8 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

One of our cats

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By *nkymikeyMan 8 weeks ago

Andover

Ps5 controller.

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By *o_yeur_eyes_onlyMan 8 weeks ago

Londontown

A tennis racket! Shite

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By *ai Hard 2 - Dai HarderMan 8 weeks ago

Manchester / Cardiff

coconut oil

...I think half of you may need to borrow it for your items before I use it!

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By *008sloverMan 8 weeks ago

South East

Bottle of 500ml lol

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By *k_123Man 8 weeks ago

the north

A Christmas Tree with the Virgin Mary cuming up the rear 😀😀

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By *he Silver FuxMan 8 weeks ago

Uttoxeter

Oh lord, it’s a cactus 🌵

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By *r.and.Mrs.DSCouple 8 weeks ago

N. Wales


"One of the cats... 😳"

Oh the claws! And just you wait until they get the zoomies! 😬

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By *uperS77Man 8 weeks ago

Gloucester

A book case

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By *ionEastGMan 8 weeks ago

London

A vape

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By *ristolgent84Man 8 weeks ago

Bristol

A roll of kitchen roll lol

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By *hatKlungeEnigmaMan 8 weeks ago

St Leonards


"My gear stick. I’ll give it a go but I think the other people in the traffic jam might wonder what’s going on.

🎶DRIVE IT HOME FOR CHRISTMAS🎶😂

Devotee101, CLASSIC "

How did I not see this earlier?

That's sublime OP 👏👏🏿👏🏻👏🏾👏🏼👏🏽

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By *eorgesdad69Man 8 weeks ago

Long Eaton

Oh well a fat biro is better than nothing but it’s a bit small ☹️💋

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By *DDawnTV/TS 8 weeks ago

Aylesbury

Lego Saturn V rocket. It'll kill me. It's four foot tall

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By *evotee101 OP   Woman 8 weeks ago

Houghton le Spring


"My gear stick. I’ll give it a go but I think the other people in the traffic jam might wonder what’s going on.

🎶DRIVE IT HOME FOR CHRISTMAS🎶😂

Devotee101, CLASSIC

How did I not see this earlier?

That's sublime OP 👏👏🏿👏🏻👏🏾👏🏼👏🏽"

I was rather proud of it myself

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By *ubmissivelyDerbyGuyMan 8 weeks ago

Nottingham

Well I'm sat parked up in car so it's the car seat

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By *NormalMan01Man 8 weeks ago

Harrogate

A GoPro MAX… 😳😳😳

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By *nya NeesWoman 8 weeks ago

Brum

A snake

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By *orkshireloversCouple 8 weeks ago

manchester

12 pack of toilet rolls x

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By *ittle_ray_of_sunshineWoman 8 weeks ago

Holywell

A staircase. 😬

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By (user no longer on site) 8 weeks ago

A cushion!

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By *ansoffateMan 8 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

A wall. 😬

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By *afkaMan 8 weeks ago

Nottingham (ish)

A bottle of Baileys Original Irish cream.

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By *mmaleiaWoman 8 weeks ago

Trowbridge

A 500ml zero bottle

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By *ickylouCouple 8 weeks ago

b71

An 8 burner ranger with 4 ovens.

Think I will need to lube it up quite liberally and bite on a stick.

Mind you. If I turn on all the ovens and insert it I will have a hot ass for once

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By *alm_one4Man 8 weeks ago

RM16

My winter coat 😲😲😲😲

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By *ags73Man 8 weeks ago

glasgow-ish

It’s actually a wall

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By *avexxMan 8 weeks ago

cheshire

a cocker spaniel

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By *ife NinjaMan 8 weeks ago

Dunfermline

A cushion

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By *irth.controlMan 8 weeks ago

London

Bottle of wine

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple 8 weeks ago

Southampton

Christ on a bike! The bath

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By *ornycougaWoman 8 weeks ago

MADERIA Wherever I lay my hat

A packet of crisps

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By *esthetic21Man 8 weeks ago

Birmingham/Bristol

A big inflatable Christmas tree

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By *exxyyDy11Man 8 weeks ago

North West

Oh fucking hell. It is my dog. Fuck sake

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By *hatKlungeEnigmaMan 8 weeks ago

St Leonards


"Oh fucking hell. It is my dog. Fuck sake "

Poo-meranian?

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By *a1970Man 8 weeks ago

East cork

Glass of water....

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By *parkle1974Woman 8 weeks ago

Leeds

Amazon firestick remote

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By *interflingMan 8 weeks ago

london

Shit, I think the phone looks a bit chunky

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By *ayTVTV/TS 8 weeks ago

North Yorkshire

Pack of 4 chocolate eclairs...whoops make that 3

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By (user no longer on site) 8 weeks ago

Tower bridge. Bummer

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By *evotee101 OP   Woman 8 weeks ago

Houghton le Spring


"Amazon firestick remote "
that's you getting kicked up the arse to tune in to the Usyk v Fury fight

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple 8 weeks ago

Southampton


"Oh fucking hell. It is my dog. Fuck sake "

Is it a shit-zu ?? 🤣🤣🤣

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple 8 weeks ago

Southampton


"Oh fucking hell. It is my dog. Fuck sake

Poo-meranian?"

🤣🤣🤣

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By *he AmbassadorMan 8 weeks ago

IRLANDA. / Prague. / Cil Dara

A 7ft radiator, and the heating is on, 😂🤣😂

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By *exxyyDy11Man 8 weeks ago

North West


"Oh fucking hell. It is my dog. Fuck sake

Is it a shit-zu ?? 🤣🤣🤣"

😂😂😂

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By *orthern StarsCouple 8 weeks ago

Durham

My husband

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By *a1970Man 8 weeks ago

East cork


"My husband "
totally acceptable

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By *orthern StarsCouple 8 weeks ago

Durham


"My husband totally acceptable"

Absolutely...but not tonight

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By *erdyEstLdner 82Man 8 weeks ago

Ilford

Shoe horn. If I start with the narrow end I might be fine.

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By *ittleMissMinionWoman 8 weeks ago

La La Land

1 litre water bottle

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By *imherjgCouple 8 weeks ago

andover

A candle

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman 8 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

The dog?

I don't think that's legally or morally an option 💜

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By *rixie_BlondeWoman 8 weeks ago

London (She/Her)

He’s 6’2, does all of him have to fit up my bum? 😬

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By *aizyWoman 8 weeks ago

west midlands

A book, I'll finish reading it first tho.

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By *atch0101Man 8 weeks ago

Here

Roland Juno G and Ultranova Synthesizers on a stand....ow.

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By *orphia2003Woman 8 weeks ago

Tonypandy.

A bic pen. That isn't coming back out.

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By *atch0101Man 8 weeks ago

Here


"He’s 6’2, does all of him have to fit up my bum? 😬"

If it was just 2" of his finger he's a lucky Sod.

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By *0NyorksMan 8 weeks ago

.......

Jesus.... the TV remote will never be the same again

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By *a1970Man 8 weeks ago

East cork

Small radio

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By *irty-pairCouple 8 weeks ago

Essex

A glass of Pinot Grigio. That would be a waste!

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By *a1970Man 8 weeks ago

East cork

It's opened

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By *ave1976XXXMan 8 weeks ago

newmarket

Tv remote. Not tried it before

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By *orny PTMan 8 weeks ago

Peterborough

Landline phone

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By *0NyorksMan 8 weeks ago

.......


"A glass of Pinot Grigio. That would be a waste!"

Oh no no no... try your other left. Can't waste that. Lol

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By *a1970Man 8 weeks ago

East cork

Good idea

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By *mbarrassed_boxCouple 8 weeks ago

Congleton

The wife!

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By *a1970Man 8 weeks ago

East cork

OK.... Just got very interesting

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By *abluesbabyMan 8 weeks ago

Gibraltar/Cheshire/London

A Fender Deluxe Reverb guitar amp. Nope. That ain't happening! All the lube in the world will do absolutely nothing haha

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By *ilk_and_SilverCouple 8 weeks ago

Oxford

A 2ft tall Nutcracker Soldier!!

No, No, No that is not happening!!

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By *ffervescentMan 8 weeks ago

winfrith

A pillow ....really

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By *haron1701ETV/TS 8 weeks ago

Southport

I fucking doubt it. A twin panel central heating radiator

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By *a1970Man 8 weeks ago

East cork

Not going to be a good night

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By *rcticFoxxxWoman 8 weeks ago

Hereabouts

Half a bag of Dreamies

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By *oxy-RedWoman 8 weeks ago

pink panther territory

My cat

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By *laytime_13Woman 8 weeks ago

Lincs

A glass bottle of Nerumae sleep spray…. I think not

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By *cflirtyMan 8 weeks ago

Hampshire

Oh dear.... but I love my Toblerone !!!! And it's not the smaller variety either

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By *oney HoneyWoman 8 weeks ago

York

Please, not the dog!!

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By *ags73Man 8 weeks ago

glasgow-ish


"Please, not the dog!!"

Same 😬

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By *mf123Man 8 weeks ago

with one foot out the door

The christmas tree it is problem is the needles tho when i pull it out

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By (user no longer on site) 8 weeks ago

His sleeping face 🤭

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By *layful FoxMan 8 weeks ago

Falmouth/Penryn

Laptop... Well this should be interesting..

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By *inkShyWoman 8 weeks ago

near Windsor


"His sleeping face 🤭"

😂🤣😂

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By *inkShyWoman 8 weeks ago

near Windsor

A light up gonk

I'll look like a firefly 💡🪰

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By *rSircumsizedMan 8 weeks ago

Risca

A puffee, or as others call it, a foot stool

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By *urious130Man 8 weeks ago

Bolton

This could be bake off....a family size stollen and a tin of custard

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By (user no longer on site) 8 weeks ago

Remote control

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By *hatKlungeEnigmaMan 8 weeks ago

St Leonards

Body Shop Lemon Hand-Sanitiser it is then .

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By *alico_KittyWoman 8 weeks ago

Kittys Lane

Glasses case

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By *ayTVTV/TS 8 weeks ago

North Yorkshire

Cheese and onion crisp sandwich??

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By *hatKlungeEnigmaMan 8 weeks ago

St Leonards

I've got two heavy-duty and spikey back-scratchers right next to the hand-sanitiser.

I had a lucky escape .

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By *evotee101 OP   Woman 8 weeks ago

Houghton le Spring

My friends wheelchair

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By *hatKlungeEnigmaMan 8 weeks ago

St Leonards


"My friends wheelchair "

Is your friend still in it?

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By (user no longer on site) 8 weeks ago

I am not putting my dog up there

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By *hoebeWoman 8 weeks ago

Edinburgh

A baby wipe lol

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By *hatKlungeEnigmaMan 8 weeks ago

St Leonards


"I am not putting my dog up there "

....again....

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By *inAndTonic21Couple 8 weeks ago

Merseyside

House phone

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By *aryportmeatMan 8 weeks ago

Maryport

Cat scratcher, it’s so girthy 😳

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By *asper78Man 8 weeks ago

liverpool

A blue inhaler (ventolin)

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By (user no longer on site) 8 weeks ago

My Christmas Tree 🎄

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By *ansoffateMan 8 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

Today it's a statue of sitting Buddha.

Seems more realistic than a wall, I feel like I may go to hell for it. Or be reincarnated as a heretic during the Spanish inquisition.

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By *hatKlungeEnigmaMan 8 weeks ago

St Leonards


"Today it's a statue of sitting Buddha.

Seems more realistic than a wall, I feel like I may go to hell for it. Or be reincarnated as a heretic during the Spanish inquisition."

If Buddha gets stuck, just torque 'im 'arder 🙃.

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By *avinaTVTV/TS 8 weeks ago

Transsexual Transylvania


"Today it's a statue of sitting Buddha.

Seems more realistic than a wall, I feel like I may go to hell for it. Or be reincarnated as a heretic during the Spanish inquisition.

If Buddha gets stuck, just torque 'im 'arder 🙃."

😖

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By *rixie_BlondeWoman 8 weeks ago

London (She/Her)


"He’s 6’2, does all of him have to fit up my bum? 😬

If it was just 2" of his finger he's a lucky Sod. "

2 and a half inches and he becomes deeply unlucky 💩

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By *exyScientistsCouple 8 weeks ago

Castlebar

A pint glass 😱

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By *reggSausageMan 8 weeks ago

derby


"Sky Remote!!🤦🏻‍♂️

Think Fab has seen enough of those up folks arses!"

Mines a virgin remote, other tv services are available

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By *a1970Man 8 weeks ago

East cork

Glasses case....

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