Where to start, im so headfucked.
I've only had one hetero sexual partner, my wife of 20 years.
In hindsight, though, i had doubts about my preference prior to that. I used to "gay wank" prior to veing sexually active.
In 2021, i had a breuf hiatus from the marriage and wanted to explore this, but bottled it, and tgen reconciled, but thoughts remain and at present are obsessively strong!
But, i am questioning my motives.
Truth is, i have erectile dysfunction and sex is unfulfilling, i havent ejaculated during sex in years, i can in wanking, but it takes ages. (Quicker with gay porn)
I think i crave a gay expetience because theres more that i can do (without my dick), i can be more useful and fulfilled, i dont know if i am over thinking this.
Pursuing this would end my marriage. We are amazing companions, but, yaknow...
I could be happy or i could totally regret it.
Thanks for reading, its good to write it down.
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When I was in my 20s I met a gay guy in his 40s who had just came out and left his wife.
He was friends with sine gay guys I know and he was clearly so relieved, happy, where he needed to be and you what he told me his relationship with his wife and kids was actually great, better even.
Maybe you need to be really brave set both of you free. |
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Why do you think there's more that you can do without your dick in a gay experience? What more could you do?
It sounds as if you're bored, unhappy and unfulfilled. If you can work out why, you will be further on in finding a resolution.
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"Why do you think there's more that you can do without your dick in a gay experience? What more could you do?
It sounds as if you're bored, unhappy and unfulfilled. If you can work out why, you will be further on in finding a resolution.
"
I read from this he craves sexual intimacy with men, not just the fucking |
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"Why do you think there's more that you can do without your dick in a gay experience? What more could you do?
It sounds as if you're bored, unhappy and unfulfilled. If you can work out why, you will be further on in finding a resolution.
I read from this he craves sexual intimacy with men, not just the fucking "
If that is the case then I'd say he prefers men to women. I'm loathe to tell someone else what their sexual orientation is though. |
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"Where to start, im so headfucked.
I've only had one hetero sexual partner, my wife of 20 years.
In hindsight, though, i had doubts about my preference prior to that. I used to "gay wank" prior to veing sexually active.
In 2021, i had a breuf hiatus from the marriage and wanted to explore this, but bottled it, and tgen reconciled, but thoughts remain and at present are obsessively strong!
But, i am questioning my motives.
Truth is, i have erectile dysfunction and sex is unfulfilling, i havent ejaculated during sex in years, i can in wanking, but it takes ages. (Quicker with gay porn)
I think i crave a gay expetience because theres more that i can do (without my dick), i can be more useful and fulfilled, i dont know if i am over thinking this.
Pursuing this would end my marriage. We are amazing companions, but, yaknow...
I could be happy or i could totally regret it.
Thanks for reading, its good to write it down.
"
I think if you are sexually attracted to men only you are gay and that is very difficult as you are married to a woman
If you are sexually attracted to men and women you are bisexual by definition
However I understand there is a range of bisexual interest from bi- curious to hetero or homo flexible
If you married a woman and you are gay that is tough not just on you but on her too.
If you are not gay maybe you could stay married and explore discreet nsa safe fun with men to fulfil the bisexual aspect of your sexuality
If you are gay it’s more complicated and you feel your marriage is not therefore not right, then I and am not sure what advice to give but maybe go for counselling and get face to face support |
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"Thats not what i said, and not true."
I think you're doing your best to describe a very difficult thing for you, so well done on finding the courage to do so.
How good is your communication with your wife?
Are you both able to discuss that you may need to enter a different stage of your life, and can you support each other through that, or is it too fraught with recriminations and so on?
You may have a lot of other things going on besides potentially being bi or gay, so I'd say you'll need to reach out to support groups on a range of topics, talk with your wife if you both can, and see if you can resolve this in ways that benefit you both.
Is it that you want to discover your own pleasure through your bum, and you feel the need to be entered by a man?
Would you enjoy that if your wife entered you with a strap-on?
You're doing the right thing by opening up and writing/talking, but you really are going to have to do an awful, awful lot more of that (and not bottle it) if you want to get a clearer idea of who you are and what you need from this stage of your life. |
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Dofficult but real questions, thanks mate.
Yes, my bicuriousity has ALWAYS been there, but it was surpressed when my dick worked properly.
Maybe sex is more of my problem than sexuality perse.
Yes, i think i want to be the orifice, so to speak. Blowjobs and anal.
My wife is conservative sexually, but yes, if she would peg me, i would. |
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"Dofficult but real questions, thanks mate.
Yes, my bicuriousity has ALWAYS been there, but it was surpressed when my dick worked properly.
Maybe sex is more of my problem than sexuality perse.
Yes, i think i want to be the orifice, so to speak. Blowjobs and anal.
My wife is conservative sexually, but yes, if she would peg me, i would."
And by the sound of things, you've not found it easy to think or write about these parts of your life (not everyone can think or write with ease).
My heart goes out to you mate - you're doing your best with a difficult set of tools to help you.
You may be in for a lot of tears and frustration by talking with your wife, or if you can't do that, even by finding support groups where you can talk about changing sexual desires/loss of desire.
I think to NOT take those steps though - that's an even more miserable life, right?
Something's got to give, so you need to find a bit more brave, even though it feels uncomfortable. |
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"Dofficult but real questions, thanks mate.
Yes, my bicuriousity has ALWAYS been there, but it was surpressed when my dick worked properly.
Maybe sex is more of my problem than sexuality perse.
Yes, i think i want to be the orifice, so to speak. Blowjobs and anal.
My wife is conservative sexually, but yes, if she would peg me, i would.
And by the sound of things, you've not found it easy to think or write about these parts of your life (not everyone can think or write with ease).
My heart goes out to you mate - you're doing your best with a difficult set of tools to help you.
You may be in for a lot of tears and frustration by talking with your wife, or if you can't do that, even by finding support groups where you can talk about changing sexual desires/loss of desire.
I think to NOT take those steps though - that's an even more miserable life, right?
Something's got to give, so you need to find a bit more brave, even though it feels uncomfortable."
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I mean, from what you shared, I'd probably think you are. It's literally only you who can know that though. There's a lot of other factors than just liking gay porn.
Do you find women attractive, sexually?
Have you thought about/tried pegging (for one example)? If it's the "gay experience" you want, could you both introduce that sort of play to tickle that box lol, or is it the man you crave?
It'd be a shame to lose a good thing for a fantasy. But it's an even bigger shame to stay conflicted in your heart and mind. It can't be easy. Hope you get to where you deserve to be  |
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"Why do you think there's more that you can do without your dick in a gay experience? What more could you do?
It sounds as if you're bored, unhappy and unfulfilled. If you can work out why, you will be further on in finding a resolution.
I read from this he craves sexual intimacy with men, not just the fucking
If that is the case then I'd say he prefers men to women. I'm loathe to tell someone else what their sexual orientation is though."
Agreed…. but the thread title asks am I gay and I just said what I thought. I think he’s gay.
It’s 2024 OP, do these labels even matter that much anymore ? Just be true to yourself, take care of & be honest with those you care about, breaking up is hard but it’s often the right thing to do and the best thing to do. |
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By *AYENCouple 10 weeks ago
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"Why do you think there's more that you can do without your dick in a gay experience? What more could you do?
It sounds as if you're bored, unhappy and unfulfilled. If you can work out why, you will be further on in finding a resolution.
I read from this he craves sexual intimacy with men, not just the fucking
If that is the case then I'd say he prefers men to women. I'm loathe to tell someone else what their sexual orientation is though.
Agreed…. but the thread title asks am I gay and I just said what I thought. I think he’s gay.
It’s 2024 OP, do these labels even matter that much anymore ? Just be true to yourself, take care of & be honest with those you care about, breaking up is hard but it’s often the right thing to do and the best thing to do."
I'm not sure when someone's sexual orientation was demoted to just a 'label' but I think it is important as it signifies acceptance of one's self and honesty to others.
I've only had good people in my life, with one exception, and he used to lie to himself - I actually found it funny until it impacted on me (not in a sexual way).
So I congratulate anyone who takes the difficult path in being honest with themselves and others.
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"Why do you think there's more that you can do without your dick in a gay experience? What more could you do?
It sounds as if you're bored, unhappy and unfulfilled. If you can work out why, you will be further on in finding a resolution.
I read from this he craves sexual intimacy with men, not just the fucking
If that is the case then I'd say he prefers men to women. I'm loathe to tell someone else what their sexual orientation is though.
Agreed…. but the thread title asks am I gay and I just said what I thought. I think he’s gay.
It’s 2024 OP, do these labels even matter that much anymore ? Just be true to yourself, take care of & be honest with those you care about, breaking up is hard but it’s often the right thing to do and the best thing to do."
Yeah, I agree with your second paragraph.
What I meant was that I'm loathe to tell someone who's unsure of what their sexual orientation is. I mean if he doesn't know how can I ? |
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In answer to your question, "Am I gay?", I cannot possibly give you a definitive answer when you do not even know the answer to that yourself.
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What I would answer however is "You are conflicted".
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Conflict is uncertainty and a miserable place to exist within.
Conflict does not resolve itself and go away without active intervention.
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How you approach and start to make attempts in resolving the conflict must by virtue involve your married partner.
Whilst I do appreciate there is an element of fear in such transparency, would you encourage her if she had any conflict of her own to come to you for advice and assistance ? If yes, then perhaps joint sexual counselling with a professional skilled in these matters would be a route worth considering.
If you both value the marriage and each other, then you will find a way together to continue that, but it would need professional help to aid both of you through this period.
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What I would not suggest is seeking experimentation on your own without her knowledge. Guilt, cheating, discovery and fallout can rapidly end a previously successful marriage and there are no winners in that scenario.
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However "open marriages" do exist and within negotiated boundaries and rules, arrangements are entirely feasible. But it takes a lot of work to achieve that balance. That's where professional help can aid. |
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I think very few people are 100% straight or 100% gay. Sexuality is a spectrum and I think people can be fluid on that spectrum.
You may have an underlying same sex attraction, but you might not be gay, possibly bi.
Whether you act on this is up to you. It may affect your marriage, but a lot of married people, as was said, have open marriages or use their marriage for companionship because they love eachother but may not be intimate anymore.
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"
I'm not sure when someone's sexual orientation was demoted to just a 'label'
"
But that’s exactly what it is, nothing more than a label. Something invented.
We managed to have all different kinds of sex fine for over 2 million years without them, invented 2 or 3 a few thousand years ago, mostly to criminalise people , and then in the last few years we’ve invented a dozen or so more.
To some it may be important , to many its Irrelevant, some deny it exists even, for some it’s static and for others it changes as regularly as millennials invent new ones !
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"Where to start, im so headfucked.
I've only had one hetero sexual partner, my wife of 20 years.
In hindsight, though, i had doubts about my preference prior to that. I used to "gay wank" prior to veing sexually active.
In 2021, i had a breuf hiatus from the marriage and wanted to explore this, but bottled it, and tgen reconciled, but thoughts remain and at present are obsessively strong!
But, i am questioning my motives.
Truth is, i have erectile dysfunction and sex is unfulfilling, i havent ejaculated during sex in years, i can in wanking, but it takes ages. (Quicker with gay porn)
I think i crave a gay expetience because theres more that i can do (without my dick), i can be more useful and fulfilled, i dont know if i am over thinking this.
Pursuing this would end my marriage. We are amazing companions, but, yaknow...
I could be happy or i could totally regret it.
Thanks for reading, its good to write it down.
"
Take yourself to Sauna Sauna in Northwich, have a wander round, chat to a few guys, see how you feel. |
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