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Should you have sex on the first date?
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By *hagTonight OP Man 4 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
I will set the scene first before i am asking the question. i watched an episode in eastenders and there they argued back and forth about if they should or not have sex, they sat in the car, the guy was abit annoyed, because when he made a move, she didnt want to do it, he said how much he had splashed out on her, like dinner and everything, she didnt want anything to do with it and left the car.
That got me thinking, when you are dating and if the other person dont want to have sex when you want it early on in the dating game, how would you take it, would you wait or leave after lets say 4 dates?
I would wait, because some things are worth waiting for, like relationships, if you really like the person too  |
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It's an in the moment thing surely ,first date suggests little knowledge of that person or could suggest you've known them yonks but have only just plucked up the courage to meet ,it depends what you do on that date ,if its romantic you may well end up between the sheets if it's an adventurous date who knows ,I certainly would always be respectful of what the lady wanted or didn't want but I also suspect the way she rebuffs you might be an indication of whether you will ever get that opportunity again . |
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If this was a date for a potential vanilla relationship, whilst it's in no way a judgement on anyone, personally I would wait.
I've never gone on a 2nd date with someone who has put out on tge 1st. I just lose interest in them.
As for the fact the character paid a lot for the date, any expectation of sex makes her a whore in his eyes so it's doomed anyway. Men always pay for booty, it's the unwritten tradition. |
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At this time in my life I'd rather have sex on the first date. I'm kinky, so I want to know if we are compatible. I'd rather not go on 4 dates, getting to know each other and then find out we are not good together sexually. Being friendzoned is not always received well... |
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So he was upset he’d paid for dinner etc and she didn’t put out? Sounds like she had a narrow escape and he decided to wave his red flags early on.
Unless someone is a sex worker it’s not a transaction based on what the other person has spent (in time, money, effort - whatever). Consent is the key.
As for fucking on a first date that’s really down to the individuals |
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"So he was upset he’d paid for dinner etc and she didn’t put out? Sounds like she had a narrow escape and he decided to wave his red flags early on.
Unless someone is a sex worker it’s not a transaction based on what the other person has spent (in time, money, effort - whatever). Consent is the key.
As for fucking on a first date that’s really down to the individuals "
My thoughts exactly x |
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By *tu.xMan 4 weeks ago
around |
"I will set the scene first before i am asking the question. i watched an episode in eastenders and there they argued back and forth about if they should or not have sex, they sat in the car, the guy was abit annoyed, because when he made a move, she didnt want to do it, he said how much he had splashed out on her, like dinner and everything, she didnt want anything to do with it and left the car.
That got me thinking, when you are dating and if the other person dont want to have sex when you want it early on in the dating game, how would you take it, would you wait or leave after lets say 4 dates?
I would wait, because some things are worth waiting for, like relationships, if you really like the person too "
you lost me at east enders |
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"That's deep for this time of day"
Just a bit but the answer is quite clear to me.
Buying dinner, drinks or paying for a night out etc doesn’t buy you the right to have sex!!
If she doesn’t feel like it and wants to wait, no pressure should be applied.
Sometimes a great night out, with chemistry being felt by both of you leads to sex on the first date.
No expectations should be had on both sides, it either happens organically or it doesn’t.
That’s my two cents worth. |
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"So he was upset he’d paid for dinner etc and she didn’t put out? Sounds like she had a narrow escape and he decided to wave his red flags early on. "
Luckily, it’s just a fictional show that would never happen in real life / FAB. If it was FAB, he would also be complaining that he shaved his pubes for nothing  |
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If there is an attraction and no sex after 4 dates that’s accceptable
If they haven’t kissed or held your hand or been excited to see you then I would ask if questions, not to get sex but to understand them more, they could be autistic, asexual, demisexual etc |
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By *agic.MMan 4 weeks ago
Orpington |
I wouldn't expect sex on the first date...as a matter of fact I'd probably be a bit suspicious if a woman is willing to have sex on the first meet (unless we had been chatting online/whaatsapp for a while and got to know eachother a bit). There's no time frame for such a decision...keep it natural, spontaneous and comfortable. If after a day or a week or month of dating, you as a man want to take the "relationship" to the next level, and she doesn't want to, than make the choice that makes the most sense to you (being waiting or leaving) - just don't be a dick about it |
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Every date is different, if there is raw chemistry then more than likely,,
I would suggest
Have sex as offen as the situation presents itself,
You never know one of you or both might walk out under a bus and then you missed out. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 4 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I think in a situation like this it’s only going to be obvious how incompatible people are. Nobody should ever feel obligated to anything. "
Hi _eeliciouschaos, yes, you are right there, nobody should ever feel obligated to anything |
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"I work on a 3rd date rule, by that stage you should know if you want to see the other person naked or not lol "
I have a friend who uses the reverse 3 date rule: If she has sex before the third date she ends it as she's obviously too into them.
It doesn't work but she is adamant it does. |
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Thankfully i have never dated.. But if i did and someone took me out to dinner and offered to pay then got annoyed that i didn't drop my knickers i would be put right off them and definitely wouldn't meet them again
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In my younger days third date was the norm for anything 'naughty ',before that it was getting to know them. Different days then,and, also different attitudes that was considered normal and acceptable at that time. |
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I tend not to put out on a "first date." Although I did once we had a date around the Christmas markets, went home got ready and met back up at our works' Christmas do.
All I'm going to say is that the all-inclusive bar went down a treat, I ended the night at his telling him I liked anal 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
I found out in the morning that his mum and dad had been home, so they'd heard it all too 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️😂😂😂😂
I thought he was home alone 😬😬😬😬 |
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I've not had a vanilla date in that long it'd feel odd not shagging on first meeting. I think if I were to be invited for a second date in a vanilla setting I'd be thinking she's looking for a relationship or bf. I'd likely friend zone them or end up friend zoned as I wouldn't have a clue how to approach it. |
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"I tend not to put out on a "first date." Although I did once we had a date around the Christmas markets, went home got ready and met back up at our works' Christmas do.
All I'm going to say is that the all-inclusive bar went down a treat, I ended the night at his telling him I liked anal 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
I found out in the morning that his mum and dad had been home, so they'd heard it all too 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️😂😂😂😂
I thought he was home alone 😬😬😬😬"
Hahahahaha
Did his dad give him a fist bump at breakfast? 🤣🤣🤣🤣 |
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"Any question which starts with “should you” puts my hackles up. Shove off with those societal musturbations. I will do as I feel.
Mrs TMN x"
🫡 well said Ma'am
We should do as we feel Ma'am!
Tell us more! |
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So you've taken the time and effort to brush your hair and drive to a specific location that could well be over 5 minutes away. You've dipped into your wallet and bought them a Big Mac, you might even splash out and make it a meal. You've made idle chit chat for at least the time it takes them to eat it.
Quite frankly i'd expect nothing less.  |
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"Any question which starts with “should you” puts my hackles up. Shove off with those societal musturbations. I will do as I feel.
Mrs TMN x
🫡 well said Ma'am
We should do as we feel Ma'am!
Tell us more!"
🤣🤣 |
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I had sex with Mr within the first week of us dating - no pressure on either of us - but we had been speaking for months and met up loads of times first before becoming "official".
If i was to go out on dates now, absolutely not on the first date unless the first date was absolutely electrifying and it was obvious we'd certainly be looking at a serious relationship. If it was just a first date and no obvious spark as such then no.
C xoxo |
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There are no rules! However there should be no expectations on either person to "put out" based on having "splurged out" on a date. A bit cheap....
Go with the vibe and the chemistry. I've had sex on first dates, and also enjoyed the build up towards it. |
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Imo it depends how the mood strikes. When looking for love I would know from meeting them if I was just going to fuck and leave or if we would wait. If I liked someone alot from a first date I didn't want to sleep with them on that date as it would put doubts in my mind of, does she do this on every first date.
But tbh I do love fucking on first dates. |
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"If this was a date for a potential vanilla relationship, whilst it's in no way a judgement on anyone, personally I would wait.
I've never gone on a 2nd date with someone who has put out on tge 1st. I just lose interest in them.
As for the fact the character paid a lot for the date, any expectation of sex makes her a whore in his eyes so it's doomed anyway. Men always pay for booty, it's the unwritten tradition."
I need to know what
"I've never gone on a 2nd date with someone who has put out on tge 1st"
means.
It could make all the difference to planning a second date!
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"I tend not to put out on a "first date." Although I did once we had a date around the Christmas markets, went home got ready and met back up at our works' Christmas do.
All I'm going to say is that the all-inclusive bar went down a treat, I ended the night at his telling him I liked anal 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
I found out in the morning that his mum and dad had been home, so they'd heard it all too 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️😂😂😂😂
I thought he was home alone 😬😬😬😬
Hahahahaha
Did his dad give him a fist bump at breakfast? 🤣🤣🤣🤣"
Don't, I've never wanted the floor to swallow me up more.
Alcohol induced Bella gets me in trouble  |
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People can do as they wish. If it feels right, then go for it.
For myself, when I was dating whilst also on Fab, I chose not to have sex on the first date. I think I wanted a separation of fab meets to dates. On a date I wanted to show more of the person I am but not have sex. Yet on Fab meets I kept a part of myself held back and was more interested in sex.
I will caveat the above with the fact that sexual compatibility was extremely important to me before I could contemplate a relationship with a person. So I wouldn't want to go beyond a second date without having had sex.
Mrs |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 4 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"At this time in my life I'd rather have sex on the first date. I'm kinky, so I want to know if we are compatible. I'd rather not go on 4 dates, getting to know each other and then find out we are not good together sexually. Being friendzoned is not always received well..."
Hi christabellend, yes, that is right, it is a good way to see if you are compatible with the other one too |
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"At this time in my life I'd rather have sex on the first date. I'm kinky, so I want to know if we are compatible. I'd rather not go on 4 dates, getting to know each other and then find out we are not good together sexually. Being friendzoned is not always received well..."
You make an excellent point, if you are seeing someone it's important to know if you're both sexually compatible, why wait until the 3rd date.
Personally I have had sex on a first date, I didn't expect it. Nor should it be expected.
But I do find the whole wait until the 3rd date thing somewhat of a ritual, if it feels right, just go for it. |
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I'm always cautious of words like should/shouldn't, ought/ought not. People use them when they think others should comply with what they believe instead accepting that others have different views.
Personally, I think anyone expecting sex in return for having spent money is a huge red flag but each to their own.
P
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By *hagTonight OP Man 4 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Was it Carole from the launderette? I would do her on the first date.
It’s been about 20 years since I watched the EastEnders, Is she even still alive ? If not, then I retract the above comment."
Did you mean carol jackson? No, it was ravis daughter avani who was in the car, the scene can be seen from the 17th october too. |
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In most cases, I'd be more than happy to have sex on the first date, assuming the date went well. Why wait, right?
That said, if the lady in question wasn't comfortable moving that quickly, of course I'd be prepared to wait. You'd have to be a cast-iron dickhead to pressure someone for sex (and, from a selfish perspective, the sex is generally significantly better if both parties are fully into the idea). |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 3 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"If you want to.
Nobody should expect sex because they paid for dinner or did the washing up though"
Hi nicecouple, yes, you are right there, nobody should expect sex because they have payed for dinner or done things too |
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"If you want to.
Nobody should expect sex because they paid for dinner or did the washing up thoughHi nicecouple, yes, you are right there, nobody should expect sex because they have payed for dinner or done things too "
I think it's a shame when people expect sex as a reward. It always concerns me a bit when a guy complains he's not getting enough sex and someone suggests he does more around the house as if his partner might reward him with sex for maintaining his own property. |
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I generally think it's better to approach any situation with no expectations.
Personally, I think "no sex on 1st date" is a dumb rule.
If you're feeling it, (and the feeling is mutual) do it. If not, don't.
It's also very funny to ask earnestly when things are hotting up:
"Will you still respect me in the morning?" And them cackle maniacally. Pro tip right there. |
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By *with1Man 3 weeks ago
South East London |
When on a first date or on the umpteenth date sex should never be assumed or dating to get sex no matter how much cash has been splashed out on the date. Any kind of sexual acts should only happen when both are comfortable, ready and want each other only then would sex be special and fulfilling. |
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By (user no longer on site) 3 weeks ago
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The last time I went on a date was October 24th 1990.
We had drinks at the local pub and he walked me home, we had a very nice kiss at the garden gate.
Now it's just sex and no dating. |
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