FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Pushy single men
Pushy single men
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So we're a returning couple, who predominantly want to play with other couples. We have however had a couple of meetings with single males.
We get a lot of messages from single guys who want to meet. Sometimes we chat with these guys, sometimes not. We often get the answer "I have a FB that I can bring" which we would be happy with.
Invariably however this never happens, and in one case recently this guy became pushy and aggressive to the point of getting blocked. We must've said no at least six times to this guy for a single meet.
So my point is this. Is this a common experience here on fab? We're finding more negative experiences than positive so far. Although when things work out they work out REALLY well.
Why push things so far that you become an aggressive arsehole that gets blocked.
Discuss.
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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago
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Some people just have rude and aggressive personalities. I worked as a bar maid for a few years and I am not kidding when I say you see every type of person possible. It was common that men would get pushy asking for your number, wanting to hook up when you finished work. I've been touched inappropriately so many times.
On the Internet it is easy to hide behind a keyboard. The pushy people become aggressive and the aggressive become down right awful.
I am so sorry you are experiencing horrible
people. X |
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Because some guys basically think they are the best thing since slided bread.
I had one huy once who i was chatting to, seemed nice enough. He asked if i wanted to meet that day, and i said i had plans. He told me to cancel them and see him instead. And used words like, then you csn get fucked by a gym body and a big cock. I basically replied and told him I'd rather have sex with a dad bod and a good attitude. (Words atent exactly right but that's the gist of it)
Obviously i blocked him after that. But i guess in his mind hes the best thing there is, and anynwoman would be stupid to not want to be fucked by him.
On the itber hand, i have ahe giys go on abiht some really pushing women too
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I know your personal experience op is with single guys so that's why you've created this thread.
I could just as easily start one asking why some women and couples are pushy because over the years that has been my experience.
So much so that I've removed the option to meet couples and in spite of the fact that I have a couples profile on here with a friend.
The amount of abuse and name calling I've received for turning down extremely well verified couples was ridiculous.
I've also had to block a number of single women for various reasons including not understanding that I didn't want to meet them.
Being pushy isn't gender specific but it's often driven by a sense of entitlement or by making assumptions about the person they are approaching.
I also disagree completely with the comments above that these type of people make it harder for the good guys. Firstly because the only one who can affect your fab journey is yourself and secondly because everyone claims to be a genuine good guy. |
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Why wait for someone to ask something 6 times before blocking them?
If you have written in your profile or explain via a conversation what you are looking for then why tolerate them trying to change your mind 6 times? Surely they ask once, you explain why you don’t want that, they ask again or try and “push” it, so you delete and block
This is the same for EVERYONE here, if people try and push you then delete and block |
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As i only meet single guys i can only comment on my experience with single guys. Been on this site about 14 years on and off and nowadays the abuse and pushyness from guys is ridiculous. I tend not to reply now to guys i have no interest in as theres only so much abuse one can take. Just last night a friend of mine was told that every woman on here has zero self respect so he has a right to call her a cum slut, i feel as fab has become more known to people its a haven for guys whos watched too much porn and the women are just a hole for them to use. |
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Honestly, this place brings the worst people sometimes.
Only thing I could suggest is set filters and you only reach out to single guys that interest you rather than the other way around.
Keep the faith though, there’s an awful lot of really decent guys here who fly the flag well for us.  |
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By *bi HaiveMan 9 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Someone like that spoils it for all the decent single guys on here 
No, it really doesn't."
This. 💯
Nothing anyone else does reflects on me and vice versa.
OP, just use your filters. Block incoming mail from men and when you're in the mood for one, send messages yourself. A simple and effective solution. Alternatively just block anyone who pesters. They won't do it again. 🤷♂️ |
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By *AYENCouple 9 weeks ago
Lincolnshire |
"So we're a returning couple, who predominantly want to play with other couples. We have however had a couple of meetings with single males.
We get a lot of messages from single guys who want to meet. Sometimes we chat with these guys, sometimes not. We often get the answer "I have a FB that I can bring" which we would be happy with.
Invariably however this never happens, and in one case recently this guy became pushy and aggressive to the point of getting blocked. We must've said no at least six times to this guy for a single meet.
So my point is this. Is this a common experience here on fab? We're finding more negative experiences than positive so far. Although when things work out they work out REALLY well.
Why push things so far that you become an aggressive arsehole that gets blocked.
Discuss.
"
Your experience on Fabs is entirely controlled by you - if you're finding some, or many pushy guys, you're doing things wrong.
There's the whole range of people on here from lovely to dangerous, bear that in mind and use your block button generously. K. |
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It's a big reason we very rarely engage with men online. Plus we find it hard to find a profile that Mrs really likes. Not to say on a rare occasion we find a good one.
But the main reason we don't, is because we don't have to. For us we do most of our swinging and meetings people at clubs and parties. Which we find so much better than on here. When you meet someone face to face first you know their genuine, then you can quickly judge chemistry and of course no worry about them not showing up because they're there in person with you. Plus then if it works well you can exchange details and organise future stuff outside of the club/party. Also we've found single guys, ladies and couples before on vanilla nights out and had some fun (some who'd we've kind of introduced to this world).
So I get that for some clubs/party's don't work for them. But for us it's pretty much the only way we do things in this lifestyle and works well for us. |
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It’s a real shame that there are people like that on here - who spoil it for everyone else. Agree with other comments about just blocking or reporting or ignoring, but that does give us single men a bad reputation. As a newbie here and this lifestyle I’m finding it really difficult because of this perception. I’m a discreet honest restful guy but don’t even get chance to chat because of the perception.
Just keep blocking the bad ones but give us good guys a chance. |
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"So we're a returning couple, who predominantly want to play with other couples. We have however had a couple of meetings with single males.
We get a lot of messages from single guys who want to meet. Sometimes we chat with these guys, sometimes not. We often get the answer "I have a FB that I can bring" which we would be happy with.
Invariably however this never happens, and in one case recently this guy became pushy and aggressive to the point of getting blocked. We must've said no at least six times to this guy for a single meet.
So my point is this. Is this a common experience here on fab? We're finding more negative experiences than positive so far. Although when things work out they work out REALLY well.
Why push things so far that you become an aggressive arsehole that gets blocked.
Discuss.
Your experience on Fabs is entirely controlled by you - if you're finding some, or many pushy guys, you're doing things wrong.
There's the whole range of people on here from lovely to dangerous, bear that in mind and use your block button generously. K."
Its not always down to you, you cannot tell someone is going to be pushy until youve replied to them, why should i block all men and do my own search just because some idiots ruin it i could potentially miss out on some great guys.. yes i just block nowadays but the abuse is still given beforehand |
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Once you’ve turned them down, just block them.
They don’t get chance to be “aggressive arseholes” then.
By allowing back and forth messaging after saying no, it kinda opens the door for the arsehole to continue to try his luck. |
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By *scaMan 9 weeks ago
St Albans |
Some guys just don’t know when to stop.
The dynamics on this site are pretty straightforward - if the answer is NO (and yes, that means silence too) then the answer is NO. Respect that and move on.
Can’t believe how difficult this is for some to understand! |
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"It’s a real shame that there are people like that on here - who spoil it for everyone else."
Not quite. The transgressions of other people have never affected my experiences on here.
"...but that does give us single men a bad reputation."
I'm sorry to hear that you have a bad reputation on the back of other people's unacceptable behaviour. My reputation remains intact and I'm sure other's remain equally so.
"As a newbie here and this lifestyle I’m finding it really difficult because of this perception. I’m a discreet honest restful guy but don’t even get chance to chat because of the perception. "
Your lack of engagement is unrelated to the perceived 'perception' of men on here. I would suspect it's because it's a numbers game and men far outweigh the women on here, amongst other reasons...
"Just keep blocking the bad ones but give us good guys a chance."
Don't wait for chances from other people. Instead carve your own opportunities. |
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By *AYENCouple 9 weeks ago
Lincolnshire |
"So we're a returning couple, who predominantly want to play with other couples. We have however had a couple of meetings with single males.
We get a lot of messages from single guys who want to meet. Sometimes we chat with these guys, sometimes not. We often get the answer "I have a FB that I can bring" which we would be happy with.
Invariably however this never happens, and in one case recently this guy became pushy and aggressive to the point of getting blocked. We must've said no at least six times to this guy for a single meet.
So my point is this. Is this a common experience here on fab? We're finding more negative experiences than positive so far. Although when things work out they work out REALLY well.
Why push things so far that you become an aggressive arsehole that gets blocked.
Discuss.
Your experience on Fabs is entirely controlled by you - if you're finding some, or many pushy guys, you're doing things wrong.
There's the whole range of people on here from lovely to dangerous, bear that in mind and use your block button generously. K.
Its not always down to you, you cannot tell someone is going to be pushy until youve replied to them, why should i block all men and do my own search just because some idiots ruin it i could potentially miss out on some great guys.. yes i just block nowadays but the abuse is still given beforehand"
You do however know that someone is pushy if they don't take no for an answer - you can then block.
And I didn't say block all men - I just said use the block button generously - i.e. at the first sign that they're pushy, not after the sixth no. K |
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I'm generally bouyed by the answers. I take the point about using filters. However if I did that the only people if get a message from us me 🤣🤣
The reason I'm reluctant to use them is because there are some thoroughly nice single guys out there. So no, I don't want to tar with the same brush.
I'd also guess that couples bring (by percentage) as many problems if not more than single guys. I'd say this is usually because it's a single guy sitting behind a couples profile.
In balance I would say that the few highs are so good that they by far outweigh the dress that we have to wade through to get there.
It good to vent, and as my boss used to say "head down arse up, and crack on"
Seems quite apt for Fab.
Thanks for the replies you beautiful people |
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Hi OPs I just think blocking / laughing at or some other form of moving on from pushy people is your answer here. For me… I laugh at them. And no. It’s not always men in my experience.
Hope you find what you’re looking for whilst laughing at the idiots. 😘 |
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By *end1Man 9 weeks ago
southend on sea |
I think if possible the site could benefit from a system where if you send a message to someone you can't send another message until you have received a reply back. Hence cutting out any abusive messages from people who can't take no etc. |
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"I think if possible the site could benefit from a system where if you send a message to someone you can't send another message until you have received a reply back. Hence cutting out any abusive messages from people who can't take no etc."
Bloody good idea |
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"I think if possible the site could benefit from a system where if you send a message to someone you can't send another message until you have received a reply back. Hence cutting out any abusive messages from people who can't take no etc.
Bloody good idea"
Se can get 100s of messages within a short space when we have a Meet up... some people just get missed. So we wouldn't like that |
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By *end1Man 9 weeks ago
southend on sea |
"I think if possible the site could benefit from a system where if you send a message to someone you can't send another message until you have received a reply back. Hence cutting out any abusive messages from people who can't take no etc.
Bloody good idea
Se can get 100s of messages within a short space when we have a Meet up... some people just get missed. So we wouldn't like that "
only other way would be single guys can't message until they receive a message from a single female or couples that way cuts out the huge inbox of single females and couples. |
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Either those guys are so clueless or they've read some sort of alpha guide to attraction which is "be dominant man, don't take no for an answer" I'm guessing? Or trolls/timewasters?
Is there a guidebook?
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"I think if possible the site could benefit from a system where if you send a message to someone you can't send another message until you have received a reply back. Hence cutting out any abusive messages from people who can't take no etc.
Bloody good idea
Se can get 100s of messages within a short space when we have a Meet up... some people just get missed. So we wouldn't like that only other way would be single guys can't message until they receive a message from a single female or couples that way cuts out the huge inbox of single females and couples. "
The majority are respectful, again we wouldn't want that either.
If people don't want
messages of certain sexes then use filters to stop them.
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I think it's invaluable to block people, once you decide that you are not mutually compatible.
There are people of all types who are argumentative (see Virus or Politics)  and will argue for the sake of it and being unlikely to get a meeting or turned down, switches them into pushy, combat mode. Don't let yourself get to the point where they get to become this horror. Just block and go on your way merrily
Consider using filters too, to find just those people who you want to get to know, as it may be that m we n who seek you out are more inclined to become trouble. |
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"I wouldn't be giving anyone 6 no's before I block.
First sign of not respecting boundaries and they're gone, I've also had pushy married men and women... So it's not just the single guys! "
This!
I have had pushy couples and females also on my case who have been very demanding and abusive when I've said no.
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No because if I’m not interested I delete and block straight away. Makes for a nice easy and abuse free life on here . I keep saying this but still see so many posts about the abuse people get constantly 🤷♀️ |
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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago
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I don't like pushy people. Very annoying when they suggest something that you would never try and then say things like maybe you should stick to tinder this site isn't for you. I have on my profile straight no men. And it's men messaging me telling me to meet them now with some graphic details |
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"I don't like pushy people. Very annoying when they suggest something that you would never try and then say things like maybe you should stick to tinder this site isn't for you. I have on my profile straight no men. And it's men messaging me telling me to meet them now with some graphic details"
You can put up a filter to stop them messaging |
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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago
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"I don't like pushy people. Very annoying when they suggest something that you would never try and then say things like maybe you should stick to tinder this site isn't for you. I have on my profile straight no men. And it's men messaging me telling me to meet them now with some graphic details
You can put up a filter to stop them messaging "
I would but I don't mind talking to people without anything sexual expected. Just as a chat |
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Always find these threads interesting, we've been on here a good few years and cant remember any abusive messages. Yes we have single guys blocked so maybe dodged that bullet as it always seems to be the most common denominator but think the most abusive message we got from a couple was "we're not for you then? FINE!" and that was because we didnt reply to their first message which was the very original "hows you?" |
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