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40+M seeking younger female - is it Taboo?
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If someone who is established, has seen most of the things in life, mature in thinking, and have good amount of resources to enjoy life, is it taboo for them seeking a younger woman to marry in their 40is or late? I talked to Many vanilla friends, and they do make up large proportions of the populations, for them it is taboo. One shouldn’t engage ik such adventure and look for inner peace rather than outer piece..am I hanging out with vanilla weirdoes? |
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No, your friends, like most of the society, have been raised on movies and series where the younger ladies marrying older men were presented as "gold diggers". Then there is also the "daddy" stereotype. |
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While I agree with what some of the initial respondents have said; age is just a number, I think the key word here is “seeking”.
Why are you specifically looking for a younger partner, as opposed to looking for the right partner and being open minded about their age? |
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It's your life so live it your way. If your so called friends don't approve its probably driven by envy. Its certainly not my idea of being classed as tab,oo. Fill your boots and enjoy your life. I wish you luck in finding a suitable partner. |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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a close friend has been branded a "nonce", been attacked and had no end of venom and been ostricised by most for being in a comitted age gap relationship. 19 and 47. |
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"While I agree with what some of the initial respondents have said; age is just a number, I think the key word here is “seeking”.
Why are you specifically looking for a younger partner, as opposed to looking for the right partner and being open minded about their age?"
Valid point mate - but I will call it a choice, been with Woman from different age groups and walks of life, I found many woman who are out in vanilla world, don’t understand the open lifestyle dynamics, I am not generalising it, but whenever I raised such topic with older woman ( won’t reveal the age bracket just to avoid bashing) , they raised their brows and I could gather from their face, they weren’t interested discussing such topics. however, Young ones are fully aware of such scenarios, they might even tried a few scenarios during their college days, and open to accept it as a new norm. Again not revealing the age bracket just to avoid anger from you lovelies. |
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It's not taboo, but it depends how much younger you're talking about I think op.
It may be thought of as inappropriate if a man in his 40s went for a woman in her late teens or early 20s maybe.
Age is more than a number to me though & as a woman who has just hit 50, I couldn't imagine going for someone miles younger than me if I was single.I'd look for other things in a partner.
However we are all different. |
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You're not even 40 yet.
If you want a younger partner go for it. I've known many age gap relationships, some successful others not but that applies to all. A friend of mine was over 30 years younger than her husband and he left her for a younger woman 🤷♀️ |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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If they are over 21 and you haven't watched them grow up from childhood then it id very much a choice of those involved.
It is worth considering the power gap between an older financially established man and a young woman just entering womanhood which is why I suggest over 21. Many young women may not feel as confident to enforce boundaries until they are older and so understanding that when considering consent is important.
Aldo just bare in mind that if you want longevity in your relationship that they will probably want marriage and kids and so not many 30/40 year old women are going to want to be looking after an OAP husband alongside kids. |
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Kinda have experience here. My current Fwb is early 20s. I'm mid 40s,and I love our dynamic.
But it only works because she has a very mature mindset.
My cousin met her husband when she 16 and he was in his 40s,as horrified as we were at the time they are still together and have raised 5 lovely children... So it can work out if you commit to it |
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"If they are over 21 and you haven't watched them grow up from childhood then it id very much a choice of those involved.
It is worth considering the power gap between an older financially established man and a young woman just entering womanhood which is why I suggest over 21. Many young women may not feel as confident to enforce boundaries until they are older and so understanding that when considering consent is important. "
This. I dated a 24 year old a couple of years ago. While I worked very hard to help him communicate his needs and boundaries, he simply was not able to do so.
The reality is that there can be an imbalance of power in age gap relationships *even if you do all the right things*. I’m not saying this is a dealbreaker but you need to be very careful of it.
" Valid point mate - but I will call it a choice, been with Woman from different age groups and walks of life, I found many woman who are out in vanilla world, don’t understand the open lifestyle dynamics, I am not generalising it, but whenever I raised such topic with older woman ( won’t reveal the age bracket just to avoid bashing) , they raised their brows and I could gather from their face, they weren’t interested discussing such topics. however, Young ones are fully aware of such scenarios, they might even tried a few scenarios during their college days, and open to accept it as a new norm. Again not revealing the age bracket just to avoid anger from you lovelies."
I’m gonna be a little blunt with you here. While I don’t think age gap relationships are intrinsically taboo, I think your justification for why you are seeking out younger partners reads as a little bit problematic.
If what you are experiencing is that younger woman are more willing to try things and older woman are less so, you have to consider that this might be because of the unequal power dynamic mentioned above? Is it possible the older woman you’ve discussed this with simply know and are better able to express their own boundaries? |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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"
I’m gonna be a little blunt with you here. While I don’t think age gap relationships are intrinsically taboo, I think your justification for why you are seeking out younger partners reads as a little bit problematic.
If what you are experiencing is that younger woman are more willing to try things and older woman are less so, you have to consider that this might be because of the unequal power dynamic mentioned above? Is it possible the older woman you’ve discussed this with simply know and are better able to express their own boundaries?"
As a 50yr old menopausal non vanilla woman I give absolutely no f*cks about saying no to any man now.
As a young woman in my 20's ... I definitely ended up in some sexual situations where I felt unable to say no due to either lack of confidence or fear of how the other person would react especially when I was emotionally attached. It was that I thought they would be violent ... instead that they would leave if I didn't do X or Y.
Now of course if I say no and someone leaves .... I don't care .. clearly not the right person |
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"
I’m gonna be a little blunt with you here. While I don’t think age gap relationships are intrinsically taboo, I think your justification for why you are seeking out younger partners reads as a little bit problematic.
If what you are experiencing is that younger woman are more willing to try things and older woman are less so, you have to consider that this might be because of the unequal power dynamic mentioned above? Is it possible the older woman you’ve discussed this with simply know and are better able to express their own boundaries?"
I think you make valid points. Especially about power and boundaries. I don't want to feel like the boundary sentinel in a relationship - it needs to feel equal and mutual. It's not that I wouldn't trust myself not be exploitative, I just don't want to be in that position to begin with. |
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I think being nearly 40 and wanting to date say a 18 year old, although is legal I'm not completely sure if it is morally correct.
I remember myself at 18 and how immature I was even though I thought I was proper grown up and knew it all. I look back at myself and realise how young and naive I was. Which is potentially what your friends are doing? They probably think along the lines of could I have been taken advantage of at that age and answered yes. And that makes them uncomfortable. |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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"I think being nearly 40 and wanting to date say a 18 year old, although is legal I'm not completely sure if it is morally correct.
I remember myself at 18 and how immature I was even though I thought I was proper grown up and knew it all. I look back at myself and realise how young and naive I was. Which is potentially what your friends are doing? They probably think along the lines of could I have been taken advantage of at that age and answered yes. And that makes them uncomfortable. "
h makes you right love
can you and should you are two different things |
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By *EAT..85Woman 13 weeks ago
Nottingham |
Age gaps in general are fine. I have one lover 15 years older than me and one 8 years younger.
I get different things from each relationship.
However. I look back at a relationship that I had when I was 18. I was insecure, inexperienced (though he soon fixed that) and easily led. He was 35 and very much knew what he was doing. I look back and think he was quite predatory, and I think I would be a very different person without his influence.
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By *r TriomanMan 13 weeks ago
Chippenham Malmesbury area |
I think that giving it a name doesn't help. 3 family members are in relationships were the age difference between each set of partners is at least 15 years, I've never thought it weird, they all are very well matched. My step mother was only 8 years older than me. |
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Most of my relationships are with women 25-40, they all pay/paid their way, even the Asian ones which I is another hilarious stereotype, usually from jealous guys.
Last thing I need is a dependant woman I have ex & 3 adult daughters…. |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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"I like younger men and very open about it. As long as over 21 i am ok .... As age is a number . I live in hope next man in my life younger and wish lots and lots of sex."
when I was younger (18 to mid 20's) I would actively seek older women (double my age and older). you would have been absolutely the type I would go for. |
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Well the idea is not to manipulate someone, or lead them into something that they never want to do. Anyone less than 23 is no for me -and I don’t want to be labeled as sugar daddy. That’s not what I want - but I want acceptance from the other party about the lifestyle I am leading or they would enter once they accept me. Which I found not acceptable by many older women. So yes I am very much aware of ground reality. Now argument about young cannot say no as they can be easily manipulated, well I have seen women in late 30is early 40is desperate to engage and ready to take next steps, without understanding me or what I want. I think anyone older than 23 is mature enough to take decision about their future, at least I was, so I can tell from my own experience. |
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"I wouldn’t be over the moon if my 18/19 year old came home with someone my age. I really don’t think I’d be alone on that either. If it’s a “me” problem then so be it, it wouldn’t change my mind. "
I would have my concerns too. |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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It depends entirely on motives. I know a man in his 50s, who will only date woman (18-20) because they're often (not always) easier to manipulate and put up with more than an older women who knows the game will.
That's when it give me the ick. |
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Sorry guys but those who are opposed to anyone over 23 having relationship with older person in 40is - is your concern just about woman getting manipulated or you think young man too can fall into the trap of an older woman? If no then why cougars seems relatively more acceptable term than sugar daddy - I find it sexist tbh. As I said earlier I am looking for 23= not |
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"Age gaps in general are fine. I have one lover 15 years older than me and one 8 years younger.
I get different things from each relationship.
However. I look back at a relationship that I had when I was 18. I was insecure, inexperienced (though he soon fixed that) and easily led. He was 35 and very much knew what he was doing. I look back and think he was quite predatory, and I think I would be a very different person without his influence.
"
I can relate to this. I wouldn't recommend to any young woman that they go out with a much older man. |
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"Well the idea is not to manipulate someone, or lead them into something that they never want to do."
Well then I guess because you say it, it must be true…
"I want acceptance from the other party about the lifestyle I am leading or they would enter once they accept me. Which I found not acceptable by many older women. So yes I am very much aware of ground reality. Now argument about young cannot say no as they can be easily manipulated, well I have seen women in late 30is early 40is desperate to engage and ready to take next steps, without understanding me or what I want"
You started this thread looking for people to tell you that your behaviour is ok so I don’t think you are going to be convinced otherwise; however, because you’ve met one older person who was into it doesn’t really take away from the fact that it really looks like you are seeking out younger people because they are more likely say yes to what you want, which is creepy.
" I think anyone older than 23 is mature enough to take decision about their future, at least I was, so I can tell from my own experience. "
This is just about as childish a take as I’ve ever heard. Sure, it’s *sort* of true; because people have to be allowed to make their own mistakes, but if you think once someone is 23 that’s it, they are no longer capable of being influenced or taken advantage of by those with more experience, then you are either very naive or just unwilling to hear a viewpoint that suggests you shouldn’t do exactly what you want. |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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"I wouldn’t be over the moon if my 18/19 year old came home with someone my age. I really don’t think I’d be alone on that either. If it’s a “me” problem then so be it, it wouldn’t change my mind. "
bang on love
just not the cool opinion on here
follow follow baaaaaa baaaaaa |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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"Well the idea is not to manipulate someone, or lead them into something that they never want to do. Anyone less than 23 is no for me -and I don’t want to be labeled as sugar daddy. That’s not what I want - but I want acceptance from the other party about the lifestyle I am leading or they would enter once they accept me. Which I found not acceptable by many older women. So yes I am very much aware of ground reality. Now argument about young cannot say no as they can be easily manipulated, well I have seen women in late 30is early 40is desperate to engage and ready to take next steps, without understanding me or what I want. I think anyone older than 23 is mature enough to take decision about their future, at least I was, so I can tell from my own experience. "
proper keeper you son
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"Well the idea is not to manipulate someone, or lead them into something that they never want to do.
Well then I guess because you say it, it must be true…
I want acceptance from the other party about the lifestyle I am leading or they would enter once they accept me. Which I found not acceptable by many older women. So yes I am very much aware of ground reality. Now argument about young cannot say no as they can be easily manipulated, well I have seen women in late 30is early 40is desperate to engage and ready to take next steps, without understanding me or what I want
You started this thread looking for people to tell you that your behaviour is ok so I don’t think you are going to be convinced otherwise; however, because you’ve met one older person who was into it doesn’t really take away from the fact that it really looks like you are seeking out younger people because they are more likely say yes to what you want, which is creepy.
I think anyone older than 23 is mature enough to take decision about their future, at least I was, so I can tell from my own experience.
This is just about as childish a take as I’ve ever heard. Sure, it’s *sort* of true; because people have to be allowed to make their own mistakes, but if you think once someone is 23 that’s it, they are no longer capable of being influenced or taken advantage of by those with more experience, then you are either very naive or just unwilling to hear a viewpoint that suggests you shouldn’t do exactly what you want."
So what should be the cut off age when you allow individuals to take their own decision for their future? 25/30?
Well, I am hearing your pov - but confused on it being myopic.
Another question, Why cougar seems relatively more acceptable than sugar daddy? Please read my question above in the post.
Back to the tropic, what about Trump & Millenia, macron and his wife, and many more examples that are present on this fab platform. You think all are inappropriate or led woman into a trap by older male. I know it’s not common to see age gap couples on every nook and corner of the society, but it’s not uncommon or unheard of. Again my cut off age is 23+ or older. Even if one wants to start a family, woman will be in their prime years of their biological period for next 10 yrs. |
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"So what should be the cut off age when you allow individuals to take their own decision for their future? 25/30?"
You are completely missing the point. I’m perfectly comfortable with adults of any age (so 18+) making decisions for their future. Beyond that, there is no clear cut line at which it suddenly becomes “ok/not ok” to date any given person.
The issue at hand here is not guys that date younger woman, it’s because you have more or less explicitly stated *you want to seek out young woman because they are more likely to say yes to what you want* and while it is *possible* that this might be to do with some kind of progressive shift, the fact that you either can’t or won’t see that this might also be to do with different levels of experience makes you a walking red flag.
"Another question, Why cougar seems relatively more acceptable than sugar daddy? Please read my question above in the post."
I ignored the original question because it’s not at all relevant; I would be making the same points were you a woman seeking younger men for the same reason.
"Back to the tropic, what about Trump & Millenia, macron and his wife, and many more examples that are present on this fab platform. You think all are inappropriate or led woman into a trap by older male. I know it’s not common to see age gap couples on every nook and corner of the society, but it’s not uncommon or unheard of. Again my cut off age is 23+ or older."
This isn’t relevant because as I’ve said several times I don’t have any objections to large age gap relationships. Or did you miss the part where I said I dated a guy 14 years my junior. The issue isn’t the age gap, it’s your motivation for seeking out that age gap.
"Even if one wants to start a family, woman will be in their prime years of their biological period for next 10 yrs. "
I’m struggling to follow what this has to do with anything; but if your point here is you’d prefer to date younger woman because they are more fertile, then just…
Ew
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No it's not taboo.
Lots of older men and woman enjoy it as a kink though, being a sugar daddy/mummy is pleasurable for a while, until it's realised that it's a transactional relationship. For a younger person, the pull of a relationship that is financially and security secure is powerful and many have settled into transactional relationships, for that reason. Yes. Love can follow, but the term "golddiggers" has also been around for a reason.
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