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when your partner isn't interested
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People should do what they want. It's not my business until you involve me but since you ask I'd say it depends on the context. Life isn't cut and dried, people are complex, relationships are varied and have different dynamics and nobody else knows what goes on in them. |
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Yes. Been doing it for 15 years. Recently, grandson who plays games on my phone somehow opened up the site and he was on her lap. She was not happy with me and we have not spoken about it since so I guess the cat is now at the bag but it doesn’t matter. We haven’t had sex for 25 years. |
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"People should do what they want. It's not my business until you involve me but since you ask I'd say it depends on the context. Life isn't cut and dried, people are complex, relationships are varied and have different dynamics and nobody else knows what goes on in them."
That's my opinion too. |
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That's very undude, dude.
Think of your relationship like a rug that really ties the room together. Don't micturate on the rug, you'll never get the smell out. You'll need to get a new rug and next thing you know, Donny is dead and you are fighting with Nihilists outside the bowling alley.
Watched Big Lebowski again, this could become a theme - apologies in advance. |
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Being in a sexless relationship is hard. People are often financially inseparable or have an otherwise okay relationship. I'll never judge someone we meet for it.
My personal view is if you've tried your best to investigate and address the problem, and it would likely cause more harm than good to all involved were you to leave, go for it... just have enough respect for your partner to not get caught or raise suspicion. |
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By *a LunaWoman 4 weeks ago
South Wales |
It won’t stay a secret for long.
You’ll start acting differently, they’ll notice and catch you out.
They’ll either be indifferent, rip you a new arsehole or leave you and take you to the cleaners.
Never underestimate a woman’s gut feeling. |
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The truth comes out eventually. I was cheated on and believe me, it is fucking awful. Made me question a lot of things about myself. Self doubt, regret, anger for not realising sooner. All sorts of emotions.
I wouldn't recommend it on anyone. |
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Depends how thick skinned your friend is. From experience don't do it. Even if they get away with it it will corrode your relationship and lead to more unhappiness. Like I said depends on how much you value scruples. It might make them deliriously happy. Who knows. Personally I doubt it will. |
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By *ustMe!Couple 4 weeks ago
co.down |
When you are in a relationship and or swinging relationship both need to be open and honest, lies will only ruin what could potentially be an amazing journey between 2 people. but both need to show respect to each others boundaries. Everything might not be for both in the relationship but that’s where communication is a huge must. |
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I recently met up with someone unhappy in their home relationship, with a asexual, but was doing nothing to change it. Also, over time had grown to dislike his partner, was the impression I was getting. It didn't seem healthy and I could tell it was a burden on his mind. We didn't hook up beyond a pleasant afternoon in each other's company. I don't envy his position, yet he thought mine and his was similar -- it isn't in that my asexual partner is informed, consenting and encouraging in what I do, and there is zero bad feeling at home.
The asexual partner of this man did not come across well in this story, but of course I only got one half of it. I can't give a hard "no" to the question, everybody's life experience and circumstances are different. |
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By (user no longer on site) 4 weeks ago
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I was was married for 10 years sex was infrequent from the start and stopped 3 years in.
I did consider playing away to get my sexual needs met.
In the end I went 7 years without sex ... divorced him and I made up for it 
Now in a relationship with someone I met on her. Currently not meeting anyone else and we will swing together in the future. |
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No. So much no. I could go into great detail as to why not. Short version: yes sex is important but so is your partner and ometimes the possibility of losing each other can rekindle things. It's so much better to be honest and separate if necessary.
And would your friend be honest with the people they meet? I have no interest in being involved with someone else's deception. |
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I am genuinely asking for a friend. She joins me to clubs etc ....
Her circumstances are that children are involved and no sex is involved. They are still the bestest of friends but cant leave him. She prefers to get her need met this way.
I will not judge as everyone has their reasons.
|
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"I am genuinely asking for a friend. She joins me to clubs etc ....
Her circumstances are that children are involved and no sex is involved. They are still the bestest of friends but cant leave him. She prefers to get her need met this way.
I will not judge as everyone has their reasons.
"
It'd be a no for me.
I'd rather have a frank discussion and see if my partner would let me meet people with his blessing.
People find things out and if he does it could devastate him. |
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"I am genuinely asking for a friend. She joins me to clubs etc ....
Her circumstances are that children are involved and no sex is involved. They are still the bestest of friends but cant leave him. She prefers to get her need met this way.
I will not judge as everyone has their reasons.
"
Ethically of course it's wrong. Is everyone Ethically prefect?
I can imagine it's hard to be in a relationship where your can't be yourself or express yourself openly. After all surely you should be with the one you can be completely open with and share your innermost desires with?
From your last point it doesn't sound like she's on board romantically at all. Hanging in because there is friendship, familiarity and history. However is she being selfishness because although this maybe be her experience and what's she's OK with would it be his understanding of the relationship and what he's happy with? She maybe feeding him a lie and that's not fair and very damaging (I know from my own experience). So although this situation is acceptable to her it may not be to him if he knew. After all not many people want to feel settled for or just used as a financial/stable base. I do understand that she may also be calculating the kids into her ballance of her own desires/needs vs that of others or her financial/material risk.
Personally IMO she should have an open and honest adult conversation with her other half. Explain how she see's the relationship, how she see's the needs of the children and how she see's her own needs and desires. And allow him to also express himself. After all part of the problem is clearly a communication breakdown. Let them work out how they go forward as adults. Do they split and how they do that practically or do they stay together (in some form) and how they manage the fulfilment of their needs going forward. I've know of people in loving non sexual relationships where one or both engage with permission in their own sexual side missions.
I personally just don't think carrying on like this is fair to her other half or particularly healthy for her.
Mr |
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"I am genuinely asking for a friend. She joins me to clubs etc ....
Her circumstances are that children are involved and no sex is involved. They are still the bestest of friends but cant leave him. She prefers to get her need met this way.
I will not judge as everyone has their reasons.
"
Why are you asking? Does she want to know what we think? |
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"I am genuinely asking for a friend. She joins me to clubs etc ....
Her circumstances are that children are involved and no sex is involved. They are still the bestest of friends but cant leave him. She prefers to get her need met this way.
I will not judge as everyone has their reasons.
Why are you asking? Does she want to know what we think?"
Yes she does as my non judgemental opinion is obviously not enough.
I feel she is questioning it but she feels her sexual needs are being met AND her family life is not being rocked. She has tried everything but it’s run its course physically.
|
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My opinion is that it is lying and dishonest.
Who ever does it it's their business but they should stop trying to be a desperate victim and just OWN it and say .........
I'm a liar and deceive people to get what I want.( and a hell of a lot more )
Just say who you really are and don't look to be rescued by people like me who couldn't give a fuck what you are up to but can't take bs. ta |
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This really made me laugh M xx
"That's very undude, dude.
Think of your relationship like a rug that really ties the room together. Don't micturate on the rug, you'll never get the smell out. You'll need to get a new rug and next thing you know, Donny is dead and you are fighting with Nihilists outside the bowling alley.
Watched Big Lebowski again, this could become a theme - apologies in advance."
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By (user no longer on site) 4 weeks ago
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Do whatever makes you happy OP as I'm sure you probably will anyway!
Just make sure you check your face for carpet burns before you arrive home, the women on here are feisty buggers and many own a strap on! |
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"I am genuinely asking for a friend. She joins me to clubs etc ....
Her circumstances are that children are involved and no sex is involved. They are still the bestest of friends but cant leave him. She prefers to get her need met this way.
I will not judge as everyone has their reasons.
Why are you asking? Does she want to know what we think?
Yes she does as my non judgemental opinion is obviously not enough.
I feel she is questioning it but she feels her sexual needs are being met AND her family life is not being rocked. She has tried everything but it’s run its course physically.
"
As I said above it's not my business. If she's got the guts to do it she needs to have the guts to own it though and just get on with it. |
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"Yep why not. What people need to remember is cheating can keep peoples marriage together. Im answering for the married women ive been with and not myself"
I think people who tell themselves they're helping their marriage by cheating are seriously deluded. |
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"It won’t stay a secret for long.
You’ll start acting differently, they’ll notice and catch you out.
They’ll either be indifferent, rip you a new arsehole or leave you and take you to the cleaners.
Never underestimate a woman’s gut feeling."
I worked with a married woman and she got picked up by a guy one day. The other woman asked her the next day, who was that guy. She said he's my bf I've had him for 25 years  |
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Fab is a swinging site, it's all about openness and honesty.
What do I think of cheating? I think it's selfish, deceiving the one you are supposed to love for a quick fuck, knowing the heartache it can cause - I think it's pretty shit really op.
Mrs |
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It's a no from me dawg.
Communication and clarity is everything.
Acceptable things to hide from partners are things like gifts.
Dishonesty and putting their secual health at risk isn't the kind of gift any should be given 💜 |
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"I am genuinely asking for a friend. She joins me to clubs etc ....
Her circumstances are that children are involved and no sex is involved. They are still the bestest of friends but cant leave him. She prefers to get her need met this way.
I will not judge as everyone has their reasons.
Why are you asking? Does she want to know what we think?
Yes she does as my non judgemental opinion is obviously not enough.
I feel she is questioning it but she feels her sexual needs are being met AND her family life is not being rocked. She has tried everything but it’s run its course physically.
"
Her family life won't be rocked when she's found out, it will be more like an explosion and she will be made out to be the villain in it all. |
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