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Perpetually Single
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By *sWyld OP Woman 6 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
Generally, I'm OK with being single (and probably a bit undateable) , but the start of Christmas makes me feel really miserable about it.
I guess it just feels more obvious. Everyone couples up around me and it seems to hit differently.
All the romance films and the realisation I've never even been so much as kissed on Christmas day.
I'm not lonely really and I have a great life but sometimes it just, well sucks actually.
Anyone else feeling that way?
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"Just set an early alarm for Boxing Day - and keep reminding yourself that every pound not spent on 'his' Christmas present is a pound saved for the sales..."
Or spend it on the most expansive dildo going! |
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"Generally, I'm OK with being single (and probably a bit undateable) , but the start of Christmas makes me feel really miserable about it.
I guess it just feels more obvious. Everyone couples up around me and it seems to hit differently.
All the romance films and the realisation I've never even been so much as kissed on Christmas day.
I'm not lonely really and I have a great life but sometimes it just, well sucks actually.
Anyone else feeling that way? "
I get you, there’s always stuff to do and sex to be enjoyed but I kinda miss having a best friend (a partner) I can share all those experiences with.
Still, I’m happier being single than with someone who makes me feel shit or who actively hurts me |
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I think Christmas can feel a bit meh for lots of people.
The ads, social media, Susan at the end of the street all seem to have bright, sparkly festive seasons with perfectly cooked Christmas lunch and happy smily families. The decorations are Instagram worthy and rosy cheeked children sing carols on the doorstep.
It ain't like that |
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"Just set an early alarm for Boxing Day - and keep reminding yourself that every pound not spent on 'his' Christmas present is a pound saved for the sales...
Ha ha. Every cloud "
Actually...
You strike me as a generous, giving soul, so you've probably saved a small fortune. You deserve to treat yourself, with a Yuletide trip to somewhere warmer than Edinburgh. As a suggestion, some of the natives can be very friendly in the beautiful West Country... |
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"Generally, I'm OK with being single (and probably a bit undateable) , but the start of Christmas makes me feel really miserable about it.
I guess it just feels more obvious. Everyone couples up around me and it seems to hit differently.
All the romance films and the realisation I've never even been so much as kissed on Christmas day.
I'm not lonely really and I have a great life but sometimes it just, well sucks actually.
Anyone else feeling that way?
"
No actually being single at Christmas is great. I'm seeing someone and I don't want to see them over Christmas. I want to go up north to see my closest friend. I don't see anything wrong with that and not inviting him. I only see her once or twice and year but I hate that I was made to feel bad for it (not by him, although I know he's disappointed).
I hate the pressure, the thinking about presents for them. I don't want anything either, I've enough stuff. And I dont like having to fake liking receiving gifts.
So actually I like a single Christmas. I can please myself!
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Time of year doesn't play a part in how I feel about being single.
To be honest, I'm used to it now. I'm okay with that. Doesn't mean I can't seek out meaningful relationships with others and enjoy life. By relationships, I mean as in connections with people, not commitment.
I don't actually want a "proper relationship" these days. Since trying casual, I've grown to enjoy the freedom and light-hearted playfulness more than the other stuff. |
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"Generally, I'm OK with being single (and probably a bit undateable) , but the start of Christmas makes me feel really miserable about it.
I guess it just feels more obvious. Everyone couples up around me and it seems to hit differently.
All the romance films and the realisation I've never even been so much as kissed on Christmas day.
I'm not lonely really and I have a great life but sometimes it just, well sucks actually.
Anyone else feeling that way?
"
I could have written this myself.
I just have to keep reminding myself of all the positives of being single.
I think it’s just the physical side, not just sex but the closeness that I miss at times. |
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This is my first year with a boyfriend in 8 years. I usually stay busy, visit family and work overtime when the kids are at their dads. It's sad (but true) that a holiday for good makes so many people feel bad. I crack out new jigsaws and craft projects when I know I've got time on my hands. |
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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago
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"Generally, I'm OK with being single (and probably a bit undateable) , but the start of Christmas makes me feel really miserable about it.
I guess it just feels more obvious. Everyone couples up around me and it seems to hit differently.
All the romance films and the realisation I've never even been so much as kissed on Christmas day.
I'm not lonely really and I have a great life but sometimes it just, well sucks actually.
Anyone else feeling that way?
"
Only when I want someone to go to a bloody Xmas market with!
But then it passes.
After having an ex that went out their way to ruin Xmas for me, I love it being single.
And I don't have to share the baileys.
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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago
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"I don't mind it at all! Flirt away! People do care about you, you can still get those nice kisses, and not argue about who does the dishes after!"
That's what a dishwasher is for (or children!) |
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I hate the fact i can even find any1 here that wants fun or will chat even just a BJ be fine im 28 months dry and single and hate that i cant stop the shit feeling of being alone, but i feel you on this one massively x |
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By *oxdawgMan 6 weeks ago
Linthorpe |
All the adverts selling the couple in love or the 2.4 family... no thanks. I enjoy being single. Yes it has its moments but it allows you to enjoy most things without asking permission or needing a free pass ha ha |
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"We hope you all find your best friends in life!
❤️
Relationships are overrated.
Dependant who you ask 😀
Happy stress free single people"
We have a cool dynamic.
We vowed to never stand in the way of each other living our own lives, and we don't. If one is not happy for the other to do something they want to do then we are taking things away from each other instead of adding!
If she wanted to spend Xmas day with her friends she is free to do so without worry that I might me mad at her. I won't ever be mad for her being herself and living her life... she only gets 1! Be dawned if I'm gonna steal someone's time.
Jay
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"We hope you all find your best friends in life!
❤️
Relationships are overrated.
Dependant who you ask 😀
Happy stress free single people
We have a cool dynamic.
We vowed to never stand in the way of each other living our own lives, and we don't. If one is not happy for the other to do something they want to do then we are taking things away from each other instead of adding!
If she wanted to spend Xmas day with her friends she is free to do so without worry that I might me mad at her. I won't ever be mad for her being herself and living her life... she only gets 1! Be dawned if I'm gonna steal someone's time.
Jay
"
I'll happily accept time that is 'given'
That's the key |
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"All the adverts selling the couple in love or the 2.4 family... no thanks. I enjoy being single. Yes it has its moments but it allows you to enjoy most things without asking permission or needing a free pass ha ha "
Yes, I can relate to this. I had a few awful Christmas days with my partner where he never spoke to me or bought me a present. Being in control l of my days now is the greatest feeling ever. |
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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago
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"All the adverts selling the couple in love or the 2.4 family... no thanks. I enjoy being single. Yes it has its moments but it allows you to enjoy most things without asking permission or needing a free pass ha ha "
People think you can't be happy unless you're in a relationship. I can guarantee I'm happier than most that are. Not everyone wants to find "the one" (which is a crock of shit anyway)
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By *sWyld OP Woman 6 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
"All the adverts selling the couple in love or the 2.4 family... no thanks. I enjoy being single. Yes it has its moments but it allows you to enjoy most things without asking permission or needing a free pass ha ha
People think you can't be happy unless you're in a relationship. I can guarantee I'm happier than most that are. Not everyone wants to find "the one" (which is a crock of shit anyway)
"
For the most part I am happy being single. Most of my relationships have been bad so it put me off.
I gave up any hope of finding "the one". Sadly he was just an illusion.
I think it's definitely harder to be lonely in a relationship than lonely single, I never want to do that again either |
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I’m used to being on my own over Xmas unless I have my kids.
I’d happily just cuddle up with a woman and watch carry on films over Xmas, although getting laid wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world 😂
I’m definitely open to offers! |
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Tbh, I enjoy the single life, I enjoy my own company, I have varied hobbies that I don't have to work round anybody. I'm not saying life is overly peachy all the time but when I get down in the dumps about it, I remember, in the words of the bard, " I'm free to be whatever I
Whatever I choose, and I'll sing the blues if I want
I'm free to say whatever I
Whatever I like, if it's wrong or right, it's alright", I remember how much I like it |
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"I gave up any hope of finding "the one". Sadly he was just an illusion."
I've always found the concept of "The One" to be extremely flawed. That fact there are billions of people on this planet and we're encouraged to find the single "perfect" companion out those people?
I think too much time is put into chasing perfection, whether it's about ourselves or others. Often we pass up amazing opportunities because they don't exactly match the requirements for various things, instead of just seeing what might happens.
You see this more and more online these days. But if that's the way societies are heading, so be it. I'll keep doing my thing, they can do theirs. 😅 |
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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago
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"All the adverts selling the couple in love or the 2.4 family... no thanks. I enjoy being single. Yes it has its moments but it allows you to enjoy most things without asking permission or needing a free pass ha ha
People think you can't be happy unless you're in a relationship. I can guarantee I'm happier than most that are. Not everyone wants to find "the one" (which is a crock of shit anyway)
For the most part I am happy being single. Most of my relationships have been bad so it put me off.
I gave up any hope of finding "the one". Sadly he was just an illusion.
I think it's definitely harder to be lonely in a relationship than lonely single, I never want to do that again either "
Being single I'm more me, I don't have to comprise I don't have to accommodate anyone's needs. To me being in a relationship I'd lose a little bit of who I am, and I don't want that.
Plus, Ryan is happily married. Bitch.
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As one of the lucky ones now married for 23 years, Christmas is mainly about kids and family for me. But having said that I still get depressed around Christmas, I'm sure it's because we are all sold this image of Christmas being about going to parties, having amazing decorations, instagram worthy moments that look amazing and glamorous. But in reality it's not like that for most at all. We've never argued about Christmas or money, we always do the best we can and get on with it in our own way. Family is what Christmas is really about x |
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By *a LunaWoman 6 weeks ago
South Wales |
I feel the same. Part of me would like to have a partner, the other part knows it’s not all sunshine and roses and prefers being single. Plus I’m selfish and like to spend Christmas how I like to spend it (with family) and a lot of men rather it was just you and them.
For me to enjoy Christmas with a partner it would have to be with someone I was already well established with so I didn’t feel I’d have to be on ceremony all the time.
Although, keep in mind, incidents of domestic violence go up over Christmas and the New Year period  |
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By *zeroMan 6 weeks ago
Glasgow |
I get it. Sometimes I'll see freinds with their partners and I'll want the closeness and then I'll hear about something they did in passing and I'll think "hmm best not"
I get most enjoyment from hanging around the people I like and I doubt a relationship is for me in the future.
Also who has time for kissing and sexy stuff on Christmas. Only thing I'm stuffing is a turkey. |
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"All the adverts selling the couple in love or the 2.4 family... no thanks. I enjoy being single. Yes it has its moments but it allows you to enjoy most things without asking permission or needing a free pass ha ha
People think you can't be happy unless you're in a relationship. I can guarantee I'm happier than most that are. Not everyone wants to find "the one" (which is a crock of shit anyway)
"
💯 |
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By *ags73Man 6 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
"Generally, I'm OK with being single (and probably a bit undateable) , but the start of Christmas makes me feel really miserable about it.
I guess it just feels more obvious. Everyone couples up around me and it seems to hit differently.
All the romance films and the realisation I've never even been so much as kissed on Christmas day.
I'm not lonely really and I have a great life but sometimes it just, well sucks actually.
Anyone else feeling that way?
"
Haven’t seen any Christmas films yet and I do like the Netflix Christmas ones (I know I shouldn’t really), but they’re quite wholesome and whatever, maybe small r romantic, and I like the happy endings. (Not that kind you perverts)
I’ll have a slump over Xmas I guess as it can all get a bit emotional and I’ll be aware too that I’m not sharing the time with anyone. Same with Hogmanay too and realisation it’s me staying up for the bells.
But hey-ho and back on with things I guess. Maybe one day 🤞
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Sometimes I wish I had a fella at Christmas time for the cute Christmas market trips, cuddling up on the sofa, romantic Christmas morning with breakfast in bed etc but then I think of the possible reality of having to split my time with in laws, arguing over him getting too pissed on Boxing Day or not helping with the Christmas day washing up, trying to stifle disappointment at awful Christmas pressies etc  Like anything in life, everything has its pros and cons, I guess we just have to make the best of our personal situation. |
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The times I've been in a relationship on christmas day haven't been as great as the adverts would have you believe. We certainly weren't enjoying sexy times after we'd gorged on turkey and sprouts and stilton and quality street and baileys and mince pies.
Then at 4am on boxing day the inevitable duvet-lifting sprout farts begin and I start wondering why I ever found him attractive at all when he's such a stinky arsehole (because obviously my very ladylike sprout farts smell like Chanel no.5).
I'd rather stay single and just cop off with someone around the 28th when the twixtmas boredom is setting in. |
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"Generally, I'm OK with being single (and probably a bit undateable) , but the start of Christmas makes me feel really miserable about it.
I guess it just feels more obvious. Everyone couples up around me and it seems to hit differently.
All the romance films and the realisation I've never even been so much as kissed on Christmas day.
I'm not lonely really and I have a great life but sometimes it just, well sucks actually.
Anyone else feeling that way?
"
go to tenerife for christmas , or anywhere abroad you fancy , its great |
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"Generally, I'm OK with being single (and probably a bit undateable) , but the start of Christmas makes me feel really miserable about it.
I guess it just feels more obvious. Everyone couples up around me and it seems to hit differently.
All the romance films and the realisation I've never even been so much as kissed on Christmas day.
I'm not lonely really and I have a great life but sometimes it just, well sucks actually.
Anyone else feeling that way?
"
I'm single and live home alone e in a 4 bedroom house I love it x |
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Oh MsWyld, what a thought-provoking topic and I'm not going to suffuse you with disingenuous pity because I know you're made of sterner stuff (and I know that wasn't the purpose of the thread), but I can totally appreciate where you're coming from. It's not a nice feeling when you're faced with the realisation of Christmas and festive companionship. I don't mean family and kids - they have their heartfelt place - but it's that 'something more' which we feel is temporarily deficient at this particular time of year.
I suppose one way is to rally around other singletons as a way to temper that seasonally unwelcome feeling, but I suppose that's easily said than done. ❤️ |
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Oh OP! I’m with you. This year I’m hating that I’m single for Christmas. It’s not the first year I have been but there’s so many Christmas activities I want to do this year with someone who gives me butterflies. No one is giving my butterflies at the moment, sadly! |
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"Generally, I'm OK with being single (and probably a bit undateable) , but the start of Christmas makes me feel really miserable about it.
I guess it just feels more obvious. Everyone couples up around me and it seems to hit differently.
All the romance films and the realisation I've never even been so much as kissed on Christmas day.
I'm not lonely really and I have a great life but sometimes it just, well sucks actually.
Anyone else feeling that way?
Yes I totally agree with this… just hits different
"
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being single around this time i do miss the morning snuggles and the xmas day sex as well as cudderling on the sofa as well.
brews and clean up duty was mine
as goes for christmas dinner i helped whilst also sorting out the children.
washing up i did and was glad to do so when she had done the other work even though i helped her.
brews plenty of them.
wine to drink for the evening for relaxing
the only issue i like advocatt and marzipan she didnt whilst i hated marmite yet she kissed me with it so i did the same.
we still had sex at her family when stayed over there for xmas.
i volunteered to wash up even at there house or was the drier person made no difference to me. |
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"Generally, I'm OK with being single (and probably a bit undateable) , but the start of Christmas makes me feel really miserable about it.
I guess it just feels more obvious. Everyone couples up around me and it seems to hit differently.
All the romance films and the realisation I've never even been so much as kissed on Christmas day.
I'm not lonely really and I have a great life but sometimes it just, well sucks actually.
Anyone else feeling that way?
"
Always around Christmas, just something about this time of year |
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Hobbies & interests perhaps mitigate the situation. Keeping the mind and/or body relatively busy might help. In my case it helped cure overthinking and prevaricating. That is to say, it fostered a much-better use of time blocks, which additionally helped ease/reduce melancholic thinking. But didn't occur overnight...been a slow burner. |
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I feel even more grateful that I'm single when Christmas comes - not that we're anywhere near it, at this point - and it can be more comfortable to travel alone, for example. And no hassle with extra present buying or family snubs, over who's visited  |
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"Generally, I'm OK with being single (and probably a bit undateable) , but the start of Christmas makes me feel really miserable about it.
I guess it just feels more obvious. Everyone couples up around me and it seems to hit differently.
All the romance films and the realisation I've never even been so much as kissed on Christmas day.
I'm not lonely really and I have a great life but sometimes it just, well sucks actually.
Anyone else feeling that way?
Yeah I hear you on this... But not too bothered by it nowadays x
"
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"Generally, I'm OK with being single (and probably a bit undateable) , but the start of Christmas makes me feel really miserable about it.
I guess it just feels more obvious. Everyone couples up around me and it seems to hit differently.
All the romance films and the realisation I've never even been so much as kissed on Christmas day.
I'm not lonely really and I have a great life but sometimes it just, well sucks actually.
Anyone else feeling that way?
"
I get this and I feel it.
I’m ok being single but at certain times of the year it pains me, yes.
I don’t want a relationship, but I do often long for a cuddle or someone to watch telly with. Even though I have got very used to my own company in the evening I’ve the kids are in bed…
I’ve kinda got in a routine and set in how I like to do things but yes, a kiss on Christmas Day morning with a cuddle would be lovely. My kids will do so I’m sure. |
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I've looked at this thread from when it first appeared, and mentally constructed all sorts of points about psychology, fear, culture, economic imbalances, myths, movies, entitlement, ego, fragility, empathy, pain, jealousy, silliness and so on.
They all added up to the same core conclusion really.
Which is I don't feel that way OP. |
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Having been single for a while now, I get what the OP is saying.
Relationships can be overrated but just waking up with someone every now and then would be nice.
I can spend Christmas day on my own and do every other year as to me, it is just another day.
The other years I spend with family and love cooking the Christmas day lunch |
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By *sWyld OP Woman 6 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts and wisdom on this.
Never know how these sorts of threads will go down but I can't hide the fact I'm a bit of a soppy romantic soul.
Hope you all have a lovely silly season, however and with whomever you spend it with  |
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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago
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I’ve actually been happier single than I was in previous relationships, with the exception of one.
I don’t think I’d change it now, the thought of growing old alone isn’t necessarily daunting, I like my own space, I like the freedom to go away as and when I like, I like having control of the TV
Obviously there’s pros and cons to both being single and being in a relationship but for me the cons of being single for don’t outweigh the pros, until such times as that changes I’ll remain single and happy.
Plus there’s much less nagging, less pots to wash, less laundry to do, nobody messing with my thermostat, nobody to clean up after (I’m a very tidy person).
If I want to be intimate, I’m intimate with somebody who’s on the same page as me, if I want to cuddle up on the sofa with somebody, I’ll buy a teddy. |
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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago
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"I’ve actually been happier single than I was in previous relationships, with the exception of one.
I don’t think I’d change it now, the thought of growing old alone isn’t necessarily daunting, I like my own space, I like the freedom to go away as and when I like, I like having control of the TV
Obviously there’s pros and cons to both being single and being in a relationship but for me the cons of being single for don’t outweigh the pros, until such times as that changes I’ll remain single and happy.
Plus there’s much less nagging, less pots to wash, less laundry to do, nobody messing with my thermostat, nobody to clean up after (I’m a very tidy person).
If I want to be intimate, I’m intimate with somebody who’s on the same page as me, if I want to cuddle up on the sofa with somebody, I’ll buy a teddy."
I didn’t proof read this so if there’s typos, that’s why. |
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MsWyld, I get you. I was in realationship for 8 years. Been single 16 months, hence one of the reasons why I am on here. I quite enjoy being single at the moment. Will I want to settle down again? Yes I will eventually.
But don't worry, you'll find someone eventually. World is your oyster as they say. |
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I go through phases of wanting someone at Christmas time but then I think do I only want someone cos everyone else has someone and that isn’t a reason to start anything meaningful, don’t get me wrong a fwb at this time can be great haha a cwtch and a bit of fun while watching Elf haha |
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"Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts and wisdom on this.
Never know how these sorts of threads will go down but I can't hide the fact I'm a bit of a soppy romantic soul.
Hope you all have a lovely silly season, however and with whomever you spend it with "
id rather be a soppy romantic soul than a cold soul
so theres nothing wrong with being one of them  |
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