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Monogamous people getting involved with non monogamous people
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"That's a lot of long words polymonoganonmonogamous
Like a slug?
Or a slut?
Definitely not a snail, they are not poly but they do share their shells
I hate snails. So boring"
Seriously boring. If I wasn't vegetarian I still wouldn't eat them. |
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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago
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"That's a lot of long words polymonoganonmonogamous
Like a slug?
Or a slut?
Definitely not a snail, they are not poly but they do share their shells
I hate snails. So boring"
You must surely be a snail then. |
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"That's a lot of long words polymonoganonmonogamous
Like a slug?
Or a slut?
Definitely not a snail, they are not poly but they do share their shells
I hate snails. So boring
You must surely be a snail then. "
Oooooooooo 💅🏾 |
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"That's a lot of long words polymonoganonmonogamous
Like a slug?
Or a slut?
Definitely not a snail, they are not poly but they do share their shells
I hate snails. So boring
Seriously boring. If I wasn't vegetarian I still wouldn't eat them."
Ew no. CAN YOU IMAGINE |
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"That's a lot of long words polymonoganonmonogamous
Like a slug?
Or a slut?
Definitely not a snail, they are not poly but they do share their shells
I hate snails. So boring
Seriously boring. If I wasn't vegetarian I still wouldn't eat them.
Ew no. CAN YOU IMAGINE"
🤢🤢🤢 |
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Is this when they know that their partner won't be monogamous? Or just have trust in them, to be monogamous?
I think a lot of people trust in partners being faithful, unless it's been discussed otherwise |
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Usually I find it's because they want a casual non committal relationship they can ditch as soon as they find their actual person. Us poly weirdos don't deserve a second thought when that happens 💜 |
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"Usually I find it's because they want a casual non committal relationship they can ditch as soon as they find their actual person. Us poly weirdos don't deserve a second thought when that happens 💜"
*sigh*
I feel like we all need a hug |
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"That's a lot of long words polymonoganonmonogamous
Like a slug?
Or a slut?
Definitely not a snail, they are not poly but they do share their shells
I hate snails. So boring
Seriously boring. If I wasn't vegetarian I still wouldn't eat them.
Ew no. CAN YOU IMAGINE"
We tried eating snails once. Would. Not. Recommend.   |
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By *riel13Woman 9 weeks ago
Northampton |
"That's a lot of long words polymonoganonmonogamous
Like a slug?
Or a slut?
Definitely not a snail, they are not poly but they do share their shells
I hate snails. So boring"
You need to watch a documentary about snails!!!  |
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"Usually I find it's because they want a casual non committal relationship they can ditch as soon as they find their actual person. Us poly weirdos don't deserve a second thought when that happens 💜"
😢 |
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"Why do the non monogamous people get involved with the monogamous? It takes two"
Usually because there's an agreement to explore if it can work for them and to speak up if they find out it definitely isn't for them.
I'm lucky. One of the first people I ever adored turned out to be poly and we still see each other two decades on. My other partner was happily poly before me. And the other we just celebrated a year since agreeing to see how things go since he hadn't done this before and so far things are looking good.
But I've had my share of "yeah I'm absolutely up for trying this relationship style" and then getting sacked off when they find a 'proper' girlfriend over the years 💜 |
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"Why do the non monogamous people get involved with the monogamous? It takes two
Usually because there's an agreement to explore if it can work for them and to speak up if they find out it definitely isn't for them.
I'm lucky. One of the first people I ever adored turned out to be poly and we still see each other two decades on. My other partner was happily poly before me. And the other we just celebrated a year since agreeing to see how things go since he hadn't done this before and so far things are looking good.
But I've had my share of "yeah I'm absolutely up for trying this relationship style" and then getting sacked off when they find a 'proper' girlfriend over the years 💜"
Yea I get that. But saying monogamous people are just sort of 'using' non monogamous people until they find their person, is quite a broad, sweeping statement |
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"Yea I get that. But saying monogamous people are just sort of 'using' non monogamous people until they find their person, is quite a broad, sweeping statement
Yes. It is 💜"
And not always accurate  |
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"Usually I find it's because they want a casual non committal relationship they can ditch as soon as they find their actual person. Us poly weirdos don't deserve a second thought when that happens 💜"
Yup. I've been put through this  |
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"I think sometimes people believe they can be non monogamous as they like the idea of it but when it comes to the reality of it, they realise it’s not for them.
Kx "
This 
Coupled with them not fully understanding the dynamics. Or how much emotions and feelings are involved with poly.
The main question I get asked about, is my compersion. Not being able to understand how I don't ever feel jealousy, is often a topic wanted for debate. |
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"Yea I get that. But saying monogamous people are just sort of 'using' non monogamous people until they find their person, is quite a broad, sweeping statement
Yes. It is 💜
And not always accurate "
Hence the usually I find rather than just saying all monogamous people are assholes.
Some incompatibilities are insurmountable. As a general rule in that situation someone is going to get hurt. Both sides should be doing due diligence and communicating properly throughout.
Absolutely many poly people are assholes too 💜 |
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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago
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Just because people swap partners doesn't mean they engage in active relationships. Even if they see the same people it is often infrequent and once or twice a year. That's not even close to a relationship. |
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"Usually I find it's because they want a casual non committal relationship they can ditch as soon as they find their actual person. Us poly weirdos don't deserve a second thought when that happens 💜"
Yes, has a few of those.
And maybe they think you are there person and you’re gonna magically change when you realise how great they are…… |
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"Usually I find it's because they want a casual non committal relationship they can ditch as soon as they find their actual person. Us poly weirdos don't deserve a second thought when that happens 💜"
Or maybe they don't like feeling they've been ditched if a poly partner prioritises someone over them.
I can see how they might feel like they are being treated as though they don't deserve another thought |
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"Usually I find it's because they want a casual non committal relationship they can ditch as soon as they find their actual person. Us poly weirdos don't deserve a second thought when that happens 💜
Or maybe they don't like feeling they've been ditched if a poly partner prioritises someone over them.
I can see how they might feel like they are being treated as though they don't deserve another thought "
Tell me you don’t understand poly without telling me you don’t understand poly |
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"That's a lot of long words polymonoganonmonogamous
Like a slug?
Or a slut?
Definitely not a snail, they are not poly but they do share their shells
I hate snails. So boring
You need to watch a documentary about snails!!! "
With you  |
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"Usually I find it's because they want a casual non committal relationship they can ditch as soon as they find their actual person. Us poly weirdos don't deserve a second thought when that happens 💜"
I see you |
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"Isn’t it the same question as why do non monogamous people get involved with monogamous people?
Same question - different emphasis.
I already said this, halfway up the thread "
I zone out if the thread gets too long.
What was the answer? |
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"Usually I find it's because they want a casual non committal relationship they can ditch as soon as they find their actual person. Us poly weirdos don't deserve a second thought when that happens 💜
Or maybe they don't like feeling they've been ditched if a poly partner prioritises someone over them.
I can see how they might feel like they are being treated as though they don't deserve another thought
Tell me you don’t understand poly without telling me you don’t understand poly"
It's true I don't
But I understand people and their capacity
You can't please all of the people all of the time |
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"Usually I find it's because they want a casual non committal relationship they can ditch as soon as they find their actual person. Us poly weirdos don't deserve a second thought when that happens 💜
Or maybe they don't like feeling they've been ditched if a poly partner prioritises someone over them.
I can see how they might feel like they are being treated as though they don't deserve another thought
Tell me you don’t understand poly without telling me you don’t understand poly
It's true I don't
But I understand people and their capacity
You can't please all of the people all of the time "
 |
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"Isn’t it the same question as why do non monogamous people get involved with monogamous people?
Same question - different emphasis.
I already said this, halfway up the thread
I zone out if the thread gets too long.
What was the answer?"
I don't think there was a definitive one. Everyone has differing opinions, obviously |
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"Yea I get that. But saying monogamous people are just sort of 'using' non monogamous people until they find their person, is quite a broad, sweeping statement
Yes. It is 💜
And not always accurate
Hence the usually I find rather than just saying all monogamous people are assholes.
Some incompatibilities are insurmountable. As a general rule in that situation someone is going to get hurt. Both sides should be doing due diligence and communicating properly throughout.
Absolutely many poly people are assholes too 💜"
I found that very wise and insightful. Whilst I appreciate this particular difference is a considerable challenge - If may be so bold as to present a query, based on my own experience. Do you think it plausible that the determining factor, in relation to someone getting hurt, could be more attributable to the quality of communication you mention? |
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Because I'm not in a relationship, so I'm free to see who I want, regardless of their relationship preferences.
When I commit, I prefer it to be with one person.
I don't care if others can commit to more than one person. |
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"Why do the non monogamous people get involved with the monogamous? It takes two
Usually because there's an agreement to explore if it can work for them and to speak up if they find out it definitely isn't for them.
I'm lucky. One of the first people I ever adored turned out to be poly and we still see each other two decades on. My other partner was happily poly before me. And the other we just celebrated a year since agreeing to see how things go since he hadn't done this before and so far things are looking good.
But I've had my share of "yeah I'm absolutely up for trying this relationship style" and then getting sacked off when they find a 'proper' girlfriend over the years 💜
Yea I get that. But saying monogamous people are just sort of 'using' non monogamous people until they find their person, is quite a broad, sweeping statement"
Aren't we all using everyone for our own satisfaction? Some people like to use more than one person at a time.
I have/have had multiple buddies at the same time. I lost some to committed relationship, which I'm fine with. I found new ones. |
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"I found that very wise and insightful. Whilst I appreciate this particular difference is a considerable challenge - If may be so bold as to present a query, based on my own experience. Do you think it plausible that the determining factor, in relation to someone getting hurt, could be more attributable to the quality of communication you mention?"
Oh it absolutely is.
It's not about which person drops the ball on the open communication and expressing what needs to be expressed.
As a practicing poly person I consider that communication to be absolutely core to any successful relationship. Poly absolutely requires that level of openness, and if someone doesnt practice that then I don't consider them poly, or at least not the kind of poly I need. While a lot of (not all) monogamous relationships seem to trudge along with a thousand secrets and quiet resentments that could easily be resolved if people just spoke about them.
I answered the original question based on the way it was phrased. I have absolutely no problem with monogamous relationships between monogamous people as a concept. And I've attempted to bring monogamous by default people into my way of life to varying degrees of success 💜 |
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"I found that very wise and insightful. Whilst I appreciate this particular difference is a considerable challenge - If may be so bold as to present a query, based on my own experience. Do you think it plausible that the determining factor, in relation to someone getting hurt, could be more attributable to the quality of communication you mention?
Oh it absolutely is.
It's not about which person drops the ball on the open communication and expressing what needs to be expressed.
As a practicing poly person I consider that communication to be absolutely core to any successful relationship. Poly absolutely requires that level of openness, and if someone doesnt practice that then I don't consider them poly, or at least not the kind of poly I need. While a lot of (not all) monogamous relationships seem to trudge along with a thousand secrets and quiet resentments that could easily be resolved if people just spoke about them.
I answered the original question based on the way it was phrased. I have absolutely no problem with monogamous relationships between monogamous people as a concept. And I've attempted to bring monogamous by default people into my way of life to varying degrees of success 💜"
I didn't doubt your integrity at all. My query was motivated by an intuition that you could articulate it better than I.
It would appear my intuition served me well. 'Quiet resentments' - perfectly phrased, thank you. 💜 |
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