FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Do you find it hard to reject nice people?
Do you find it hard to reject nice people?
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"I guess I do. I'd probably avoid it until I can no longer avoid it. "
I actually think lots of people struggle with it. I know that people have struggled to reject me because they’re scared of hurting me etc. as long as you do it eventually I guess |
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"Yes I do, I don't like making people feel a certain way. But most of the time, once rejected they show how 'nice' they really are so I can get over it quickly."
I am going to call you every name under the sun when I am inside you ❤️ |
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By *bi HaiveMan 1 day ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Reject as in don't want to get jiggy with them? 🤔
Yessir
"
Ah.
In that case no. But then I never know if they're actually nice til I've met them F2F. Some people who seem nice online can be otherwise in person. 🤷♂️ |
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"Reject as in don't want to get jiggy with them? 🤔
Yessir
Ah.
In that case no. But then I never know if they're actually nice til I've met them F2F. Some people who seem nice online can be otherwise in person. 🤷♂️"
Well that was fucking deep. |
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"Yes and I sometimes have been guilty of leading people on because of it which I know in the end is worse than telling the truth from the start.
This.  "
We've often given people longer than we probably should have because we (and Mrs in particular) can be too nice.
On the other hand some guys have gotten very lucky through her niceness so swings and roundabouts as they say  |
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"The people I find hardest to reject are those that I find really interesting but I *know* I/we aren't a good fit.
Do you usually offer a friendship instead? "
A lot of people don't want friendship . |
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By (user no longer on site) 1 day ago
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Reject sounds too final... If they are genuinely nice people then I either meet people I fancy and would take it further if the feeling was mutual. Or I meet people I'd be happy to share a social with.
I can see a situation where there is a conflict of values, beliefs or attitudes that makes either of the above not palatable and that doesn't make them "not nice" but if we don't click there then it'll be mutual and we can just shake hands and move on. |
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"The people I find hardest to reject are those that I find really interesting but I *know* I/we aren't a good fit.
Do you usually offer a friendship instead?
A lot of people don't want friendship ."
very true. I rarely do. Depends on how well you get on |
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I try to be nice and not lead people along.
Rejection is a tough thing for everyone and it’s a complex set of feelings. So I’m mindful of that and I may flirt but I’m not going to have someone getting too far along. |
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"The people I find hardest to reject are those that I find really interesting but I *know* I/we aren't a good fit.
Do you usually offer a friendship instead?
A lot of people don't want friendship . very true. I rarely do. Depends on how well you get on"
Precisely!
The reality soon dawned on me . |
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I find that it’s easier to ignore on here. I can send the politest rejection message and more often than not get a load of abuse back. In person I have no issue with it, people are much less likely to say the things they would while hidden behind a keyboard |
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"I find that it’s easier to ignore on here. I can send the politest rejection message and more often than not get a load of abuse back. In person I have no issue with it, people are much less likely to say the things they would while hidden behind a keyboard"
Ain't that the truth. |
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"The people I find hardest to reject are those that I find really interesting but I *know* I/we aren't a good fit.
Do you usually offer a friendship instead?
A lot of people don't want friendship ."
I like the friendship. Fab has actually been fun and a lot of people on here are very interesting, so platonic meets have continued even after they (or I) have left the site. |
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Yes sometimes if I feel it will hurt their feelings. Nice doesn't necessarily equate to sensitive. People can emotionally resilient and nice.
Also I don't always know if I'm attracted to someone it can take time to develop. So hard in that way too sometimes. |
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"The people I find hardest to reject are those that I find really interesting but I *know* I/we aren't a good fit.
Do you usually offer a friendship instead?
A lot of people don't want friendship .
I like the friendship. Fab has actually been fun and a lot of people on here are very interesting, so platonic meets have continued even after they (or I) have left the site."
We like friendship too but we don't offer it lightly. |
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Nope. No problem rejecting based on our preferences.
If they’re genuinely nice and have written a nice intro message then they’ll get a nice response back, just saying that we don’t match.
People we’d probably be happy to share a drink with at a club but don’t want to go any further. |
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Rejecting and being rejected is never nice. I don't take pleasure from doing so (you can tell some do) because I remember how it can feel. Thankfully as men we rarely need to reject overall. One of the perks of being the one that has to initiate a majority of the time.
But it just needs to be done sometimes rejection is better than being lead on to nowhere. |
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As a rejectee, I'll chip in.
A message back saying something along the lines of "thank you for your lovely message, but you're not what I'm looking for" is easier to swallow than a read/delete, or some if the nastier messages I have had back. And yes. It happens.
And for the record, I don't use it as an excuse to try and change their mind. A simple, "not a problem thanks for the reply" and I'm back in my box.
But I get that not everyone has the time or wants to spend the time replying.
Each to their own. Just nice to be nice though init? |
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I used to.
Then I had a bit of an epiphany. It’s not pleasant to feel like you’re hurting someone by rejecting them. But by avoiding it, you’re making it worse for them. How is it less hurtful to lie to someone, or give them false hope, especially if you like them and consider them to be a nice person? I realised I was avoiding being straight about things because it was easier for me.
So now I would rather be crystal clear with people, especially those I like, than put off those conversations. It’s actually been very helpful and generally well received
Mrs TMN x |
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