FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > How do you meet people
How do you meet people
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I don't mean on here or for sex or anything just don't know how to meet people. Is it better online or in person. I don't go out to bars or pubs or anything because I don't really enjoy the atmosphere. And when I go to gigs or anything where other people are, I won't try talking to them because they're just to enjoy their night. Used to have two close friends who I don't see or speak to anymore. One moved away, started a new life, deleted her social media and just left everyone she knew behind. And the other I can't say for his personal reasons. So I always just spend all my time alone in my room or blanking everyone when I do go out |
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By (user no longer on site) 5 days ago
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Well the forums are a good start. Read threads, contribute to them and start a few of your own. People tend to reply to ones where they can feel involved - live music, film or foodie ones.
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Join some clubs, get a hobby, meet others, walking, running, crafting, engineering, self help. There are loads of ways to meet people, they don't have to be big clubs and I am sure you would be made welcome. |
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Aside from the sex and Fab, it's tricky. The world has changed. I have no idea if I think about it. If I don't think about it it happens instinctively through group socials...I end up making one or two connections. I'm not being very helpful here, OP, nor am I making any concerted sense.
Participate on the forå — engage with people and improve your persona.
I usually go for the boring stuff and talk about things such as male grooming products and afternoon tea. That usually attracts my demographic of people. |
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Men's sheds and hobby groups don't appeal to me. I've been on and contributed to a few forum posts. At live events, I won't talk to people because I'm more interested in the event and don't want to be annoying anyone else who goes to them. Tinder is horrible, they all look the same. Most are just after more followers.
I may be a lost cause. I just avoid people too much. Forget this post |
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See, now that could be a problem. Avoiding people is the number one cause of lonelyness. In fact, 58.24% of surveys said that 92.62% of lonely people had spent all their time in front of a computer or looking at recylced cat video compilations that were now on the 25th recycle.
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Determine what you want the people to share with you - values, interests etc and then determine how and where you'd find these people. Do good for others and make connections with those of high caliber interests. |
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I meet loads of people simply travelling, either in the lounge or on the aeroplane itself. I have had short conversations and ho9urs long conversations that led to planning drinks post flight with many people. They have all started with a simple "hello".
At gigs, while people are there to enjoy their evening nothing says you can't strike up chat. You never know what it could lead to.
Join hobby or sports groups. MeetUp is a website used particularly to meet others who have similar interests. Years ago, I used to use it loads as I was new to the UK. I made meaningful friendships I'd otherwise not been able to from some meetup groups.
It also helps if you present yourself as approachable. Your body language can go a long way too. Step outside of your comfort zone. What's the worse that can happen? |
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I don't do any sports, not interested in any. Going for walks might be good but I can't help but power walk everywhere I go with tunnel vision. Also don't think I could ever go to a swinging club. And there's too many others to reply to. A lot of genuine suggestions and I appreciate them. But I always think of why I shouldn't do these things rather than should. Maybe I should start with changing that mentality first. Thanks everyone |
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Once upon a time there were easy answers to this, but the world has changed. We have new and unparalleled ways of making connections with people all over the world, and yet we have never been more isolated, anonymous and lonely. The world we have built for ourselves is transient, and the old-skool sense of community that we used to share with our neighbours, friends and family, in our villages, towns and cities, is disappearing rapidly. The only advice I can offer is get yourself away from your phone. Find places out there in the real world where people gather - cafes are a really good start - and go there regularly. Get to know the faces of the other regulars, start saying good morning and good afternoon, and eventually conversations will evolve out of the contact. Good luck OP Xx |
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I can't slow down and I stress when I'm just near people. My car had to go to a specialist in Thirsk a few weeks ago. So I thought great I'll have a little walk about maybe go into a cafe or something. I power walked around three times ignoring all shops and people walked up to south kilvington and back, then back around thirsk 4 more times on a walking trail. Which wasn't good cos I wasn't dressed for it and a man walking in a field alone with no dog or anything looks a bit off. I couldn't even go into a shop for a drink because I can't just go into somewhere |
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"I don't do any sports, not interested in any. Going for walks might be good but I can't help but power walk everywhere I go with tunnel vision. Also don't think I could ever go to a swinging club. And there's too many others to reply to. A lot of genuine suggestions and I appreciate them. But I always think of why I shouldn't do these things rather than should. Maybe I should start with changing that mentality first. Thanks everyone"
Yep, try and break outside your comfort zone. I'm a right shy, wallflower and struggled to meet/socialise with folk.
I made a point around 10yrs ago of joining some groups, archery, burlesque, parkrun  This wasn't due to a burning desire to do them. It was purely to push me out and into activities/conversations with others.
So you could try a walking/hiking group if you enjoy that? But make a conscious effort to not power on ahead 🤔 |
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It's something I'm working on . Going to clubs etc is a good start on this side of things but it's different in general .
I use the gym and park walks to chat to people plus I love dogs so it's an easy conversation starter |
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"I can't slow down and I stress when I'm just near people. My car had to go to a specialist in Thirsk a few weeks ago. So I thought great I'll have a little walk about maybe go into a cafe or something. I power walked around three times ignoring all shops and people walked up to south kilvington and back, then back around thirsk 4 more times on a walking trail. Which wasn't good cos I wasn't dressed for it and a man walking in a field alone with no dog or anything looks a bit off. I couldn't even go into a shop for a drink because I can't just go into somewhere"
I'm genuinely curious why you joined a site for random sex with random strangers, if you can't deal with being near people ? |
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"I can't slow down and I stress when I'm just near people. My car had to go to a specialist in Thirsk a few weeks ago. So I thought great I'll have a little walk about maybe go into a cafe or something. I power walked around three times ignoring all shops and people walked up to south kilvington and back, then back around thirsk 4 more times on a walking trail. Which wasn't good cos I wasn't dressed for it and a man walking in a field alone with no dog or anything looks a bit off. I couldn't even go into a shop for a drink because I can't just go into somewhere
I'm genuinely curious why you joined a site for random sex with random strangers, if you can't deal with being near people ?"
Joined because I was horny, couldn't meet anyone normally so thought I'd try a site specifically for it. Was hoping I'd be able to sort myself out and be able to calm down around people as this is out of my comfort zone. But now I mostly just post pics for attention |
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"I can't slow down and I stress when I'm just near people. My car had to go to a specialist in Thirsk a few weeks ago. So I thought great I'll have a little walk about maybe go into a cafe or something. I power walked around three times ignoring all shops and people walked up to south kilvington and back, then back around thirsk 4 more times on a walking trail. Which wasn't good cos I wasn't dressed for it and a man walking in a field alone with no dog or anything looks a bit off. I couldn't even go into a shop for a drink because I can't just go into somewhere
I'm genuinely curious why you joined a site for random sex with random strangers, if you can't deal with being near people ?"
good for the types who don't want details and just literally want sex and nothing else , not my thing but they do exist on here |
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Have you thought about going for counselling/therapy? I did an "overcoming worry" course with the local service here, and it was really helpful.
Sometimes you just have to get over it, and just do it... Then keep doing it. Go to the same coffee shop.. I've gone to one and got friendly with the regulars and owners.
My last friend I met through us being neighbours, so it kind of happened organically.
I also borrow a friends dog, that always gets you talking to people. |
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By *eah BabyCouple 5 days ago
Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria |
"I don't do any sports, not interested in any. Going for walks might be good but I can't help but power walk everywhere I go with tunnel vision. Also don't think I could ever go to a swinging club. And there's too many others to reply to. A lot of genuine suggestions and I appreciate them. But I always think of why I shouldn't do these things rather than should. Maybe I should start with changing that mentality first. Thanks everyone"
The saying goes you regret what you don’t do and not what you have done, so try to stop thinking why you shouldn’t do something and just do it.
Have you tried attending a fab social, less pressure than going to a club.
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By (user no longer on site) 5 days ago
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Meeting is the way part.
Decide what you like to do and do it. Walking, golf, pool, darts, astronomy, creative writing. Meetup and Eventbrite are great places to find clubs based around your interest.
Taking those superficial friendships to a deeper level.is where I struggle. |
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By (user no longer on site) 5 days ago
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"Have you thought about going for counselling/therapy? I did an "overcoming worry" course with the local service here, and it was really helpful.
Sometimes you just have to get over it, and just do it... Then keep doing it. Go to the same coffee shop.. I've gone to one and got friendly with the regulars and owners.
My last friend I met through us being neighbours, so it kind of happened organically.
I also borrow a friends dog, that always gets you talking to people. "
I did. Tried a few things but it always comes unstuck when they ask about feelings. I have them, but my mind is highly logical and feelings defy logic to me so my answers usually don't fit their scripts so the therapy falls down. |
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By *eah BabyCouple 5 days ago
Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria |
"Have you thought about going for counselling/therapy? I did an "overcoming worry" course with the local service here, and it was really helpful.
Sometimes you just have to get over it, and just do it... Then keep doing it. Go to the same coffee shop.. I've gone to one and got friendly with the regulars and owners.
My last friend I met through us being neighbours, so it kind of happened organically.
I also borrow a friends dog, that always gets you talking to people. "
Dog walking is brilliant for getting to chat with people, although I have to admit I know all the dogs names and not the persons  |
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I don't think I could do counselling. Can't imagine it working. I also am just really bad at talking to people, my neighbour used to keep trying to talk but I'd rush off and not say anything. I won't hang out with work people, I spend enough time with them through the week.
I keep trying to just not think. It works when I go somewhere like airport or something but not into a social setting. Don't think I could do a fab social. I'd meet individuals for social but not like groups. And when I have spoken to people on nights out, I don't try to keep in touch. I don't do nightclubs anymore as too old |
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"I don't think I could do counselling. Can't imagine it working. I also am just really bad at talking to people, my neighbour used to keep trying to talk but I'd rush off and not say anything. I won't hang out with work people, I spend enough time with them through the week.
I keep trying to just not think. It works when I go somewhere like airport or something but not into a social setting. Don't think I could do a fab social. I'd meet individuals for social but not like groups. And when I have spoken to people on nights out, I don't try to keep in touch. I don't do nightclubs anymore as too old"
You're 31... That's not too old 😂
Well there doesn't seem to be a solution if you're not willing to try any of the suggestions?
There's only so long you can keep making excuses.
And I say this as someone who is incredibly avoidant. |
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Have you ever thought about ADHD? The things you've said sound like you may have it..
Speak with your Dr, ask if they can refer you. Don't let them tell you you're depressed or anxious and lush you out of the door with a pill.
Just a diagnosis can often be enough to help people live with things better as you can learn why your brain does what it does and figure out coping mechanisms until you're more comfortable with yourself and then ultimately others.
Good luck 😘 |
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"I don't think I could do counselling. Can't imagine it working. I also am just really bad at talking to people, my neighbour used to keep trying to talk but I'd rush off and not say anything. I won't hang out with work people, I spend enough time with them through the week.
I keep trying to just not think. It works when I go somewhere like airport or something but not into a social setting. Don't think I could do a fab social. I'd meet individuals for social but not like groups. And when I have spoken to people on nights out, I don't try to keep in touch. I don't do nightclubs anymore as too old
You're 31... That's not too old 😂
Well there doesn't seem to be a solution if you're not willing to try any of the suggestions?
There's only so long you can keep making excuses.
And I say this as someone who is incredibly avoidant."
Last time I went to a nightclub I was about 10 years older than everyone else lol. And I know I really need to stop with excuses. But I just only ever see the negatives in every situation. Just need to try have a more positive outlook |
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"Have you thought about going for counselling/therapy? I did an "overcoming worry" course with the local service here, and it was really helpful.
Sometimes you just have to get over it, and just do it... Then keep doing it. Go to the same coffee shop.. I've gone to one and got friendly with the regulars and owners.
My last friend I met through us being neighbours, so it kind of happened organically.
I also borrow a friends dog, that always gets you talking to people.
Dog walking is brilliant for getting to chat with people, although I have to admit I know all the dogs names and not the persons "
lmao it's like yeah there's a person there but it's all about giving the dog a fuss 😂😂 |
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By *eah BabyCouple 5 days ago
Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria |
"Have you thought about going for counselling/therapy? I did an "overcoming worry" course with the local service here, and it was really helpful.
Sometimes you just have to get over it, and just do it... Then keep doing it. Go to the same coffee shop.. I've gone to one and got friendly with the regulars and owners.
My last friend I met through us being neighbours, so it kind of happened organically.
I also borrow a friends dog, that always gets you talking to people.
Dog walking is brilliant for getting to chat with people, although I have to admit I know all the dogs names and not the persons lmao it's like yeah there's a person there but it's all about giving the dog a fuss 😂😂"
Yep that’s me haha |
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"I don't think I could do counselling. Can't imagine it working. I also am just really bad at talking to people, my neighbour used to keep trying to talk but I'd rush off and not say anything. I won't hang out with work people, I spend enough time with them through the week.
I keep trying to just not think. It works when I go somewhere like airport or something but not into a social setting. Don't think I could do a fab social. I'd meet individuals for social but not like groups. And when I have spoken to people on nights out, I don't try to keep in touch. I don't do nightclubs anymore as too old
You're 31... That's not too old 😂
Well there doesn't seem to be a solution if you're not willing to try any of the suggestions?
There's only so long you can keep making excuses.
And I say this as someone who is incredibly avoidant."
sooooooo get this 💯💯 I'm 41 and I've walked through walls to make it better but it starts with you as a person taking the steps to get there |
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By *eah BabyCouple 5 days ago
Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria |
"Have you thought about going for counselling/therapy? I did an "overcoming worry" course with the local service here, and it was really helpful.
Sometimes you just have to get over it, and just do it... Then keep doing it. Go to the same coffee shop.. I've gone to one and got friendly with the regulars and owners.
My last friend I met through us being neighbours, so it kind of happened organically.
I also borrow a friends dog, that always gets you talking to people.
Dog walking is brilliant for getting to chat with people, although I have to admit I know all the dogs names and not the persons lmao it's like yeah there's a person there but it's all about giving the dog a fuss 😂😂
Yep that’s me haha"
Actually just reminded me of a time we found a phone, the photo on the phone was of a dog, I recognised the dog and knew its name so managed to get the phone back to the owner  |
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"Is there any power walking groups nearby that you could join?
I don't enjoy power walking. I just take off after 20 seconds of steady walking"
But you might enjoy that competition of someone else trying to walk faster than you |
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"Is there any power walking groups nearby that you could join?
I don't enjoy power walking. I just take off after 20 seconds of steady walking"
have you been to the docs ? It's taken me years to understand and take care of it properly , I understand negative thinking but I suspect there's something underpinning yours |
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"Is there any power walking groups nearby that you could join?
I don't enjoy power walking. I just take off after 20 seconds of steady walking
But you might enjoy that competition of someone else trying to walk faster than you"
No. I'll be just thinking move I need to get passed or I'll back ff a bit for them to get some distance if they're faster |
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"Is there any power walking groups nearby that you could join?
I don't enjoy power walking. I just take off after 20 seconds of steady walking
But you might enjoy that competition of someone else trying to walk faster than you
No. I'll be just thinking move I need to get passed or I'll back ff a bit for them to get some distance if they're faster"
Tricky one then. Are you neurodivergent? |
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