FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > ‘I can’t put bi, because of my job!’
‘I can’t put bi, because of my job!’
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Anyone who knows us knows we’re big advocates of lgbtq+ rights.
So when ‘straight’ guys here message about actually being bi, we challenge them and we sometimes get the excuse that they can’t have bi displayed cos of their job!
We wonder what job this is that’s fine with casual sex with other people, but draws the line at bisexuality!
Serious and silly answers please! |
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"Surely it's illegal for a job to treat you unfairly due to your sexuality, I'm sure they know that and are just using it as an excuse."
Exactly our reply, sadly it’s the older crowd who say it most, maybe it’s generational. |
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"Surely it's illegal for a job to treat you unfairly due to your sexuality, I'm sure they know that and are just using it as an excuse.
Exactly our reply, sadly it’s the older crowd who say it most, maybe it’s generational. "
It could well be, I guess if you have grown up trying to hide something it's difficult to get into the mindset that the world has changed a lot compared to back in the day. |
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"Surely it's illegal for a job to treat you unfairly due to your sexuality, I'm sure they know that and are just using it as an excuse.
But are fine with their cock and balls being on the net? "
Nowt stranger than folk. I'm sure that would do more damage to their job persona than who they sleep with. |
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Yup, recently I (Frankie) have changed jobs, and I’ve had a very positive reaction when I’ve disclosed my sexuality. One supervisor asked me if I could help him look at his diversity training to make sure he didn’t accidentally do something that made people awkward or upset. Was very reassuring. |
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"Yup, recently I (Frankie) have changed jobs, and I’ve had a very positive reaction when I’ve disclosed my sexuality. One supervisor asked me if I could help him look at his diversity training to make sure he didn’t accidentally do something that made people awkward or upset. Was very reassuring. "
Good I am honestly glad. |
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"I’m gonna take a wild guess that it’s simply down to the fact that he doesn’t want to lose his chances with the people who state “no bi guys” in their profiles. "
Yea, that’s our thought too!
Lying to people to get sex is revolting |
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"Surely it's illegal for a job to treat you unfairly due to your sexuality, I'm sure they know that and are just using it as an excuse.
Exactly our reply, sadly it’s the older crowd who say it most, maybe it’s generational.
It could well be, I guess if you have grown up trying to hide something it's difficult to get into the mindset that the world has changed a lot compared to back in the day."
Yes this .
I am 60 and I can remember very well a time when being gay or bisexual was viewed very differently. Gay and bi people were very much persecuted when I was growing up. So many older bi/gay people are still going to be reluctant to be open about their sexuality. It's different for younger folk as they didn't live through those times.
Not all men have their "cock and balls" on display either. The OP is being a bit homophobic by constantly repeatedly questioning why men claim to be straight but are bi. A lot of members are not going to want their employers to find out they swing ,so it's not unreasonable for others to not want their sexual orientation known either. It's called personal privacy. Notable they don't mention bi women who have straight on their profiles, so clearly they think that's okay.
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"Maybe he works with children, or is in the church. Or both…
You can still be bi and work with children, I know loads of teachers that I’ve met through here! "
Absolutely, but there is still a stigma in some quarters,
Fortunately I can’t stand children or religion! |
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By *cott14Man 4 days ago
Essex & SW Exeter/Taunton |
"Surely it's illegal for a job to treat you unfairly due to your sexuality, I'm sure they know that and are just using it as an excuse.
Exactly our reply, sadly it’s the older crowd who say it most, maybe it’s generational.
It could well be, I guess if you have grown up trying to hide something it's difficult to get into the mindset that the world has changed a lot compared to back in the day.
Yes this .
I am 60 and I can remember very well a time when being gay or bisexual was viewed very differently. Gay and bi people were very much persecuted when I was growing up. So many older bi/gay people are still going to be reluctant to be open about their sexuality. It's different for younger folk as they didn't live through those times.
Not all men have their "cock and balls" on display either. The OP is being a bit homophobic by constantly repeatedly questioning why men claim to be straight but are bi. A lot of members are not going to want their employers to find out they swing ,so it's not unreasonable for others to not want their sexual orientation known either. It's called personal privacy. Notable they don't mention bi women who have straight on their profiles, so clearly they think that's okay.
"
This , very eloquently put .
I thought one of the fundamental elements of this community is the non judgement? |
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"Surely it's illegal for a job to treat you unfairly due to your sexuality, I'm sure they know that and are just using it as an excuse.
Exactly our reply, sadly it’s the older crowd who say it most, maybe it’s generational.
It could well be, I guess if you have grown up trying to hide something it's difficult to get into the mindset that the world has changed a lot compared to back in the day.
Yes this .
I am 60 and I can remember very well a time when being gay or bisexual was viewed very differently. Gay and bi people were very much persecuted when I was growing up. So many older bi/gay people are still going to be reluctant to be open about their sexuality. It's different for younger folk as they didn't live through those times.
Not all men have their "cock and balls" on display either. The OP is being a bit homophobic by constantly repeatedly questioning why men claim to be straight but are bi. A lot of members are not going to want their employers to find out they swing ,so it's not unreasonable for others to not want their sexual orientation known either. It's called personal privacy. Notable they don't mention bi women who have straight on their profiles, so clearly they think that's okay.
"
I’d read the profile before you get your pitchfork out buddy.
If there are women that do that our response would be the same if they messaged us. This hasn’t happened. |
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It’s an interesting question and one I’ve often wondered about too.
Whilst I’d rather p
People I work with not know my outside work business I take the approach that anyone on here is here for the same reason.
The main reason I find for guys not declaring a bi preference is that it cuts down on their opportunities with straight couples
Personally I’d rather just be clear on here what I’m into |
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By *loydyMan 4 days ago
British |
"Anyone who knows us knows we’re big advocates of lgbtq+ rights.
So when ‘straight’ guys here message about actually being bi, we challenge them and we sometimes get the excuse that they can’t have bi displayed cos of their job!
We wonder what job this is that’s fine with casual sex with other people, but draws the line at bisexuality!
Serious and silly answers please!"
bullshit springs to mind lol |
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"Anyone who knows us knows we’re big advocates of lgbtq+ rights.
So when ‘straight’ guys here message about actually being bi, we challenge them and we sometimes get the excuse that they can’t have bi displayed cos of their job!
We wonder what job this is that’s fine with casual sex with other people, but draws the line at bisexuality!
Serious and silly answers please!"
We don't bother challenging, we just block, so we've never heard that excuse. Just sounds like a sly-bi BS excuse to us. |
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You don’t have to let your employer know what your sexuality is
My employer gave out forms asking about sexuality and religion
Every one did not fill and return them
You only work for them
They don’t own you
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By *glyBettyTV/TS 4 days ago
About 3 feet away from the fence |
So he was happy to show his employer his fab profile with all his dick pics and sprawled-out-wanking-on-bed pics, as long as it says straight and not bisexual?
I wouldn't have dignified it with a response, just a silent block for insulting my intelligence. |
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Maybe they just don’t want to narrow their chances with all the women that state they don’t want to meet bi men?
Or… Maybe they're spies, working/based predominantly out of the Middle East, where it’s illegal to be openly (or privately) LGBTQ.
|
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I can't judge anyone on how they run their l8ves or profile as their reasons might be something I have not considered. If they personally lie when asked that is different. It looks to me as he volunteered the truth and therefore was not going to hide it on a personal level  |
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"Maybe they just don’t want to narrow their chances with all the women that state they don’t want to meet bi men?
Or… Maybe they're spies, working/based predominantly out of the Middle East, where it’s illegal to be openly (or privately) LGBTQ.
"
Good point. In some countries police are using Grindr to identify and arrest lgbtq people. |
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By *8on33Man 4 days ago
winfrith |
"Anyone who knows us knows we’re big advocates of lgbtq+ rights.
So when ‘straight’ guys here message about actually being bi, we challenge them and we sometimes get the excuse that they can’t have bi displayed cos of their job!
We wonder what job this is that’s fine with casual sex with other people, but draws the line at bisexuality!
Serious and silly answers please!"
Police inspector head of the porn division . |
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Can't call yourself bi because of a job ? That genuinely doesn't make any sense to me I'm bi and proud and tbh obviously not shy as my face is all over my profile if your ashamed to call yourself bi then all I can say is you should talk to someone openly about it |
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Or maybe they meant ‘can’t’ as in the work culture at their work would make it unbearable for them.
I’ve been on enough sites to know that work ‘banter’ can be fucking horrific for some people.
Rather than let it bother you, just block and move on OP |
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The replies on here assume the employer is the one who would judge the employee for sexuality.
Could be that he works in a very misogynist environment, there is a chance the “lads” he works with are on here too, if he states bi and a work colleague sees it could lead to workplace bullying or ostracism. |
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I went on a date (not through Fab) with someone a few years ago who said she had to be very careful about putting that she is bi on her dating profile because of her job. I pointed out that it was illegal to discriminate against her for that reason but mostly I shut the fuck up because she lives that life and I don't and she knows better than I do what it's like. |
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"I’m gonna take a wild guess that it’s simply down to the fact that he doesn’t want to lose his chances with the people who state “no bi guys” in their profiles.
Yea, that’s our thought too!
Lying to people to get sex is revolting "
Everyone lies. People say and do what works out best for them, that’s the default human condition.
Yeah they’re obviously lying about the job thing, but there are profiles who stare no bi guys, I assume because of a perceived higher risk of an sti.
LGBT+ rights have been mentioned. Whilst nobody likes to be lied to, surely people have the right to keep their sexuality private if they wish and only share it with people of their choosing? |
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"I went on a date (not through Fab) with someone a few years ago who said she had to be very careful about putting that she is bi on her dating profile because of her job. I pointed out that it was illegal to discriminate against her for that reason but mostly I shut the fuck up because she lives that life and I don't and she knows better than I do what it's like."
A wise answer in my opinion. A lot of things are illegal but they still happen. Challenging illegality in the workplace isn't an easy or simple option
|
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"Anyone who knows us knows we’re big advocates of lgbtq+ rights.
So when ‘straight’ guys here message about actually being bi, we challenge them and we sometimes get the excuse that they can’t have bi displayed cos of their job!
We wonder what job this is that’s fine with casual sex with other people, but draws the line at bisexuality!
Serious and silly answers please!"
I’ve sent my answer by DM. Because it’s a link. |
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When I joined I listed myself as straight as I was nervous to be openly bisexual. Reading some of the comments, that would mean I was intentionally doing something that was breach of consent.
Luckily I was encouraged to be open rather than shamed about lying. I hope others have the same positive experience that I had. This thread is very disappointing to read. Some of the attitudes and suspicions towards closeted people is unhelpful and damaging. And to see it come from people who claim to be advocates of the community is very disheartening. |
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By (user no longer on site) 4 days ago
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I would have thought that a supporter of LGBTQ would sympathise and support a person's right to identify as they wish and not challenge them because they don't fit into your box. Or are we now saying it's okay to tell LGBTQ people how they should identify?
Imagine telling a lesbian she can't identify that way because she used to fuck guys but now identifies as a lesbian?
That's right, you wouldn't. But bi (sexual/curious/friendly/fluid/etc) people get to be dictated to?
I gotta be honest, for a community of self-titled open-minded people, the obsession with some to arbitrarily dictate the sexual identity of one group of people is a joke.
You do you, let others do them. Nobody needs to conform to your rules.
[Mic drop] |
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"When I joined I listed myself as straight as I was nervous to be openly bisexual. Reading some of the comments, that would mean I was intentionally doing something that was breach of consent.
Luckily I was encouraged to be open rather than shamed about lying. I hope others have the same positive experience that I had. This thread is very disappointing to read. Some of the attitudes and suspicions towards closeted people is unhelpful and damaging. And to see it come from people who claim to be advocates of the community is very disheartening. "
 and especially as it sounds he did not lie on a personal level and actually volunteered the info. Each to their own |
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"Surely it's illegal for a job to treat you unfairly due to your sexuality, I'm sure they know that and are just using it as an excuse.
But are fine with their cock and balls being on the net? "
This is a private, anonymous website. No need to show your face or even post any pics. It is an excuse because they feel like there is a stigma for admitting to being bi. They think that some women or couple are put off by a bi male. |
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"Surely it's illegal for a job to treat you unfairly due to your sexuality, I'm sure they know that and are just using it as an excuse.
Exactly our reply, sadly it’s the older crowd who say it most, maybe it’s generational.
It could well be, I guess if you have grown up trying to hide something it's difficult to get into the mindset that the world has changed a lot compared to back in the day.
Yes this .
I am 60 and I can remember very well a time when being gay or bisexual was viewed very differently. Gay and bi people were very much persecuted when I was growing up. So many older bi/gay people are still going to be reluctant to be open about their sexuality. It's different for younger folk as they didn't live through those times.
Not all men have their "cock and balls" on display either. The OP is being a bit homophobic by constantly repeatedly questioning why men claim to be straight but are bi. A lot of members are not going to want their employers to find out they swing ,so it's not unreasonable for others to not want their sexual orientation known either. It's called personal privacy. Notable they don't mention bi women who have straight on their profiles, so clearly they think that's okay.
I’d read the profile before you get your pitchfork out buddy.
If there are women that do that our response would be the same if they messaged us. This hasn’t happened. "
Also Bi women and Bi men have very different experiences with being open about their bi- ness. Thanks misogyny for that lol |
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By *riel13Woman 4 days ago
Northampton |
"Surely it's illegal for a job to treat you unfairly due to your sexuality, I'm sure they know that and are just using it as an excuse.
Exactly our reply, sadly it’s the older crowd who say it most, maybe it’s generational. "
It's another filter dodger... Apparently alot on here don't like bi guys so they put straight on their profile |
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"Surely it's illegal for a job to treat you unfairly due to your sexuality, I'm sure they know that and are just using it as an excuse.
But are fine with their cock and balls being on the net?
This is a private, anonymous website. No need to show your face or even post any pics. It is an excuse because they feel like there is a stigma for admitting to being bi. They think that some women or couple are put off by a bi male. "
Then they would be right. There absolutely IS a stigma still. There are many profiles with no bi men written. I've never seen the same for bi women. |
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By *lueseasWoman 4 days ago
Leamington Spa |
"Yup, recently I (Frankie) have changed jobs, and I’ve had a very positive reaction when I’ve disclosed my sexuality. One supervisor asked me if I could help him look at his diversity training to make sure he didn’t accidentally do something that made people awkward or upset. Was very reassuring. "
How lovely to read this, especially at a time where so much of the world seems to be retreating into bigotry!! |
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"Surely it's illegal for a job to treat you unfairly due to your sexuality, I'm sure they know that and are just using it as an excuse.
But are fine with their cock and balls being on the net?
This is a private, anonymous website. No need to show your face or even post any pics. It is an excuse because they feel like there is a stigma for admitting to being bi. They think that some women or couple are put off by a bi male.
Then they would be right. There absolutely IS a stigma still. There are many profiles with no bi men written. I've never seen the same for bi women. "
This is very true. I've had two cpls profiles on here over the years with 2 different FWB. One guy was straight, the other was bi. The responses we got from other couples regarding this was definitely eye opening!
Nobody ever had an issue with me being bi though  |
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By *a LunaWoman 4 days ago
South Wales |
Well if they’ve told you they’re bi then they’re not hiding it from YOU, which is surely what is important?
Does the rest of the world really need to know that George in Dundee is Bi if they have no intention of meeting them?
I may be under thinking it.
But, for an example, if a guy told me he was married and his profile said single, I’d just make a note in his profile notes thing and go about my day. Trying to shame him into putting married on his profile isn’t really going to be helpful, in the grand scheme of things. They’ve given me a choice and that’s all I can ask for.
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"Surely it's illegal for a job to treat you unfairly due to your sexuality, I'm sure they know that and are just using it as an excuse.
But are fine with their cock and balls being on the net?
This is a private, anonymous website. No need to show your face or even post any pics. It is an excuse because they feel like there is a stigma for admitting to being bi. They think that some women or couple are put off by a bi male.
Then they would be right. There absolutely IS a stigma still. There are many profiles with no bi men written. I've never seen the same for bi women. "
You would hope that people in the swinging and kink community would be more open and grown up about sexuality. |
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"Surely it's illegal for a job to treat you unfairly due to your sexuality, I'm sure they know that and are just using it as an excuse.
Exactly our reply, sadly it’s the older crowd who say it most, maybe it’s generational.
It could well be, I guess if you have grown up trying to hide something it's difficult to get into the mindset that the world has changed a lot compared to back in the day.
Yes this .
I am 60 and I can remember very well a time when being gay or bisexual was viewed very differently. Gay and bi people were very much persecuted when I was growing up. So many older bi/gay people are still going to be reluctant to be open about their sexuality. It's different for younger folk as they didn't live through those times.
Not all men have their "cock and balls" on display either. The OP is being a bit homophobic by constantly repeatedly questioning why men claim to be straight but are bi. A lot of members are not going to want their employers to find out they swing ,so it's not unreasonable for others to not want their sexual orientation known either. It's called personal privacy. Notable they don't mention bi women who have straight on their profiles, so clearly they think that's okay.
I’d read the profile before you get your pitchfork out buddy.
If there are women that do that our response would be the same if they messaged us. This hasn’t happened. "
I,m not getting out my "pitchfork" thank you. Who th fk am I supposed to be pitchforking anyway???Maybe you should put yours away and not stab it me with it for no reason.
You made a thread on a forum that I am entitled to reply on it. The only part where I mentioned you OP is where I say you don't mention bi women.
Also I am not your "Buddy" I am a female..... |
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By *ocalonlyMan 4 days ago
Midlands and London |
Is it about someone’s job or just about their privacy?
Some comments here have nailed it. Openly stating bi might reduce chances with others.
Also the profiles that don’t meet anyone who don’t state bi, why should anyone declare something that is personal to them, it’s their choice.
We sadly live in a world where women are encouraged and celebrated for being bi or curious. Heaven forbid men give bisexuality or let their curiosity play out in real life and not just online. |
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"Maybe they just don’t want to narrow their chances with all the women that state they don’t want to meet bi men?
Or… Maybe they're spies, working/based predominantly out of the Middle East, where it’s illegal to be openly (or privately) LGBTQ.
Good point. In some countries police are using Grindr to identify and arrest lgbtq people. "
I use it to find them and bum them.
Then I shout “ha, gotcha, while reporting them to the homophobe police. |
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By *8on33Man 4 days ago
winfrith |
"This does seem odd as wouldn’t have any impact on your job as that would be discriminatory  "
Well you'd think so but it's just like putting bi on your profile or no asians or talk people with beautiful penis ? |
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By *8on33Man 4 days ago
winfrith |
"This does seem odd as wouldn’t have any impact on your job as that would be discriminatory Well you'd think so but it's just like putting bi on your profile or no asians or tall people with beautiful penis ?"
tall |
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We always find it somewhat amusing the completely blank profiles that put "no pics because of jobs" - then get really pushy for YOU to send them face pictures and sometimes won't even do it in return.
Like, I'm not being funny, but unless you're in a seriously top position in a seriously high profile job then why do some people use their jobs as a excuse over not even sending private pics on message? It's not like (the vast majority of us, I would like to hope) are going to pop in thier work is it? And I would bet 99% of us work regular normal blue collar jobs, nothing overly high profile that requires about MI6 style secrecy? |
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"If I get a message or wonk from a guy whose profile says has straight on his profile i ignore it. Just be honest with yourself and others!
Even a wonk from Wonko?"
Yes even more so! Damn spellcheck! |
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My assumption is that they don't mean their job as in their employer... but the acceptance of their coworkers...
I work in a male dominated environment...
There are loads of lads from my work on here... therfore, we turn up on who's near. On more than one occasion, there been 3 or 4 of us identified... no one cares the other lads dick is on display...
Being bi however...
I'm always surprised at the lack of empathy for bi men not wanting to come out |
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At the end of the day though. Whatever someone's reasons are for not putting it on their profile is their own choice. I don't think it's very inclusive, or actually very nice at all to make it into a joke, or take the piss out of them 👎 |
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