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Are you a people pleaser?
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By *hagTonight OP Man 3 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
I read an interesting article about being a people pleaser, did you know that there are 10 signs that shows if you are one?
1. You pretend to agree with everyone.
2. You feel responsible for how other people feel.
3. You apologize often.
4. You feel burdened by the things you have to do.
5. You can’t say no.
6. You feel uncomfortable if someone is angry at you.
7. You act like the people around you.
8. You need praise to feel good.
9. You go to great lengths to avoid conflict.
10. You dont admit when your feelings are hurt.
It also mentioned how one could break free from being one if they are it and that is to slowly start to say no to small things, because then you get used to not always say yes and as a result you gain more confidence in your ability to be yourself.
That got me wondering, if you are one? I would say that I am little bit to others, but not to much of it  |
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Once upon a time I was. Growing up afraid of your parents will do that. After my eldest was born I actively sought to change that and found a therapist who helped me define and implement boundaries with other people. |
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Yeah I don't identify with all of those points but quite a few of them. It's caused me problems in the past trying to please people who fundamentally would never be satisfied whatever shape I twisted myself into to accommodate them and has just encouraged people to take me for granted.
Not that I'm at all bitter you understand |
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By *ustBoWoman 3 weeks ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
1. You pretend to agree with everyone.
Nope I make up my own mind and won't agree just for the sake of it.
2. You feel responsible for how other people feel.
No I don't. Unless I have said or done something wrong and then I will apologise other than that no,how others feel is not my responsibility.
3. You apologize often.
I'll apologise if I am in the wrong. But not just for the sake of it .
4. You feel burdened by the things you have to do.
At times yes but I think that is normal for most people.
5. You can’t say no.
I have learnt to say no in recent years.
6. You feel uncomfortable if someone is angry at you.
If they have a justifiable reason then yes I would. If they are just being a gobshite and making drama for the sake of drama then no.
7. You act like the people around you.
No I'm my own person ,if I don't agree with how people are acting I would say it or walk away.
8. You need praise to feel good.
Genuine praise is always nice to get. But I don't need it to feel good about myself.
9. You go to great lengths to avoid conflict.
I will avoid conflicts ,but there are times when avoiding it can cause bigger issues in those situations I will speak up .I don't do drama for the sake of drama though.
10. You dont admit when your feelings are hurt.
Sometimes I will depending on the situation,if I feel like I'm just being too sensitive then I don't see the point of putting that on someone else .
I use to be more of a people pleaser when I was younger I wanted to be liked by people around me. But I realised as I got older that a lot of people will just use you and not care anyhow. I'm a lot more confident in me as a person so I don't feel the need to people please anymore and if possible I avoid those that I don't like and would prefer if they did the same. But I no longer will put up with sly comments or tactics from others. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 3 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Once upon a time I was. Growing up afraid of your parents will do that. After my eldest was born I actively sought to change that and found a therapist who helped me define and implement boundaries with other people."
Hi nell. I see, that is good you actively sought to change that too |
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Probably a bit by those criteria. I think you need to have an element if people pleasing to her by smoothly in society. You can't work with other people if you don't behave like them to an extent in so far as you all need to follow certain rules and avoid conflict as far as possible.
I feel uncomfortable if the people I respect are angry with me. I can't imagine why anyone would be indifferent to that. |
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Also nowadays if you say your feelings have been hurt people call you over sensitive or a 'snowflake'. Phrases like 'offence is taken, not given' are thrown around like flaming confetti to excuse those who claim not to be people pleasers. |
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I don't like conflict and I do like praise, but I'd rather keep my expressions of feelings and opinions honest even if that means I get into conflict than mask who I am and how I feel in search of false praise.
I will meet people where they are when it's stuff that isn't particularly important to me. I guess that means I am a people-pleaser to some extent. |
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I am but wish I wasn’t so I’m making steps to change this! It benefits me negatively being one so I now am all but one or 2 of the criteria  hopefully in a few months I’ll be even less of a people pleaser  |
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"I read an interesting article about being a people pleaser, did you know that there are 10 signs that shows if you are one?
1. You pretend to agree with everyone.
2. You feel responsible for how other people feel.
3. You apologize often.
4. You feel burdened by the things you have to do.
5. You can’t say no.
6. You feel uncomfortable if someone is angry at you.
7. You act like the people around you.
8. You need praise to feel good.
9. You go to great lengths to avoid conflict.
10. You dont admit when your feelings are hurt.
It also mentioned how one could break free from being one if they are it and that is to slowly start to say no to small things, because then you get used to not always say yes and as a result you gain more confidence in your ability to be yourself.
That got me wondering, if you are one? I would say that I am little bit to others, but not to much of it "
think I am by this list |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 3 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"1. You pretend to agree with everyone.
Nope I make up my own mind and won't agree just for the sake of it.
2. You feel responsible for how other people feel.
No I don't. Unless I have said or done something wrong and then I will apologise other than that no,how others feel is not my responsibility.
3. You apologize often.
I'll apologise if I am in the wrong. But not just for the sake of it .
4. You feel burdened by the things you have to do.
At times yes but I think that is normal for most people.
5. You can’t say no.
I have learnt to say no in recent years.
6. You feel uncomfortable if someone is angry at you.
If they have a justifiable reason then yes I would. If they are just being a gobshite and making drama for the sake of drama then no.
7. You act like the people around you.
No I'm my own person ,if I don't agree with how people are acting I would say it or walk away.
8. You need praise to feel good.
Genuine praise is always nice to get. But I don't need it to feel good about myself.
9. You go to great lengths to avoid conflict.
I will avoid conflicts ,but there are times when avoiding it can cause bigger issues in those situations I will speak up .I don't do drama for the sake of drama though.
10. You dont admit when your feelings are hurt.
Sometimes I will depending on the situation,if I feel like I'm just being too sensitive then I don't see the point of putting that on someone else .
I use to be more of a people pleaser when I was younger I wanted to be liked by people around me. But I realised as I got older that a lot of people will just use you and not care anyhow. I'm a lot more confident in me as a person so I don't feel the need to people please anymore and if possible I avoid those that I don't like and would prefer if they did the same. But I no longer will put up with sly comments or tactics from others. "
Hi boo, that is good you dont feel the need to people please anymore too |
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"1. You pretend to agree with everyone.
Nope I make up my own mind and won't agree just for the sake of it.
2. You feel responsible for how other people feel.
No I don't. Unless I have said or done something wrong and then I will apologise other than that no,how others feel is not my responsibility.
3. You apologize often.
I'll apologise if I am in the wrong. But not just for the sake of it .
4. You feel burdened by the things you have to do.
At times yes but I think that is normal for most people.
5. You can’t say no.
I have learnt to say no in recent years.
6. You feel uncomfortable if someone is angry at you.
If they have a justifiable reason then yes I would. If they are just being a gobshite and making drama for the sake of drama then no.
7. You act like the people around you.
No I'm my own person ,if I don't agree with how people are acting I would say it or walk away.
8. You need praise to feel good.
Genuine praise is always nice to get. But I don't need it to feel good about myself.
9. You go to great lengths to avoid conflict.
I will avoid conflicts ,but there are times when avoiding it can cause bigger issues in those situations I will speak up .I don't do drama for the sake of drama though.
10. You dont admit when your feelings are hurt.
Sometimes I will depending on the situation,if I feel like I'm just being too sensitive then I don't see the point of putting that on someone else .
I use to be more of a people pleaser when I was younger I wanted to be liked by people around me. But I realised as I got older that a lot of people will just use you and not care anyhow. I'm a lot more confident in me as a person so I don't feel the need to people please anymore and if possible I avoid those that I don't like and would prefer if they did the same. But I no longer will put up with sly comments or tactics from others. "
Summed it up pretty well for me there Boo. 
P |
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By *929Man 3 weeks ago
newcastle |
Can be with mates and customers trying to stop or at least reduce it, I’ve done countless unpaid jobs for my useless mates and never ask fuck all in return not saying they wouldn’t do same for me at least I hope they would but wouldn’t ever ask |
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By *zChiefWoman 3 weeks ago
middle of somewhere |
I think perhaps i am based on that post op.
Infact after a conversation on here last night where i should have pressed the block button so much earlier i have decided i definately am a people pleaser !
Not proud of myself  |
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"I read an interesting article about being a people pleaser, did you know that there are 10 signs that shows if you are one?
1. You pretend to agree with everyone.
2. You feel responsible for how other people feel.
3. You apologize often.
4. You feel burdened by the things you have to do.
5. You can’t say no.
6. You feel uncomfortable if someone is angry at you.
7. You act like the people around you.
8. You need praise to feel good.
9. You go to great lengths to avoid conflict.
10. You dont admit when your feelings are hurt.
It also mentioned how one could break free from being one if they are it and that is to slowly start to say no to small things, because then you get used to not always say yes and as a result you gain more confidence in your ability to be yourself.
That got me wondering, if you are one? I would say that I am little bit to others, but not to much of it "
Interesting. I’d have said I was a people pleaser but I don’t do those things. Hmm. Maybe I’m not . |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 3 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I think perhaps i am based on that post op.
Infact after a conversation on here last night where i should have pressed the block button so much earlier i have decided i definately am a people pleaser !
Not proud of myself "
Hi _zchief, yes, one can be a people pleaser too |
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