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Open relationships
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For all those in open relationships, that have been for a while and it's working well, how does it affect your lives?
Whats it like being in one and how do you go about it all? Like how do you decide to do it and what's the process like for accepting others into the original relationship? |
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It's different for everyone I've ever met who's open or in ENM relationships of various descriptions, my primary relationship with my husband (22 yrs) is separate to other relationships and such that I have but the overwhelming similarities between couples that share or open their relationships is clear communication, everyone has their own boundaries and way of doing things but that's the only way it can work long term. Honesty and communication. |
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I was with someone for a good couple of years who was in one. They just saw people as and when they saw them as a very casual thing, telling each other as and when they did. It kept their relationship spicy apparently and they were comfortable enough to trust neither would run off with the barmaid and so on. I didn't meet the hubby, but was told after the fact, that he was in the same shop when we met once. |
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My friends have changed in the last few years. I am married to an my wife.
My wife is open to me having mate-dates, holidays with my female friends, is platonic (though do share massage and platonic touch). Been over two years now.
This time last year had a friend-with-benefits, wife was okay with this too, and helped our relationship.
Communication is key. |
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It works well for me. I am not monogamous and never will be. I’ll never do a monogamous relationship. I have no interest in ever being in a monogamous relationship. I have two wonderful partners that I love. We have different relationships but that’s the beauty. I believe fundamentally that we as humans should be free and that no other person can prevent us from living our lives as freely as we want to. I believe that relationships are currently too focused on ownerships and on control and that’s where my interest in non monogamy comes from. More power to monogamous people but it’s not for me. |
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"It works well for me. I am not monogamous and never will be. I’ll never do a monogamous relationship. I have no interest in ever being in a monogamous relationship. I have two wonderful partners that I love. We have different relationships but that’s the beauty. I believe fundamentally that we as humans should be free and that no other person can prevent us from living our lives as freely as we want to. I believe that relationships are currently too focused on ownerships and on control and that’s where my interest in non monogamy comes from. More power to monogamous people but it’s not for me. "
What would you do if you primary partner/and or child became long term sick in the future though? What do you do if life becomes too busy to have time for anyone outside your primary relationship? Do you just tell them to essentially bog off, or do you still continue to see them to the detriment of your home life? |
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"It works well for me. I am not monogamous and never will be. I’ll never do a monogamous relationship. I have no interest in ever being in a monogamous relationship. I have two wonderful partners that I love. We have different relationships but that’s the beauty. I believe fundamentally that we as humans should be free and that no other person can prevent us from living our lives as freely as we want to. I believe that relationships are currently too focused on ownerships and on control and that’s where my interest in non monogamy comes from. More power to monogamous people but it’s not for me.
What would you do if you primary partner/and or child became long term sick in the future though? What do you do if life becomes too busy to have time for anyone outside your primary relationship? Do you just tell them to essentially bog off, or do you still continue to see them to the detriment of your home life? "
If there was long term illness to consider, why does that mean you can’t have other relationships? You asked these questions before and ultimately it’s a conversation between all parties. You have to talk and figure out how your life has to change and what impacts things will have but any decision to end any relationship I have is my own. It’s mine to make and mine alone. |
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I mean saying/explaining to someone you're involved with outside your primary/nesting situation. Should be absolutely cool!...
But what if it's not? What if they say, well actually I'm not okay with that. We've been together in a mutually equatable relationship, and now you're basically binning me off. Because 'home' is deemed more important... How does that actually work? Who do you decide is more valued? Is it the person you live with, or the person you've known longer, or the person you've more commitment too?
Not being an arsehole, genuinely asking. Because realistically one person could become ill, and require daily care. How do you then balance that between a partner/child who also require you there full time?... I think it's a lovely notion. But often doesn't actually work out as idealised |
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"It works well for me. I am not monogamous and never will be. I’ll never do a monogamous relationship. I have no interest in ever being in a monogamous relationship. I have two wonderful partners that I love. We have different relationships but that’s the beauty. I believe fundamentally that we as humans should be free and that no other person can prevent us from living our lives as freely as we want to. I believe that relationships are currently too focused on ownerships and on control and that’s where my interest in non monogamy comes from. More power to monogamous people but it’s not for me.
What would you do if you primary partner/and or child became long term sick in the future though? What do you do if life becomes too busy to have time for anyone outside your primary relationship? Do you just tell them to essentially bog off, or do you still continue to see them to the detriment of your home life?
If there was long term illness to consider, why does that mean you can’t have other relationships? You asked these questions before and ultimately it’s a conversation between all parties. You have to talk and figure out how your life has to change and what impacts things will have but any decision to end any relationship I have is my own. It’s mine to make and mine alone. "
But the bottom line is - if your child or primary partner was long term ill. Would you stay with your secondary partner if it was unattanable, or would you end the relationship?... Sometimes in life you can't have all your cake, and still eat it  |
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"I mean saying/explaining to someone you're involved with outside your primary/nesting situation. Should be absolutely cool!...
But what if it's not? What if they say, well actually I'm not okay with that. We've been together in a mutually equatable relationship, and now you're basically binning me off. Because 'home' is deemed more important... How does that actually work? Who do you decide is more valued? Is it the person you live with, or the person you've known longer, or the person you've more commitment too?
Not being an arsehole, genuinely asking. Because realistically one person could become ill, and require daily care. How do you then balance that between a partner/child who also require you there full time?... I think it's a lovely notion. But often doesn't actually work out as idealised "
I think it ‘often’ works out fine.
And I think this very specific example that you’re bringing up is something that you feel strongly about because of whatever but it doesn’t make poly or ENM any less of a realistic working relationship type. I can give examples of monogamous relationships breaking down and being unhealthy/ harmful but it doesn’t mean that relationship style is idealistic and doesn’t work in reality.
And my final point is- communication. Commitment. Those are key to ENM relationships and it will get people through difficult situations. People have to make tough decisions in life- they manage them when they come about in the best way they can. But every individual situation will be different. |
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"It works well for me. I am not monogamous and never will be. I’ll never do a monogamous relationship. I have no interest in ever being in a monogamous relationship. I have two wonderful partners that I love. We have different relationships but that’s the beauty. I believe fundamentally that we as humans should be free and that no other person can prevent us from living our lives as freely as we want to. I believe that relationships are currently too focused on ownerships and on control and that’s where my interest in non monogamy comes from. More power to monogamous people but it’s not for me.
What would you do if you primary partner/and or child became long term sick in the future though? What do you do if life becomes too busy to have time for anyone outside your primary relationship? Do you just tell them to essentially bog off, or do you still continue to see them to the detriment of your home life?
If there was long term illness to consider, why does that mean you can’t have other relationships? You asked these questions before and ultimately it’s a conversation between all parties. You have to talk and figure out how your life has to change and what impacts things will have but any decision to end any relationship I have is my own. It’s mine to make and mine alone.
But the bottom line is - if your child or primary partner was long term ill. Would you stay with your secondary partner if it was unattanable, or would you end the relationship?... Sometimes in life you can't have all your cake, and still eat it "
That would be a conversation and a decision I would make if I was in that situation and I won’t give you an answer based on a specific situation that I’m not in and don’t know all the details of |
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By *oxy jWoman 3 weeks ago
somerset |
swinging 30++ years living the cuckold way my love for my husband is unbreakable its always been unbreakable hes my everything we are into this lifestyle because of us it works because of us i would not and could not do it with anyone else its that simple so swinging / real cuckold lifestyle does not have any impact on our love or normal relationship ...
if one of us wanted out of this lifestyle then thats what we would do walk away happy and get on with our lives ..
never have we fallen out over the lifestyle theres never been any jealousy or drama (from us been plenty between others) we have a super rock solid marridge and like alot of other swinger/cuckold couples we know who are the same...
it takes a rock solid marridge for this lifestyle if not crack appear and split up / run of with others happen not everybody is cut out for this scene most couples cant even talk sex let alone think about swinging..... think how few couples do swing compared to them that dont what would it be percentages wise id say less than 1% proberly less than half a percent... single women even lower
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I(R)have been in a long term relationship of almost 40 years with TD and also with Penny for the last 12 years. Myself and TD used to swing for years since the 90s. She also did glamour/fetish modeling, adult films and worked as a domenatrix. However we both lost interest in swinging around 15 years ago feeling it had run it's course. I then met Penny who grew inquisitive when I told her about our swinging, as people do, and finaly plucked up the courage to go for a look around a club just before LaChambre in Sheffield closed. One thing has led to another since then but it's just an as and when thing for us now. TD and Penny get on great and go to various shows together etc. I live with TD but sometimes stop over with Penny and we may go to the odd club for a weekend stay. It works just fine for us.  |
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I’ve never had a closed relationship with my husband, we met years ago on a dating site and before we even met for coffee I’d explained I wasn’t interested in monogamy… he learned some new words, he went away and thought about it and came back with the realisation he too was non monogamous.
Someone on the thread asked about what would you do if your nesting partner was sick. Maybe I can shed some light as it’s my life right now.
You make it work. Your needs aren’t suddenly less important because of their illness (It took me 6 years to work that out  ). Just because a partner is sick it doesn’t mean you stop being you or that somehow you are less deserving of happiness and fulfilment. |
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"I’ve never had a closed relationship with my husband, we met years ago on a dating site and before we even met for coffee I’d explained I wasn’t interested in monogamy… he learned some new words, he went away and thought about it and came back with the realisation he too was non monogamous.
Someone on the thread asked about what would you do if your nesting partner was sick. Maybe I can shed some light as it’s my life right now.
You make it work. Your needs aren’t suddenly less important because of their illness (It took me 6 years to work that out ). Just because a partner is sick it doesn’t mean you stop being you or that somehow you are less deserving of happiness and fulfilment. "
I big  you. |
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"I’ve never had a closed relationship with my husband, we met years ago on a dating site and before we even met for coffee I’d explained I wasn’t interested in monogamy… he learned some new words, he went away and thought about it and came back with the realisation he too was non monogamous.
Someone on the thread asked about what would you do if your nesting partner was sick. Maybe I can shed some light as it’s my life right now.
You make it work. Your needs aren’t suddenly less important because of their illness (It took me 6 years to work that out ). Just because a partner is sick it doesn’t mean you stop being you or that somehow you are less deserving of happiness and fulfilment.
I big you. "
Awww you’re all mushy tonight, gimme a snog |
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By *eliWoman 3 weeks ago
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I suppose with me being poly it is an open relationship. Kind of. My fiancé is now very much monogamous, we met thanks to Fab - a forum social/birthday party quite a few years ago now.
We knew that the other wasn't monogamous and whilst we did spend a couple of years away from Fab and focusing on our relationship, it was only to have a solid foundation, not because we were closing it off. How does it affect our life together? Well, I sometimes stay away and spend nights with others.
The main things that have really helped is it being ethically non-monogamous. We discuss things, as and when needed. There's honest and clear communication about where things are, how we both feel about things. I don't hide when I'm seeing someone.
Organising calendars can be a ballache at times but I'm very happy with how my relationships are going. Being poly. |
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It's a huge question with multiple answers OP, depending on context.
However, if you're being invited into an existing relationship yourself (I don't do that, but if I did) I would make sure I was "co-director" rather than "casual staff when required".
So, lots of communication, never being one-up nor one-down compared to the rest of the people in the mix, and realistic and explicit agreement beforehand about availability and non-availability.
Or, if they're telling you it's ENM and open when in reality they just want your dick for a few months, then you decide how much their self-delusion bothers you compared to your potentially very happy dick over that period.
Always have an exit strategy in case people aren't quite what they're "selling" you.
And if they are on the level, enjoy the next few months or years of your life with them.
Think intelligently about potential pregnancies, and consequences. Either abortions or relationships with any children born.
Condoms split, coils fail, people lie.
If it's you "setting up" something open or poly rather than being invited in, that's a different answer and one I won't take on in this reply. |
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By *atinocoupleCouple 3 weeks ago
SF, NY, London (in that order) |
We decided to go ENM a couple of years ago. It was practical given our family and overseas travel constraints, but it was an easy transition having swung over a decade. It's been wonderful for us |
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"But the bottom line is - if your child or primary partner was long term ill. Would you stay with your secondary partner if it was unattanable, or would you end the relationship?... Sometimes in life you can't have all your cake, and still eat it "
I think if you've determined a primary partner, then you've already determined where your priorities lie.
I don't consider any of my partners secondary. I also don't have children to factor into it.
If the time comes where I need to see less of the people I care about, I'll adjust according to the circumstances at the time. No single person has automatic trumps on my time 💜 |
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There's slightly different nuances in what is being described here. Open relationships, ENM, Poly, Cuck.
Open Relationship is part same but different to ENM. Open relationships are exactly that - married or long term stable partnerships introducing others, whereas ENM is a general outlook. Not usually married, more bf/gf type relationships, open to having new ones.
ENM is different to Poly and Open Relationships as multiple partners doesn't mean they are in a single relationship or there is one dominant couple.
Poly is different to Open Relationships and ENM, as Poly is enacting it, carrying it out - actually having multiple partners together.
Cuck, is different to Open relationship, ENM and Poly, as one generally has partner has greater control.
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