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'I'm dead. It's Your Problem Now'
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By *bi Haive OP Man 9 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
So one of my latest random Temu purchases is a book titled as per the thread, where you fill in all the important shit for someone else to deal with should you get hit by a bus/fall down a mountain/get pecked to death by seagulls whilst eating chips.
Aside from the obvious 'please delete my browsing history', 'remove all the sex toys' and 'cancel my subscription to big jugs monthly'....what else should I put in it to prevent my perfect reputation (cough, bollocks, cough) with the family from being tarnished? 🤷♂️
What would be in yours? 🤔 |
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Remove all sex toys from my house before family finds them.
The pregnant sex doll. Please remove her. Just chuck away my phone.
So many sex vids and photos. They don't need to see that.
Think that's it. The rest is normal lol. |
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Look at what you want, I’m dead, couldn’t give a fuck and I’ll never know if you hate me for it, never mind ay,
Also don’t bother with a funeral, just bang me in the black bin and put me out on a Friday.
The mr |
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"So one of my latest random Temu purchases is a book titled as per the thread, where you fill in all the important shit for someone else to deal with should you get hit by a bus/fall down a mountain/get pecked to death by seagulls whilst eating chips.
Aside from the obvious 'please delete my browsing history', 'remove all the sex toys' and 'cancel my subscription to big jugs monthly'....what else should I put in it to prevent my perfect reputation (cough, bollocks, cough) with the family from being tarnished? 🤷♂️
What would be in yours? 🤔"
You should probably ask them to release your sex chickens back into the wild Obi  ✅️. |
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"So one of my latest random Temu purchases is a book titled as per the thread, where you fill in all the important shit for someone else to deal with should you get hit by a bus/fall down a mountain/get pecked to death by seagulls whilst eating chips.
Aside from the obvious 'please delete my browsing history', 'remove all the sex toys' and 'cancel my subscription to big jugs monthly'....what else should I put in it to prevent my perfect reputation (cough, bollocks, cough) with the family from being tarnished? 🤷♂️
What would be in yours? 🤔
You should probably ask them to release your sex chickens back into the wild Obi ✅️."
He needs an instruction for 250 tiny ducks being left in the coffin for future archaeologists to ponder over at his wealth of grave goods |
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By *bi Haive OP Man 9 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Look at what you want, I’m dead, couldn’t give a fuck and I’ll never know if you hate me for it, never mind ay,
Also don’t bother with a funeral, just bang me in the black bin and put me out on a Friday.
The mr "
I was thinking save the cost of the bin bag and just feed me to the lions at Longleat. 🤷♂️ |
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By *bi Haive OP Man 9 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"So one of my latest random Temu purchases is a book titled as per the thread, where you fill in all the important shit for someone else to deal with should you get hit by a bus/fall down a mountain/get pecked to death by seagulls whilst eating chips.
Aside from the obvious 'please delete my browsing history', 'remove all the sex toys' and 'cancel my subscription to big jugs monthly'....what else should I put in it to prevent my perfect reputation (cough, bollocks, cough) with the family from being tarnished? 🤷♂️
What would be in yours? 🤔
You should probably ask them to release your sex chickens back into the wild Obi ✅️."
They're for the buffet at the wake though.
Finger licken good. 👌👌🍗🍗 |
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"Look at what you want, I’m dead, couldn’t give a fuck and I’ll never know if you hate me for it, never mind ay,
Also don’t bother with a funeral, just bang me in the black bin and put me out on a Friday.
The mr
I was thinking save the cost of the bin bag and just feed me to the lions at Longleat. 🤷♂️"
Yeah that’ll do, I mean it’s only a body, my mind is who I am and that no longer exists, so do as you please with my corpse, break my arsehole in if you really want to.
The mr |
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"So one of my latest random Temu purchases is a book titled as per the thread, where you fill in all the important shit for someone else to deal with should you get hit by a bus/fall down a mountain/get pecked to death by seagulls whilst eating chips.
Aside from the obvious 'please delete my browsing history', 'remove all the sex toys' and 'cancel my subscription to big jugs monthly'....what else should I put in it to prevent my perfect reputation (cough, bollocks, cough) with the family from being tarnished? 🤷♂️
What would be in yours? 🤔
You should probably ask them to release your sex chickens back into the wild Obi ✅️.
He needs an instruction for 250 tiny ducks being left in the coffin for future archaeologists to ponder over at his wealth of grave goods "
I've often thought about planning a burial that's SO not contemporary cultural, just to outwit the archaeologists of the future  |
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"So one of my latest random Temu purchases is a book titled as per the thread, where you fill in all the important shit for someone else to deal with should you get hit by a bus/fall down a mountain/get pecked to death by seagulls whilst eating chips.
Aside from the obvious 'please delete my browsing history', 'remove all the sex toys' and 'cancel my subscription to big jugs monthly'....what else should I put in it to prevent my perfect reputation (cough, bollocks, cough) with the family from being tarnished? 🤷♂️
What would be in yours? 🤔
You should probably ask them to release your sex chickens back into the wild Obi ✅️.
They're for the buffet at the wake though.
Finger licken good. 👌👌🍗🍗"
Deliciously succulent after years of being marinated, whilst alive, in Obi's *ahem* "special sauce"?
 . |
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"So one of my latest random Temu purchases is a book titled as per the thread, where you fill in all the important shit for someone else to deal with should you get hit by a bus/fall down a mountain/get pecked to death by seagulls whilst eating chips.
Aside from the obvious 'please delete my browsing history', 'remove all the sex toys' and 'cancel my subscription to big jugs monthly'....what else should I put in it to prevent my perfect reputation (cough, bollocks, cough) with the family from being tarnished? 🤷♂️
What would be in yours? 🤔
You should probably ask them to release your sex chickens back into the wild Obi ✅️.
He needs an instruction for 250 tiny ducks being left in the coffin for future archaeologists to ponder over at his wealth of grave goods
I've often thought about planning a burial that's SO not contemporary cultural, just to outwit the archaeologists of the future "
What random items would you include? |
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"So one of my latest random Temu purchases is a book titled as per the thread, where you fill in all the important shit for someone else to deal with should you get hit by a bus/fall down a mountain/get pecked to death by seagulls whilst eating chips.
Aside from the obvious 'please delete my browsing history', 'remove all the sex toys' and 'cancel my subscription to big jugs monthly'....what else should I put in it to prevent my perfect reputation (cough, bollocks, cough) with the family from being tarnished? 🤷♂️
What would be in yours? 🤔"
Delete every “suspect” phone number from my mobile ! And probably block them too!  |
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By *bi Haive OP Man 9 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"So one of my latest random Temu purchases is a book titled as per the thread, where you fill in all the important shit for someone else to deal with should you get hit by a bus/fall down a mountain/get pecked to death by seagulls whilst eating chips.
Aside from the obvious 'please delete my browsing history', 'remove all the sex toys' and 'cancel my subscription to big jugs monthly'....what else should I put in it to prevent my perfect reputation (cough, bollocks, cough) with the family from being tarnished? 🤷♂️
What would be in yours? 🤔
You should probably ask them to release your sex chickens back into the wild Obi ✅️.
He needs an instruction for 250 tiny ducks being left in the coffin for future archaeologists to ponder over at his wealth of grave goods
I've often thought about planning a burial that's SO not contemporary cultural, just to outwit the archaeologists of the future
What random items would you include?"
I'm gonna leave instructions to shove fireworks up my chuff.
The cremation will be a blast! 👌👌🎆🎇🧨 |
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By *oomlMan 9 weeks ago
Fareham |
I'm at an age where I have to give serious thought to what people may find when I'm gone.
I do all my internet browsing in private windows so no history unless an expert wants to investigate. All my links to any sites I use are on a private site so hopefully I have it covered. |
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"I think it would be best if my phone and the private history on it was burned with my body….anyway it’s so bloody old nobody will want it for spare parts….and my phones a bit ancient too! 😂"
Grave goods. Get those future archaeologists thinking. |
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My pin to my phone would be in there with instructions as to who to notify of my passing, and what to say to them.
Instructions to reset my phone to factory settings and to give it to someone who needs a better phone.
I'd write each person in my family a note that I love them and why.
Instructions as to where my important documents are for my pension-if I die before I claim it-passport and any cash I have stowed away.
Instructions for my eldest child to bin the bag in my bedroom with my adult stuff in, if I haven't already thrown it away.
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I've had a lot of conversations around this with my nearest and dearest.
Anything in this body that isn't clapped out should be donated to whoever can get use out of it, ideally for transplant but research is also fine.
No funeral home viewings of the remains. Not having anyone looking at me, get me in the cheapest coffin they've got and get the lid screwed down tight.
Likewise if I'm insentient in hospital for any length of time no visitors. Or a trip from a barber to remove my facial hair before visitors arrive (my full beard and mustache is my own business and nobody else's thank you).
9am cremation, no flowers, no asinine speeches about how my smile lit up a room and now I'm with the angels. I'm a mardy cow and even if you believe in an afterlife there's every chance I'll be in the bad place and not the good one.
Worldly goods that are saleable to be sold and my estate to be split between my preferred charities. Everything else to be donated if possible, put into a skip if not (ideally a skip my executor has hired rather than just fly-tipping a random skip with my sex toys and general detritus). |
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My kids wouldn't be surprised by anything they found in my possessions and my youngest has the passwords to my phone and knows to squint and delete all the contents of my secure folder, she doesn't need to see that. |
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such a good friend you are.
.